TTTC Checkin 12/13/216

GoldenKeys · December 2016

Hey Everyone,

It's checkin time! Congratulations to any BFP's and hugs to anybody who needs one.

How is everybody doing this week?

BFP HALL OF FAME:

stac12679: dx: Bilateral tubal blockage Rx: mini IVF
tripplek1988: dx: PCOS Rx: Clomid
KidShrink: dx:Immature follies, thin lining   Rx: Femara/Ovidrel/Prometrieum
krbjoy: dx: unexplained, low AMH, fibroids Rx:Lupron, Follistim, Menopur + trigger
AdorkablePixie: dx: Hpyothalmic amenorrhea   Rx: Menopur, Ovidrel, IUI
kistra: dx: MFI Rx: Clomid, Ovidrel, IUI
mylienc: dx:low follicle count Rx: Clomid + Novarel
CopperLane: dx: PCOS Rx: natural BFP before taking Clomid
Alyeena dx: PCOS + MFI Rx: modified IVF + ISCI
riveridgional: dx: Unexplained, hypothyroidism, suspected ovulatory dysfunction Rx: injectibles
Aera11: dx:mild PCOS Rx: Clomid
BrightenMySky dx: MFI Rx: Clomid+IUI
turtle148: dx: LPD Rx: Clomid + progesterone
vnegron87: dx PCOS Rx: Clomid, trigger, donor sperm
MrsB627: dx PCOS+kidney disease Rx: Clomid + Metformin
LGW2015 dx: possible MFI Rx: Clomid
lily55d dx: Endo + PCOS Rx: metformin, Femara and progesterone.
BlissfulWifey: dx: Anovulatory: Rx: Clomid + Progesterone + trigger
MorganL925: dx MFI Rx: femera, HCG trigger + IUI + progesterone
ShallowSeas dx: Unexplained Infertility Rx: Letrozole + TI
twomommiestobe: dx: annovulatory/pcos and DW-endometriosis Rx: reciprocal IVF
22mango22: BFP during testing
NordyMN89 dx: unexplained infertility, possibly PCOS Rx: letrazole + IUI
graphicgranite: dx: Possible PCOS Rx: Clomid + testing
benten24 dx: irregular cycles, spontaneous BFP during testing phase
erica0901: dx: Unexplained Rx:IVF (spontanteous BFP after 5 unsuccessful IUI's)
yellingbanana: dx: PCOS Rx: Letrozole, metformin, trigger, TI
LGW2015 dx: PCOS Rx: Clomid
Malone24 dx: uterine polyp, LPD, possible non-PCOS polycystic ovaries Rx: HCG
babyexpress: dx: unexplained Rx: Clomid + IUI (bfp on a break)
Drove2u: dx:unexplained Rx: IVF
ceclarlinetlo: DX: septate uterus and PCOS   Rx: hysteroscopic resection; low carb diet, exercise, myoinositol
JDW0325 dx: Unexplained Rx: Femara + trigger + IUI
Tulips29 dx: PCOS Rx: IVF
mackenzie07: dx: Endo + PCOS Rx: Provera, metformin, possible IVF
echo+november: dx: PCOS Rx: Letrozole, trigger
Ducks&Cats: dx: PCOS Rx: Clomid
GoatSnakeMouse: dx: MFI
Soon2bemissG: dx: PCOS Rx: Metformin + provera
MrsB627: dx: PCOS + Kidney Disease Rx: Clomid (going into testing)
ale9687 dx: Anovulation Rx: Provera, estrogil, Clomid, trigger + IUI
linzylemonz365: dx: PCOS, Rx: Clomid
kayla1232: dx endo Rx: surgery + TI
mrswifeytoad: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx:metformin
clt2pwm11: dx:anovulatory PCOS Rx: letrozole + trigger + iui
StephyM89 dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx Provera, Femara/Gonal-F injections, IUI and Progesterone
SummerBrooke13 dx:anovulation, amenorrhea, congenital adrenal hyperplasia Rx: metformin
wifeinraleigh28 dx: MFI Rx: IVF, ISCI
saphiresweetie88 dx:irregular periods
Megzb510: dx: potential blocked tube Rx: IVF

PAGING:

