Friyay GTKY - love languages — The Bump
February 2017 Moms

Friyay GTKY - love languages

Do you guys believe in the five love languages?  

Which is yours and does it sync with your partners? 

Here they are for everyone who has never heard this:

Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Re: Friyay GTKY - love languages

  • I had to google this...  Knowing nothing about these, I'll still venture to say that DH and mine are opposites (if that's a thing).
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I do think there is a lot of validity to the love languages! I need to remind H to take the test, I sent him a link to it once - but I am fairly certain his is Acts of Service, since that is his main way of communicating he cares, and a touch of Words of Affirmation, since I knows he responds very positively to that.

    Mine are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • Ooh! Ever since I read the book I love the 5 love languages so I definitely believe.
    Mine are gifts and words of affirmation. My partner is great with words of affirmation but is not the greatest "just because this is your language gift giver". And by gifts I mean anything picked up or given  up with me in mind like flowers or favorite edible treats. 

    Its interesting because since I've been pregnancy my languages have kind of shifted more towards acts of service, and physical touch. And my partner is giving none of those either. So, yeah my love tank is pretty low right now  :/

  • We were talking about this a few weeks ago in work. Myself and another girl at work are really not touchy feely people at all, to the point if someone were not close to were to touch us we would physically recoil. Whereas the other girl is extremely tactile & would think nothing of wiping an eyelash off your face or touching you randomly. As i result of the conversation, we all went on to have conversations with our parents & other halves about the way we are & how they are too. 
    My mum is not a touchy person, and i am very like her in that mine would be gifts & words of afirmation. Whereas my husbands would be acts of service and touch, which would also be my dads.
  • I'm somewhere in between quality time and physical touch but my H is 100% words of affirmation which is the least natural way for me to show love at all. Acts of service and gifts come the most natural to me. 

    My MIL just spews words of affirmation out constantly at H and DS and it makes me super uncomfortable. Like it loses its value when its constant?
  • @foxrosy my H isn't a natural touched either and when you already feel shitty it's so rejecting. 
  • @PerraSucia my SO and I were literally discussing how he makes me feel shitty from lack of physical touch yesterday. 
    I find I only like words of affirmation from my partner or boss. With anyone else I just feel awkward.
  • I really like this topic. My husband and I just had a candid conversation with each other this week that we are feeling disconnected from each other lately due to hectic schedules and my pregnancy. This is a great topic for us to re-evaluate and get back on track! 

    I'm definitely a mix of quality time and physical touch. Although I feel like recently I've been leaning more towards acts of service. I think H is words of affirmation and physical touch.
  • I feel like H and I could be better at expressing ourselves using each other's preferred love languages... Words of affirmation are really important to me, but H is just not a very eloquent complimenter (that's not a word, I know). But last night he said "You know, you're one good-looking pregnant lady," and it totally made my night. He does a lot in terms of acts of service (he is ALWAYS working on household projects, which I think he thinks matter to me more than they do, because they matter to him). And I could do better at doing things for him, since acts of service are important to him. I know he also appreciates words of affirmation, but I am pretty good at that.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • My H and I are almost total opposites! 
  • I totally think this is legit! I actually just got the e-book because Amazon offered it to me for free, but H and I took the quiz several years ago and I read what was available online then. My #1 was acts of service and his was quality time.

    A friend and I were talking recently about how we notice that when one of us "speaks our spouse's love language" we get more of our own in return and I recommended this whole
    concept to another friend whose not having the easiest marriage. I want H and I to retake the quiz now that I'm going to read the book. 
  • Mine totally makes sense because he is putty in my hands when I put out. 
  • Ooooh this is so cool, H and I just took the quiz. I had Physical Touch and he had Quality time. But we both had those two and acts of service in our top 3. Now I'm gonna go read about them more because I'm interested!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Mine is Acts of Service but I think H is probably Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. I learned early in our marriage to thanks H often even for little things. He learned that I hate gifts and would prefer for him to do something around the house or for me.
  • Yes!  I don't think it matters if you and your spouse have different love languages, just that you are aware of what works for you and your partner.  Once I figured out what I was and what he was, it actually explained a lot for me!  I am gifts and physical touch, my H is physical touch and acts of service.   
  • Mine is acts of service and his is touch. I had to take the test because I couldn't figure it out but my husband does not need the test lol. 
  • I recieve love best by Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. I give love best by Acts of Service- like if I love you I'm going to cook for you. If you're sad I'm cooking for you, to celebrate achievements I'm cooking etc. Or doing things to make someone's life easier- running errands, cleaning, that sort of thing.

