July 2017 Moms
virginiaunicorn11
member
STM+ question: second chance do-overs
virginiaunicorn11
member
STM+: what are you planning to do differently (or the exact same!) this time around? I'm talking pregnancy, infancy, gear, habits, everything.
Our first isn't a great sleeper, so I have some grand notions about doing all the right things this time around (mainly: an actual routine).
I also vowed just to invest in a pregnancy pillow, after suffering through many sleepless nights last pregnancy. Need to get on that.
What about you? What will change for you with this "clean slate" and your hard-earned experience?
Our first isn't a great sleeper, so I have some grand notions about doing all the right things this time around (mainly: an actual routine).
I also vowed just to invest in a pregnancy pillow, after suffering through many sleepless nights last pregnancy. Need to get on that.
What about you? What will change for you with this "clean slate" and your hard-earned experience?
Re: STM+ question: second chance do-overs
Married: 05/26/2012
DS Born Happy and Healthy via C-section: 10/04/2013
Natural M/C: 07/08/2014
DD Born Happy and Healthy via Emergency C-section: 06/30/2015
BFP #4: 11/15/2016
EDD: 7/27/2017
I WILL HIRE A DOULA!!!
I have an awesome CNM with hospital privileges and DH and I are taking a Bradley-inspired birthing class. Last time I said I wanted an unmedicated birth but I really did nothing to prepare.
I will ask for more help this time in the newborn stage and not be so germaphobic.
I will take as many colic precautions as possible from day 1 since that was truly psychological warfare with DD and her tummy issues (for example, no dairy in my diet, constant burping, feeding more often and less at a time, etc).
I will give myself the option to use disposable diapers whenever I need them instead of holding myself to an unrealistic standard!
I will bring my pump and boppy to the hospital!!!
DH and I already decided that for the first 2 months, we are hiring professional cleaners to clean the bathrooms and kitchen once every two weeks and we are getting groceries delivered weekly. Those two things caused 99% of our fighting in the beginning last time. I've never had anyone clean my house in my life but I think it'll be worth every penny.
Overall, I just want to make sure I enjoy the beginning more! I look at those precious newborn pictures and it was truly a wonderful time despite the sleep deprivation!
Edited to fix my clumsy thumbsy.
Baby gear: We kept it really simple. We got only the absolute basics and we saved so much money by accepting hand-me-downs and shopping for deals. The only thing I would do differently is buying a few more cute outfits for professional pictures. I see so many adorable baby girls in their frills and lace and I wish I had dressed up my baby a little more often. I have no dressy photos of her, and while that is such a minor thing, I still just wish that I had a few.
Infancy: I was determined to breastfeed, we bought no bottles and no formula because I didn't want any reason to give up on breastfeeding. I nursed her on demand, as long as she wanted, day and night for the whole first year. Sometimes, the cluster feeding was torture, and sometimes it was pleasant just sitting in the rocking chair and Binge watching Breaking Bad.
The hours of sleep nursing though, that is a BIG regret. I intended to have her on a schedule and have her sleep in her own bed, but I was tired, and cosleeping/night nursing all night was easier. This kid literally nursed all night long, if I un-latched her, she'd cry until I nursed her again. She could only sleep in my arms (naps, nighttime, no matter what). I honestly just kept giving in out of laziness/tiredness. It made the first year of my life VERY hard, she was needy and clingy and fussy, and it was difficult to wean her.
I wont do that again, no cosleeping with baby # 2. I am not against it, but I just want something different for the first year of this next baby's life. I want a little more flexibility and sanity. I know the newborn days require more on demand feedings, but getting scheduled and being firm about no cosleeping will just make life easier.
Feedings: We did modified baby-led weaning and wouldn't change a thing. My daughter has a great appetite, loves healthy food, and she's a very independent eater. She didn't even show interest in food until 7-ish months, which we were totally fine with. We'll do the same free feeding of healthy finger foods with baby # 2.
One thing that I want to do differently though, is to just slow down and enjoy my babies more. I work full time and I'm always strapped for time and tired. It has made it difficult to soak up every experience with my first baby, and I regret that. I have to work, so I have to learn to just stay positive and accept that, but enjoy my days wth my family without stressing about life and work.
And I just realized that I wrote an entire book here...so I'm gonna shut up now!
I am going to hire my own newborn photographer this time around. I didn't get any good hospital pics of my last baby (my princess), but have beautiful pics of both boys. I really regret not having newborn pics of my baby girl!
I will put less pressure into breastfeeding. I felt like I ruined two weeks of our lives forcing and worrying about breastfeeding. Breastfeeding does have so many positives but formula is not the devil and I will still have a healthy child if we go that route.
Also this is our case but looking back I wish I hadn't waited to put ear tubes in. I was trying to find a "better" way and for us there wasn't.
Overall im going to try to worry less and go with the flow. There's already a few things I'm just going to wait and see how it goes.