@Bababatty: dx:Low Motility Rx: Letrozole + trigger + IUI
@BecauseLove dx: amenorrhea, PCOS Rx: IVF
@blessedmomma88: dx: PCOS, anovulation Rx: Clomid, Metformin
@ChristinaV2015: dx: blocked tubes, PCOS, endo + MFI Rx: lap, OPKs + TI
@CrunchyBaby2: dx: Unexplained Rx: Clomid
@eadams08: dx: PCOS Rx: Clomid
@emgem819 dx: PCOS, Rx: provera, femara + Bravelle
@harleyquinn0621: dx:unexplained IF Rx: IUI
@hoffmanr7: dx: unexplained Rx: Clomid + Estradiol
@iloverocksalot dx:High FSH/PCOS/Auto-Immunity, DH low morphology, Rx: DHEA + Microdose Lupron +
IVF/ICSI
@Jaje09182010: dx: Unexplained Rx: Clomid w/IUI
@jmr1515: dx: Mild MFI/morph Rx: Clomid
@jojomama25: dx: MFI Rx: supplements + TI
@JRB3: dx: PCOS Rx: Clomid
@Kay6519: dx: PCOS rx: testing
@kem0514: dx: MFI, anovulatory PCOS, possible blocked tube Rx: Clomid & Ovidrel
@lablover78: dx: unexplained/irreg and MTHFR
@mackenzie07 dx: PCOS and Endo Rx: metformin, letrozole, ovidrel
@madasm0530 dx: PCOS Rx: Provera+Femara+IUI
@MamaMunn: dx: PCOS Rx: Clomid 100mg + Ovidrel + TI
@mandasand: dx: low AMH Rx:IVF (Lupron, Menopur + Follistim)
@MandyBeeSLP: dx: low progesterone, borderline PCOS, vitamin D insufficiency Rx: metformin
@meli123k: dx unexplained Rx: IVF + ICSI
@Mlight28: dx Unexplained Rx: Clomid
@MrsM00re87: dx: DOR, low morph Rx: Femara + TI
@MrsMcMilkshakes: dx: cysts, testing
@MurphyGrace dx: Unexplained Rx: Letrozole + Menopur injections + Ovidrel+ IUI
@Mythril: dx: PCOS (anovulatory) Rx:levothyroxine to lower TSH
@NikkiPSU: Unexplained Rx: TI
@Plainjanie: DX- mild MFI. Rx- Monitored cycle with TI.
@pretzel2plus1: dx: Endometriosis Rx: laparascopy
@rachlee2010: dx: DOR Rx: IUI
@ReesaAnne16: dx: MFI, high DNA fragmentation Rx: Letrozole+ IUI
@Samanthaarielxo dx: anovulation Rx: still in testing
@sarah0985: dx: PCOS, possible blocked tubes Rx: Lap
@seethosestars: Dx: low AFC + MFI and Rx: letrozole + testing
@SM746830: dx: PCOS, blocked tubes Rx: Surgery, Clomid
@smokinangel: dx:possible PCOS, possible MFI Rx: Letrozole + IUI
@SoonToBeMommaHowe: dx: Unexplained Rx: waiting for testing
@Starlight811 dx: DOR Rx: Menopur + Gonal F + Ovidrel + Progesterone suppositories + IUI
@starlitfae dx: MFI & balanced translocation, thyroid Rx: ivf with pgd testing
@vssbrm: dx: Minor Vercosis, morphology, high prolactin Rx: Clomid + IUI + ovidrel + prolactin meds
@Mrs.RedHead dx: Unexplained Rx: Testing with RE
@PoeMasque dx: unexplained Rx: unmedicated IUI, acupuncture, supplements
@Labluver2 dx: testing
@avocuddle dx: testing
@laurad75 dx: possible DOR Rx: IUI + trigger + acupuncture
@Worldtravler0522 dx: PCOS/Unexplained Rx: IVF
@funkykey dx: unexplained Rx: Clomid + IUI
@kmallery08 dx: unexplained Rx:Clomid, GonalF, Trigger Shot, IUI and Progesterone
@greenange dx: anovulatory PCOS w/insulin resistance Rx: Metformin, Letrozole, trigger + TI
@KariShoe dx: Unexplained Rx: Preparing for testing

NEWCOMERS:

To be added to the Weekly Checkin, please answer the following:

1. How long have you been TTC?

2. What is your diagnosis?

3. What is your current treatment plan?

QOTW: How are your holiday preparations shaping up? What will your family be doing?

hoffmanr7 · December 2016

Well, this last cycle was another bust. I was really hoping I would be one of the so many people everyone in my doctors office kept talking about who get pregnant after their HSG. Yeah, no, I'm apparently not one of those women.

AF started yesterday. I called and talked to my doctors office about what our options would be from here on out. Since I have already done 3 months of Clomid and 2 months of Letrozole, they want to start being a bit more "aggressive" with our treatments. I haven't been monitored while on the meds before so the next cycle we do will be more Letrozole (3rd cycle), a follicle check (new), trigger shot (new), and then either timely intercourse or IUI. Right now, I am kind of leaning towards just doing the timely intercourse with the trigger shot...at least just the first time to see if we can do this without IUI.

But before all this, DH and I have decided to take a break for a couple of cycles. This is especially good timing as, based off previous months, it looks like my ovulation would probably occur right smack dab in the middle of Christmas holiday chaos. Ugg, no thank you.

