Bed sharing and drinking — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

Bed sharing and drinking

I'm needing some advice/support. my daughter is 40 weeks old. We had never planned to bed share originally but she had terrible reflux and it quickly became our only option to get any sleep. My husband likes to drink a lot. He has terrible anxiety and says that being somewhat intoxicated is the best way for him to sleep. I know he has a problem but I don't know how to even begin fixing that atm. He has cut back significantly since our lo has been around but sometimes he still gets hammered. When he does we always end up in a huge fight because I won't let him sleep in bed with us. We had never slept apart until about 7 months ago. He thinks she is old enough to be safe from the dangers of SIDS but when he is hammered he is such a deep sleeper. On many occasions he has accidentally kicked me or elbowed me in his sleep and he is nearly impossible to wake up to tell him to move over. About 2 months ago I begrudgingly moved out little girl to the crib so I wouldn't have to worry about this as much. For the most part she seems to sleep really well on her own and is finally sleeping through the night. Sometimes though she still needs to sleep with us though. We are staying in a hotel tonight and this is one of those times. My husband is here on business and his company took him out tonight and he came back to the hotel beyond hammered. I told him he has to sleep on the floor because I am terrified of something happening to our little girl especially now that she moves around a lot in her sleep and cuddles up close at times. He got extremely upset and says I'm interfering with him getting a good nights sleep when he has an important meeting tomorrow. I don't think I'm overreacting though or being unreasonable. I'm at a loss at what to do. For the most part our relationship is fantastic and he is a wonderful father but this is one thing that is creating such a huge divide. He fell asleep almost instantly on the floor but now I'm lying here wide awake and extraordinarily frustrated (and cold because he took the comforter). Ugh!!

Re: Bed sharing and drinking

  • I am so sorry. What a frustrating situation. An intoxicated adult is definitely a risk. He is still much larger than her! Stick to your guns, and I know you didn't ask but would you consider an al-anon group? Perhaps they could offer some support, since it sounds like his drinking is causing problems in your family. 

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  • My husband always sleeps separate on the occasions our daughter needs to sleep in our bed because he is such a hard sleeper he is afraid he will squish her until she is quite a bit bigger.   Safety first.   
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  • You're not in the wrong for wanting to keep your LO safe! You should've asked to be switched to a different room with 2 queen beds. As for at home, maybe try and get a bed rail and sleep with baby on your side? Or keep a playpen or crib in the room for LO to sleep in. We still co-sleep too and my husband is a heavy sleeper and a big guy. If we sleep with baby between us I lay against the bed rail and put a body pillow between H and baby, or sleep with my arm kind of above and around baby's head to fight off my husbands floppy arms from hitting the baby in the face. 
    I hope you find a solution to your problem though! and don't feel guilty for kicking hubby to the floor or couch in these situations.
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