During infancy, DH had trouble latching, and I put way too much pressure on myself to not give him a bottle. He was 5 lbs. 8 oz. (born at 38w1d) when we left the hospital, and the medical staff was very insistent that I make sure he gained weight FAST. No pressure, for a kid who wouldn't latch...they had me "cup feed" him for a while, which is ridiculous. I was terrified of nipple confusion, and that my baby would suffer from "failure to thrive." Once I gave him a bottle, though, things were fine, and when he got stronger, nursing was simple. He got stronger and grew, and no problems.
Then, I stressed myself out to pump enough for three days away from him when he was 9 months old, and that was a lot. I never even once considered he could just use formula. I actually have no idea why I didn't even consider it...I wasn't against it. I think this time, breastfeeding will be different because I know how it works. I know my body will do what it needs to do, and my baby will take what he/she needs to take.
As far as the rest goes, DS was a great baby one we figured out the feedings. The only real "issue" was that he didn't sleep through the night, but nursed/had a bottle once or twice a night until 15 months old. Now I realize that it is totally normal, and my friend who had the baby who slept through the night at 2 months old was way not normal. DS had just started sleeping through at 9 months, but that's when DH had a stroke, and it messed up everything about our life and routine...it wasn't the same after that. I'm hoping this one does not have to deal with such a huge life change.
This time I plan to get a sling to wear the baby from the start. I have a carrier that was too big at first plus it is so bulky.
I also want to try a different nursing pillow. I had the My Breast Friend and didn't like it.
I hope to exercise more. I'd like to have strong legs ready for third trimester.
Last time I birthed unmedicated by chance. It was something that I hoped to do but didn't believe I would. Looking back, if it goes fast again, I'd love to go unmedicated. But I know to keep my options open.
@morgarita, if it's an option for you, I can't recommend a doula enough. We cover the cost with our HSA. I only spoke through my doula or husband to the hospital staff. I found it empowering and it enabled me to focus on managing my pain, staying calm, breathing etc. Also, if they have it near you, I found the natural childbirth classes (we did a 6 week stint) helpful in terms of learning ahead of time what the medical practitioners protocol is, what the risks are based on research, and talking through how to gently ask "Is there another option?" and "What about 'x'?" - this would have been so hard to do in the moment without any preparation or background knowledge.
delivery: this time we have a scheduled csection, in going in knowing I'm not trying for a VBAC (not a candidate), so that's gonna be less stress (hopefully). Also, we know exactly when the babe will be here so we will know where our other 2 will be. And I'm putting my foot down, no visitors besides my kids (and their babysitters because duh).
Baby: I will cosleep again, much easier for nursing. I will continue to have consistent routines from the beginning, and I will do my best to get baby into the habit of napping in a crib/pack and play/whatever but NOT ON ME! (My daughter wouldn't nap unless on me until she was almost 1 - it was wonderful/awful!). Since this will be our last I will do my best to live in the moment.
my happy boy
I will do whatever I can to hopefully avoid that bad of a tear again.
I know there are most things I cannot control or change about labor but I will not feel guilty about getting an epidural. My coworkers are already telling me I WILL NOT get an epidural this time around and I just side eye them.
Breastfeeding wise, I will NOT exclusively pump for 9 months. If this baby's mouth is jacked up then it's jacked up and it will get a mixture of formula and breastmilk. I'm not doing that again.
Sorry you had a bad experience with the epidural, I had always heard women regret getting one if it didn't take or didn't take properly. (Of course, when it works I've heard mostly positive things!). How is a crappy epidural better than no epidural?
I will babywear a lot sooner this time.
I won't cry for weeks if I still don't get a drop of breastmilk. My girls were formula fed and are both very healthy!
Me (K)-27 DH (T)-30
2 Rainbow DDs L-10/26/10 and A-03/27/14
2 Angels- 10/26/09 and 02/03/15
Surprise BFP on 10/25/16!!! Baby Firecracker is due on 07/02/17!
Last: my birth plan was just to have a baby. I will use that plan again this time. For me personally, it is empowering and liberating to let go of expectation and control, and just trust my birth team. (Normally I am Type A!)
-I plan on getting that halo bassinet bedside sleeper thingie to help with nighttime BFing so I'm not constantly getting up all the time.
-I will stress less about my usual milk supply issues and will do as much as I can without weighing myself down with all the extra guilt. If we need to use formula, then so be it. I exclusively BFed DS2 for 6 months and stressed through TWO nursing strikes that lasted a week each. ugh, I will pump and I will BF and do as much as I can, but I refuse to put all the unesseasry guilt of trying to never give any formula. I'm trying to be kind to myself
-I'm taking the boppy with me to the hospital
-I'm getting a scheduled C-section this time since I'm not a good candidate for a VBAC (2 previous C-sections) and part of me is so relieved because I can easily plan childcare for my two other kids, and I'm getting my tubes tied.