I plan on taking these next two cycles and really focusing on me (and our marriage). I bought a new Jillian Michaels workout DVD (I just love her!), so the plan is that 2 days a week, then the gym 2 days a week. I want to also start back up with my yoga and meditation. I also have recently gotten into painting mason jars and wine bottles so I want to do more of that. I also have a massage planned for Saturday and am thinking of spending part of my Christmas bonus on a spa day. I'm trying to stay focused on all of this and not be sad. Most of the time I succeed.

I will probably still continue to lurk on here the whole time and will keep all my fingers and toes crossed for everyone to have successful cycles in the next two months

QOTW: I have just about everything ready for the holidays. The only gift I need yet is the White Elephant gift for DH's side. We will be at his family's that Friday and Saturday...and my family Sunday and Monday, so we don't have too much prep work we have to worry about.

SoonToBeMommaHowe · December 2016

Hi Everyone
1) TTC since Oct '13

2) unexplained but DH has amazing SAs (like 27.5 million/ml when they are looking for at least 10 million) so I'm thinking it's either egg quality or compatability of our egg/sperm.

3)DH is flying to Panama tomorrow so our RE has benched us until August. Fortunately we were able to freeze 11 vials of sperm and plan to go ahead with IUI in February. We'll do three IUI cycles and then IVF.

GTKY - I still have a little shopping and wrapping to do but I'd say I'm 80% done with that. My cards are all mailed and we are traveling so I don't have much to do in terms of prep.

Sorry about the BFN cycle @hoffmanr7. I really hope you enjoy your break!

kaitlink33 · December 2016

1. How long have you been TTC? In February it will be 3 years of ntnp and our 2nd actually trying with medications

2. What is your diagnosis? IR pcos

3. What is your current treatment plan? Femara with an hcg trigger and TI

QOTW: How are your holiday preparations shaping up? What will your family be doing?

I have no more preparations except a few last minute gifts cards to buy on my next paycheck. We're not hosting a dinner or anything just going to other family member's dinners.

PoeMasque · December 2016

@hoffmanr7 sorry about AF

sounds like you have plenty of good stuff to fill your cup the next few months though

I fully expect AF tonight or tomorrow. I'm spotting, bloated, and starting to get pre-AF cramping...all the usual signs. We have our IVF consult Thursday afternoon, so I'm excited for that.

We are very low key around the holidays, but my SO told his family we were sending out a holiday letter this year.......and he decided I would "make it pretty and mail it out". He has not yet written the letter. Hahaha. So I might have some last minute letter mailing, or I might not!

mrswifeytoad · December 2016

So I've had a string of bfns this week. No period still. U was hoping the met would have worked by now and I would be able to have a cycle without the provera.... no such luck. I tested every day for a week after my missed period, all bfn. Trying not to get too down. I emailed my Dr about it, but of course she wants me to come in. I don't have insurance right now, working on getting it back up. So I can't afford to go for an appt.
We are going to dh family's home out of state for Christmas. So no real prep left to do.
Oh, Thursday we are moving out of our apartment on campus and back to our home an hour and a half away. So that's fun... we both have our last final Thursday morning.
That's about it for me

kaitlink33 · December 2016

@mrswifeytoad I don't know anything about your situation as far as diagnosis or anything, but I was on metformin (I'm assuming that's what you're referring to when you say met?) For about 3 years to regulate my cycle and it never helped ( I have pcos). Last year I lost about 40 pounds quit taking my metformin and about 2 months later I started getting my period on my own. I'm not saying to quit taking your meds or go against the dr. That's just my personal experience.

Bababatty · December 2016

@hoffmanr7 I'm so sorry about AF. I'm glad you have a plan for after the new year, though. We'll miss you during your break, so I hope you still chime in!

@soontobemommahowe 11 vials? Wow! That is fantastic and so proactive! I'm happy you'll get to do all your treatments even while being "benched."

@PoeMasque Good luck with your IVF consult.

@mrswifeytoad I'm sorry the met isn't working and that you're being dragged through all of that. When will you get insurance again? I hope that your move goes smoothly. Good luck with your finals, too. Hopefully next week you'll finally be able to relax?

AFM Meh. We're still trying on our own while DH takes clomid to improve his count. He had a blood test last Monday to see if it's having an impact hormonally. We get the results next week, I hope.

My body was wacky this cycle so I have no real idea when I O'd. And DH has been dealing with ED issues, which is not fantastic, so I'm fairly certain we missed our window again. He always had it a bit, but it seems worse now that he's been on the Clomid. He's making an appointment to talk to the urologist. Anyone else's husband had similar issues on clomid?

GTKY Almost done with our holiday shopping. We're going to Hawaii for Christmas!

laurad75 · December 2016

@Bababatty Hawaii for Christmas sounds amazing! What island will you be staying?

Hi all. Sorry for the BFN's ladies.

