Pregnant after a Loss

PGAL Check-In 11/14

How far along are you? 

How big is baby? 

Appointments this week?

How are you feeling emotionally/physically?

Rants/Raves/Questions:

GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? Or rant about the worst thing someone has said to you on your difficult journey so far: 

Re: PGAL Check-In 11/14

  • How far along are you? 20 w 3D

    How big is baby? A banana 

    Appointments this week? Yup! Sitting in the doctor office right now waiting for her to come in. No US today, just a regular OBGYN check up.

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically? Pretty good. I have an echo scan next week. Slightly nervous about that. Like is that the appointment that's going to bring all this happiness crashing down?

    Rants/Raves/Questions: 

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? Or rant about the worst thing someone has said to you on your difficult journey so far: to be honest nothing much on either. I guess the worst thing is my MIL, making her little comments about how my daughter needs a sibling or how great it was that all her kids were close in age and how they played so much together. Like, shut up! You do know that we are trying and have had losses, just shut up!
  • HGRichHGRich member
    edited November 2016
    How far along are you?  18 weeks 

    How big is baby? 
    An artichoke or a tall frappucino. 

    Appointments this week? 
    A/s after thanksgiving but nothing until then. 

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically? 
    Emotionally, nervous about anatomy scan and how two weeks feels so far off. Kinda like how you're describing @Bok Bagok  about whether this one will show something wrong. Physically I'm doing well. Tired and having some headaches and lightheadedness and pelvic pain if I stand up too fast. Super sore from my flu shot this morning. 

    Rants/Raves/Questions: 
    Nothing really. I guess rave that I found some super comfortable bras and underwear to fit my changing body. My other underwear was really starting to dig into the belly and thighs. Glad to have some that fit better. Haha. 

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? Or rant about the worst thing someone has said to you on your difficult journey so far:
    I'd say the kindest thing has been from a few people who have been where I am who have encouraged me to grieve however and as much as I needed to, and not to compare my grief to anyone else's. The worst is probably "everything happens for a reason" or "at least you know you can get pregnant and try again."  
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  • flipfloppedflipflopped member
    edited November 2016

    How far along are you? 4w5d

    How big is baby? 
    itty bitty

    Appointments this week?
    nothing until december

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically?
    not much physically and emotinally uneasy and waiting for the shoe to drop/bleeding to start.

    Rants/Raves/Questions:
    What is the point you start to enjoy the pregnancy? When do the happy and positive thoughts outweigh the possibility of MC?

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? Or rant about the worst thing someone has said to you on your difficult journey so far: 
    Friends who have been through just saying it sucks, but one day it will be better. I have only shared (MC and BFP) with people who have been through MC to ensure only supportive comments.


    Edit: Not sure if I should have intro'd. DD is 2 y/o and had MC this summer TTC for #2.

  • Welcome @flipflopped. You can intro if you want but don't have to. Sorry for your loss this summer but we're glad to have you here. I think it varies for each mom. For me, zero excitement until I found out the gender two weeks ago. Now I'm kind of excited but still anxious for the anatomy scan coming up. Still anxious enough that I haven't bought so much as a bib or a bottle and haven't started on the nursery. But I'm hoping to feel ready for that after the anatomy scan. You're not alone. Hang in there. 
  • Hello All, Dad to be here.  These are my rants, as wifey does not like coming onto the forums.

    How far along are you? 30w 6d

    How big is baby? summer cantelope or squash can't remember lol

    Appointments this week?  Wednesday 11/16  Ob Followup.

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically?  Dad here is drained emotionally, Wifey's mom passed away two weeks ago unexpected huge shock, then my dad went into the hospital for a fall, I've not slept a full night in 2 plus weeks.   Now my focus is on the little one and because of our prior early (-8wk) MC My brain can't process anything but the worst, since wifey said she didn't feel him at all yesterday my heart sank and i literally almost cried myself to sleep.  This wifey said he was fluttering all night and when I kissed the belly and talked to him like I do every day he was moving around... In the car ont he way to work he was not kicking but stretching his feet which made me feel better but still the back of my head is going wild.   Wifey is positive and that's all I care about i'm doing my best to keep her positive when i'm secretly crying inside.  Hopefully the OB can put my mind at ease.

    Rants/Raves/Questions:  No real rants/raves etc.

    Sorry for the long rant i'm just drained.

