MIL hogs/obsessed with babies

ItsGreen · December 2016

I know this has been posted before in years past but I just had Baby #2 so that's why I am posting a new similar post.

I can't stand how my MIL is obsessed with my DD (22 months) because she never had a girl. When she is visiting she chases my DD down for a hug or kiss and not in a playful way, she'll just pick her up while she's playing and say she has to give her a hug and kiss!

DS is a week today and again her only idea of helping is holding him. And that's only when she was here. She hasn't offered to help in any way since he was born. I've even asked for help juggling the two of them while my DH goes to work one day over his two weeks off but she was too busy/couldn't come over.
I'm anxious to tell her it's not happening again. I'm putting my foot down more this time. To those that may not understand, I don't want her holding/hogging my babies because they are my children, she has her babies, my DH and his brother aged 37 who still lives at home. Plus my DH and I went through a lot of trouble to have our children. We didn't have them for her.

TheMostHappy15 · December 2016

Congrats on your new baby! Honestly (based just one what you describe here) what your MIL is doing sounds pretty much like normal grandparent behavior and I think you should definitely let this go and not try to turn it into a big "these aren't YOUR babies" kind of thing. I doubt she is unclear on that point and it sounds like she's just excited to love on her grandkids... it's a good thing! It's annoying that she has not been more helpful and if you want to you can ask her more explicitly for help with various tasks when she's at your house, but honestly it sounds like you're being overly possessive (which is totally understandable, but should be avoided when possible) rather than she's being too needy. Just enjoy they fact the kids have a grandma who loves them, so many would kill to have that!

meggyme · December 2016

If you think you need to set boundaries, draw a line in the sand. Talk to your husband about it and make sure you're on the same page. Maybe he will have a good idea of how to best handle the conversation. Otherwise, maybe tell your mil that you'd rather not force affection from your daughter. I read a good article that suggested a hug, high five, or hello option for greeting family they might not be comfortable with. That way your daughter can choose the level of contact she's ok with.

oneblessedmess · January 2017

I'm with TheMostHappy15, it sounds more like you're being overly possessive, as opposed to your MIL being overly obsessed. The only one of the things you mentioned that I would have a problem with is MIL interrupting your daughter's play to hug and kiss her, and even then it would only bother me if my daughter had a problem with it. If your DD doesn't seem to care about her grandma hugging and kissing her while she's doing something then I'm not really seeing the problem. All (well, almost all) grandparents hug and love on their grandkids, it doesn't mean that she thinks they're her kids or that she thinks you had your children for her benefit.

As far as her not offering to help, that does suck. I'd say be as direct as possible in whatever help you need/want from her. If she refuses or makes excuses, there's not much you can do. You can't force someone to help you. It would be pretty spiteful to decide that because she won't help in the way you want, she can't hold her grandchildren (not saying that's your reasoning btw, just throwing that out there just in case.)

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