WTF Wednesday - Page 2 — The Bump
July 2017 Moms

WTF Wednesday


Re: WTF Wednesday

  • Also, when DH and I met a few months after I turned 20, I remember thinking very clearly that this was the dude I would marry. We started dating maybe 8 months later around my 21st birthday and got married at 6 years later. had our first kid 4 years later, when I had just turned 31 - not a young mom, never dated around in my 20s, but man, I felt like there was no way I could get married before then and when I had DD, I totally felt like a teen mom - I felt like I could've used a few more years! but it works out, and I'm the best possible mom to a sweet, sensitive, and wildly creative girl. 
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  • DH and I started dating at 16. We broke up for the first semester of college, but ended up right back together that Christmas. He was diagnosed with brain cancer at 19, and when you go through something like that together (and make it through), the relationship changes. We were married at 25, and had our first child at 28. So, though we were youngish when getting married, we had a solid foundation. I never really "dated around," and don't regret it, but I didn't feel the need to. I guess we just work.  I totally get that everyone's circumstances are different, so no judgement either way.  Despite meeting and being married young, I srill kind of feel like an "older" mom at 32.
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  • supermom83supermom83 member
    edited December 2016
    I met my DH first semester of my freshman year of college. I was 16, he was 19. We've been together ever since! I remember meeting him and then thinking, "F! I think I just met the man I'm going to marry. Why couldn't this have happened a few years later?" Because I was 16 and so young, lol. We got married when I was 24, and I had DS1 at 25. Then DS2 when I was 28. I'm 33 now and will be having my third and final kiddo. I never dated around, and never felt the need to. Been with DH for 16 years now, he is the best person I have ever met and I love him more today than I have ever loved him and it just keeps getting better every day. We grew together, molded each other and now know each other better than any other person could ever imagine knowing us. It's so easy to grow apart, but we always worked hard on our marriage, because no matter how "fairytale" a relationship is, if you don't work on it, you drift apart. I joke that we've basically argued about the exact same things for the past 16 years lol All the major stuff we agree on, but bring up the blender incident of 2001, and it's like we teleported back to that time and still have the same argument lol It's endearing and hilarious and a running joke we have. 

    Edit it to add: Also, my parents were much older when they had me. My mom was 42 and my dad was 53. I was a surprise late in life for them, the 5th kid, and I always grew up vowing that I would never be an old parent. My dad never had the energy for me and I remember promising myself that I would do better for my own kids. I am grateful for my parents and love them greatly, but I feel like I learned from them and it helped me make my choices clearer. 
  • @LoveLee85 Boy do I feel you on all this. I have a 16 month old, and I get so emotional watching him grow up and be more independent. The snuggles are fewer and fewer, and it's making me a bit of a wreck knowing he's not really a baby anymore. And I've also been thinking so much more about death lately. My head is a really depressing place right now! Know you're not alone and give your baby an extra snuggle  <3
  • @supermom83 can I ask a little bit more about your experience growing up? My husband is ten years older than me and will be 41 when this baby is born, he has expressed fear that his kids will resent having an older dad (kinda the reason we are having 3 kids in 3 years - we want a bigger family but he is nervous about waiting and being even older). After this baby if we still have any sanity left we will become foster parents - which is something both my husband and I want but he is dead set against having another baby (biological or adopted) and being an embarrassment to that child. He is a very active and fun guy and it breaks my heart he feels that way but I am trying to understand from the perspective of the child too. 
  • Ha, I think I started something. I'm actually 23, and this is our first baby. My husband and I met in high school (he's actually almost three years younger than me) were friends for 6 years, then started dating, and were married this July 3 years later. It's not about age to me either, just about when you hit that point in life. I guess it makes me sad for these people who get themselves all worked up like that. They could be a lot happier if they just chilled out, but in fairness it took an awful 6 year relationship that shouldn't have lasted past a couple months to wake me up to it myself. I should probably stop being so judgmental, but I wouldn't say anything to their face either, just complaining to my husband and random strangers on the internet. 

