@SDSwenson I totally get that fear! I invited my grandma to our ultrasound and not I'm panicking that there might be something wrong. Do you think going out to do something distracting might help? I would vote either something totally baby centric like starting a registry or something not at all... A paint class or a movie where you can "escape" a bit?
I think I may just aggressively clean my house @herewegrow
I just keep googling so you're right, a distraction would help!
Beware the Google Monster!!!!
Seriously though, I think it's so normal to feel anxious and worried. Even when I had symptoms/kicks going on with my first, I would panic out of no where that something had gone wrong. I have had a few moments this time around but I still have so many symptoms...I think I'm too tired to worry!
I hope your scan on Friday eases your mind. Remember, 2nd tri is supposed to be pretty low key. Before you know it, you'll be showing and glowing and loving those little kicks.
Me: 31 DH: 36 Married 5 years DD born 8/30/13 #2 expected 4/25/17
@SDSwenson maybe your funk IS a symptom. I also think you have the right if you're really worried to ask to come in and hear the heartbeat. Or borrow a Doppler from a friend. But I agree with @herewegrow that the second trimester is supposed to be chill and many women I've heard from don't feel pregnant. And yes, Google is evil. Hang in there. Glad it's less than a week away for you.
For the most part I am feeling really good and loving being pregnant, however I do feel days where I just feel blah and fat. I'm usually very in shape, but being pregnant has of course added extra lbs I'm not used to. It's hard to adjust and still want to look cute in clothes, but sometimes can't...
I do also worry about the labor part, but feel confident I'll get through it and not freak out too much....
Thank you @hgrich and @cafedisco I'm feeling a little better and think I can chill out until Friday. Like you, @hgrich this for me is also a PGAL so sometimes it's hard to shake the feeling the something isn't right. I appreciate the positive words and thoughts
I'm trying to stay positive as I usually am and I know additional stress caused by me, won't help the baby either. But this whole his tummy measuring too small is driving me nuts and I won't know more until the 22nd. I just want to know my baby is ok. I'm also totally stressed out at work. I work in finance so right now it's just hell for me. My boss is great in general but at the same time has no clue how long it all takes. He also wants me to get a temp replacement for when I'm out which is great, but wants that to happen in January. January is when I close the year, manage the audit, do the budget etc. There is NO TIME to train a new person in! I'm just completely stressed out and feel like shutting down. I just want to call in sick and ignore what's facing me.
@mrsbakes My tummy measured small with my first pregnancy. They did two extra u/s one in my late 2ndT and one in my 3rdT. Baby was always growing fine. My body type just held her deep in there because I had "thick abdominal muscles" or some stupid thing. It made me worry so, I was drinking those Ensure drinks everyday for extra protein. The OB staff make you worry and then are like, "hey, see you in month to look at this". WTH?
@smallanimal I don't think this is a bad thing. I must be the minority. I do it. I'm super practical. I lurk on the Bump loss board or PGAL board. I am always aware I don't know what is going on inside my uterus. We have held off on our FB announcement for this reason. My theory is to embrace the uncertainty. It doesn't make me "crazy" or "stressed" because it is a true fact. We don't have them safe in our arms yet. Nothing wrong with understanding the worst has happened somewhere to someone. It's life. I keep reminding myself, it has not happened to me yet with this baby. Today, I have no reason to think the baby is not thriving.
Emotionally, I'm still pretty reserved about this baby. My husband wants me to buy something for the new baby and we looked at the tiny nb clothes this weekend. I couldn't do it. He bought a used baby swing for the baby (the fancy 4moms alien space-pod looking one) and he has it in our office. My toddler has been putting her toys in it. I want so badly for her to watch her brother/sister in it. I walk by that empty swing thinking a baby may never sit in it. It doesn't make me sad though. It makes me hopeful I'm wrong. I have an appointment today with the OB. Every appointment I get a gold star, I begin to feel more excited. I think after the AS in a month, I can finally begin planning a new person into our lives.
Also, can I just say, EVERYONE OF YOU WORKING MOMS ARE ROCKSTARS! I'm mentally shouting that. I cannot even begin to fathom having to manage my growing, changing body and manage commute, boss, co-workers, hot projects, promotions ect. Men have no idea what a woman can manage. I'd make you all CEOs.
