Answering siblings questions

tmrussell · December 2016

What do you tell younger siblings when they ask hard to answer questions? My son is 4 and he is so curious he keeps asking how the baby is going to get out of my stomach. I have told him we will go to the hospital and the doctor will take him out. But he keeps asking how. I looked for books but couldn't find one I liked.

Mashunya425 · December 2016

My parents just always told us the truth if we asked probing questions, regardless of the topic. By 6 I was aware of sex, how the egg got fertilized, birth, etc. because I was curious and and asked so my mom told me. One of my brothers was not curious about things at all, so it just didn't come up until much later.

wifeinraleigh28 · December 2016

Mashunya425 said:

My parents just always told us the truth if we asked probing questions, regardless of the topic. By 6 I was aware of sex, how the egg got fertilized, birth, etc. because I was curious and and asked so my mom told me. One of my brothers was not curious about things at all, so it just didn't come up until much later.

LOVE THIS. I'm a FTM but I strongly believe in telling children the truth. My children will always know the names of their body parts, and when they are curious about how life works, they will get truthful answers.

Elyse1384 · December 2016

Mashunya425 said:

My parents just always told us the truth if we asked probing questions, regardless of the topic. By 6 I was aware of sex, how the egg got fertilized, birth, etc. because I was curious and and asked so my mom told me. One of my brothers was not curious about things at all, so it just didn't come up until much later.

Yes all of this! We have the added task of explaining donor sperm given DH's condition that necessitated going that route. We believe in being honest and upfront. Perhaps just using more age friendly explanations for certain things, but always being honest. I was adopted and my parents were always very open about where I came from, the difference between adoption and birthing a child, etc. It made it so much easier for me and it built trust with my parents which was key for the more trying years (ahem... Teen years) in our parent-child relationship.

Assiram42 · December 2016

I agree with @Mashunya425. My children are 10 and 6, so both a little older, but both have inquired about how babies are made and born. I tell them truthfully. I'm also a firm believer in using anatomically correct terms from a young age.

I've unfortunately terrified them both and both vow to adopt as opposed to birthing their own, but they'll get over it.

halfthetree · December 2016

Our son is 6.5 and hasn't been asking the technical questions yet. He has seen me give birth to his sister, he knows ALL about labor and birth (I'm a doula, placentas in the fridge waiting to be dropped off with the encapsulator in the morning is not an uncommon occurance). He will also be at home when I birth the twins at home, as long as everything is well!

mkrel · December 2016

@Mashunya425 I don't have any kids yet, but plan on doing that as well. It weirds out my husband, and maybe me being in the medical field has something to do with it, but I don't think you need to make things up to tell children if they are asking questions. If DH is uncomfortable, I guess I'll just be answering the questions!
@Assiram42 I also love that you use anatomically correct terms for body parts.

Assiram42 · December 2016

MKRLTX said:

@Mashunya425 I don't have any kids yet, but plan on doing that as well. It weirds out my husband, and maybe me being in the medical field has something to do with it, but I don't think you need to make things up to tell children if they are asking questions. If DH is uncomfortable, I guess I'll just be answering the questions!
@Assiram42 I also love that you use anatomically correct terms for body parts.

Ha! It makes for fun times. My 2.5 year old has discovered her vagina and loves to talk about it at the store, at Thanksgiving, etc.

**TW** (not to steer this thread in another direction or be a downer, but as a sort of PSA)

We also had an incident with my oldest DD where a male teacher at her school was calling her vagina a 'flower', so when we heard that, it sent up red flag, so I just think anatomically correct is the way to go.

ellie111227 · December 2016

Assiram42 said:

MKRLTX said:

@Mashunya425 I don't have any kids yet, but plan on doing that as well. It weirds out my husband, and maybe me being in the medical field has something to do with it, but I don't think you need to make things up to tell children if they are asking questions. If DH is uncomfortable, I guess I'll just be answering the questions!
@Assiram42 I also love that you use anatomically correct terms for body parts.

Ha! It makes for fun times. My 2.5 year old has discovered her vagina and loves to talk about it at the store, at Thanksgiving, etc.

**TW** (not to steer this thread in another direction or be a downer, but as a sort of PSA)

We also had an incident with my oldest DD where a male teacher at her school was calling her vagina a 'flower', so when we heard that, it sent up red flag, so I just think anatomically correct is the way to go.

