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Anyone else not feeling like having sex?

LSatturo126LSatturo126 member
edited December 2016 in Pregnant after IF
I'm 4.5 months pregnant and while apps say this is the best time with a higher libido, I'm just not feeling it. We have had sex maybe 4 times in 4 months. While the first few weeks I really did want it, RE said don't. Then at 8weeks I had all day everyday sickness till week 16. Ugh, any recommendations? I don't want to be that wife that never wants it.  :s
 *****Trigger Warning, Loss and Pregnancy Mentioned*****

Married my best friend in 2013 (I was 33), After 1.5yrs of TTC got my first BFP naturally on 2/7/15 but ended in DNC on 4/14/15, not viable. In 2015 I was 35...Found out I had only one working ovary, which was DOR, with scar tissue and I ovulated at 7 days, with a small cervix opening and a tilted uterus... Needing an RE was a must.....IUI#1 Sept 2015,,, BFN IUI#2 Oct 2015,,,BFN IUI#3 Dec 2015,,BFN IVF#1 2/1/16- BFN IVF# on 3/29/16 retrieval only - 1 healthy chromosome tested embryo. IVF#3 retrieval 4/23/16- 0 healthy embryos. IVF#4 retrieval 6/17/16- 1 healthy embryo. FET#1-Transferred Both Healthy Embryos on 9/6/16 BFP!! 9/15/16 Beta 22.3, 9/17/16 Beta 60.5 & 9/19/16 Beta 195! 1st US on 9/23/16, only 1 Gast Sac & Yolk Sac found, US 9/30/16 US 6wk 1day saw and heard Heartbeat 120bpm!! EDD 5/25/2017 Had a healthy baby girl via CSection on 5/18/17 8lbs 15oz. Then four months later got pregnant naturally and had a healthy baby boy on 6/13/18 7lbs 6oz (at age 38). Needless to say, anything is possible! I'm keeping my signature open so it gives someone out there hope that anything is possible. Message me if you ever have any questions or just need someone to talk to. DON'T GIVE UP!

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Re: Anyone else not feeling like having sex?

  • dragonfaeriedragonfaerie member
    It's totally okay to not be in the mood. The best advice I read was to help your DH out if you aren't in the mood for intercourse yourself. 

    ---Trigger warning---

    Me: 31 DH: 27
    TTC since April 2013
    Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
    IVF round 1: January 2016
    ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
    FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
    First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
    EDD: January 27, 2017
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • AandDM2014AandDM2014 member
    I'd definitely suggest making sure that you initiate and do as much foreplay as you need to start to get excited. If my DH tries to initiate and move too quickly to the actual intercourse it just isn't enjoyable to me, but if I start the touching and kissing and wait until I was intercourse then it's amazing!
    About us:
    Me - 28, Lean PCOS
    DH - 31
    Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
    Blog: ourbinarystar.com

    FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!

    Report Reply
  • LSatturo126LSatturo126 member
    Thanks. I'm not even in the mood to wanting to touch him nor have him touch me. It's quite sad lol. And I only have one in the oven. Not sure how you do it with three @AandDM2014
     *****Trigger Warning, Loss and Pregnancy Mentioned*****

    Married my best friend in 2013 (I was 33), After 1.5yrs of TTC got my first BFP naturally on 2/7/15 but ended in DNC on 4/14/15, not viable. In 2015 I was 35...Found out I had only one working ovary, which was DOR, with scar tissue and I ovulated at 7 days, with a small cervix opening and a tilted uterus... Needing an RE was a must.....IUI#1 Sept 2015,,, BFN IUI#2 Oct 2015,,,BFN IUI#3 Dec 2015,,BFN IVF#1 2/1/16- BFN IVF# on 3/29/16 retrieval only - 1 healthy chromosome tested embryo. IVF#3 retrieval 4/23/16- 0 healthy embryos. IVF#4 retrieval 6/17/16- 1 healthy embryo. FET#1-Transferred Both Healthy Embryos on 9/6/16 BFP!! 9/15/16 Beta 22.3, 9/17/16 Beta 60.5 & 9/19/16 Beta 195! 1st US on 9/23/16, only 1 Gast Sac & Yolk Sac found, US 9/30/16 US 6wk 1day saw and heard Heartbeat 120bpm!! EDD 5/25/2017 Had a healthy baby girl via CSection on 5/18/17 8lbs 15oz. Then four months later got pregnant naturally and had a healthy baby boy on 6/13/18 7lbs 6oz (at age 38). Needless to say, anything is possible! I'm keeping my signature open so it gives someone out there hope that anything is possible. Message me if you ever have any questions or just need someone to talk to. DON'T GIVE UP!

