Monday Mental Health Check-In 11/28

NYTino24 · November 2016

***This thread has a general trigger warning! Idea stolen from a BMB... This post can be replied to at any time during the week! Not limited to those with a diagnosis, but please be sensitive others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!***

doula-mama · November 2016

I'm on a bit of a roller coaster this week.

DH and I had a great weekend away... nice and relaxing, and lots of quality time, just us and the dog. Leaving to come back home (he's still away for work for another 10-14 days) was really hard - harder than it really should be. I felt so down coming home and going to bed alone.

We also got in lots of BD, although I'm now stressing over not being able to accurately chart for the weekend so am not confident in pinpointing O. Which means I know have two weeks of being home alone and obsessing over when to test.

At the same time - I feel silly for feeling down about any of this. I know how fortunate we were that we could take the weekend, and that it lined up so perfectly so we didn't skip this cycle.

busymommy23 · November 2016

I'm feeling better today after being upset over the not so nice text from my cousin's wife yesterday. I never did respond back to it but was able to take some time and process it. It is still a sore spot and I'm sure that will happen with every announcement I come across but I know that if I can give myself some time, I will be able to feel better and let things go.

It's hard to keep things like this inside but because my family doesn't know about all of the difficulty we are going through, I only have about 3 people to talk with....well besides you all here. I want to tell my mom what is going on, but I also don't want to hear her go into a speech about why we should be done having kids and that we do not need another, hence why I haven't told anyone. So I greatly appreciate this group and threads like this that I can talk with those that are going through similar situations.

jess0211 · November 2016

@sailing_mama I am sorry you're having a rollercoaster of a week. Something I always remind myself is to allow myself to feel however I need to feel at any given time. Hugs.

@busymommy23 glad you're feeling a bit better today!

Feeling exceptionally anxious today, which probably is a mix of AF on the way, going back to work tomorrow and my baseline anxiety.

***TW***I am also getting anxious about Christmas. We will be visiting our families and DHs family, paticularly my FIL, has been very pushy about us having kids since we got married 10 years ago (they get KU by looking at each other). It's always been borderline rude (ie feeling my stomach and asking if there is a baby in there or telling us we will be too old soon).Now that we are actually TTC and its not happening right away (I know it hasn't been that long at all but in his family we are sooooo behind the ball and like I said they all get KU just by being in a room together. We also had some delays due to DH health issues ..so it seems longer.) I am not sure I can deal with the comments. I already feel intense guilt for putting my career first and waiting...I don't need to hear the "you're not getting any younger" BS. And then there are major family issues with my kid brother and his second baby on the way with a crazy pants girl. It's a hot mess of a situation. Seriously. It's like Jerry Springer crazy. Don't judge too harshly... sigh**TW end**

Sorry for the random long post, I haven't mentioned my family much here ...specifically my brother due to TW but as holidays get closer the more it contributes to my already high level of anxiety. Thanks for letting me vent.

doula-mama · November 2016

@jess0211 Thanks - that's really good advice

I'm really sorry your families cause so much stress - that's the last thing that you need over the holidays! I'm guessing if they are that clueless, there isn't much that you guys could say to make them realize that it's not helpful. Are you able to limit the amount of time spent with the families?

jess0211 · November 2016

@Sailing_Mama we can definitely limit our time. And I have one friend "oncall" who will also be around and knows all the craziness. Her house is always a safe sanctuary when it all gets to be too much. And wine... and you ladies

doula-mama · November 2016

@jess0211 Well I'm glad you have such a great support system - and yes, we are ALWAYS here! *hugs*

NYTino24 · November 2016

I am feeling the TTC stress! I'm glad that I ovulated. I just need to finish my report cards and wait for my surprise observation by my sneaky supervisor. My shallow breathing is now causing chest pain. I tried to talk to DH about considering seeing someone like a therapist for anxiety and he pretty much acted like it was all in my head, which it is technically. I know I take on too much and part of that is my fault, but it keeps me busy and I worry less when my mind is occupied with important things to do. I went to bed mad and he fell asleep on the couch, only to wake me at 1 am because we needed to HIO. We were literally both falling asleep, but got the job done. I guess that was his way of saying sorry. He's seen me have a borderline panic attack going into a semi-underwater cave on our honeymoon and I think that's the first time he really believed it. Needless to say, I feel even more like I need to keep it all inside now.

@jess0211 Don't feel guilty because you can't change the past. You put your career first and it hopefully put you in a good place job and money wise.
@busymommy23 It's hard to drown out the voices - both in our heads and what others have to say.

jess0211 · November 2016

@NYTino24 first, lots of creepy Internet hugs !!! I am like you in that I tend to take on too much, but it helps me function and not focus on the anxiety and keeps my mind busy. Yet, if I am not careful I overdo it. Vicious cycle, huh? I think it's really hard for someone who has never experienced anxiety or panic attacks to really understand, that may be the case with your DH? I know my DH doesn’t get it, though he's had anxiety himself, he experiences different. When I try to talk to him he just says "don't think about it." super helpful. I see someone periodically even though DH doesn't agree it helps. I find it helpful, like having someone in my corner I guess and gives me a place to get it all out. I hate thinking of anyone keeping it all inside. You can always PM me if you need to chat!

NYTino24 · December 2016

@jess0211 Thanks. Had another rough day at work. Boss said I'm one of the best she has, and yet I have to change what I'm doing...? I feel like I can't win. I just want to be pregnant, use up my sick days, and find a place that is a better fit for me with a shorter commute and better hours. DH saw a glimmer of a tear in my eye after I told him I need him to be empathetic instead of always playing devil's advocate. He just thinks that I believe the grass is always greener somewhere else, but saw how upset I was. Then he told me it would be fine for me to be a SAHM for a while and he will try to use a connection he has to get me a new position where his parents live if we move there. The schools are great, you can get a big lot, it's safe and affordable... but it's farther out than I'd like, especially if I was going to be staying local while being a SAHM. I feel really stuck right now, but I feel like we may have a second option. I'm just really scared to put my career on hold because it's a huge part of my identity. It's scary to not have job protection because of the attacks we are under and it's hard to get / keep a teaching job in our state. I've already taken pay cuts when being forced to switch districts after pay cuts, but I'm trying to change my outlook. FX I'm KU and can get a break from the BS.

jess0211 · December 2016

@NYTino24 I am sorry you had another rough day. Hugs! As I read your post I felt in many ways as if I was reading something I could have so easily written myself. We want to move back to where we both grew up near our families, good schools, get rid of our 1.5 hr each way commute etc. but I am stuck where I am until I get KU for a variety of reasons. I have been taking on consulting work on top of my normal crazy job in an effort to get us there but its so draining. Hang in there lady! I always try to remind myself that right now isn't forever and there is always the potential for change and movement in life. I am glad your DH was able to understand, that can be the hardest when DH can't understand. I hope you have a good Friday!!! I am off to WTO this morning...boo.

NYTino24 · December 2016

@jess0211 Sorry to hear that! FX this new one is your cycle and you get to move home!!

Monday Mental Health Check-In 11/28

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