Whatever marketing group decided to encourage retailers to do an "advent calendar of deals" whereby they email you daily that something new is like...10% off just needs to die a slow death. I don't want 18 emails from various retailers every morning, and have spent the better part of this morning avoiding work by unsubscribing from said emails.
Not necessarily bitching, but holy crap it's been a rather stressful Monday! It actually started last night, H banged his head off the car door accidentally and thought he had a concussion so we went to urgent care and waited only to be told they don't do anything for concussions. He didn't want to go to the ER (and it was almost 10 PM) so we went home and I stayed up with him to make sure he didn't go right to sleep just in case he did have a consussion. Luckily, we woke up this morning and he was fine other than a headache.
*Possible TW* Today, I got to work to find out a student at one of our schools had passed away over the weekend. I didn't know the student, but it's still very sad to hear when accidents happen to children so young. I was actually happy I was able to provide some resources on grief for the school to hand out to staff, parents, and students.
Then, my FIL was scheduled for heart surgery this morning. My H texted me during lunch to let me know my FIL needs to be transported to the University hospital over an hour away. We knew ahead of time that it might be a possibility that he would have to go down the road and I know my FIL will be in excellent hands, but it's still so stressful trying to make arrangements.
I just keep telling myself one more week until winter break! And that stressing is not helping me or LO. Hopefully I can remain calm, cool, and collected the rest of the week!
I don't have a MBF for today yet, but a follow up from last week's... DH went over his immediate supervisor's head to his boss boss and she told him he can take up to 8 weeks off if he wanted to for paternity leave, although it would be unpaid. So he's perfectly content taking the 2 weeks off he originally planned and has saved up pto for. She also told him until I'm cleared to drive, he's able to come and go as needed to transport the kids to and from school!
Today mine is the ridiculus time windows they give you for cable installs. My time window is from 1-3 and they are supposed to call you 30 minutes before they get there. Well they have 6 minutes to call me or they are going to miss their time window and I'm going to be pissed considering I had to take off work to be here for them since they canceled our original time we booked.
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
Today, my husband had a dentist appointment, I had to go with him because he was prescribed a medicine for the visit that I had to drive him. Well one of the cleaning lady's saw me, and came real close and said something like --you look pregnant today, last time I couldn't hardly see anything.-- But she was swinging her hands around and ended up hitting my stomach. I decided I'd much rather a stranger just touch my belly, than get so close and hit it. She apologized, but it was pretty weird. I have a personal space issue, and that is a great example of why.
I completely forgot about my 11:30 prenatal massage appointment today and totally flaked. By the time I realized I had an appointment for today, it was already 1:30. Now I'm embarrassed to call them because a massage therapist just lost an hour of work due to my forgetfulness.
**possible tw*** H and I recently moved to a house we love in a town we love. The town happens to be associated with a horrible tragic event that occurred a few years back. (it really hits home for us, as H's friend from college, among several other families, lost a child). We have found the town to be exceptionally loving and strong, and are proud to live there. But when we tell people from our old city where we live now, more often than not we get "OH, that's where THAT happened." Because clearly, the first thing you should do when someone mentions their place of residence is to immediately bring up the unthinkably awful tragedy with which is it associated. I have never dealt with that very well, and we've been there almost a year. This week happens to be the anniversary of the event, and I am feeling extra triggered.
Married: 2011 TTC #1: 3/2016 Me 39 - DH 44 BFP 5/27/16 EDD 1/30/17 DD born 2/3/17
@Vastra oh no!!! I think I can assume what tragedy you are referring to and I'm sorry that you are constantly reminded of it. I'm glad you love the town, though I don't personally think I could handle the recent past. I wish there was a way to get people to understand that that's not what they should bring up as soon as they hear where you're living. I feel like it's only common sense to not bring it up. I hope the rest of this holiday season gets by without you having to see or hear anymore triggers or unthoughtful comments. As you mentioned to actual know a parent involved, I just want to say that it still breaks my heart, and I hope that the families have found ways to be happy and continue forward.