    Report Reply
  • clt2pwm11clt2pwm11 member
    I hear ya on not being in the mood. I also put a lot of pressure on myself to be intimate with him for fear of being a "bad wife." He is pretty understanding, but I know he misses having sex. I feel gross though. My face is broken out, I feel like I have three chins. . . it's just not pretty. 
    DX PCOS + mild male factor
    TTC since Dec. 2015
    Current Treatment: Metformin, Provera, Letrozole, Trigger, IUI
    Past Treatment: Clomid + Metformin x 3 BFN
    Letrozole 5 mg + Trigger shot + IUI = BFP!
    Beta confirmed 8/22
    EDD 5/1/17
    Report Reply
  • LSatturo126LSatturo126 member
    @clt2pwm11 So we had this morning and I just wasn't in to it like I should. He totally understands everything so that helps but I still feel guilty. My face is broken out like a teenager going through puberty. I'm having a girl so they say they take your beauty lol 
     *****Trigger Warning, Loss and Pregnancy Mentioned*****

    Married my best friend in 2013 (I was 33), After 1.5yrs of TTC got my first BFP naturally on 2/7/15 but ended in DNC on 4/14/15, not viable. In 2015 I was 35...Found out I had only one working ovary, which was DOR, with scar tissue and I ovulated at 7 days, with a small cervix opening and a tilted uterus... Needing an RE was a must.....IUI#1 Sept 2015,,, BFN IUI#2 Oct 2015,,,BFN IUI#3 Dec 2015,,BFN IVF#1 2/1/16- BFN IVF# on 3/29/16 retrieval only - 1 healthy chromosome tested embryo. IVF#3 retrieval 4/23/16- 0 healthy embryos. IVF#4 retrieval 6/17/16- 1 healthy embryo. FET#1-Transferred Both Healthy Embryos on 9/6/16 BFP!! 9/15/16 Beta 22.3, 9/17/16 Beta 60.5 & 9/19/16 Beta 195! 1st US on 9/23/16, only 1 Gast Sac & Yolk Sac found, US 9/30/16 US 6wk 1day saw and heard Heartbeat 120bpm!! EDD 5/25/2017 Had a healthy baby girl via CSection on 5/18/17 8lbs 15oz. Then four months later got pregnant naturally and had a healthy baby boy on 6/13/18 7lbs 6oz (at age 38). Needless to say, anything is possible! I'm keeping my signature open so it gives someone out there hope that anything is possible. Message me if you ever have any questions or just need someone to talk to. DON'T GIVE UP!

    Report Reply
  • kelrauhkelrauh member
    I didn't get the clear until 9 weeks due to ohss and then I didn't want to until I was off progesterone suppositories at 11 weeks. We tried a few times. My hips did not cooperate the first few times then I just wasnt into it the other time. I am now just uncomfortable and don't feel very good about myself. My dh understands as I have pelvic issues prior to our if journey which made sex painful. But I still feel like a horrible wife. I don't see us doing the deed much of the pregnancy as dh said once he feels them kicking he doesn't think he would want to.  

    **Trigger warning**

    Age: 25 DH: 28 Together since 2011, Married May 2014 and TTC since April 2015

    MFI (3% morphology) 

    3/16 - IUI with femara & ovidrel - BFN

    4/16 - IUI with femara & ovidrel - BFN

    6/16 IUI with femara & ovidrel - BFN

    8/19/16 - IVF - 

    • Retrieval 9/4
    • Transfer 9/6
    • 9/16 - BFP 1st Beta -110 
    • 9/20 - 2nd beta - 762
    • TWINS!!!! EDD 5/28/2017

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  • LSatturo126LSatturo126 member
    @kelrauh yeah I get that totally. Hoping all goes well for you especially your hips.
     *****Trigger Warning, Loss and Pregnancy Mentioned*****

    Married my best friend in 2013 (I was 33), After 1.5yrs of TTC got my first BFP naturally on 2/7/15 but ended in DNC on 4/14/15, not viable. In 2015 I was 35...Found out I had only one working ovary, which was DOR, with scar tissue and I ovulated at 7 days, with a small cervix opening and a tilted uterus... Needing an RE was a must.....IUI#1 Sept 2015,,, BFN IUI#2 Oct 2015,,,BFN IUI#3 Dec 2015,,BFN IVF#1 2/1/16- BFN IVF# on 3/29/16 retrieval only - 1 healthy chromosome tested embryo. IVF#3 retrieval 4/23/16- 0 healthy embryos. IVF#4 retrieval 6/17/16- 1 healthy embryo. FET#1-Transferred Both Healthy Embryos on 9/6/16 BFP!! 9/15/16 Beta 22.3, 9/17/16 Beta 60.5 & 9/19/16 Beta 195! 1st US on 9/23/16, only 1 Gast Sac & Yolk Sac found, US 9/30/16 US 6wk 1day saw and heard Heartbeat 120bpm!! EDD 5/25/2017 Had a healthy baby girl via CSection on 5/18/17 8lbs 15oz. Then four months later got pregnant naturally and had a healthy baby boy on 6/13/18 7lbs 6oz (at age 38). Needless to say, anything is possible! I'm keeping my signature open so it gives someone out there hope that anything is possible. Message me if you ever have any questions or just need someone to talk to. DON'T GIVE UP!

