Adoption
britters314
member
November - "I was adopted/in foster care!" and "I'm a birth mom!"
britters314
member
in Adoption
“I’m was adopted/in foster care!” and “I’m a birth mom!”
Were you adopted or were you in foster care? Did you place a child for adoption? If so, please tell us more about you and your experiences.
-Were you adopted, in foster care or a birth parent?
-At what age were you adopted/fostered/placed the child for adoption?
-Do you have contact with your birth family/adopted child?
-What kind of contact?
-How did you handle knowing you were placed/placing a child?
-Any tips from your experience?
-What was your experience, overall?
-Anything else to add?
Re: November - "I was adopted/in foster care!" and "I'm a birth mom!"
I found out the identity of my birth mom when I was about 23 by putting in a request with the vital records bureau. I reached out to her first through email, we talked on the phone, and then met - maybe a month after the first email. She is married now with 2 children (I've met the whole family), but no one else knows who I am. Her husband knows that she had another baby, but not that it's me.
When we first me, she asked if I was ever mad at her or felt like I had been 'thrown away.' And I was floored, because nothing could be further from the truth. I believe giving a child up is totally selfless. I always assumed I got the good end of the deal - in very simple terms... I figured she couldn't take care of me, and that my parents (who were DYING to be parents) went above and beyond to give me a great life. How could I be mad about that??
I think it's a huge sign of maturity and love for the child if the birth mother makes the choice to give the child up. She's acknowledging that she can't provide for the baby and is doing what she has to so the baby has a good life and is provided for.
Married: 07-2014
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
*TW*
-At what age were you adopted/fostered/placed the child for adoption? I was placed into foster care at 18 months while the courts tried to help my biological mother learn how to take car of a baby. At the age of 4 my biological mother lost all chances at getting me back and her parental rights were taken away. I went to several different potential families and was always sent back to foster care for 1 reason or another. I was adopted just before my 7th birthday.
-Do you have contact with your birth family/adopted child?
I did have contact with my biological mother until I was 18 and then after a few years I told her it was me or the alcohol (long story) and I haven't heard from her sense. I do worry about her and hope she's okay.
I have 7 other siblings that are biologically related to me but no contact has been attempted. I am not sure if they even know I exist or if they know about each other.
I started contacting my biological father a couple years ago but I have been debating whether or not to continue any sort of contact with him because he is in prison (for sexual assault of a child for the 2nd time) and I don't know what / if anything I would gain by continuing contact with him.
About 2 years ago, I did contact my biological grandparents on my biological dad's side which lead to me meeting a few other family members too. I don't talk to them as often as I would like. I would like to contact them more but it is kind of hard talking to them on the phone and letters go mostly unanswered since they have a hard time seeing / reading smaller print.-What kind of contact?
Biological mom = was phone calls and a couple face to face visits
Biological dad = letters (he wants a visit)
Biological grandparents (on father's side) = phone calls - very few
Biological aunt (on father's side) = Facebook
-How did you handle knowing you were placed/placing a child? Depended on the year. I had good times and bad times. I didn't quite understand what was going on when I was younger.
-Any tips from your experience? Lots but the biggest is be patient with a foster / adopted child and be prepared for a (what may seem like it will never end) roller coaster of emotions from the child. Also, the older the child (when adopted or fostered) the longer it will take for them to bond with you.
-What was your experience, overall? I would say very positive. I was definitely blessed with being adopted.
-Anything else to add? I am an open book. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Married: 07-2014
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
*TW*
-Were you adopted, in foster care or a birth parent? - I was adopted
-At what age were you adopted/fostered/placed the child for adoption? - I was adopted as a newborn.
-Do you have contact with your birth family/adopted child? - Yes. Mine was a kinship adoption (adopted by maternal grandparents). I was raised thinking my bio mother was my sister. I have never met my bio father, and I was told that I was adopted around 5-6 years of age.
-What kind of contact? - I see bio mom at all major holidays or when I go home to see my parents and she's around.
-How did you handle knowing you were placed/placing a child? - Umm...it was a shock, but I was pretty young when I found out so it was more like, "oh cool! I have two moms" and then I went about my merry way. I did have a patch of time where I wondered why my bio dad never wanted to meet me, and occasionally I think about finding him, but it's not anything I've ever really seriously considered as I've gotten older.
-Any tips from your experience? - Tell your children their story from the get go. My reaction was pretty good, but I can see how it can go wrong VERY quickly.
-What was your experience, overall? - Overall, it was fine. There are some interesting family dynamics in my family that had nothing to do with my adoption, so that was hard to navigate. I think it would have been better had my parents been upfront with me from the beginning, but too late now.
-Anything else to add? - I'm happy to answer questions if anyone has them!