Baby daddy, help! — The Bump
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Baby daddy, help!

my ex and I just broke up and I found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant (found out last week a couple days after we broke up) before he broke up with me he said 2 reasons. 1) he still loves the mother of his first child but wants to get over her and can't 2) he needs to get his shit together(his sister says he just sit on his ass on his phone all day(sorry about language) and after I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me this: I can't do this I don't have the time or money. Have an abortion by taking tons of  calcium pills. But what if it's cute?
and before he was always talking about us having a future and a baby but now I'm scared to tell him I'm pregnant and my mom thinks I should wait until the baby is born to let him see the baby and to serve him with a parenting plan because his standards of a parent and mine are different and his is extremely lazy and iffy. I still kind of love him and he explained he loves me but he could  juggle having a relationship (even though I let him go get drink with his friends and family and I'd watch his son, I let him use my car to go see his son, I gave him space when he wanted it, and was always supportive and loving) I told myself I'd give him 2 weeks to come back and this Friday marks the 2 weeks and I still feel so emotional(thanks hormones) when someone says his name, and I feel so lost and no one has asked me how I'm doing and I'm a mess on the inside and I'm so lost on what to do. PLEASE HELP ME.

Re: Baby daddy, help!

  • Oh, honey.  Deep breaths, everything will be ok. But I have to side with your mom here.

    His initial reaction to the idea that you might be pregnant is indicative of how he will be if you were to tell him you were pregnant. If he couldn't get off his ass to help out with his son, there's a much lower chance he'll get off his ass to help with a new baby.  I know how hard that is to hear, but the first step to walking away is admitting it.  He doesn't sound like the kind of person you'd want to spend your days with anyway.  Using you and your stuff to benefit himself.  My ex did whatever he wanted, would ask me to drive him to parties (he "worked" as a DJ) but would never want to me to be there, he'd call in the middle of the night for rides home from far away places, whenever we went on dates, I paid because he never had money.  He would tell me all the time that he loved me, but when I told him I was pregnant he told me the whole 4 years we were together, he never got over his ex.  And I learned from mid-pregnancy to about DD's 1st birthday all the whoring around he did while we were together.  Not saying your ex is whoring around, but he should have been on a team with you and it sounds like he was playing against you.

    First, you are going to need a plan.  Are you in school or do you have a job? If you have no insurance or can't afford insurance for a baby, go to  It should take you to your state's medicaid site to get insurance (DD's first year or so was free for us). If you plan on putting the baby up for adoption, google for places in your area.  Also, look for pregnancy counselors. There was an organization I went to near me that helped me tremendously.  They helped me look for adoption centers and when I changed my mind and kept DD, they helped with clothes, toys, and diapers.  And I got my own counselor through them and without her help, I don't think I'd have come out as sane as I did.

    Good luck, mama bear.  If there is anything you have a question on, please feel free to ask!  That's what we're here for!
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  • babymama619babymama619 member
    edited December 2016
    Hopefully you've work through some of this by now,but if not... if he wanted  to be with you he would be. Keeping the baby is 100% your decision, and will likely be 100% your responsiblity. You do you. Keep you and your baby happy and healthy and safe. When baby comes the states attorneys office will handle child support and he can make an effort at that point if he wants to see baby. You can't force it and shouldn't, it won't be good for anyone, especially baby. 

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