We are taking a medication/ treatment break this cycle which is nice. I have replaced all that with every fertility supplement I can get my hands on. Today is CD 9 so I've started OPK's twice a day and we are HIO at least EOD. Assuming this cycle doesn't work out my next cycle should start around Jan 1 lining up nicely with the start of my new insurance policy and we will start prepping for IVF.

Holiday prep is right on schedule. I have a few more gifts to purchase and wrap - I'm struggling with what to get H's nephews (9 and 12 yrs old). We will be spending Christmas in CT with our families but on the 23rd we are going to NYC to see Hamilton in the afternoon and then go to a house party in New Jersey. I am so excited. Its going to be a really wonderful holiday.

mrswifeytoad · December 2016

@kaitlink33 thanks for sharing your experience! I have pcos. I've lost about 27 pounds since july. Congrats on losing weight to you! I know it's hard work!

@Bababatty I should get medicaid soon, and then when my husband starts his new job in January I'll be on his. Thanks for the encouragement

I love you ladies.

Bababatty · December 2016

@mrswifeytoad That's great! I'm so glad you won't be insurance-less for long. Good luck with everything! You've got this!

@laurad75 We'll be on Oahu. I can't wait! I'm also super jealous of your Hamilton plans. We live in NYC and we haven't managed to get tickets...although I've lately been terrible about entering the lottery. Have fun!!

Worldtravler0522 · December 2016

Warning Eeyore sounding post ahead.... sorry!

I'm having a rough week. My clinic SUCKS hardcore right now. Since meeting with my RE on the 6th I have called my nurse three times to get questions answered and so far no answers. I asked for a genetic counselor referral, no reply so I went and got one on my own. I asked for pricing for the embryo testing, no reply so I called finance today to see if they could help. I'm just so frustrated with her lack of communication. I'm in meetings all day tomorrow but plan to blow up the clinic's phones all day on Friday if I have to to get my answers.

One question I had was which testing we were doing if it was PGS or PGD (more likely this one). The cost difference between the two is substantial and the PGD testing will be like $9K.

If that is the one we need I can't justify spending that money so we will just have to go in to future transfers blind and hope for the best I think. Why does it have to be so damn complicated?

I'm a pretty religious person and depend on my faith a lot to get through this all but every time my Dad tells me to just trust in God I want to punch him. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way.

Question of week: I think it was about the holidays and preparations and if it wasn't that's the info you guys get this week because I don't want to scroll up haha. I am nearly done shopping for everyone and my DH talked me into putting up a tree even though I am feeling bah humbug this year. Someone wake me up when April comes around.

Spaniard · December 2016

1. How long have you been TTC? since AUG 2014

2. What is your diagnosis? Unexplained

3. What is your current treatment plan? Clomid 150 and IUI (CD 12 today of my third IUI try)

QOTW: How are your holiday preparations shaping up? What will your family be doing? All done, I am hosting a work party at my new home on Friday and the decor took long but looks great ! Also, most presents done.

My closest family is visiting from Spain over xmas so we will be spending time cooking, chatting and enjoying each other's company. Super nice, can't wait. Hopefully there is not too much talk about TTC, need a break.

ps. Not sure if there is anything else I need to do for the checking, LMK!

funkykey · December 2016

@hoffmanr7 I am sorry re: AF. Damn her! But I hope Jillian Michaels is good to you this next couple of months. I went on a now carb kick a few months ago, and it was great - I lost like 8-9 lbs, and suddenly took some enjoyment in BDing again, even the sex was more like: "Look at my hot body", than "let's make love". But whatever, IF took a definite toll, so I was glad for it. Maybe JM will get your groove back.

@SoonToBeMommaHowe - exciting re: Feb IUI!
@kaitlink33 - keeping my FX crossed for you. When do you find out if this cycle took? Also - I am so impressed re: the 40lbs! Wow!
@PoeMasque - haha. It used to be that I did all the work for our Christmas cards, but in recent years, DH has gotten really into it. On the cards we send to his friends, he draws little penises squirting "joy" or "merry christmas". He even reads over my recipient list, and makes additions. He really wants to send one to the banker who did our mortgage. So funny. Good luck with the letters, sorry about AF.
@mrswifeytoad - good luck with the move! Sorry about the BFN. Also - 27lbs since July is impressive! Nice! OMG, had no idea so many women on this board were so disciplined!
@Bababatty - I hope you guys have an awesome time in Hawaii!

@laurad75 - nice re: insurance, and also Hamilton! I am jealous! I hope you enjoy your end-of-year break.
@Worldtravler0522 - I am so sorry. I hope you get answers from the clinic. I'm a religious person too, and if my Dad told me to "just trust in God", I would be like: "Come on Dad. Even God realized that what Sarah suffered was a trial."
@Spaniard I hope you have a nice visit with your family!

I find out if this cycle took this weekend. I am trying my best not to think about it.