I was just thinking this morning that I need maternity leave to start early. Like today early. I'm so exhausted and can't focus at work. Thankfully I don't have much to focus on at the present time, but most days I wake up just dreading to go to work. I wish I could have a super flexible schedule (come in and leave whenever I choose) and still get paid the same amount.
@KirstinH88 I'm with you. My performance at work has suffered so much this year. It makes me want to leave teaching altogether. I hope you feel a bit better about it soon!
For anyone interested, I'm a big believer in yoga and meditation for mental self-care but I know it's not for everyone. If you want to try it, here's a great site with guided meditations. There is one for pregnancy at the bottom. I haven't done much this time but with DD, I used to do it right before bed and it really did help with insomnia hits later in 3rd tri.
Today I had a crying fit at my husband on how "lonely" and alone I feel, how I am sad and scared that he will cheat on me and leave me (!!?!?!) alone with the baby, then it all came out, and I am now right as rain. Where did this come from? He is the loveliest most supportive guy, I do not feel lonely!!!! He would never cheat... He took it OK I guess. Time to make it up to him with some nicer dinner or cake or something... seriously, what the hell, brain???
Me: 35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever. Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
@cafedisco, thank you so much for the link. I'll definetly try it out. @smallanimal, all those hormones raging in your body can make you feel all kinds of emotions. Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure your DH understands. But dinner and cake would definetly be a nice gesture.
MMC @ 10w March 2016 Cautiously expecting April 5, 2017
Hey ladies. Hopefully everyone is doing alright as I haven't seen any recent posts on the mental health board. Unfortunately not doing so well on my end. In the past week my anxiety has increased dramatically and is having a serious negative effect on my life. I have become fixated on complications that can occur at this stage of pregnancy and despite my doctor checking things out and saying everything looks fine, I am having panic attacks multiple times per day about it. I am very frustrated because I thought I was managing it fairly well with therapy and meditation but at this point I just don't think I can make it through the rest of this pregnancy like this. I am meeting with one of the nurse practitioners tomorrow at my OB's office to discuss medication options. Is anyone else taking medication for anxiety/depression that your OB has said was safe? I am really hoping when I talk to her tomorrow she has some suggestions.
@kitkat8387 I've been thinking of you since your pre-term labor thread (I think it got lost or deleted). I'm not sure if you saw my response to you there, so I'll just type out what I remember again!
First, you absolutely are NOT alone. I'm so glad you are talking to us and to your OB's office. I think pregnancy is such a huge change that it's not surprising that anyone with a history of anxiety or depression will have a harder time. And it may pop up for the first time too. Panic attacks are no joke. I can only imagine how tired you must be if you are having so many a day - on top of growing a baby, you are probably physically exhausted by now. Which of course doesn't help with anxiety....and so a cycle continues.
I was going to suggest meditation, but I see you are already doing that. I have not had to take anxiety medication during pregnancy so I don't have suggestions on which ones are ok. I myself decided to go back on my SSRI, which is Class C, about a month ago. However, I had a severe reaction to it (so nauseous I couldn't stand) so I sought out an alternative with a nautropath. I'm taking a huge amount of fish oil...so far, I' not sure if it's helping or just feeling better from Tri 2...
My point is, if your mental health is suffering and as a result, your physical health as well, I wouldn't hesitate to take a Class C drug. The way I see it is, you need to be well enough to take care of yourself and baby. If you need your anti anxiety meds to do so, then it is worth the risks associated. Just one opinion, but if your office is ok with it, I wouldn't feel badly.
Also, I think it's easy to convince ourselves that everything will be fine once a healthy baby is in our arms. And that may be so for some women, but for a lot of moms I know (myself included), having an infant is MUCH harder than being pregnant. The number of things to worry about just goes up. I don't say this to be negative at all, but just to encourage you to do what it takes to take care of yourself and build your support system now. Because post-partum may get hard. I personally suffered from post natal OCD, which I didn't know at the time. Now I know that was a manifestation of my anxiety. If you want any details about that, let me know. Here, I'll just say it wasn't fun and left me not wanting more kids for 2 solid years.
Ok, enough ranting. TL/DR: you're doing everything right. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. We're here for you. Rest. Hang in there.
Me: 31 DH: 36 Married 5 years DD born 8/30/13 #2 expected 4/25/17
@kitkat8387 I feel for you too. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're looking into more ways to find some help. I don't have experience but I do have two friends who took anxiety medication while pregnant and it really helped. Good luck. @cafedisco is right. And you're not alone and we appreciate that you're open enough to share your struggles too.
