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May 2017 Moms
sweaterboots
member
*Trigger Warning* Losses Mentioned
sweaterboots
member
Difficult topic but needing support. Just in the last two weeks, 2 coworkers lost baby on Due Date & to SIDS. I am feeling a little freaked out. You hear it doesn't happen that often and then to have two losses, so late, in just 2 weeks, I am feeling very shaken. Just looking for comforting words or insight, as a FTM...
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Re: *Trigger Warning* Losses Mentioned
*TW* SIL had a stillborn at 36 week. Several other acquaintances have as well. I think that's always in the back of my mind and all I feel I can do is pray that my baby (and yours) are growing healthy and safe and will arrive with no issues.
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
I can not even imagine, it would be so devastating.
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
In the end, there is only so much control we have over the situation. The best you can do is stay healthy, stay vigilant, and trust your gut (and your doctor). Like @nda_roxybabe said, the large majority of pregnancies that progress to this point result in a healthy baby and mom. The odds are definitely on your side.
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*
Absolutely! Many horrible situations that you hear about are actually avoidable. Go with you're gut. If it were me and my water broke, I would insist on being admitted. Literally sit there til they did. Not saying anything is your co-workers fault at all. However, as a mother you have to stick up for yourself if you think something isn't right. After all it is your body that these things are happening to. Same with after the baby is born. If you think something is wrong go with you're gut. You are the one that will know your child best.
Perfect example. Starting at 3 months my son was extremely congested. More than most children. He kept getting these colds and what I would compare to a smokers cough. First ped just said cold and daycare. Then it was allergies and he took allergy medicine. Next time it was early onset ashma and he had a nebulizer. After 6 months of really no change in my eyes, I finally decided to take him to an ENT on my own. Turns out he had severe ear blockage and enlarged adenoids. Right after his first bday we had tubes put in his ears and his adenoids removed. Since not a single sniffle. But I just finally realized something wasn't right and took him on my own. Had I not we still would have had a coughing congested kid.
@nda_roxybabe & @kayemjay2 you're right, everyone here is talking about the doctor's crappy decision. Sad part is she's a FTM, and I'm sure she fully trusted the doctor and put it fully in his/her hands. The good news is from her experience I will absolutely not let that happen with us. Thanks ladies. It's been a weird couple weeks. xo em
My heart goes out to your friends, @sweaterboots, and it makes me so angry that one got sent home after her water breaking. I remember when mine broke at full term, I had gone into L&D and while I was very clearly in pain from contractions, they had tested my fluid and the test failed. It makes me wonder if that's what happened to her and she didn't have contractions, therefore she got sent home. Ugh. I hope that any mamas in this group, if anything happens and they have any doubt, they will share what's going on and we can help advocate for the best decision.
I agree with PP though, the odds are still very much on your side. Being pregnant and then a new mom (or 2nd, 3rd etc) is unnerving. Even though DD is still 2yo, I still check on her via video monitor regularly to make sure she's moving around plenty etc.
But I do take comfort in knowing that statistically, the vast majority of pregnancies that make it to this point result in a healthy baby. And while I don't know the situation with your co-worker SIDS with no actual cause (i.e. not preventable suffocation which is often called SIDS) is incredibly, incredibly rare. So yeah, parenthood is terrifying. Hell, so is caring really deeply about any living thing. But remember the odds are on your side.
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
Married 8/27/2011
BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012
BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w
BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014
BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d
BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017
BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
@sweaterboots - I completely understand what you're feeling because shortly after my miscarriage in June, a new girl started at my job and she was pregnant too. She was probably about 6 or 7 months when she started. 2 weeks before her due date, she lost her baby which was 2 months after I had a miscarriage. I was freaking out too like what the hell is going on at the job and everyone else was worried too. This time around, I realize I don't have any control over what happens and worrying will only make it worse. The best thing to do is think positive and take it day by day.
*TW*
My sweet niece was born sleeping on the day of the scheduled C-section. It was so tragic and also back to back with another terrible death in the family. Not a day goes by that I don't worry about this baby, but it is so hard to live that way. I have to keep telling myself that I am not in control, but to trust my gut. I agree with advocating for yourself and your baby and if you are unsure reach out to others.
ETA: title changed as I posted this. Thank you @sweaterboots!
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*
All the ladies here have good insight. My advice / coping mechanism is to distract myself.
*TW* I had a 9 week MMC, so being pregnant with DD was harrowing. It was an early loss, so easier for me to grieve and move on than late losses, but that worry is still in the back of my mind.
What I did then (and am doing now) is just focusing on viability. I'm 17 weeks today, so I have 7 weeks left. If worry pops in my head, I say, "7 weeks," and think about something else. Honestly, I am a chronic worrier--I suspect I have a mild anxiety disorder but I've always been able to self-regulate--and this is the one thing that stops it. Otherwise, I end up creating scenarios and imagining or reliving the very thing I am horrified by!
It also helps to remember that I've been through a successful pregnancy start to finish, and that should give you some comfort, too! Women have been doing this for thousands of years. :-) Imagine a healthy baby, think positive thoughts, visualize how you'll make it through childbirth. Honestly, that's what you should be doing anyway because it's coming, mama, a force of nature you're gonna have to hold on for!
MMC: 09/13 (9 weeks)
DD: Born 8/22/14
Babies #2 & 3: Due dates 6/9/17
And my other love: writing
TW**
My first pregnancy was a loss. I was young and in a horrible situation and while I was still healing physically and mentally from a violent and painful MC, my niece was born prematurely with a so-so outlook (she is now a healthy, happy albeit a bit bratty 3yr old) and my best friend was murdered. I was broken and it still tears me apart inside just thinking about it. When I became pregnant with DD I spent the whole time sick to my stomach that she wouldn't make it, my pregnancy was high risk and I was told there was a risk of stillbirth. But in the chaos of all of this loss, I realized there are things that we have no control over and whether or not it is comforting, there is beauty in it.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you can't focus on what could go wrong. You have to be thankful for what does go right because each day that you get to experience this life is a beautiful thing.
ETA: changed some words to make more sense
Edit. As a mom and/or an expecting mom, I think it's natural to be concerned for the safety of your offspring.