*** TW ***

This past weekend, my sister had her baby. We waited in the hospital waiting room for the end of the delivery, with my dad and her inlaws. DH had never been around a birth before, and found it very emotional. He didn't cry, but a few of us did. The baby is so beautiful - a little girl - and so perfectly formed - right down to the little hairs on her shoulders, and to her little nostrils and toes. We went in to meet her before she'd even been bathed, and holding her and seeing my sister and her husband so happy and wowed, and even seeing my dad - who was happy at the birth, but more relieved that my sister (his own baby) was ok - it strengthened my resolve to keep moving forward.

DH and I have had a few nasty fights about when to proceed/not with all the treatments. I've said in other threads that I think he's in denial. A couple of times he's made crazy suggestions, like: "maybe we're infertile because we're supposed to be childless", which is not only absurd, but also offensive. Right before we went to the hospital, he said something about not doing the IUI in January - an issue I thought we'd resolved - and I was so angry, I started shaking.

When we got home, after meeting the baby, we had a GIANT, GIANT fight, a really heated dramatic one. I said some pretty nasty, pointed things, but only after he'd dropped the "maybe you're not supposed to be a mother" bomb, but that something like adoption was also not an option. (OMG guys, like, I cannot even type 1/2 the things I said to him, they were so harsh. I mean, I was really honest, but there was a lot of truth bombing - like really hard, uncomfortable truths that DH has a hard time with.) I believe in fate, sure - I can be a fatalistic person - but to me, thinking that infertile people are "not supposed to have children" is not that far from thinking that gay people are supposed to die of AIDS, like some hateful lunatics believed in the dark days of the HIV crisis. (So, of course, I screamed this, and repeatedly asked DH to explain: "How? How is that different?" and called him a hateful human being, and told him he was not upholding his marriage vows to me, in sickness and in health, to love and support, and that I would be doing him a grave disservice if I were not to challenge his cognitive distortion. Yep, nasty.) I mean, if he wanted to stop trying after we'd tried a couple of IUIs and maybe 2 rounds of IVF, that'd be one thing. But not trying anything at all? Like not trying any of the things the RE recommends? Unacceptable.

I don't know if anyone else has had to have it out with their husband like this, but long story short, we are moving forward with the treatment and couple's counselling. I read that couples with infertility are 3x more likely to divorce than other couples, and I totally, totally believe it. Obviously, we are still married, and we love each other very much, but IF has been a definite challenge.

I am also thinking of naming our to-be-conceived child: "Mother's Tenacity".

kaitlink33 · December 2016

@funkykey I found out this past Monday that it was a big fat nope

today is cd1 so I'm just anxious to get through af so we can try again

funkykey · December 2016

To clarify - I love my husband, he's wonderful - it would just be a lot easier if we were on the same page at the same time for everything. I understand that he has doubts, but we've been talking about them for months and months... My patience has worn thin (obviously).

Gah! Why can't he just be perfect all the time!?! Why can't I be perfect all the time, and never have doubts that spring from his having doubts? Why don't I have more patience? Why doesn't he just let himself be convinced by me the first time I say: "But honey, you will love our baby. It will be worth it, you'll see."?

Our relationship has always been, err, passionate. Sometimes, the fire - it burns. When I watched Walk the Line, I was like: "OMG, so much like our relationship." (except with no spurned first wife). Sometimes when I'm mad at him, I listen to Jackson to calm down. I might actually do that this Christmas, re-watch it and listen to a lot of Johnny Cash.

MandyBeeSLP · December 2016

@funkykey I'm sorry you and your husband are not on the same page. I'm glad you are both making the decision to get couples counseling. Infertility is a rocky experience. Now that we are in treatment we are on the same page, but before I started testing my husband and I didn't agree at all. At 15 cycles without conceiving my husband felt that we should "just try harder", which of course didn't go over well. I hope as yiu move forward you are able to get on the same page.

Sorry to all the BFNs.

I'm in the TWW. Tomorrow is actually 14 days from my trigger shot so I *could* test, but I kinda don't want to. I'm a little POAS averse and I don't want to tear down my house of cards yet. I haven't had any of my AF symptoms and last cycle I didn't even make it to 14 days post-trigger before AF started. This time though I'm on progesterone. Maybe I'll test Saturday. If we aren't pregnant we are taking the next cycle off due to timing issues with the holidays.

QOTW: How are your holiday preparations shaping up? What will your family be doing?
I've got all DH's preswnt s bought and wrapped and most other people on my list but I have a few last minute things to get. We are traveling to DH's parents for the 23/24 and mine the 25/26.

Bababatty · December 2016

funkykey said:

@hoffmanr7 I'm a religious person too, and if my Dad told me to "just trust in God", I would be like: "Come on Dad. Even God realized that what Sarah suffered was a trial."