That is so creepy and inappropriate! I agree that anatomically correct and honest is the way to go. Being secretive or using euphemisms just teaches shame and secrecy, which sets child up to be an easy target for an abuser.

I'm only a year into parenting, but I think it has really helped increase my comfort level to start taking that way to my daughter really early, before she can really understand and the stakes are low. Hopefully by the time she is older I will be a pro. I've been causally naming her body parts, including her vulva etc, for her as I wash her in the bath since she was born, and it doesn't feel weird anymore.

tmrussell · December 2016

Thanks ladies. I believe in honesty as well. I am not comfortable with giving him full details yet. I agree we use correct terms for body parts... I would have been super creeped out by that teacher!!!

sls · December 2016

tmrussell said:

Thanks ladies. I believe in honesty as well. I am not comfortable with giving him full details yet. I agree we use correct terms for body parts... I would have been super creeped out by that teacher!!!

Just curious, but what makes you uncomfortable about explaining it?

kdanjou · December 2016

I'm also an advocate of using correct terms and telling them the truth (age appropriate of course). My 4 yr old DD and I read a great book together called "It's Not the Stork!" and it answers pretty much all of the questions. She talks about penises and stuff now and then but it doesn't bother me.

BelhurstBride · December 2016

We also are completely upfront with our girls.

DD1 knows all about vaginal birth because that's the conversation that was applicable in our house, but my BFF ended up with a c/s so she taught her all about that.

DH still squirms when the girls try to tell him of their vulvas hurt.

My dad, before we had decided on a third, would try his case with DD1. "Don't you want a brother?!" "Papa, I've already seen too many pensises, I've seen ...." she retorted. Stopped that line of questioning real quick.

Men. :eye roll:

keniialise · December 2016

Same as all the above! We believe honesty is the best way to go, we too use anatomically correct terms. It's extra fun when my three year old points out a woman at the grocery store has a vagina just like mommy and sister.

My oldest turns 5 today actually and he's been inquisitive about where babies come from, he hasn't really asked too many details though. It was like how do babies get in mommy's tummy? Which I responded that mom and dad helped put the baby there together. He does however know that a baby can be born out of the vagina or out of the stomach. He's very accepting of my answers and doesn't really pry more.

bornmommy · December 2016

I work in the birth world so I've already gotten these questions from my 4 yr old. We always use the correct names for everything like most of you have mentioned (DS1 frequently talks about how he has a penis and its pretty interesting for me as a girl to see how the obsession starts so young...) and give as much answer as needed for this age. (We aren't talking about Mommy and Daddy having sex to make a baby with our 4 and 2 yr old kiddos.)

For fun, I always ask what they think first. The last question was "Mommy, how do you get the baby out?" When I asked DS1 how he thought he motioned at my belly button and made a sucking noise and pulling motion. Pretty accurate for a csection birth from a 4 yr old's perspective! I answered that sometimes babies do come out through mommys' tummies, other times mommies push them out. That was enough for him for now and I'm happy to leave it at that for now.

michaela0704 · December 2016

So... I'll get real for a minute... when I was 7 and my mom was expecting my little brother, she read me a book that essentially had a part in the middle with pictures/sent a message that you were naked and cuddled/hugged to make a baby... and that was ALL the sex education I got from my parents until high school when they would just rant and look fearful about how they heard some kids at school were having oral sex... then corner me to ask if I knew what that was and repeatedly say 'oral sex is sex!!!' and all the typical, religious abstinence rant...

I have vowed to tell my kids all about sex, build a healthy relationship for them to talk to me (if they choose), and not let them learn everything from peers or the internet... I seriously didn't know I had 3 holes until after I got my period at 13 (let that one sink in for a minute folks...)! BUT I feel like a month shy of 4 or young 4 is so early!!! not to be crude, but what EXACTLY are you saying for a making of the baby/sex part with a preschooler?

hjphillips · December 2016

As for the making a baby part, most kids would be satisfied with knowing that women are born with eggs in their bodies that sometimes turn into babies, and that mommy pushes baby out of her vagina, assuming he knows about simple female anatomy.

semicolon · December 2016

My daughter is almost four. She understands anatomical names, but when it comes to how our baby came to be, I just let her know that mom and dad decide to create a baby. A baby is half mom, and half dad, and mom grows the baby...longer than it takes our garden to grow. When baby is done, I will push baby out of my body and feed baby with my boobs.

BelhurstBride · December 2016

We've said pretty much what hjphillips posted. That completely satisfied her at three.

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