    @ginger1228 You aren't old! Also, it's rough being young too. I don't think you're ever the "right" age for anyone's standards. My husband is 20, and we've been getting crap for doing stuff so young from the beginning. I was his first "girlfriend" so obviously we can't be serious. Then we were too young to be engaged. His dad actually responded with "No you're not" and then "but it's a promise ring right?" Umm, no, it's an engagement ring. Then we were too young to move halfway across the country. No one has said anything about the baby, at least not to me, but that might be because they've just given up. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    DS born: July 8th, 2017
    Baby #2 Due: July 2nd, 2019 
    (we clearly have a problem with the month of July)
  • Good point about everyone else being too young! I just wish people would leave everyone the hell alone. If no one is being hurt, then it's no one's business. 
  • It's Thursday but I'm going to throw another one out there! My DH is a big fitness buff. No complaints here, LOL! My only thing is we have a 4 bedroom home. Our room, our DS room, a guest bedroom/babystorage/office/catch all/ hide things when people randomly stop by unannounced room(the smallest of all 4 rooms by far and also the small closet by a ton). The 4th room, also the second largest, is a home gym. When we had 3 spare extra bedrooms it wasn't a big deal. To make matters even more annoying, he prefers to workout at the gym anyway! So, why do we have thousands of dollars of gym equipment taking up the second largest room in our home.....and it NEVER GETS USED!!!! 

    Now, with the new baby coming, one of these rooms has to go!!! The used room aka the office/spare bedroom/catch all room with the smallest closet or the never used home gym. Sigh. I have randomly mentioned it lots of times already. In my eye, the home gym has to go. It doesn't get used and it's a waste of space since he uses the gym. Only issue is we really don't have anywhere else for the gym equipment to go?! I hate for him to have to get rid of it all. If I have to clear out the small spare bedroom/catch all....I can't even begin to think where all that stuff will go either?!?! We don't have a basement(it's on the wish list for the next home). 

    I thought about having babies share a room??? If this baby is a boy, also. If I'm being honest my DS still hardly uses his room since we room/bedshare still. He sometimes naps in his crib and plays in his room with toys. We have a massive master bedroom(too big if you ask me) and this baby will be in our room in a basket or bassinet for a year or longer easy. 

    Thoughts?! Do I even worry about this?? Just keep rooms as they are and room share/bed share?! It will drive me mad not having a room set up, which is silly but it's how I roll. Maybe I will set up a coroner of our master as if it were a baby room?? I'm rambling. 
  • @Dcwtada I can understand your husbands reservations because they were a huge fear of mine too. I grew up well, I was always a happy kid but I never had a good relationship with my father. He was just so much older and I was the 5th kid...I don't think he had the energy or the know-how at that point to connect with me. He always treated me very well and I knew he loved me, but there was no real connection, and I resented that. I got annoyed at him a lot because he was obviously slower and older. I feel badly for how I felt, but it's the truth. I only remember him as an old man. When I was 7, he was 60! He died when I was 19 (he was 72), and it really effected me and still does. I never connected with him and I feel a lot of guilt about it, like I should have tried harder. 

    As for my mom, she was in her early 40's and I never really felt like she was too old. I think there's a HUGE difference between being in your 40's vs. 50's, so my mom was still spry and active whereas my dad was not. That actually affected their relationship with each other because my mom was 11 years younger than he was and always tried to convince him to be active and stay involved but he didn't. I think it completely depends on the person. If you act old you will be old. Age can only be a number, many times mind can win over matter.

    I think your husband sounds like the kind of guy who will always make an effort to stay involved and active. That, I think, is the most important part of it all. Also, you guys are planning this baby and life, and you're not getting a surprise in your 50's like my parents did! I think that makes a huge difference in approach and attitude sometimes. I resented having older parents only because they really never tried to connect with me, but I think I may have felt differently if they had. I always felt loved, but I did feel different from all my other friends and did sometimes feel embarrassed of my dad...
  • @Dcwtada I'm 33 but DH is 45 and will turn 46 a week after this LO is due. He has a 10yo DS from his first marriage, but he's always wanted a big family, so this will be the first of maybe 3-4 kids in the next five years (based on how I've been feeling this first tri, the idea of being pregnant again sounds like torture, but I'll live). He's a "young" 45 and has tons of energy with his 10yo. I keep wondering if he'll change his mind about wanting so many (I'd be happy with 2-3, but I'm willing to have more) once this baby is here and he remembers how much work it is. But we're going to go with the flow and see what happens. A tiny part of me hoped it would be twins just so we could get 2-for-1 this go 'round! My point is, I don't really feel like age is a huge factor if the baby is planned, and I REALLY don't feel like 41 is "older" at all.