@kswiger06 Thank you. We actually went to a benefit event over the weekend for the foundation started in honor of our friend's child, and it was incredibly peaceful and inspiring. We told a few people there that we had recently moved to the town, and their reaction was a hug and and an enthusiastic "welcome!" They've really made it their mission not to dwell on it, and to move forward with as much love as possible. It definitely helps erase the stigma.
@Vastra without any constant news coverage, it's hard to assume how the families and town are doing now. It makes me feel slightly better that they are moving forward as best they can with love, and not dwell. People out here, not anywhere nearby, still think about and pray for them, especially this time of year. (My son was in kindergarten that year and it really hit me)
My MBF is that my DH has been fighting me a lot over doing chores on his days off, but he gets all huffy when I ask him to do them during his workdays too. I'm so tired of his shit and last night we got into a huge nasty fight that almost ended with him sleeping on the couch and somehow brought up the "What? Do you want a divorce?" questions that are his go to's whenever he thinks the fighting is too heated.
Source of the fighting: He literally told me that driving to Walmart so we could pick out his Christmas present, handwashing his own dirty dishes that he made (we wash whatever dishes we use and don't use the dishwasher), and stirring a pan a few times while I did the majority of the cooking was all "too much" to do on his day off. Meanwhile, it was my day off too and I did laundry, the majority of the cooking for dinner, did the rest of the dishes, took out some trash, made our lunches for today, and cleaned up after our senior dog who has accidents in the house. I considered it a light day of housework!
WTF DH. We're having a baby in six weeks so get used to not having lazy days anymore.
Previously PaukMeKiande
Surprise BFP/MC February 2011 BFP May 16th 2016
EDD January 25 2017 DD born January 30 2017 Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
@ChaoticWolf My H acts the same way! He works four 10 hour days, so he gets an extra day that I don't have that could be used for chores but that usually doesn't happen. Freaking men lol.
@ChaoticWolf I'm sorry he's being a pain in the butt! My H will say I have to leave him a list or I have to tell/show him how to do something. I'm like no. You're a grown man. You get days off during the week and you need to be doing things! Men can be such babies.
@Vastra nothing to add that others havent already said. I'm sorry ppl are being so callous but I'm so glad you went to the benefit and met some wonderful people! I hope the triggering slows/stops. In the meantime, *creepy internet hugs*
@ChaoticWolf if your H is bringing up divorce because you expect him to do chores, that's manipation and unfair fighting. I'd recommend the two of you have a calm conversation (not after you've asked him to do chores or while you're fighting) about expectations. It sounds like he expects you to do all the domestic chores but you expect a more even split. You should figure that out before baby comes and while you're both sleeping relatively well. If that conversation doesn't go well, you may want to introduce a 3rd party like a priest/rabbi/pastor or therapist/social worker. Divorce talk is the nuclear option-- and from your comment it sounds like he goes there regularly. That's not okay.
@colebug89@becbec28 I know right? It's like... no one leaves me a list of what to do for chores everyday, I just have to figure it out. You see all those empty bottles you keep leaving on the counter DH? And all the trash/clutter/junkmail piled on the table? Well throw them away! I just want to wring his neck and tell him to look around, see what's dirty in the house, and clean it up.
Do men just not have any internal drive to keep hygienic? Because I swear he will just walk past a full trash can without caring for days if I don't nag him into taking it out.
ETA: @Gretchypoo it's less that he's bringing up divorce in order to avoid chores, and more because he gets overwhelmed with the back and forth, and in his mind fighting=divorce automatically. I don't even know if it's that he's expecting me to do all the domestic chores, or if he just doesn't realize exactly how much of them I do. He'd be happy to just live off of take out and watch hulu all day in a pigsty if it were up to him (and I know that because when he lived at his mom's house that was basically what he did.)
