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December 2016 Moms
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Advice....

wynterwaddellwynterwaddell member
in December 2016 Moms
For those of you that know about the situation with my mother and her problems with addiction and us not currently having the best relationship. DH convinced me on Christmas to call and tell her Merry Christmas, I did and then he convinced me to let her come and see me and the baby and bring my sister's so that I could see them. So I called and asked her if she was on anything and she said no and asked why. & I told her that if she wanted and wasn't on anything she could come by and bring the girls to see me and see the baby. So she did. & much to my surprise she wasn't on anything. She was surprisingly sober and normal. Which I'm very proud of her for that. & I told her before she came that she could come and we would see how it went when she got here and take things slowly and one day at a time because I'm not over everything that's happened and I honestly don't know whether to trust her when she says she hasn't done anything. She looks like she's doing good. She's got a boyfriend and he's got a good job and isn't an addict and they have a house together and my brothers and sisters live with them and she looks like she's gained a little weight. But despite all of that I'm stil having a hard time trusting her and if she's not clean and everything I won't allow her around so I'm just conflicted and don't know what to do or what to think. How do y'all think I should approach this situation? 
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Re: Advice....

  • slartybartfastslartybartfast member
    Be honest with uyourself about how you can't trust her and in what ways that has consequences for you and your family. Then set boundaries/ways of interacting that don't require that trust. Also plan what you will do in certain situations if she's behaving in a way that feels harmful or situations you simply aren't enjoying- plan how you will leave those situations without having to defend or even discuss it.

    thats my advice anyway - it's tricky to navigate and checking in with yourselg about whether  or not it's working for you is key
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  • wynterwaddellwynterwaddell member
    @slartybartfast Thank you. & after I finish up everything around the house I need to get done and get LO settled down enough I'm gonna try to talk to her about everything and set boundaries with her and see what happens. I meant to yesterday but I ended up getting sidetracked by everything I had to do around the house and didn't get to. & Its going to take a while for her to earn my trust because at this point I don't trust her and I don't want her to think she's gonna push her way back in and our relationship be the way it used to be although it will likely never be that way again. Hopefully she will get it together but I don't know. I can only pray and hope that happens. 
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  • yellingbananayellingbanana member
    Maybe this is extreme, but you could have her get tested, go with her, make sure she knows how serious you are that she stay clean in order to be in your life. Obviously you'll want the results before letting her in...

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