planned my own baby shower...what a joke!

MombieMe · November 2016

So this is a vent/I'm depressed and need someone to talk to post. Fair warning.
So a tiny back story. I live 1,200 miles from any family. Literally across the country from anyone I'm related to and have lived here for my past 3 pregnancies (this is my 5th).
So I didnt have a shower with my last two, 1 because I didn't have anyone to throw one for me and 2 because I didn't have anyone to invite. So this time around i was getting depressed again about not having a shower and thought SCREW IT i don't have family or a best friend to throw one for me so I'll just do it myself. By now we've lived here over 4 years and I've made some friends and even actually run actually local mom group in my rural area so I've got plenty of people to invite! So around 33 weeks pregnant I announced my shower date and started inviting people (65 to be exact). Well its now 4 days before my shower and haven't had a single person RSVP so I sent out a reminder text and I've gotten 2 maybes and like 20 "cont comes". Basically when all the no's started coming in i started crying and ended up a blubbering mess for like 45 minutes. Even called my mom to cry and ask her to help me take my mind off it. It's Ike super freakin depressing when you've attended so many of your "friends" baby showers and then when it's yours everyone has a reason not to come. Literally today I've heard everything from "i forgot I had family thanksgiving that day" to "i need new brake pads so my husband says I can't drive anywhere until I get them fixed."
I know I'm being a cry baby but it makes me feel like the group of friends that all planned each other's showers but can't come to mine that I'm planning myself is all closer with eachother than what I am. Like i feel like a fool, an i the outsider of the group and just didn't know it?! I feel like like a total dumb ass to be honest.

Please no hateful comments I'm already a crying mess and emotional about it all. I'm prob not even gonna say anything to my hubby because he will just tell me I'm being a cry baby instead of being sympathetic. Just needed people to tell and yall are it.

juliehollz13 · November 2016

Forget the baby shower. Arrange for someone to watch your kids (or leave them with your husband when he gets off work and order them a pizza), go out to lunch (or early dinner, or even a movie) by yourself and get a mani/pedi. Who needs the stress of being a hostess of one's own party anyway? And think of all the people you DON'T have to entertain and feed. Really not worth the stress for a few gifts.

kaitmb88 · November 2016

I agree with @juliehollz13 Forget the baby shower all together and have a "you" day. That way you eliminate the stress of having to entertain while pregnant. It wouldn't be enjoyable for you especially since you are already this upset about it. Just have are spa day and eat some yummy food and maybe get your baby some special gifts from you and the kids (maybe a few things you have been wanting for him/her) Use the money you would spend to host your own shower on yourself and baby!

yellingbanana · November 2016

I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, I planned my own (with my mom who, bless her heart, had me do 95% of it). And more than half of the people who said they'd be there didn't show up. I feel like people don't commit like they used to...
And it's ok to vent.

littlebirdie28 · November 2016

bookworm8622 · November 2016

That really sucks

wynterwaddell · November 2016

Don't be upset and depressed about it. Go out and have a nice relaxing day or evening to yourself before the baby comes. Get a Mani/pedi and maybe go and pick up a few little things that you like from the store and dont worry about it. People definitely do not do things like they used to anymore but don't sweat it, it's not worth you being stressed out and upset and depressed about it. Trust me I went through something similar, I live 45 minutes from my family And another 45 from my husband's family who we go visit nearly every single weekend and even cancel our plans to go and help them do things and not one person on my side of the family or his has even offered to host me a baby shower. They mostly act like I'm not even pregnant and don't even acknowledge it but we just decide to brush it off and not even care about it. I don't much care for his family anyways and he doesn't either except for his dad(he doesn't like his mil and All of her kids because of the way they treat his dad, they're disrespectful and she's cheated and just isn't a good wife or mother at all. & I don't have much use for anyone in my family other than my grandparents and my brothers and sisters. So we just don't even care about it. I know it's definitely hurtful because it hurt my feelings in the beginning but then I just decided not to worry about it because I know he will have everything he could possibly need and more. I get that its probably even more hurtful because you've had the same thing happen multiple times with different pregnancies and because this time you planned your own and no one would come to it. I am so sorry that you have to deal with that snd I hope you feel better.

maamawaabangi · November 2016

I can totally relate!
And im sorry.

This is our 7th and when we had our 6th, 2 years ago I literally had nothing for a baby other than a few items because I had given it all away to people who needed it, we thought we were "done". Ha!

I felt really down that no one seemed to "get it". Similar things happened when we adopted our (at the time) 5 yo son and 1 yo daughter. We needed booster seats, 5 yo boy clothes and a bunch of other stuff. People just assumed we had it or didn't think about it. No shower since my second. With my 6th our co-workers threw us a diaper shower, but NONE of my friends bothered to come (other than our staff). It hurt.