    John
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @flipflopped I agree with HGRICH, feeling comfortable/accepting of a pregnancy after loss is going to be different for everyone. I know for myself, I would think things like "ok after <insert certain milestone/ultra sound > then I'll feel happy/excited" Well, after each one of those, I'd still feel uneasy looking towards the next scan/test.  I eventually gave up on trying to pinpoint the moment I'd allow myself to feel OK with it. That alone made me feel a bit better. I'm 20 weeks now, and after a lot of ups, downs and scares I finally feel "Ok". At least I'd say my worry level is down to regular pregnancy worry/concerns and less of the high alert high stress worry of PGAL cocerns. 
  • @johnnydro so sorry about your MIL and your fathers hospital stay. That makes an already tough time so much harder. I hope your wife is doing ok with the loss of her mother, so close to the birth of the baby :( 
    I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter, who will be three in February, towards the later end of the pregnancy I'd get scared too if I didn't feel her move all the time. They are so big at that point you think you should feel them constantly, it's just not the case sometimes. Glad some baby foot stretching out your mind at ease :)
  • @Bok Bagok  Thank you.. I know my mind will be at complete ease once i'm holding the little guy in my arms :smile:
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @johnnydro I'm sorry for all the anxiety and I'm also sorry for the really tough family situations and loss. Will be thinking of you. Glad mama is positive. Hang in there. 
  • How far along are you? 13 weeks

    How big is baby? Peach or clownfish

    Appointments this week? Had one today. Got another U/S. 

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically? Really good. Baby is growing exactly as it should and so far nothing is showing signs I should be worried. Also no cramps or bleeding. 

    Rants/Raves/Questions: I thought ms was supposed to start letting up but so far not so lucky here. 

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? Or rant about the worst thing someone has said to you on your difficult journey so far: I skipped out on my bf wedding because I couldn't handle people asking if I was pregnant before we were ready to announce just in case. I was surprised by how she responded and she was so understanding and made me feel better. Otherwise DH and I are pretty private so not many people know. 

    @flipflopped I don't know if you ever get over it but at 11 weeks I saw the baby moving like crazy and that made me feel like wow I actually have a baby in there. I also HIGHLY suggest that you buy a home Doppler. You can find the heartbeat pretty early (10 weeks or so) and whenever you feel worried or unsure you can pull it out and check. When you hear the heartbeat it is a total reassurance in between appointments and before you can feel baby. 

    @johnnydro I am so sorry for your loss and that you have so much going on. I think it's great that you are so supportive and that you participate on the boards. My hubby has said he wishes there was a Dad board for men.
  • How far along are you? 20w 2d

    How big is baby? 
    Not sure - but was measuring 2 days ahead last Tuesday. 

    Appointments this week? 
    Nope, none till next month!

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically? 
    Physically, fine! This is the best part of pregnancy - not napping daily, not throwing up, but not big and uncomfortable (which I hope I get to be!). Emotionally, not the best. Despite an uneventful anatomy scan a week ago, I am still concerned about the baby's movement (I have anterior placenta, so I can only feel it moving when I lie down, which is stressful! I want to feel it all day!) I think I've said before that my baby's lack of movement last time turned out to be an effect of it not doing well, so I'm just on edge. It sucks a lot. 

    Rants/Raves/Questions: 
    My belly is growing! That's fun. Though I'm still keeping it a secret from most people, so it makes it hard. :)

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? Or rant about the worst thing someone has said to you on your difficult journey so far: 
    Having been open about experiencing 3 losses (and one on the later side), I have heard a LOOOOT of comments. The worst was when I told my friend I was pregnant and asked her to pray for me and she said, "I have a good feeling about this one. I didn't have a good feeling about Clare. (my baby who died.)" Like, WTF. Why would you saaaaay that? Not helpful in any way.

    @flipflopped  - Everyone is different! Some people feel better once they are past their previous loss point(s), other are anxious till the end. For my last successful pregnancy (after 2 8-week losses) - I felt much less anxious after 10 weeks. It helped that I had a doppler. This time, I'm pregnant after a 21 week loss, so I'm planning to be pretty on edge for a long time. I just know so much more that can go wrong, unfortunately. 

    @SWE2  -
    So sorry you're not feeling better! My last two pregnancies, I threw up till 20/22 weeks, so I feel your pain. Not fun!

    A

    2010: son born 9/1 

    2013: 2 miscarriages + d&cs, both at 10 weeks: April & July

    2014: son #2 born 6/29

    2016: Baby girl stillborn at 21w6d 4/29 and baby boy stillborn at 20w 3d 11/16

  • How far along are you?  Somewhere between 5 & 6 weeks. Not sure when O was, but last LMP was October 6 and BFP was 11/8

    How big is baby?
    About the size of an apple seed!