    Report Reply
  • AandDM2014AandDM2014 member
    Have you tried just starting with a snuggle? That's how our sessions usually start. Just him laying on his back, and me laying on my left side under his armpit with my head on his shoulder/chest. Even if it only stays a snuggle, it's still nice. But then if you feel like you maybe want to rub on his belly or chest a little you have easy access. That is almost always how it goes with us, then I'll slip a finger under the band of his undies while still doing belly and chest rubs, and it usually escalates from there. Or not, if I really do just want a snuggle and nothing more. I'm sure your DH understands, but I also know about feeling like a "bad wife", which you aren't of course! I'm sure your DH lived without sex for at least 12 years of his life, so he can survive a few months while the mother of his child is growing said child.
    About us:
    Me - 28, Lean PCOS
    DH - 31
    Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
    Blog: ourbinarystar.com

    FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!

    Report Reply
  • persnickitypersnickity member
    Like everyone else said, you're not a bad wife for not feelinging up to having sex. You can still cuddle and create intimacy without sex. And like @AandDM2014 said, cuddles can lead to more.

    Our bodies are going through a ton of changes right now. We shouldn't feel guilty for that.
    Report Reply
  • Jerseygirl856Jerseygirl856 member
    Lurking... I had sex once during my entire pregnancy. I was 4mos and it was a challenge with my singleton. Once she became really active, he refused to go there out of fear. Despite the dr telling him that it was safe, hub didn't feel comfortable. We got creative but as I got bigger, that became a challenge. By my 3rd tri my sciatica pain kicked in and I wasn't in the mood. Now that she's here, we are too tired to even try:). But we are so happy being parents that it really hasn't been an issue.
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  • LSatturo126LSatturo126 member
    Jerseygirl856 said:
    Lurking... I had sex once during my entire pregnancy. I was 4mos and it was a challenge with my singleton. Once she became really active, he refused to go there out of fear. Despite the dr telling him that it was safe, hub didn't feel comfortable. We got creative but as I got bigger, that became a challenge. By my 3rd tri my sciatica pain kicked in and I wasn't in the mood. Now that she's here, we are too tired to even try:). But we are so happy being parents that it really hasn't been an issue.
    I also have bad sciatica ugh doesn't get easier does it? Lol. Well congrats on your bundle of joy. Happy holidays! 
     *****Trigger Warning, Loss and Pregnancy Mentioned*****

    Married my best friend in 2013 (I was 33), After 1.5yrs of TTC got my first BFP naturally on 2/7/15 but ended in DNC on 4/14/15, not viable. In 2015 I was 35...Found out I had only one working ovary, which was DOR, with scar tissue and I ovulated at 7 days, with a small cervix opening and a tilted uterus... Needing an RE was a must.....IUI#1 Sept 2015,,, BFN IUI#2 Oct 2015,,,BFN IUI#3 Dec 2015,,BFN IVF#1 2/1/16- BFN IVF# on 3/29/16 retrieval only - 1 healthy chromosome tested embryo. IVF#3 retrieval 4/23/16- 0 healthy embryos. IVF#4 retrieval 6/17/16- 1 healthy embryo. FET#1-Transferred Both Healthy Embryos on 9/6/16 BFP!! 9/15/16 Beta 22.3, 9/17/16 Beta 60.5 & 9/19/16 Beta 195! 1st US on 9/23/16, only 1 Gast Sac & Yolk Sac found, US 9/30/16 US 6wk 1day saw and heard Heartbeat 120bpm!! EDD 5/25/2017 Had a healthy baby girl via CSection on 5/18/17 8lbs 15oz. Then four months later got pregnant naturally and had a healthy baby boy on 6/13/18 7lbs 6oz (at age 38). Needless to say, anything is possible! I'm keeping my signature open so it gives someone out there hope that anything is possible. Message me if you ever have any questions or just need someone to talk to. DON'T GIVE UP!

    Report Reply
  • cato99cato99 member
    I've also not been feeling up to it, and have similar feelings of guilt as well as wonderment at all the second trimester stories of sparkling libidos! You are definitely not alone. I even brought it up this weekend and apologized for my blahness and he reassured me that he never expected this time to be an especially sexxiiii one. 