@funkykey This made me chuckle. :-) But seriously, though, we're reading through the stories of women in the Bible in my church connection group and a shocking number of them either were infertile or their stories are tied to those of other women who were infertile. I actually led the group discussion on Hannah, who was infertile. And while I'm torn on whether or not God influences when I get pregnant, I do like the idea of naming a son Samuel, as she did, since it means "God heard" (or "name of God," but I like the other meaning).

Also I am very sorry to hear about your arguments with DH. We haven't experience quite the same volitility, but we were not on the same page about the seriousness of IUI at the beginning and we did have a very emotional conversation about it. So i do understand how you feel. I'm really glad you're going to couple's counseling. That's very proactive! The therapist for my group therapy session says that many women/couples going through IF view it as the worst thing that has ever happened to them, even worse than a cancer diagnosis (although I'd personally rate a cancer diagnosis higher and probably most cancer patients would, too, haha). Is the therapist you'll see a specialist in Infertility? It's been super helpful talking to someone who completely understands what I'm going through, and I recommend finding one like that if you can.

@worldtravler0522 I am so sorry this week has been so hard for you. I don't even understand the difference between those tests let alone the price difference. It's all so terribly frustrating and I'm sorry you're going through it. Hugs to you, and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

@MandyBeeSLP I have my fingers crossed so hard for you today!

funkykey · December 2016

I love the name Samuel! I like Isaac too, for laughter - I like the thought of Sarah laughing at the thought of becoming pregnant, after (likely) so many tears.

No, our therapist doesn't specialize, unfortunately... I didn't think that would matter so much, but she made a comment the other day about exploring each other's fears, and I was like: "I've thought about what being childless would be like, but I refuse to accept it right now. I will not spend time exploring that possibility, especially when I need to prepare myself for a series of difficult medical procedures. Mentally, I need to stay strong." So, not sure that all of her techniques are suited to people dealing with a medical issue, where the fear is like "that my body will fail me permanently, despite treatment, and at a young age."

Ugh. But at least it forces us to slow down, and to take time with all of this.

My sister and I were talking about the IF vs. cancer impact, actually. For cancer, I think it depends on the situation - like the type of cancer and the patient. I know someone whose father developed prostate cancer when he was 88, and he wasn't fazed at all. He was like: "I knew I'd get cancer sometime. I can't believe it took this long." He was one of those old, crotchety WW2 vets, like grandpa with old rifles in the basement, and tough as nails. Totally different situation than if you were diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 23, or something. That'd be so, so heartbreaking. I prefer to think of the old guy, on his porch, grouchy, like: "This is the least of my troubles.", drinking whiskey.

clt2pwm11 · December 2016

@funkykey I'm sorry you and your DH had such a big fight. His comments were definitely insensitive, and I can totally understand why you said things in retaliation. Personally, I'm a Christian, and I struggled with thoughts like, "Maybe it isn't God's will for me to have a baby," but eventually I came to the conclusion that oftentimes with God and faith we have to take the next step forward. I hope your husband comes around to seeing it that way as well. I think couple's counseling sounds like a great idea for the two of you. I hope it can help you talk about this issue in a call manner and that it will help you get on the same page. *virtual hugs*

funkykey · December 2016

I have been lighting up these boards today. I think because BFN last night.

That, and serious case of Friday brain.

@clt2pwm11 thank you. It was not very nice of me at all to say things in retaliation - I really need to watch my temper.

DH's "maybe you're not supposed to be a mother" was so weird - very uncharacteristic for him. I'm the religious one: when he first said it, I was like: "you told me you were an atheist." Which he was... until IF. Go figure! Hahaha. Then he was like: "well, you are religious, you believe in that stuff." and I was like: "God put a fertility clinic 6 blocks away from our home". (No joke, we can walk to our RE.)

I think I'm more scared than I thought - I'm terrified that all our IUIs will fail and that we'll have to do IVF, or that this will all be too much for DH and he'll be like: "I'm out", but I don't know why. I mean, even if we have to do IVF, so what? Even if every IUI fails, so what? I need to stop getting ahead of myself and trying to anticipate all the pain for our whole journey at once. My anxiety takes a real toll - it's hard on DH, and the weight of it makes me impatient with him. When he expresses doubts or uncertainty, instead of listening calmly, I am resentful. I am carrying this weight already, I cannot carry the weight of his doubts too. I catch myself thinking: "why can't he just be strong for me? why can't he just listen to me and tell me it will all be ok?" But I am wrong to do so. I should shed my anxiety instead, and listen to him openly and lovingly.

It is really, really tough though. To become bigger, and better, and more loving, and more expansive, in the face of hardship. It's also great practice for parenting, but man. I don't enjoy becoming self-aware. Not fun.