    Appointments this week? 
    Who knows! I had my first last week, on 11/9, since I have had two MC prior. Hcg started at 67 on Wednesday, then rose to 351 by Friday. Progesterone was 29.1 Friday but I am still on 200 mg per day to be on the safe side. Supposed to do a repeat quant this week, but my doctors office is being really annoying. My first ultrasound is 11/29.

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically?
    I feel nervous all the time, but trying to be calm. Last MC was MMC found at 12 week appt after hearing the heartbeat at our 8 week appt. I don't want to be blindsided again. Physically my boobs are huge, and I have been going to bed at 8 or 9 each night. Not super hungry, and my back hurts. 

    Rants/Raves/Questions:
    I just really wish my doctors office would be better about following up with me. I had to call them to get the results of my blood work. Yesterday was the day I heard my results from Fridays draw and they said someone could not call me back until today...ridiculous. I pitched a bit of a fit and they got back to me yesterday evening. Seriously thinking about changing doctors. I have been with my OB through it all, but I can't deal with not feeling like my needs are being met. Especially since I am already so nervous!

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL?
    My dear dear friend brought me a care package after my D&C, and my best friend calls me when she knows one of our friends is pregnant so I can mentally prep for the sting when they tell me. I am ALWAYS happy for my friends, but announcements never get easier. 
  • thank you all for sharing your experiences!! it really helps me. I will look into a doppler once I'm further along and know there is an established heartbeat. I don't want to freak myself out more unnecessarily!!

    @johnnydro With my first I would drink a cold glass of water to get her to move around. Kinda felt bad, but the reasurrance and sanity it gave me outweighed the possible negative.

    @amwangel difficultly feeling movement must be awful. Hopefully that changes!

  • How far along are you?  9w 6d

    How big is baby? 
    the size of a cherry

    Appointments this week? 
    we just had one on the 14th baby looked great, we saw it moving all around...it was amazing

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically? 
    I feel pretty nervous still as we go through these next couple weeks as it's passing the time line of our first loss. However we did get great news which is that the clot on my uterus is gone! So that's another load off

    Rants/Raves/Questions: 
    I just can't say enough about how amazing my ob has been. Even now that we move to 4 week appointments she said anytime I'm feeling nervous and just need to ease my mind just call and I can come over for a quick listen for baby's heart! She just gets it, such a wonderful doctor/person.

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? 
    during my first pregnancy (we lost) my older sister was pregnant 11 w ahead of me then my younger sister had become pregnant and we had our 2nd loss two weeks before she gave birth. To say the least it was very difficult but both my sister were amazing always checking on my comfort and really involving me in the excitement of their births....those births brought joy to my life when it was so full of so much sadness..
  • I love hearing about the positives some of you have had with people encouraging you through loss. The bad advice and comments make me angry. Ugh. I know some people just don't understand though. 

    @flipflopped I agree with @amwangel about the Doppler. It's been enormously reassuring for me too. But I agree with you--don't get it too soon and unnecessarily worry yourself. It took me 20 minutes to find the first time.  But now it only takes me about ten seconds. 

    @ssnova so good to hear about the cyst being gone! Also so great to hear about your doctor being so supportive. 
  • 12w2d

    baby is the size of a lime I believe 

    no official appointments this week but we will meet with OB when my Panorama results come back which hopefully will be this week. 

    Physically im feeling better- morning sickness and food aversions are much improved. I stopped progesterone Sunday so I think that's helping me feel better physically too. Emotionally I'm a bit of mess. As I shared last week, we found out baby has a cystic hygroma. Thereafter we did the Panorama draw and we are waiting on results. Per the lab yesterday we likely won't get results until Friday. Dr said there's a 60% chance of chromosomal abnormality and if it's not then likely heart problem. So we are a wreck waiting for some answers. Regardless of results there will be more testing but Panorama results will decide which testing is next. I'm also worried about miscarriage since I stopped my progesterone at 12 weeks. Obviously now with the risk of chromosomal problems I'm worried the progesterone was supporting an otherwise unhealthy pregnancy.  I'm basically just full of anxiety. Making it hard to concentrate on anything else. Praying we get results this week and that we eventually find out baby is healthy. 

    The kindest thing someone did for me was bringing us food during my ectopic. Also the grandparents were wonderful to come and help out with DD.  The worst thing people said was:  it wasn't meant to be or oh you'll have another baby....cuz it's that easy right?! 
  • @1inthehopper oh man what a rough couple of weeks, I didn't see your post about the cystic hygroma, Im so sorry there's an issue and pray it turns out to be nothing serious. please keep us posted on your results when ever they come in.  