    Our babymoon is coming up the first week of January and I am determined to be queen of (hormonal and vaguely bloated) seduction!
    Report Reply
  • LSatturo126LSatturo126 member
    cato99 said:
    I've also not been feeling up to it, and have similar feelings of guilt as well as wonderment at all the second trimester stories of sparkling libidos! You are definitely not alone. I even brought it up this weekend and apologized for my blahness and he reassured me that he never expected this time to be an especially sexxiiii one. 

    Our babymoon is coming up the first week of January and I am determined to be queen of (hormonal and vaguely bloated) seduction!
    Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one lol Congrats and best of luck ! Enjoy your babymoon! 
     *****Trigger Warning, Loss and Pregnancy Mentioned*****

    Married my best friend in 2013 (I was 33), After 1.5yrs of TTC got my first BFP naturally on 2/7/15 but ended in DNC on 4/14/15, not viable. In 2015 I was 35...Found out I had only one working ovary, which was DOR, with scar tissue and I ovulated at 7 days, with a small cervix opening and a tilted uterus... Needing an RE was a must.....IUI#1 Sept 2015,,, BFN IUI#2 Oct 2015,,,BFN IUI#3 Dec 2015,,BFN IVF#1 2/1/16- BFN IVF# on 3/29/16 retrieval only - 1 healthy chromosome tested embryo. IVF#3 retrieval 4/23/16- 0 healthy embryos. IVF#4 retrieval 6/17/16- 1 healthy embryo. FET#1-Transferred Both Healthy Embryos on 9/6/16 BFP!! 9/15/16 Beta 22.3, 9/17/16 Beta 60.5 & 9/19/16 Beta 195! 1st US on 9/23/16, only 1 Gast Sac & Yolk Sac found, US 9/30/16 US 6wk 1day saw and heard Heartbeat 120bpm!! EDD 5/25/2017 Had a healthy baby girl via CSection on 5/18/17 8lbs 15oz. Then four months later got pregnant naturally and had a healthy baby boy on 6/13/18 7lbs 6oz (at age 38). Needless to say, anything is possible! I'm keeping my signature open so it gives someone out there hope that anything is possible. Message me if you ever have any questions or just need someone to talk to. DON'T GIVE UP!

    Report Reply
  • wifeinraleigh28wifeinraleigh28 member
    I am so with you @LSatturo126. This may sound sad but we've only had sex twice since I got pregnant. In the beginning I was too scared and feeling too gross to want to, and now in 2nd trimester I've pretty much been sick the entire time. It just hasn't worked out for us, but DH is completely understanding and doesn't push me at all. I know we'll get there eventually.
    ***BFP & Child Warning***

    Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014
    IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs
    IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos
    FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17
    FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN
    FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
    Report Reply
  • Colleen0516Colleen0516 member
    11 weeks in and I'm still not allowed to have sex. I bleed easily so I'm restricted. My husband U derstand and want these babies more than anything so he is okay with it, but I'm sure he misses it lol 
    as for me, no sex drive at all.  The nausea and the worry and the bleeding all combined kinda kills my drive! 
    Me 30 || DH 36
    Unexplained Infertility- Postive for MTHFR Gene Mutation

    Natural cycles with 1 miscarriage
    -3 IUI's w/ Clomid= BFN 
    -IVF #1-Follistim and Menopur= BFN
    ***11 Eggs, 10 mature, 8 fertilized, transferred 1 (day 5) 2 made it to freeze
    -FET #1- Transferred 2, day 5 embryos =BFN
    -IVF #2- Follistim and Menopur = BFN
    ***11 retrieved, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, transferred 2 (day 3), 4 made it to freeze (Follistim and Menopur) = BFN
    -FET #2- Transferred 2, day 3 embryos = BFN
    **Changed doctor**
    -IUI #4- natural cycle = BFN
    -IUI #5- Follistim (5 eggs) BFP- lead to Miscarriage  :'(
    -Laproscopic Surgery for Endometriosis, Polyp removal and Cyst removal. 
    -IVF #3- Menopur, Follistim, Lupron, Ganirellex- BFP lead to Eptopic Pregnancy  :'(
    ***11 Eggs retrieved, 10 Mature, 8 fertilized, transferred 3 embryos (day 3), 0 made it to freeze
    -Lapropscopic surgery- Removal of Fallopian Tube
    -IVF #4- Estrogen Priming with Vivelle dot, Menopur, Follistim, Ganirellex- BFP  :)
    ***15 Eggs retreived, 11 mature, 11 fertilized, 2 embryos transferred (day 3), 2 made it to freeze
    Found out I was positive for MTHFR Gene Mutation during TWW of IVF #4

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  • Jerseygirl856Jerseygirl856 member
    @LSatturo126 my pain didn't get better until I delivered. The dr recommended a cushion to offload the pressure but it provided minimal relief. Thank you! Congrats to you as well and Happy Holidays! 
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