Help me I'm helpless...

Kbchavez23 · August 2016

My step son is 5, lives with his mom most of the time (we have him every other weekend). They have no running water, he takes a bath in a plastic swimming pool, pees in a training potty, & is always dirty with holes in his clothes. We took him to school orientation and he was so dirty, I asked him the last time he had a bath was and he said with us (it had been 4 days!) we called cps last week and haven't heard anything. We got him back today, he was black dirty and his shirt looked like a dog had been chewing on it. His mother gets a good hefty amount of child support from us. There is no excuse for this lifestyle. Will the courts care? Probably not...I just don't know what to do. We can provide a wonderful life for him but he's stuck over there in the slums.

emilyalso · August 2016

No running water?! Yikes! I'm sure his school notices the problems too... if you mentioned it to them, maybe they could get the ball rolling on something. A report from a school teacher or official might carry more weight than from a regular citizen.

Kbchavez23 · August 2016

emilyalso said:

No running water?! Yikes! I'm sure his school notices the problems too... if you mentioned it to them, maybe they could get the ball rolling on something. A report from a school teacher or official might carry more weight than from a regular citizen.

I have thought about this, I'm sure the teacher will notice. He's only been in school for a week so hopefully she catches on.

taytay92675 · August 2016

Poor kid! Has your dh gone to court to try to get more time with SS? I'd suggest talking to an attorney to see what you can do to try to get custody, or even a 50/50 split at the very least.

Kbchavez23 · August 2016

taytay92675 said:

Poor kid! Has your dh gone to court to try to get more time with SS? I'd suggest talking to an attorney to see what you can do to try to get custody, or even a 50/50 split at the very least.

We don't live close enough to be able to take him to school every day

I have a govt job so moving would be hard. We are just documenting right now, so hopefully we will have a case soon. Courts are so hard to deal with. Not understanding at all.

mothernorth · August 2016

I don't know what state you live in, but I know where I live, if a house doesn't have running water it is condemned by the city. If a child is living in a condemned home, it is considered child abuse/neglect, and is in fact a CPS matter.

PabloAndChristine · August 2016

So sorry for the poor hold and for you guys going through this stress! Definitely documenting is the most helpful. And reporting new significant incidences. Good ideas with mentioning something to the school or doctor (has he had checkups? That's another reportable thing) While it might be very difficult to have the child taken away and into state custody (which you obviously don't want either) I would think it'd be easier to change primary care and custody to his dad. It happens more than you think (my brother and his kids being one example). Every state has different rules and tendencies though it's true.

Kbchavez23 · October 2016

We never heard from cps. So I guess that means they don't care. We will just keep notating for now...

mothernorth · October 2016

CPS works on a priority basis- it's not that they don't care, they just have to take cases that show physical abuse or truly dangerous situations first, then move on down the line. Believe me, they do not WANT to have to push any child to the side, but unfortunately they have to sometimes. Keep in contact, push your case, and document everything you can.

Sarcasm101 · October 2016

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

Kbchavez23 · October 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

Sarcasm101 · October 2016

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

who cares if she gets offended? Your step son is clearly not safe. Get a lawyer ASAP to help you navigate the
court system.

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

1. Who cares? Your stepson's safety should be more important than whether or not this lady gets her feelings hurt / offended

2. If you have a proof - call a lawyer... NOW

Sarcasm101 · October 2016

Not to pile on but i really hope this hasnt been going on for two full months without your H stepping in and removing his child from this situation.

Kbchavez23 · October 2016

SaphireSweetie88 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

1. Who cares? Your stepson's safety should be more important than whether or not this lady gets her feelings hurt / offended

2. If you have a proof - call a lawyer... NOW

Uh I clearly didn't say we didn't care because she gets offended. Someone asked what the mother says and I answered.

Kbchavez23 · October 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

who cares if she gets offended? Your step son is clearly not safe. Get a lawyer ASAP to help you navigate the
court system.

Not everyone has thousands of dollars to spend on a lawyer and I know his safety is more important but how do we retain a lawyer with no money?

Sarcasm101 · October 2016

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

who cares if she gets offended? Your step son is clearly not safe. Get a lawyer ASAP to help you navigate the
court system.

Not everyone has thousands of dollars to spend on a lawyer and I know his safety is more important but how do we retain a lawyer with no money?

There are plenty of lawyers who do pro-bono work and even more not for profit agencies that can help. If I were you I would start doing a ton of research.

You seem to be taking a very defeatist attitude, like you live far away and dont have disposable income so there is nothing you can do. When there is plenty you can do.

ETA: have you gotten SS school involved? Schools are mandatory reports.

Kbchavez23 · October 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

who cares if she gets offended? Your step son is clearly not safe. Get a lawyer ASAP to help you navigate the
court system.

Not everyone has thousands of dollars to spend on a lawyer and I know his safety is more important but how do we retain a lawyer with no money?

There are plenty of lawyers who do pro-bono work and even more not for profit agencies that can help. If I were you I would start doing a ton of research.

You seem to be taking a very defeatist attitude, like you live far away and dont have disposable income so there is nothing you can do. When there is plenty you can do.

ETA: have you gotten SS school involved? Schools are mandatory reports.

I'm just not new to the court system I know they suck. We have a meeting with his teacher next week.

Sarcasm101 · October 2016

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

who cares if she gets offended? Your step son is clearly not safe. Get a lawyer ASAP to help you navigate the
court system.

Not everyone has thousands of dollars to spend on a lawyer and I know his safety is more important but how do we retain a lawyer with no money?

There are plenty of lawyers who do pro-bono work and even more not for profit agencies that can help. If I were you I would start doing a ton of research.

You seem to be taking a very defeatist attitude, like you live far away and dont have disposable income so there is nothing you can do. When there is plenty you can do.

ETA: have you gotten SS school involved? Schools are mandatory reports.

I'm just not new to the court system I know they suck. We have a meeting with his teacher next week.

I understand that the court system can be confusing, which is exactly why you need to get some (lawyer/ advocate) to help you navigate it.

Why has it taken you 2.5 months to meet with his teachers? Where is your H in all this?

Kbchavez23 · October 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Have you talked to the mom? what does she have to say about this?

She gets really offended. She lies even though we have proof. One time she accidentally text my husband saying "JJs potty is full where do I dump it" & she says he bites his clothes that's why there are holes, even though he never does that when he's with us.

who cares if she gets offended? Your step son is clearly not safe. Get a lawyer ASAP to help you navigate the
court system.

Not everyone has thousands of dollars to spend on a lawyer and I know his safety is more important but how do we retain a lawyer with no money?

There are plenty of lawyers who do pro-bono work and even more not for profit agencies that can help. If I were you I would start doing a ton of research.

You seem to be taking a very defeatist attitude, like you live far away and dont have disposable income so there is nothing you can do. When there is plenty you can do.

ETA: have you gotten SS school involved? Schools are mandatory reports.

I'm just not new to the court system I know they suck. We have a meeting with his teacher next week.

I understand that the court system can be confusing, which is exactly why you need to get some (lawyer/ advocate) to help you navigate it.

Why has it taken you 2.5 months to meet with his teachers? Where is your H in all this?

We have reached out to his teacher via email and she hasn't expressed any concerns. So we are finally getting a 1 on 1.

mothernorth · November 2016

If you call your local department of human services or child protective services they will help direct you to income based legal aid.

mothernorth · November 2016

I would also like to know what your H's position is with all this, because he's the one who is going to have to initiate.

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