    We had people say the same to us  "you can just try for another baby"... to which I would say we don't want another baby, we want that baby the one that has been growing inside me for the pas 3 months....people just don't get it unless they have been through. I always told my self they are trying to help not hurt and I vocalized a lot how painful and un comforting words like that were.
  • @1inthehopper I'd hope you'd hear by now. I'm sure you did too! But still thinking of you. Keep us posted. 
  • @1inthehopper hugs! never in my life have I wished for medical providers and tests to be wrong. best wishes for good news
  • HGRich said:
    How far along are you? 6 weeks 3 days

    How big is baby? 
    A lentil!

    Appointments this week? 
    Waiting on ultrasound 11/22 @ 7 weeks 4 days

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically? 
    Anxious wrapped up in nerves inside a big cloud of freakout! More about that in my intro post.

    Rants/Raves/Questions: 
    Did any of you not have morning sickness at all? Can't help feeling it's a bad sign.

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? Or rant about the worst thing someone has said to you on your difficult journey so far: 
    The worst is the many friends who said "Oh at least you know you can get pregnant!" after the loss. A year and a half later and a lot of science, yes, but those comments were so unhelpful. The kindest has been my sister in law who coached me to focus all my energy on wrapping up the little life inside me in a warm welcoming hug.

  • @chamomile I started feeling pretty sick around 7.5 weeks, felt fine at 9.5 weeks (which scared the crap out of me), then felt awful from 10.5 weeks to 14.5. As far as I know it can fluctuate a lot! I also know personally two women who felt great the whole time. Hang in there for the next week! Your sister in law sounds wonderful. 
  • My baby died two days ago - I found out yesterday after going in since I couldn't feel movement for 2 days and couldn't find the heartbeat. I am gutted beyond belief. Two losses after 20 weeks of pregnancy in 6.5 months is more than anyone can bear. Good luck to all of you. 

    A

    2010: son born 9/1 

    2013: 2 miscarriages + d&cs, both at 10 weeks: April & July

    2014: son #2 born 6/29

    2016: Baby girl stillborn at 21w6d 4/29 and baby boy stillborn at 20w 3d 11/16

  • @amwangel I am so, so sorry. I really have no words. I'm sure you're completely devastated and there's nothing we could say anyway. But know that I will be praying for you and your family. Please take care of yourself. Please grieve how you need to. I really am so angry and grieved for you and will be thinking of you. 
  • I am so very sorry @amwangel I will be praying for you
  • TW:  And to add more bad news to our board today- 

    My panoroma results came back this morning showing high risk (greater than 99% chance of) Trisomy 18-Edwards Syndrome. Almost always fatal. If baby is born will likely only live briefly. I've been referred to a specialist about 3 hours away so we will go there next week for confirmation and options. 

    We're just devastated right now and our heads are spinning. The thought of losing two babies in one year seems unfathomable. Unfortunately many of you know that pain. The worst thing with be telling 4.5 year old DD. 

    I thank all of you for your support and well wishes while I've been waiting for results. It means a lot to me. I'll likely be leaving you but would like to stick around until we have confirmation if that's ok.  I truly wish you all healthy pregnancies and babies. You're in my prayers. 
  • I'm so sorry, @1inthehopper - I know how hard those decisions can be. I was also crushed to tell my 6 year old - he was so looking forward to a baby in the family.

    A

    2010: son born 9/1 

    2013: 2 miscarriages + d&cs, both at 10 weeks: April & July

    2014: son #2 born 6/29

    2016: Baby girl stillborn at 21w6d 4/29 and baby boy stillborn at 20w 3d 11/16

  • Ladies my god I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you both...I pray for strength for both of you during this terrible time...
  • @1inthehopper is there any way they could be wrong? What percent of their result in the past have been correct? Oh I pray the test is wrong 
  • @1inthehopper I'm so sorry. I don't have any words for you either. Praying for you and your family. Hoping the specialist can walk with you through your options in the most comforting way possible. Not that there's really any comfort in this. Yes please stay until you're ready to go. We've loved having you with us and I hope and pray joy for you sometime in the future. In the meantime please take care of yourself. 
  • @1inthehopper and @amwangel I am so so sorry to hear this! I just can't believe it. I'm sorry I don't have any other words other than I am so sorry and will be thinking of you both!! My heart is broken for both of you. 
  • Thank you, everyone. Your words means a lot to me.

     @ssnova OB told us less than 1% chance of error. But the probable predictable value is up to 7% chance of error depending on what source you're reading.  In any event even best case senerio there's 93%+ chance test is correct. Plus from seeing the cystic hygroma on ultrasound that reduces chance of error.  

    @amwangel  I'm so very sorry you had to tell your 6 year old. I'm dreading the conversation and witnessing her grief. It will just break her heart. I can handle everything else but breaking her heart is too much. I'm praying for you and your family. 