    The way to DH's heart is definitely through his stomach so thats pretty clutch. He also takes Words of Affirmation to heart, it makes him feel really good to be validated or thanked for working hard. A little goes a long ways there.
  • yogadevil said:
    I recieve love best by Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. I give love best by Acts of Service- like if I love you I'm going to cook for you. If you're sad I'm cooking for you, to celebrate achievements I'm cooking etc. Or doing things to make someone's life easier- running errands, cleaning, that sort of thing.

    The way to DH's heart is definitely through his stomach so thats pretty clutch. He also takes Words of Affirmation to heart, it makes him feel really good to be validated or thanked for working hard. A little goes a long ways there.
    +1 to cooking!! H's family is not about the food, they once offended my mom SO BADLY bc they wouldn't stop what they were doing when dinner was ready. In all fairness, they were helping us move. But when women in our family cook for you, you stop what you are doing, eat it and compliment it!!
  • We have some in common and some not so much. We both have quality time in common. Words of affirmation is important to me, but hard for H. Acts of service is extremely important to me, to the point where I get really sad if he doesn't eat the sandwich I made him for lunch because people wanted to go out or something like that. Touch seems to be medium-important to both of us, but not top priority.

    Gifts is our biggest point of discord. They're extremely important to H but I don't care that much and would usually rather save the money. When I suggest that he skip getting me a birthday gift so we can do ________, he is always convinced it's a trick. The other day I told him about "something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read" and how I'd love to do that for Christmases with our son so they don't get too crazy. HIs response? "But....but....I like Christmas." Sigh. 

  • My top one was words of affirmation and his was quality time. I took a class on it before we got married and I try to remind myself of his. His second was is acts of service which I actually think is his first. Whenever I iron his uniform or make him lunch I can see him become so grateful. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • @Xstatic3333 we do the something you want something you need something to wear and something to read!  Then misc small shit in a stocking. 
  • I think it's very true! We had to read that book as part of our premarital counseling, but your preferred love language can change over time. I think ours have shifted, so we need to re-take the test!

    If I had to guess, I'd guess mine are physical touch and quality time. DH I think is quality time, and the second might be tied - words of affirmation/physical touch. He has a very talkative family (the kind where everyone competes to talk), and nothing makes him happier than when I just focus and listen to him.

    @foxrosy & @PerraSucia I definitely feel you on DH's less frequent physical touch right now feeling crappy. I still need to know you think I'm attractive lately, even if I'm tired and my back hurts. He is trying to be sensitive, and I appreciate that... but still. 
    Rainbow baby Dean is due 2/17/17!
  • Really enjoyed the book, but it's been a few years since I read it. We had some great talks as a result too, mostly about neither of us needing Acts of Service (we expect each other to do things around the house, but its neither of our love language). It was also good to be real with each other around the need for more communication and time for each other since we both have Words of Aftirmation and Quality Time on top. I could also tell that I need to step up my gifting game since Gifts are a bigger deal for him (as can be seen with him being such a good gift giver.)
  • I would say I am physical touch with a shot of words of affirmation and quality time. I think DH is probably a mix of quality time and acts of service with some physical touch thrown in. I really can't pinpoint either of us with just one...that might just be how our relationship is. We love spending time with eachother, our physical touches (intimate, cuddling at night, hugging, etc), but also giving eachother kind loving words and even giving special gifts for birthdays/holidays that we really put alot of thought into. I have always been the home-maker even with us both working, so DH is used to and appreciates the fact that I keep our household up and running as far as the cleaning and organizing paperwork, that sort of stuff. He does cook though, which is awesome.  
  • Long time lurker so forgive me for jumping in but seeing this GTKY thread totally grabbed my attention and thought it might be a good chance for me to say hello ☺

    I love love love the and 100% believe in the 5 love languages. Several years ago my partner and I were going through a really rough patch. When I discovered the book it felt like everything made sense.

    I'm all about words of affirmation (he's a man of few words & feels uncomfortable receiving / giving compliments) & he's quality time and acts of service. I feel like learning each others' language was & can still be hard to do at times but whenever either of us feel disconnected we often reflect on this first
  • @hk1031 hi rando lurker :) it seems like people who need words of affirmation are MOST likely to be with someone who struggles at that. I wonder if it's a thing like how people always want their love proven to them. 
  • @PerraSucia haha that is a pretty good theory
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