One of the toughest things for me about IF is not using it as an example to justify my anxiety. I've always been someone who prepares for the worst. All of these people, they used to tell me: "Why do you worry about the worst case scenario so much? Why are you always preparing for bad things that haven't even happened?" When we were first TTC, I started to think something was wrong, and a couple of people were like: "It's fine, it'll be fine. Just relax." And now I'm so glad I didn't listen to them, but I also need to remind myself that, no, just because my disaster preparedness came in handy this time, does not mean I need to further steel myself for disasters in every other area of my life. I don't know what is going to happen, yet I've convinced myself that it is going to get so much worse. I have to let it go, just breathe, and trust that with a good doctor, a strong support group, and creative financing, we will get through whatever happens.

(Also @MandyBeeSLP FX for you! I am hoping at least someone gets a BFP before Christmas! xo)

Worldtravler0522 · December 2016

@Bababatty thanks for the well wishes! I'm feeling better today after letting my emotional side settle down. I never realized how many people in the Bible were infertile too. It can sometimes be inspirational to hear but when my dad brings it up sometimes I get a little stabby.

@funkykey anxiety and TTC is the worst. I'm sorry you're experiencing that in addition to trouble TTC. The process has been a growing experience for me and I deal with anxiety better now than I did a year ago when I started. I've learned to let go of a lot of what I can't control which lets be honest is everything in this process. Hang in there!

clt2pwm11 · December 2016

@funkykey You said, "I mean, even if we have to do IVF, so what? Even if every IUI fails, so what? I need to stop getting ahead of myself and trying to anticipate all the pain for our whole journey at once," and I have to agree with you. In my experience, I reached a point where I realized that even if DH and I never get to have a baby, I needed to find a way to be content. So while we were going through treatments, I really focused on building a life without baby. . .what I would want my life to be like if we were childless. The desire to have a child never went away, but my focus was on living life and finding fullfillment outside of growing our family. This focus took away some of the stress of anticipation and helped me take each day at a time. Occasionally I would look back and think, "oh my gosh it has been six months and we aren't making progress," but then I'd realign my focus again, and my anxiety would dissipate. You have to find what works for you, and I think talking it through with a professional is a good place to start!

halfanewt · December 2016

Late post, busy week. Winter break has officially started...hooray!

Hugs to all that need one. I definitely sympathize with not being on the same page sometimes. My DH is definitely the "it will all work out" type while I'm more of the "prepare for the worst, anticipate the best" type. Unfortunately that leads to stress and crushed hopes. Ugh.

Currently CD 11, O is usually around 18. This part of the cycle is booooring.

On the upside, most of the Christmas shopping is done and it's cookie baking time! Low key holiday this year which is a nice change of pace.

seethosestars · December 2016

@hoffmanr7 – sorry to hear about AF. Hopefully the trigger shot is just what you need! Are you getting a day 21 progesterone to confirm ovulation as part of your monitoring? Taking a break for the holidays sounds like a great idea. Please stick around during your break!!

@soontobemommahowe – amazing that you got so many vials of sperm for your upcoming cycles!

@kaitlink33 @spaniard – welcome!

@poemasque – how was the IVF consult? We also have not sent any Christmas cards yet – not sure we will get to them. Oops!

@mrswifeytoad – sorry about the lack of insurance =( waiting sucks.

@bababatty – do you have any research on using clomid to improve counts? My RE didn’t feel that having us see a urologist would be helpful but I’m wondering if he’s just not informed on new research. What bloodwork did he have done? Enjoy Hawaii!! What a lovely Christmas gift for yourselves

@laurad75 – what supplements are you taking? Good luck with this cycle and getting ready for IVF in January!

@worldtravler0522 – sorry your clinic is being so useless with returning calls!! Sometimes mine is like that, and sometimes the nurse gives me wrong information which drives me bonkers!

@funkykey – sorry to hear about the fight =( we get in arguments like that sometimes too. Its a lot of pressure on a marriage. The counseling sounds like a great idea.

@mandybeeslp – I’m impressed you can hold off on POAS!

@smokinangel – hope this part goes by fast so you can get to O time!

AFM, we had our follow-up with the RE this week. Essentially he thinks we need to proceed with IVF given both our numbers. He bumped me up to 7.5 mg letrozole for the next three months while we wait for the next available IVF cycle. We paid our deposit but they don’t have room for us to cycle until March. I wish we lived somewhere with more availability – I don’t want to wait that long! In the meantime I’m hoping to find some ways to relax about the whole thing, work on my exercise and hobbies a bit. It’s exciting to think we could be pregnant in April. Maybe 2017 will be all our year!!

DH and I have been talking a lot the last few days about ideas for what a “childfree life” might look like – I don’t want to be pessimistic but I do feel like I need a backup plan for how to be content with a life without kids if it gets to that point. Anyone have a “childfree-life bucket list”?

