Unpopular Opinions Thursday

ladameperdue · December 2016

Hi all - haven't done one of these in a while!

I'm thinking this is more of a simple "it really bothers me" topic - I find it so awkward when you put "no presents please" on an invitation, and people bring them anyway. I'm always stuck trying to hide them away from other guests who complied!

ashleym112 · December 2016

Mine is I hate when people say they hope it's not a girl or wouldn't wish a girl on anyone when you're pregnant. I just find it really stupid, especially when other women say it like, hello, you are one! In my experience, I think boys can be just as emotional/dramatic/whatever other reason they claim as girls are. DS is INCREDIBLY dramatic (as is my DH btw), but he's also a toddler so I would expect it. And I'm sure he'll be emotional when he hits puberty, maybe not in the same way as some girls, but it's still going to happen in some form. I just feel like bashing your own gender before they're even out of the womb is not helpful--especially if someone was/is hoping for a girl this time around.

I also hate when people blame emotions on someone being on their period--specifically my sister saying "oh S is on her period or something bc she's crazy, etc"--and she's 4 yrs old. My sister would flip if someone blamed her having a bad day for being on her period, so I don't get why its any different for S, who is allowed to have bad days for no reason just like anyone else.

Ugh, I'm just really irritable today.

HGRich · December 2016

@ashleym112 yes! I hate it when women bash one another, or act like there's something inherently wrong with being a woman. And getting that into the heads of little girls early--gee, thanks. I mean, having girls in some cultures is shameful anyway. Why are we doing that in Western culture too??

ashleym112 · December 2016

HGRich said:

@ashleym112 yes! I hate it when women bash one another, or act like there's something inherently wrong with being a woman. And getting that into the heads of little girls early--gee, thanks. I mean, having girls in some cultures is shameful anyway. Why are we doing that in Western culture too??

Exactly! There's nothing wrong with being a woman or raising a daughter.

ladameperdue · December 2016

Yeah, I find people are still so weird in general regarding a baby's sex. Before we even knew, friends and colleagues would say, "hoping for a boy this time?"
Not really? I kind of pictured two little girls, but a boy is nice, too.

smallanimal · December 2016

@ashleym112 I cant believe anyone can actually say that in the western world! Shocked. Whats wrong with a girl??? If anything, I think nowadays women have it easier in the west. (and yes, that is actually my unpopular opinion).

So this is my reasoning for my unpopular opinion:

If you are a woman, and want to play the system, you can. If you want to play the woman card, the victim card, the "he looked at me wrong, I am being harrassed" card, you can. Most divorces end in the woman's favour. Most kids end with the mother, even if she is alcoholic and the man is perfectly fine. There is a level of positive discrimination at larger corporations (I often wonder whether I am one of the "token women" on the executive committee, or whether they really think I am good! hope for the latter

). You get drunk, have sex with a man, then accuse him of rape even if it was not, then you ruin his life forever, we just had a famous court case here, where the girl "found jesus" ten years later and admitted that she lied because she was afraid of getting pregnant... the guy spent years in jail.... to this day you google his name and "rapist" comes up. This is my experience- I know it's unpopular. Important to say that I am talking about the well developed western societies. The rest of the world is shamefully behind when it comes to women's rights and treatment.

HGRich · December 2016

@smallanimal while I agree that if she wants to play the system, a woman can to her advantage and she can raise a social justice ruckus. Pandering to causes of social justice and not having strong opinions and convictions of one's own is a weakness in my opinion. Especially when it's all about letting the social justice warrior win against actual truth and justice. It's disgusting. But I do have to say that outside of playing the system, there's still a mental barrier about equality in a LOT of ways. Especially in an academic setting. As the only woman in the majority of my master's degree classes, I found my opinion being taken less seriously quite often. And even though I work in a modern church and my bosses are all fantastic in the way they treat me as equal (other than being their subordinate in a work role), I still get comments from the older gentlemen who work for or volunteer for the church. So I think it's a superficial "we have to let the women win because otherwise it looks bad" more than actual change or belief in equality of the sexes. Not always. I never want to use definitive statements about it. But I certainly still see it. And I also agree that women tearing one another down is NOT helping.

That said, I totally agree we have it way better in the West, and a ton of the energy from empty angry social justice rants on social media should go instead toward bettering the lives of women overseas. Women like Melinda Gates are doing it right. Like, let's stop demanding free tampons in the West and fight to get women in third world countries back in school during their periods so they don't fall behind.