Previously PaukMeKiande
Surprise BFP/MC February 2011 BFP May 16th 2016
EDD January 25 2017 DD born January 30 2017 Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
@ChaoticWolf I've learned the hard way that my H won't "just do things" that need to be done. If I ask him to do it, he will. Just doing it isn't in his DNA when it comes to household chores. As for the divorce card being thrown out, I have to admit that I'm the one guilty of this in my marriage. I don't mean it, it more like my "this argument isn't going anywhere and I need to end it dramatically" card. Its shitty and mean, and I always feel badly after, but you guys need to have a calm conversation about expectations. He's not going to get better when a baby gets here if you guys can't figure it out now.
I stepped in dog poop this morning and didn't notice it until I was in the car with the heat on, making it reek to holy hell. Great way to start the day.
Mine is minor, but I am getting so tired of going to work now. I am getting to the point where I am uncomfortable....and my work chair has all types of ergonomic pads and cushions to help me stay comfortable for my shift, but at this point it is a lost cause. I just want to be at home waiting for baby to come and trying to relax, but if I do that than I won't have much time with her when she does come b/c my maternity leave falls under short term disability, so once I start it, that is it. So I have to suck it up until the last moment where I cannot bear to get to work anymore. I'm thinking 6 more weeks of this BS. So that is my wah wah complain session. Break out the violins lol
Managed to hurt my back by essentially doing nothing except standing up yesterday. Progressively got worse working today and now it's shooting down my legs. Very very tempted to call in sick tomorrow unless something magically changes. Every time I stood up to go see someone today it would spasm and then I would get a contraction. Tylenol is doing nothing but I am home on the couch with a heating pad. Sorry kids but hot dogs for dinner and a picnic in front of a movie tonight. I can't muster any more energy today.
So more of a whine than a BF, but I had my firm's holiday party Saturday night that I was really excited for (and was a really good time actually). Except I cannot believe how tired just one late night out made me - it wrecked my Sunday and I'm still exhausted with super sore feet today. That was my last night of high stilettos for awhile......
@BlondePeanut That's exactly how I feel. I'm not sleeping well at night so I just feel yucky all day. I told H last night and he said I'd be bored at home all the time and I'd be wanting to get out after baby is here so I should enjoy it now. But there's so much I need to do at home that I'm just too tired to tackle when I get home from work. It really sucks.
Oh can I sympathize with everyone with DHs and chores. We have been married more than 10 years and he still needs direct instruction on basic crap like take out the trash and the dishes need to be done. I have started or ended many of these nice "nagging" conversation with "you are a grown ass man."
@Vastra, I am so sorry about the negative association, and I hope your friends are okay this week. No one should lose a child.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
DH is weird about chores. He works three or four 12-hour shifts each week, so he has 3-4 day weekends. He does all kinds of stuff on his days off - he organizes the garage, does yard work, fixes things, works on other random projects, etc. But he never does any of the day-to-day stuff that actually needs to get done for us to function - like starting dinner, or doing dishes or laundry, or walking the dog. It's super frustrating to come home from work every day to a sink full of dishes, no plans for dinner, and a dog that has not been for a walk, and to be the one who has to deal with all of that. When I bring it up to him, he points out that he was busy with other things, but he just doesn't get that housework really should be a bigger priority - or at least something he should make a little bit of time for. I basically cook and clean the kitchen and walk the dog every single day, regardless of who had the day off that day. He definitely doesn't realize how many dishes I do, or what a pain in the ass it is to make dinner every night, or that being seven months pregnant means I don't necessarily have the energy to walk the dog.
This week H had the gall to say " I cleaned the kitchen for you!" I responded "You mean you cleaned the kitchen. Because you're a fucking adult who lives here and uses dishes too, right?" He just said "yes. that is exactly what I meant." no sarcasm. I think I scared him but I made my point!
In all fairness, he is good about helping get the house clean but I'd rather KEEP the house clean and clean for 20 min each day. He prefers to do marathon deep cleans. So we divy it up the best we can.