    DSS: March 2006
    DD: July 2017
    DS: February 2019
    BFP #3 TW ended in CP March 2020
    BFP #4 - TW ended in CP August 2020
    BFP #5 - due October 2021
  • @ginger1228 I don't think you ruffled any feathers! Just different viewpoints, that's all. And I can totally agree with you - while DH and I started dating really young, there has been a bunch of pressure on us to not wait "until we're too old" to start having kids. Come on, people, I'm still 29 for another month! I guess when you get married at 25 then don't have kids for 5 years, people get antsy. But we had other things we wanted to do, both with our careers and life experiences! I think we'll make it work just fine.

    @Dcwtada I thought I'd chime in as well - my mom had me at 38 and my sister at 42 (second marriage so the rest of my siblings are all 10-14 years older). I honestly never had any issues with an "older" mom - she was always so involved as a room mom, etc. and all my friends loved coming over for her cooking and fun sleepovers. We traveled all over the country camping as a kid, so I never thought her age was an issue. Honestly, the only time I really started noticing it was in my late teens/early twenties - she wasn't able to keep up as much, especially when we'd go on hikes and such. But, and this is a BIG but, I don't think most of that was due to her age. Unfortunately, she didn't really take care of herself, and was a pretty heavy smoker most of her life. I think if she had been active and had taken better care of herself, it would have been a different situation entirely!
    Me: 30 DH: 30
    Dating: 12/21/2001
    Married: 09/08/2012
    TTC: 09/2016
    BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
    Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017

  • @Dcwtada my experience probably doesn't apply too much but thought I'd chime in. My dad is a very young grandpa, he's 44 and has 4 grandkids already.He has been active with the kids from the minute they were born and some days he has more energy than even I do at 23. So I don't necessarily think the age will be an issue just whether or not DH uses it as a crutch to not be as active or involved. But it definitely sounds like he's going to do fine in that department so I wouldn't worry about it too much! 

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Married: 05/26/2012

    DS Born Happy and Healthy via C-section: 10/04/2013

    Natural M/C: 07/08/2014

    DD Born Happy and Healthy via Emergency C-section: 06/30/2015

    BFP #4: 11/15/2016

    EDD: 7/27/2017

  • My mom had me at 33 - no issue there, but they had my baby sister when my mom was 40/41 and my dad was 50.  She was the fifth child.  They were exhausted!!!!  I also swore I would never have kids that old.  I was embarrassed when my friends saw my mom pregnant - she wouldn't color her hair when pregnant and had gone full grey in high school, so they made fun and it hurt my feelings.   I blamed my mom for them having to see her like that - bratty teenager I know.  My baby sister was practically raised by the village of older siblings.  My parents were much less strict with her and much more loving with her than with us.  The thing is, she is such a sweet genuine kid that she never seemed to care that they were older - she was the favorite and had oodles of attention.  She loved on them constantly and was really a blessing for our family. My mom was 23/24, I think when she had my older sister - so it really is to be expected that she would be spent!  She had had her tubes it was a way big whoops!  My dad is also still working at 76, he was paying college bills up until a couple years ago, so...  

    I will be 38/39 when this baby is born (due within a week of my birthday same as last time).  I try not to stress about it because I feel and look so young lol!  Had my son in 2015.  If I could have planned my life, I would have had kids in my late 20s/early 30s but alas the guy I was dating for 6 years didn't work out.  So,  it took me a bit longer to get part A of the plan in place - find a husband.  We got pregnant the month after our wedding.  So, since I  waited, there are some perks - financial stability, professionally well-established, wisdom, but there may be drawbacks especially later on too - will I want to go to some teeny bopper rock concert when my daughter is 13???  All the cool young moms do it and they know all the words too!
  • @Dcwtada I think it really depends on the person.  My parents were 40 when they had my sister, and they were both super energetic and involved in her life (They all got their black belts together).  

    My Grandad was 36 when his first was born and 52(ish) with his seventh.  He coached little league and was probably even more involved with the younger ones because the older kids were more independent by that point.  
    Lilypie - Personal picture Lilypie - Personal picture Lilypie - Personal picture 
     DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • chiquita928chiquita928 member
    edited December 2016
    @RunRestRepeat Since DH and I got married at 25 after 9 years together, then didnt get pregnant within the first 3 years, my mom actually told me that I'd better hurry up and have kids before my ovaries shriveled up. Smh.

    Edited bc autocorrect is an a**hat.
  • @chiquita928 now THAT deserves a big WTF!!! Thankfully, my MIL was SUPER awesome about not saying a word until the last six months or so. By that point we were already planning on trying, so it didn't bother me as much! Other family members, on the other hand, were not so quiet.
    Me: 30 DH: 30
    Dating: 12/21/2001
    Married: 09/08/2012
    TTC: 09/2016
    BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
    Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017

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