So I'm not disagreeing with you. But I think there are lots of layers to it.

cafedisco · December 2016

@smallanimal I think you're treading a very dangerous line here. Do some women take advantage of their gender? I'm sure they do.

But the fact is the things that you mentioned that women could "play" as you say (being victims of rape, harassment, abuse, inequitable share of childcare, workplace discrimination, etc) absolutely, 100% still happen to many, many women in the Western world. There are more than enough hard facts to prove it.

Do a few women who are willing to take "advantage" of their systemically inherent disadvantages make it "easier" for everyone to overcome the above challenges? In absolutely no way.

This issue is in many ways very similar to systemic racial prejudices in our world....if you can't see the problem, you're part of it.

smallanimal · December 2016

@HGRich
and @cafedisco

Agree with both of you, there are many layers to it and the issues are still there. But there are just as many issues that men need to deal with, albeit different ones. Just to go back to the rape example, if a rapist gets ten years in jail (in my view the punishment should be even more severe to be honest), then why doesn't the one who falsely accuses a man with rape, gets the same sentence, too? If a man gets prosecuted for hitting a woman (and so they should be!), why aren't the women who hit a man prosecuted? Just because it hurts slightly less? I think noone should be abused, neither women, nor men, and both happen, but only one is widely acknowledged.

KirstinH88 · December 2016

This may be a UO. My kids do chores for money. I know some people believe that kids should just do the chores because they are part of the family. But I like to give them money because it teaches all the financial responsibilities that come along with it (work = money, how to manage money, how to save for something, etc.) They have very basic, age appropriate chores and if they do all their chores for the week, they get their age in $. So my 9 year old gets $9. My 5 year old has already told me that he is saving his money for his own playstation

(THATs gonna take awhile!). Whenever we go to the store and they want to buy anything (even a candy or chips) it comes out of their chore money.

HGRich · December 2016

@smallanimal really, it would just be best if there were never politics involved and just pure justice. For men and women.

@KirstinH88 I haven't decided how I'm going to do that. I didn't have an allowance. But I love the idea of teaching kids how to use money, how to save it, and to expect to pay for snacks and extras out of their own money.

KirstinH88 · December 2016

@HGRich I never got an allowance either. I wouldn't say I was spoiled, but I never went without. And I got a lot of wants. And I apparently have a decent work ethic because I've been working and paying my own way (mostly) since I was 15 1/2. But I feel like boys are a little less motivated

HGRich · December 2016

@KirstinH88 haha! I would agree. I worked and paid for car, insurance, cell phone and all that from the time I was a teenager, and paid my own way through college and grad school by working. Never asked my parents for anything. But my little brother...now my parents bought his car and they've been helping him with college too. Like, how is that fair? lol. He's a good kid though. And he is working while in school so I'll let it pass.

mamadeez · December 2016

I think rape is very serious, having a history of traumatic sexual experiences myself, but I agree that if a person of either sex is drinking and while drunk consents to intercourse they shouldn't turn around once they are sober and blame others for their choices. Its different if one person is unconcious at the time of the sexual act, tricked or forced into the situation, etc. I've noticed many young people saying things like "I was drunk, we had sex, I don't remember all of it, I have no negative emotions attached to it but he basically raped me right?" and that frightens me... Because we live in a society where if a man was put in the same position (with a female partner) no one would ever classify that as rape. I think teaching both males and females about consent, including consent while willingly indulging in substances, is important because of this. Its sad how many women I know blame men for sexual encounters that they actually consented to when the real issue is their belief that a females value comes from sexually satisfying a man and being seen as desirable. "I didn't say no, I told him I was okay, I did it, but I felt like I HAD to" mentalities can lead to some seriously unhealthy sexual experiences. Seeing friends (both female and male) deal with that idea that they have to have sex when its expected of them has made me realize I need to teach my kids that sex is never something they have to do - it should be a connected and mutually beneficial situation, regardless if love is involved or not. I'm not too sure how ill approach that yet, but I figure I have lots of time still.

teamla-2 · December 2016

There is still lots of sexism in the first world, and it's important to work together to point it out and eliminate it when we can. For the sake of both genders.