This week H had the gall to say " I cleaned the kitchen for you!" I responded "You mean you cleaned the kitchen. Because you're a fucking adult who lives here and uses dishes too, right?" He just said "yes. that is exactly what I meant." no sarcasm. I think I scared him but I made my point!
In all fairness, he is good about helping get the house clean but I'd rather KEEP the house clean and clean for 20 min each day. He prefers to do marathon deep cleans. So we divy it up the best we can.
And this is another example of how we are feminists fighting sexism on an everyday level. High five @Gretchypoo!! And kudos to your husband.
way to go @Gretchypoo. i'm gonna be the asshole and AW my husband. he cleans WAY more than i do. he does his own laundry, regularly does dishes and is always straightening up. I will say he's not very good at the deep cleaning stuff. Product and elbow grease seem to be foreign to him. But with all the other stuff he does I can't complain.
Knowing ng what a shitty homemaker i am we just figured it out in our budget to have someone come clean every two weeks. We both do our best in he meantime to keep things looking nice. I will say it has been a big lifesaver as far as the health of our relationship. No one is looking at anyone else as to why something isn't done. It's incredible.
Me: 36, H: 37 FTM, 2 Furbabies married 03/17/07 lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC due: 2/15/17
@krob I have to say that is an awesome idea. I'm thinking that once things settle down in our finances I might look around and price shop for a cleaning service.
Previously PaukMeKiande
Surprise BFP/MC February 2011 BFP May 16th 2016
EDD January 25 2017 DD born January 30 2017 Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
I feel like division of labor would be so hard with two working people. Since ive been out of work I pretty much just do everything, because I feel like it's "my job" so to speak. I mean, I get on his ass about leaving dishes around the house, or not throwing something away because I'm not the fucking maid, but it really is so much better this way than when I was working.
@krob to be fair, my H is also generally a cleaner person than I am - to the point of being anal about it. But dishes seem to be his blind spot. He gets annoyed if the counters have crumbs on them, but he manages to ignore a pile of dishes that need to be washed.
Your laundry comment got me wondering: How many of you do your H's laundry? H and I each wash our own clothes, mainly because we have our own sorting systems and washer settings we use, but I do all of the household laundry (towels, sheets, blankets, etc.). If I didn't change the sheets every week, I am pretty sure H would not notice and would go months without stripping the bed. Which is gross.
@krob Jealous. I often say I should have married someone who likes to clean. I'll cook all day but I hate cleaning!
@madamerwin we both do laundry equally. But if we have something nitpicky (handwash or hang dry) we do it ourselves. But my H is like yours. Unless I put the sheets and hand towels in the laundry bin they'd never get done. H does them if they are in the laundry bin.
That being said he does not seem to understand that the brown towels go upstairs and the grey towels go downstairs...
@krob We're getting a housecleaner next year. No way am I doing that on top of 2 kids and work. Cannot wait!
@madamerwin SO does his own laundry because he is super anal about how his stuff is treated. Less work for me. Win-win! ETA and he actually kinda likes when the sheets are a little lived-in. So I also need to be the sheet/towel point person
We split the laundry pretty equally. We both tend to do our own clothes, because we just have different systems. And almost every time one of us does personal clothes laundry, we also do a load of household laundry (like blankets, sheets, pet beds, towels, etc.). It works out pretty well, though we're not terribly organized.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
Just to contribute my $.02 to this, we have a fair amount of "outside chores"...I've talked previously about how much time mowing takes at our house (about 6 hours every 2-3 weeks from May to October/November) and in the winter, plowing/shoveling can take a fair amount of time. We also have a lot of vehicles that need maintenance (cars, motorcycles, atvs, snowmobiles etc...12 at last count) that get lumped into outside chores. We've divided it that he does the outside chores, I do the inside chores (dishes, bathrooms, floors, laundry - he washes his own 70% of the time, but I do all sheets/towels/dog bedding). Part of this is because my tolerance for the inside chores not getting done is extremely low, and I've learned that if my tolerance for something is low, I should just do it myself to avoid the fight. It works for us.