-I'm trying to be very relaxed and chill this pregnancy. I was a crazy pregnant lady last time when I was pregnant with my rainbow baby (DS2), I googled everything, stressed about everything, it was awful. I don't even google anything this time around because it's all doom and gloom. I'm trying to be chill and positive.
I am also Type A, so trusting my husband and doula was a big deal!
Still to this day my in laws and sister have never watched my son, or offered to...my mom has a few times in 15 months and only because I asked. It's just me. DH is always at work, I'm a SAHM. I want to find someone I trust to come over and help me once a week for just a few hours....and I refuse to feel guilty about it!
Back story: my parents watch my sisters kids several days a week and she's also a SAHM. My inlaws always have their daughters two kids. I seem to have been left out of the babysitting circle!
My birth experience with my first was wonderful. I had the birth I had dreamed of and prepared for - 6 hr labor, unmedicated, peaceful birth with a midwife. As a postpartum nurse, I realize that every birth is different and that this next one may not go as smoothly. I am preparing myself mentally for that possibility.
Once baby is here, I will be better at establishing sleeping routine and boundaries. I coslept with my first and he was the absolute worst sleeper until I finally had a mental breakdown due to sleep deprivation. He was 9 months old and we had to hire a sleep consultant for support. I know a lot more now than I knew with him. I kind of went into parenting blindly. I read books but felt that none truly prepared me for a baby that nursed non stop and wouldn't sleep anywhere except while being held. I can't go through that again.
PHEW. That's a lot. I should save this list.
I'm going to eat before going to hospital, because last time I was too excited and didn't. Labor was long, and I got very hungry and they wouldn't let me eat. I had to beg for jello... which later I puked onto my darling husband. So I'd like to eat when I have the chance to save that.
I tore a little, and got stitches, no big deal. But at 1 week pp we went to get family pictures. The photog told me to straddle a chair behind a chair my husband was sitting on... and... I ripped my stitches- which hurt like a 1000 bee stings, and took 8 weeks to heal. So- this time I will straddle NOTHING.
As far as parenting, I think we did an okay job, no regrets that I can recall, so no major changes. We are toying around with doing cloth diapers this time, but we both work full-time and aren't sure we want to commit to that kind of laundry.
-m/c at 11w2d due to partial molar 2008 -m/c #2 2009
Beautiful daughter born February 2011
**Ultimate TTCALer 2009**
I will ask for help when I need it! I went into a really bad rheumatoid arthiris flare around 6 months pp and my doctor expects the same this time so I'm going to need to prepare to ask for help when I'm in pain. I also will go out and leave the baby with DH sooner! Even if it's just to go sit in a bookstore or grab lunch alone between when baby needs to nurse. Getting out alone for the first time felt amazing and I had wished I did it sooner without feeling guilty. I need me time even for an hour or so.
I will make my own baby food again. It was so easy and cheap and I actually had fun with it.
One thing to add to this "things I'd do differently" is asking for help. I used to get upset and offended when my in-laws would just help with something, without me asking for help. I used to think that it was a judgement of my capabilities that they thought I needed help. Nothing is actually further from the truth - they help to help and to give us a break. They know we have been through a lot, and want to make something easier for us, since nobody has control over DH's health. I have learned the hard way to be honest about the help I need, and let them know when something is stressing me out. That openness and honesty has made our relationships 1000x better, and has taken my stress level down sooo much.
@chiquita928 you are you are a strong woman and glad your in laws are so thoughtful.
This is a bit of a novel, but I just was speaking to my husband about this this morning. I'm anticipating the cascade this time, especially with twins - twice the hormones could mean twice the impact afterwards. I cannot emphasize this enough to first time moms - if you feel even slightly like things are out of control, GET THE HELP!!!
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
And keep a stash of treats in your night stand or next to your chair or wherever you do your midnight nursing - you will appreciate a little snack when you are stuck nursing and can't decide if you are more tired or hungry.
@Dcwtada that's a great idea to stock up on gift cards! I'll have dinners made but sometimes I want to order in but with everyone on maternity/paternity leave I feel like I have to be frugal. Dh gets paid paternity leave but it's less bc of how he gets paid.
- I will also take a few cheap, huge, flowy nightshirts to the hospital. The stupid hospital gown was so uncomfortable but I couldn't put pants on (mild hemorrhage after delivery so nurses were checking my bleeding constantly).
-Will try to put baby in the crib for naps early on to try and save myself the grief of the crib nap transition. We just let him nap in our arms, mamaroo or wherever but this time I want to do it differently.
-make sure my house is fully stocked with easy to prepare one handed foods. I went days where I'm not sure I ate anything until dinner which is terrible especially while BF. DH works from home but he's very busy during the day. He didn't get to take any time off when we brought DS home because ironically his business partner's wife delivered the exact same day I did. Since she had a section and they had an older son she needed her husband off more than I needed mine so back to work H went.