As for consent - in Canada, legally, you have to have enough mental clarity to understand what you're agreeing to, so if someone's drunk it's not a good time to try to obtain consent. To me the emphasis should be on rapists not raping - they're responsible for their actions. I already work to instill a respect for other people's bodies and consent with my kids. The earlier the better!

smallanimal · December 2016

@KirstinH88 I don't think yours is very unpopular, I think the same and so do many of my friends. I want to do exactly what you are doing, later on with my son. Important to teach them how to handle money and the value of budgeting.

HappyAnjel · December 2016

@smallanimal just to play devil's advocate women can be prosecuted for anything a man can.. and while it may not happen as often I almost ended up in serious trouble for punching my ex boyfriend in college.. He called the cops after I left and told the cop I punched him in the face.. left out that he had thrown me over a table into a wall.. Thankfully he left incriminating messages (while he had a restraining order against me) that proved he lied and it was dropped. But had it not been it would have seriously screwed up my life other than just the record (my degree is in criminal justice, I would have lost my LTC, would have had to put off most of my schooling to comply with restraining order and never been able to find a job in that field with prior assault charges etc.)

Nolegirl1185 · December 2016

my UO is Lularoe....might get some heat for this one lol

I don't get it, at all. I personally feel like everyone wears them to be unique and loves all the different patterns (okay they are soft - yea yea) but really in the end, everyone looks the same to me wearing weird printed leggings that often don't match or look like a 3 year old should be wearing them. Sorry, not sorry!

catem07 · December 2016

@nolegirl1185 totally agree! I watched a pretty hilarious lularoe rant video on YouTube. Also they have some terrible pattern matching at the seams, which is a sign of cheaply made clothing.

bww_0331 · December 2016

@Nolegirl1185 haha I love me some Lula! I pretty much only go for the leggings and the tunic top, so not as obsessed as others. And it has to be the right pattern. Usually a solid for the top and some sort of geometric pattern for leggings. I'm a big fan of dresses or long sweaters with leggings, especially during this pregnancy. Wearing leggings means boots too, an added bonus in the MN winter weather

Otherwise, I totally agree on the patterns and all that. Sometimes I can't believe what people will buy. A cardigan for $70 just because it's LulaRoe? Yeah no thanks, I'll take my Target brand cardigans and be fine.

shaunessa · December 2016

Ha! I had to google LulaRoe!

I plan on giving my son(s) an allowance for good grades. I think chores are expected to be done. Does Mom get paid for doing the dishes or does Dad get paid for taking out the trash? No. I get paid for doing my job and I want to teach them that getting an education IS their job.

My u.o. is Panda Express. I don't understand the hype of the Orange Chicken. Its okay, just not "wow" like most people claim.

KirstinH88 · December 2016

@Shaunessa my kids also get paid for good grades

And I also don't get Panda Express. It's ok. But there are so many hole in the wall Chinese places that are so much better!

Omie_Wise · December 2016

@Nolegirl1185 , ugh.... I do not get it either! As an UO, I really, really, really, really, really hate cheap clothes. I just cannot....which means that I never buy new clothes but I would rather not have new clothes than a bunch of low quality stuff that needs to be replaced at the end of each season.

ashleym112 · December 2016

@smallanimal it drives me insane. People (all women that I recall) around me say it all the time, especially when I tell them we want to have more kids and hopefully have at least 1 girl in the future when they ask if we're done after this one.

mamadeez · December 2016

Learning about finances is important so I think I might find a way to do it based on grades. Not just for good grades, but if we discuss a goal and that's reached, then there is a reward for hard work.

When I worked at a group home the girls could do extra chores for money on top of expected cleaning. If they got "grounded" those same chores could count as points towards getting computer access back and such. But it was optional; for example, they could decide to wait a week or do 3 extra chores. I really like that idea in theory.

Nolegirl1185 · December 2016

@catem07 please send me the video haha!!

catem07 · December 2016

@nolegirl1185

https://youtu.be/RkNNzOQd1mE

Nolegirl1185 · December 2016

@wagnerw I'm not gonna lie, I have seen SOME cute outfits. Certain dresses, some leggings, some shirts, etc are okay to me. It's the crazy patterns and the 56875958402 layers I don't get. And I agree, 70$ for a cardigan is ridiculous. Target is my best friend lol.

Omie_Wise · December 2016

@catem07 but can we talk about how amazing Glitter and Lazers is?! I totally get her stepping away from the internet for awhile but I really miss her.

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