Also, as the one with the extra day off (every other Friday), I can see both sides of the coin. I frequently feel like I'm the one running all the random errands and taking care of household stuff, but he sees it as an extra day off work so I "have the time" to run these errands. Really, I work longer hours during the week, and all of that extra time is given back to me every other Friday...so we have the same amount of "not at work" time.
@madamerwin We each do our own clothes, because my DH has a work uniform with chemicals in it that have to be washed separately, but I do all the household and (now) the preparatory baby laundry.
Previously PaukMeKiande
Surprise BFP/MC February 2011 BFP May 16th 2016
EDD January 25 2017 DD born January 30 2017 Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
Re: Monday B*fest, 12/12
*Possible TW* Today, I got to work to find out a student at one of our schools had passed away over the weekend. I didn't know the student, but it's still very sad to hear when accidents happen to children so young. I was actually happy I was able to provide some resources on grief for the school to hand out to staff, parents, and students.
Then, my FIL was scheduled for heart surgery this morning. My H texted me during lunch to let me know my FIL needs to be transported to the University hospital over an hour away. We knew ahead of time that it might be a possibility that he would have to go down the road and I know my FIL will be in excellent hands, but it's still so stressful trying to make arrangements.
I just keep telling myself one more week until winter break! And that stressing is not helping me or LO. Hopefully I can remain calm, cool, and collected the rest of the week!
Oh, but he also just wanted to let us know that someone in the class got an F.
COOL, BRO. THANKS FOR THAT.
Today mine is the ridiculus time windows they give you for cable installs. My time window is from 1-3 and they are supposed to call you 30 minutes before they get there. Well they have 6 minutes to call me or they are going to miss their time window and I'm going to be pissed considering I had to take off work to be here for them since they canceled our original time we booked.
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
https://unroll.me/
H and I recently moved to a house we love in a town we love. The town happens to be associated with a horrible tragic event that occurred a few years back. (it really hits home for us, as H's friend from college, among several other families, lost a child). We have found the town to be exceptionally loving and strong, and are proud to live there. But when we tell people from our old city where we live now, more often than not we get "OH, that's where THAT happened." Because clearly, the first thing you should do when someone mentions their place of residence is to immediately bring up the unthinkably awful tragedy with which is it associated. I have never dealt with that very well, and we've been there almost a year. This week happens to be the anniversary of the event, and I am feeling extra triggered.
TTC #1: 3/2016
Me 39 - DH 44
BFP 5/27/16 EDD 1/30/17
DD born 2/3/17
ETA thanks @tishb too! I wrote this slow.
TTC #1: 3/2016
Me 39 - DH 44
BFP 5/27/16 EDD 1/30/17
DD born 2/3/17
Source of the fighting:
He literally told me that driving to Walmart so we could pick out his Christmas present, handwashing his own dirty dishes that he made (we wash whatever dishes we use and don't use the dishwasher), and stirring a pan a few times while I did the majority of the cooking was all "too much" to do on his day off. Meanwhile, it was my day off too and I did laundry, the majority of the cooking for dinner, did the rest of the dishes, took out some trash, made our lunches for today, and cleaned up after our senior dog who has accidents in the house. I considered it a light day of housework!
WTF DH. We're having a baby in six weeks so get used to not having lazy days anymore.
BFP May 16th 2016
DD born January 30 2017
Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
Married: 9/2013
Love my LEO!!
TTC #1: 9/2015
BFP: 2/1/16 MC 2/8/16 @ 5wks
BFP: 5/22/16 RAINBOW BABY
EDD: 1/30/2017 *IT'S A GIRL!!!!*
Kirsten Grace 1/20/17
@ChaoticWolf if your H is bringing up divorce because you expect him to do chores, that's manipation and unfair fighting. I'd recommend the two of you have a calm conversation (not after you've asked him to do chores or while you're fighting) about expectations. It sounds like he expects you to do all the domestic chores but you expect a more even split. You should figure that out before baby comes and while you're both sleeping relatively well. If that conversation doesn't go well, you may want to introduce a 3rd party like a priest/rabbi/pastor or therapist/social worker. Divorce talk is the nuclear option-- and from your comment it sounds like he goes there regularly. That's not okay.
