PPD? Need some advice/support

BabyBoyH92016 · December 2016

Ive been feeling really down these last two weeks and I'm not sure if its PPD.

I'm a FTM and my very first experience with motherhood was shell shocking. My LO had colic and the hours of inconsolable crying were just aweful. I definitely had the baby blues. It also made me extremely insecure about being a mother. I felt like it was somehow my fault, and that I should be able to soothe my baby.

My LO just turned 3 months and has THANKFULLY outgrown the colic. I was feeling much better for awhile, however, recently Ive been starting to get tearful again. Partly I think it's because im at home allllll day. We are a one car household which my H takes to work, and now that it's cold, I don't take LO out anymore for walks. I find entertaining him is wearing and mind numbing. He is only content doing an activity 5-10 minutes at a time. I do a cycle of 5-6 activities with him during his wakeful period and then put him in his swing for a nap. When he wakes up, we do it all over again. I feel like everyday is Groundhog Day.

My H works late almost everyday and has a long commute so I'm taking care of LO alone for 12+ hours a day. My H is so wonderful at giving me a break when he is home and on the weekends, and encourages me to make plans and get out while he watches LO, but I find that's not cutting it.

Recently LO had a little bit of a sleep regression and getting him down has been a struggle (which I'm doing alone). It's brought back the feelings of insecurity that I felt when he had colic.

I feel incredibly guilty for not enjoying this journey through motherhood more. I love my LO dearly but I find myself missing the old life I had.

I've considered calling my doctor to potentially get on meds, but am holding off until after the new year. I'm scheduled to go back to work, and I'm wondering if getting out of the house and returning to work will help. We've also bought a home and will be living much closer to H's work, so in a few months he'll be coming home earlier.

Anyone else struggling with feelings of sadness and loneliness? Any moms with PPD? Has medication and/or returning to work helped?

jenkar01 · December 2016

I hear you on the ups and downs wjrh your emotions. I am currently in your situation as well with doing it alone because of SO work schedule. My LO is 3 months old as well and i have been back to work for a couple weeks. I was fine but going back to work and taking care of X by myself has worn me down a bit so I have had some meltdowns. It is getting better and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I would say give it some time. You can always have a conversation with your dr about what you are feeling to see if it is PPD or just things trying to get back to normal.

hejo2016 · December 2016

Hugs to you! That sounds so tough, especially being stuck inside! Can you bundle up and go for a walk? Wear the baby and a big coat? My daughter was a December Midwest baby and I put her in a snowsuit for walks, helped a ton! Any family members that can come visit and help or stay while you borrow their car for a Target run? I'd definitely bring it up to your doctor. Even just talking about it can help. Any chance of dropping your husband off and then using the car? Him carpooling one day/wk? Hopefully your move and going back to work soon helps. In the meantime, definitely use family and friends for distractions! Hang in there!

drabong88 · December 2016

It wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor. They may just reassure you that you are having normal feelings. I think sometimes there is this pressure being a mom that you are supposed to love every moment of parenthood and if you don't then something must be wrong. I don't think there is anything wrong with missing life before baby. For me everyday I am grateful for my LO but also have moments where I miss just being able to do what I wanted when I wanted and I do feel,guilty at times but have to remind myself there is no reason to feel that way. I agree if you have any family or friends that can come visit I think that would help a lot.

MNturnsVA · December 2016

I have been having some PPD myself- the whole parenting thing has been overwhelming for sure. It was just me and hubby for a long time- almost 10 years- and to have this whole new responsibility has been a challenge and a change up for sure. I used to think that I adapted to change pretty well- not so much in this case. I had to go to the grocery store this past weekend @ 7:30 on Saturday night and I was so upset. In my old life, I never would have gone to the grocery store @ 7:30 on saturday night. And its not that I wanted to be doing anything in particular vs being at the grocery store- but I didn't want to be doing that. I really just wanted to be home, and spending time with my husband. Honestly- I think that has been the hardest part for both he and I- that our quality time together has become VERY limited. I have been going to counseling and would be active in a support group if more of them were on weekends instead of during the day. Can you maybe drop your hubby off at work and find a support group or a mom's group to join one day a week so that you get out of the house and get some mom time with other people going through some of the same stuff you are?? I would also encourage you talk to your dr about the meds too. I was hesitant to take them myself- but after being really upset the other day, I knew that just going to counseling was not enough. It's a lot more common than most people talk about and you shouldn't feel bad. It's a HUGE life adjustment. Hang in there momma!!

BabyBoyH92016 · December 2016

Thanks everyone for your support and encouraging words! I've been feeling much better...mainly because my H has been taking time off of work since it's the holidays/end of the year. Spending time as a family and getting out alone to meet some friends has re energized me. I'm still considering seeing a therapist and/or meds, but will see how the transition back to work goes after the new year.

@MNturnsVA I'm glad you are seeking help and I hope you are doing better. I can relate to the feelings about going to the grocery store on a Saturday night. I myself have gone to the grocery store on a Saturday evening as my "break" away from the baby. We live in a big city on a busy street that has lots of bars and restaurants and seeing everyone out and about on a Saturday night as I went to the grocery store was really eye opening on how my life has changed. I didn't necessarily want to be out either, it's just that I couldn't believe a trip to the store alone was my "me time" for that particular day. I also really miss the alone time with my husband. He's really supportive and encourages me to get out of the house. Even though the breaks are nice, I do miss just being with him. We haven't left the baby alone yet, so I guess it's my fault for not taking people up on their offers to watch the baby. Once LO starts daycare, I'm hoping that it will help me feel better about other people watching him and perhaps my husband and I will be able to have a date night once in awhile. It is a HUGE life adjustment and I agree that it's not talked about nearly enough.

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