QOTW: Christmas is low key for us – we have our decorations up and that’s about it! I work over the holidays so DH will likely make our dinner when he's off.

hoffmanr7 · December 2016

@seethosestars I'm not sure if they will be doing that or not. The nurse just mentioned the trigger shot and follicle check. I'm sure I'll get more info when I contact them after our break.

Bababatty · December 2016

@seethosestars Hmmm I wonder why your RE was not on board? Can you remind me what type of MFI your H is dealing with? Our RE strongly encouraged us to see the urologist and even thought the urologist would try clomid. The RE also thought IVF with ICSI would work but thought it was too soon to try that and that we should work with the urologist first.

I'm not entirely sure which tests the urologist ran, but I suspect they were for testosterone, FSH, and LH. Definitely hormonal, and he used the results to determine if DH should try clomid or arimidex. This is a good explanation of the different types of medicinal treatments: https://healthcare.utah.edu/andrology/services/infertility-causes/medical-therapy.php#tabs-accordion1

My understanding is clomid has a long-standing use in MFI treatment and does show improvements for patients whose issues are hormonal. Our urologist said that the improvements from clomid can be permanent. I found studies dating back to the 1980s, but here are a few links to abstracts and descriptions of more recent ones (and one from 1999). I didn't really look into anything on the permanent effects because that would just be a nice benefit.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/18175667/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/26235968/?i=5&from=clomiphene%20citrate%20motility

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/18225678/?i=20&from=clomiphene%20citrate%20motility

https://txfertility.com/the-use-of-clomid-in-men/

FWIW I believe DH's current dose is 50mg three days per week. He's been taking it for a little over a month and we're still waiting to hear if it has had an impact hormonally.

notamyrtle · December 2016

Hi all,

I'm new here but have been lurking for a couple months now... it's been really nice to see the community spirit here.

1. 19 months
2. unexplained
3. IUI with injectable meds

I'm 34 (DH is 33), TTC for 1.5 years now. Saw an RE over the summer and acquired the ever-so-satisfying 'unexplained' diagnosis. Did one IUI (BFN) with RE, waiting for some cysts to clear up before doing another IUI.

IF has been taking a big psychological toll on me (for various reasons)... so it's nice to join a community like this.

@seethosestars: Funny you mention bucket lists. I have been putting together a child-free bucket list that involves various wild adventures. I want to make the consolation prize as appealing as possible. The unfortunate thing is that DH is not really in the same mindset and really wants children (this is one of the many things about IF that stresses me out)... I don't know how we're going to resolve that, and I worry that we may reach a stage where we want different things, or I'm ready to give up before him... At the same time I feel terrible that I can't give him what he wants

Anyway, here we are.

notamyrtle · December 2016

@funkykey
I just had to respond to something you said: "I don't know what is going to happen, yet I've convinced myself that it is going to get so much worse". I really related to this. I also try to prepare for the worst as a coping strategy... but I'm not sure right now whether it's the best strategy for me, because the worst-case scenario is tough to accept. I've basically been convincing myself that oodles of hardship is in store for me (and trying to come to terms with it), and yet, there isn't hard evidence that such terrible stuff will unfold. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Hard to achieve the balance between optimism and pessimism....

funkykey · December 2016

Welcome @notamyrtle. I like your screenname. Haha- I'm not a myrtle either.

It pays to be a little bit pessimistic - I'm way harder on my RE than I would be if I were optimistic. I do a lot of research, I ask a lot of questions, I am confident that I'm getting good medical advice and that we're adopting an aggressive treatment plan. But beyond that...

I see that you are worried because your DH really wants kids and you might be ready to stop before him... I (of course, as you can see) am in the opposite boat - I worry because I want kids more than my DH, and he might be (read: is) ready to stop before me.

You and I will have to help each other take this all one day/cycle at a time!

You, me, & our respective DHs - just one day at a time. We don't have to resolve anything giant today - just get through the week!

BunnyW23 · December 2016

Hi all! I'm very late to this party

BunnyW23 · December 2016

Not sure why the rest of my response didn't post!
1. TTC 16 months
2. DH had vasectomy reversal July 2015
3. As soon as DH can create enough semen volume to be analyzed I hope to pursue iui.
Very behind this holiday season (I'm using my new job as an excuse lol). DH will have a low key and relaxing Christmas.

BunnyW23 · December 2016

DH *and I* will have a low key etc ... What the $&!&@ ... I swear I've used a computer before

notamyrtle · December 2016

Thanks for the support, @funkykey . The one day at a time is really important to remember... heck, some days I have to take it an hour at a time.

seethosestars · December 2016

@Bababatty thank you sooooo much for all the articles. that was really helpful. He has low counts (8-11 mil/mL) with 2% morphology. I don't think he's ever had his hormone levels checked so at the very least we could probably ask our family doctor to check those for him and see where things are at. I do find it strange that our RE doesn't think a urologist would be remotely helpful.

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