Dont feel like a chump because people don't get it. It speaks more to them than it does you. People are self focused these days.

I agree, have a day to pamper yourself and just relax. What mama of 5 doesn't need that?

Also, I've put it out there on FB "We are in need of a new pack n play, does anyone have a newer, clean one they are willing to gift us?" As sort of a "hint, hint". With in a day 3 people were offering me nice stuff.

AbriannaO · November 2016

I wish I had just pampered myself opposed to having a shower, and this is our first! I get that I've been living in a different state for many people having their babies, but I always bring presents when I go to visit. Or for those friends that had babies before I moved, I attended their showers and took them tons of supplies. None of those people showed up for my shower - didn't even RSVP. Or I had a ton of people reach out to me when we announced we were expecting and asked when the shower was, and none of them showed up either. We are grateful for the few people that did show up, but I think I would have been happier just taking time to relax and not do the party thing. I helped my mom out with everything, so it was exhausting.

DumbledoresArmy · November 2016

I just wanted to say I'm soooo sorry. People are lame.

caffeinenut · November 2016

I say just go pamper yourself and buy the necessities yourself as the need comes up. That is what my FI and I are doing. We didn't have a shower, and very few people have gotten us anything, despite the fact that so many have asked where we were registered. We did get a lot of free stuff from his brother and SIL when they moved a few months ago. They didn't want to lug all their baby furniture to Florida from NJ. Lucky for us!

gypsymama1717 · November 2016

Im dealing with the same thing sweetie.My boys are 11 and 12 and this is our 1st little girl,also my Husband and I first child together(been together 10 1/2 years and hes raised our boys since the day we met) Anyways,my Aunt and Mom new how bad we wanted to have a baby shower but no one was making any moves and no one really wanted to plan anything so we basically started planning our selves. Once we started planning, thankfully, they both started to chip in. My Aunt is paying for the hall to rent out the caterer the cake and a few other things and my Mom has done all of the decorating and making of the centerpieces and the entire goodies table along with a few other things as well.Anyways,I invited about 40 some people and sent the invitations out at the beginning of the third week of October and so far have barely heard from anyone back. I even recently resorted to sending messages through Facebook Messenger. I just got a message back from my cousins and her Mother, which is my other Aunt,saying that is they never got the invitation, which I know is a lie! They live in a town that literally has 8 streets and they have live there my entire life so I know that they got the invitation. Now she is saying because she just heard about it that they won't be able to make it because she is taking her to New York City for the day on that Sunday because she has been being in first to work on Saturdays for the past couple of weeks and doesn't have to deal with trying to get off of work. I don't believe that either because they go to New York City on day trips at least 20 times a year and always go on Saturdays and come back on Saturday night. I just really feel that she doesn't want to come and is just making up an excuse, but I wish she would have made up at least a believable excuse. We have decided to invite men as well as being that there is a bar connected to the hall so they can go in and out because myHusband has a bunch of close friends that he works with so we invited them and all of their significant others. I have the RSVP date as November 26th and so far I think 10 people have responded and we have spent so much money that it is just extremely upsetting if so I completely understand where you are coming from. I agree with everyone else sweetie, take the money you were going to use for the shower and spend the day with your man before your new little one gets here and shower yourselves :-) it is a lot of stress and a lot of money to have a baby shower so just take that time and take that money and use it on yourselves for a nice relaxing day

yellingbanana · November 2016

It's always good to send reminder emails/texts/phone calls. Unfortunately, this is a busy time of year for anything other than the holidays. Our babies will probably have low attendance at their birthdays as well.
I'm going to go ahead and say this, my mom and I spent more $ on the baby shower than we would have if we had bought the gifts ourselves. But like you, I thought more people would actually go to the baby shower. If I had to do it again, I wouldn't have had the baby shower at all. Sad? Maybe.
I agree with pp, spend a nice day on yourself, leave the kids with DH. It'll be refreshing.

MombieMe · November 2016

Thank you so much ladies for all your replies and kind words. I was super close to cancelling but my husband actually changed my mind. He said maybe some people are planning to come but didn't RSVP or respond for some reason. So I kept my shower date and didn't spend too much money on it (the venue was free cause I used the library's event room) and i only spent about $50 on food and small prizes for a couple of games. It was kind of lame though lol only 2 of my fiends came and then my mother in law invited her best friend and her friends daughter to come and I've only met her friend twice and never met the daughter. They drove 45 minutes to come! I told them how much I appreciated it but felt like a loser because they came out of pity. I was thankful though. Everyone that did come showed up pretty late so I had to rush everything and didn't even do 2 of my games. Oh well i guess. I know for the future though not to even bother with it. I will just be better off to treat myself to some over priced but super delicious coffee and a manicure or something

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