  • @1inthehopper ill keep praying for you and your baby. please keep us posted after you see the specialist. again I'm so sorry 

  • @amwangel @1inthehopper I am sorry beyond words for what you're both going through, it is such a painful thing. You'll both be in my prayers. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • Since I'm new here, I'll just go ahead and introduce myself. I'm 29 and this is my 4th pregnancy (so crazy to type that, it's hard for me to believe it), I loss my first 3 pregnancies at 6, 22 and 17 weeks. I'll skip the details on my horrible pregnancy stories but bottom line I was referred to a MFM and got tested for like a million things and apparently I have just been unlucky, feel free to Message me if you have any questions. 

    How far along are you? I am 6.1 weeks by LMP which was October 6th but I think I implanted late, got my first BFP on 11/3 

    How big is baby? Size of a sweet pea

    Appointments this week? no appointments until first U/S on November 28th. 

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically?
    Physically I couldn't feel better which is making me anxious and panicky. All of my previous pregnancies I've had super early symptoms, with the later I was never not sick, all the way through to 17 weeks I was still nauseous and vomiting. I don't feel pregnant at all, no sore breast, no nausea, no excessive peeing, not a single symptom. Given my history I've had 4 beta drawns and it's been rising as it should.  

    Rants/Raves/Questions: has anyone had a symptom free pregnancy and went on to deliver safely? 

    GTKY: what is the kindest thing someone has said or done for you after a loss or while you're PGAL? Or rant about the worst thing someone has said to you on your difficult journey so far: Only close people know about my first loss but the last two were impossible to hide since I was already showing and I've gotten a fare share of hurtful comments like "Are you sure there's nothing wrong with you?" "next time you need to take better care of yourself" "thank God you've loss them before they get to call you mom, that would've been worse" "you should get tested, there must be something wrong with your body" "Everything happens for a reason" "At least you know you can get pregnant". The kindest thing I can remember is how one of my best friends, who had her baby shower just days after my last loss, called me and said that she couldn't possibly understand how I felt and she knew I was in pain, that it would mean so much to her if I could still make it to her baby shower but she would completely understand if I skipped it (which I did, mainly to avoid hurtful comments from mutual friends and curious people asking questions) 

    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • HGRich said:
    How far along are you?  4 weeks 5 days 

    How big is baby?  
    Poppyseed 

    Appointments this week? 
    None yet.  Gave myself the milestone of setting my intake appt on Monday.  My doctor doesn't typically schedule those until after 6 weeks (and I was told after my MC that I wouldn't be considered high risk unless I had 3 or more MCs)

    How are you feeling emotionally/physically? 
    Physically ok - sore breasts, some cramping, I worry as much about symptoms as lack of symptoms!  Emotionally - super anxious and stressed. My husband really tries to be supportive but his go to is super positive "You're doing good, you're doing ok" when sometimes I just have to say "You know what? Today I'm not doing ok and that needs to be ok"

    Rants/Raves/Questions:

    Not many people knew we were pregnant last time.  Only my mom knew before the miscarriage.  In-laws were told after the MC (mostly because heavy bleeding started while at their house and we rushed out of there with the excuse that I was "sick" so we felt we should explain). I'm really struggling with when to tell people this time.  Part of me wants to tell at least the people that knew last time early because we know we will tell them again no matter what happens this time.  Part of me wants to tell no one and until we are past the point we made it last time at the very least.  The holidays coming up makes it hard.  

  • Hello all - I recognize some of you from the TTCAL board :). I have 2 daughters and then had a MMC in March at 13 weeks which required 2 D&Cs and the first one resulted in a perforated uterus. 

    I'm currently 6 weeks 4 days pregnant. I've seen my OB twice this week. Tuesday and Thursday. Tuesday was just a viability check after my beta values were high enough and sack and baby looked great. Then i started bleeding yesterday so went back and OB found a SCH and I am now on 2 weeks of bed rest and hoping for the best. I had a SCH in my last pregnancy too that resolved and don't think it contributed to my loss but who knows. So I'm a ball of emotion and anxiety. Go back to OB on Monday to check on things.


    **** TW - kids and loss mentioned ****
    ~~ married 8.11.07
    ~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
    ~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
    ~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
    ~~ BFP4 10.27.16  MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
  • Welcome @ladipale. Sorry you've had a rough start but so glad your doc is working with you. Keep us posted on Monday. Pulling for you! 
  • Thanks @HGRich
    **** TW - kids and loss mentioned ****
    ~~ married 8.11.07
    ~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
    ~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
    ~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
    ~~ BFP4 10.27.16  MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
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