Do men just not have any internal drive to keep hygienic? Because I swear he will just walk past a full trash can without caring for days if I don't nag him into taking it out.
ETA: @Gretchypoo it's less that he's bringing up divorce in order to avoid chores, and more because he gets overwhelmed with the back and forth, and in his mind fighting=divorce automatically. I don't even know if it's that he's expecting me to do all the domestic chores, or if he just doesn't realize exactly how much of them I do. He'd be happy to just live off of take out and watch hulu all day in a pigsty if it were up to him (and I know that because when he lived at his mom's house that was basically what he did.)
BFP May 16th 2016
DD born January 30 2017
Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
As for the divorce card being thrown out, I have to admit that I'm the one guilty of this in my marriage. I don't mean it, it more like my "this argument isn't going anywhere and I need to end it dramatically" card.
Its shitty and mean, and I always feel badly after, but you guys need to have a calm conversation about expectations. He's not going to get better when a baby gets here if you guys can't figure it out now.
Married: 9/2013
Love my LEO!!
TTC #1: 9/2015
BFP: 2/1/16 MC 2/8/16 @ 5wks
BFP: 5/22/16 RAINBOW BABY
EDD: 1/30/2017 *IT'S A GIRL!!!!*
Kirsten Grace 1/20/17
@Vastra, I am so sorry about the negative association, and I hope your friends are okay this week. No one should lose a child.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
In all fairness, he is good about helping get the house clean but I'd rather KEEP the house clean and clean for 20 min each day. He prefers to do marathon deep cleans. So we divy it up the best we can.
BFP May 16th 2016
DD born January 30 2017
Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
Knowing ng what a shitty homemaker i am we just figured it out in our budget to have someone come clean every two weeks. We both do our best in he meantime to keep things looking nice. I will say it has been a big lifesaver as far as the health of our relationship. No one is looking at anyone else as to why something isn't done. It's incredible.
FTM, 2 Furbabies
married 03/17/07
lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC
due: 2/15/17
BFP May 16th 2016
DD born January 30 2017
Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
Since ive been out of work I pretty much just do everything, because I feel like it's "my job" so to speak. I mean, I get on his ass about leaving dishes around the house, or not throwing something away because I'm not the fucking maid, but it really is so much better this way than when I was working.
Your laundry comment got me wondering: How many of you do your H's laundry? H and I each wash our own clothes, mainly because we have our own sorting systems and washer settings we use, but I do all of the household laundry (towels, sheets, blankets, etc.). If I didn't change the sheets every week, I am pretty sure H would not notice and would go months without stripping the bed. Which is gross.
@madamerwin we both do laundry equally. But if we have something nitpicky (handwash or hang dry) we do it ourselves. But my H is like yours. Unless I put the sheets and hand towels in the laundry bin they'd never get done. H does them if they are in the laundry bin.
That being said he does not seem to understand that the brown towels go upstairs and the grey towels go downstairs...
@madamerwin SO does his own laundry because he is super anal about how his stuff is treated. Less work for me. Win-win!
ETA and he actually kinda likes when the sheets are a little lived-in. So I also need to be the sheet/towel point person
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
Also, as the one with the extra day off (every other Friday), I can see both sides of the coin. I frequently feel like I'm the one running all the random errands and taking care of household stuff, but he sees it as an extra day off work so I "have the time" to run these errands. Really, I work longer hours during the week, and all of that extra time is given back to me every other Friday...so we have the same amount of "not at work" time.
BFP May 16th 2016
DD born January 30 2017
Surprise BFP/MC April 2017