@KirstinH88@cafedisco@HGRich Thanks for all your support, I really appreciate it! It's so interesting how I feel more comfortable talking about this stuff on here vs. with most of my real-life friends haha. I don't have many friends who have had kids (only 2 actually, and one was an unplanned pregnancy during college) so that's probably part of it.
@cafedisco I saw your response on my other thread (thank you!), but it looks like it got deleted in the big glitch over the weekend. Your point is a big reason I want to go on the medication now, as I no longer have confidence it will be better once I have him in my arms. As you say, I think it might actually get worse since there are even more things to worry about once the baby is born. I think the reason it actually got worse after the anatomy scan was that I felt so connected to him after that and I already love him so much it's scary - I can only imagine how that love will feel after he is here with us. I kept saying to myself that my anxiety will be better after the first trimester; then, it will be better after the genetic testing; then, it will be better after the anatomy scan - etc. and it's just not getting better. So I think right now for both my health and the health of my son I need to get this under control, and if that means taking a class C medication, then that's okay with me right now.
@kitkat8387 So sorry to hear that it is so difficult for you at the moment. I think @cafedisco said it all above really - do not be hard on yourself, and take care of yourself! happy mum = happy baby!
This will probably sound bleak, but for me, when I get anxious, praying helps a lot. Partly because of its meaning, it calms me down - but also because if I repeat a routine prayer, it sends my brain into calm mode, as the sequence is familiar and easy to remember, and has it's own rhythm, If you are not the religious sort, you can try it with any other regular something that you can recite, it can even be song lyrics, just needs to be something that is super familiar to you and has the tendency of sticking in your head.
Also, at work, we all got taught that maths help with emotions and anxiety and I always use the multiplication technique to get into a calm and practical headspace before big meetings or when I am upset. It's very simple, you just pick a number and start doubling it in your head. You can start with 2, so go 2,4,8,16,32 etc etc. By the time you get to the thousands, your right brain takes over and shuts down emotions, it sounds crazy but it really does work. If you are advanced, move to 3, and go 3,6,9,27 etc. don't do 5, that is way too easy
Don't know if this helps, but maybe worth a try, it certainly works for me.
Me: 35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever. Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
@kitkat8387 I agree you are certainly not alone whether there are moms/moms to be on medication or not. @cafedisco did really say it all. I can speak from my experience, I have been on Lexapro 10 mg once daily for a year and a half now. It is an SSRI class C drug. I have had extensive talks with my gynecologist before getting pregant, my OB now that I am pregnant, and also the maternal fetal medicine specialist about getting off of it or staying on it. All 3 agree that for me it is best to stay on it and be a healthier version of myself than to continue to let my anxiety rule my life. I cannot even begin to describe the difference it has made in my life and am very pleased with the results. Of course, my anxiety went through the roof thinking about the what ifs of staying on the medication, but I put my trust in my Dr's and decided to stay on it. All tests so far have shown everything is perfect with my little boy. Being my first pregnancy, there has still been some expected anxiety, but it is nothing like my severe panic attacks that I used to get. I think most importantly, you need to believe whatever choice you make is what you believe to be best for you and baby and please never forget you are so NOT ALONE in this. If you ever want to talk with someone who has experienced/is experiencing your same thoughts and emotions, please feel free to reach out to me.
Hi everyone. I'm sorry, I've been completely off the gird again for a while. And I'm sorry that I haven't been following up on anything. Please know that I'm not being ignorant towards any of you. I am just completely and totally drained, emotionally and physically. I also don't want this to seem like I've been MIA and am just coming back now to talk about me, but I need to vent and I promise I'll catch up...
In July my H's cousin (32) committed suicide. In September, H's great uncle died unexpectedly of cancer. it took him away in less than 7 weeks. A month ago my H's cousin, whom we were very close with and who was only 28, died in a car crash. Last Thursday (Thanksgiving), my grandmother died unexpectedly.
I am seriously hanging by the thread and feel like I could just lose it any day.
I'm tired, completely stressed out at work and we have lost so many loved ones in such short period of time.
I try to stay positive and really look at the most amazing and happy thing that's about to happen, which is the birth of our son and little brother to our sweet girl. But I am so overwhelmed with everything that I'm slowly losing my stability...
@MrsBakes This sounds awful, what a horrid series of tragedies. I can see why it affects you so much, anyone would be distressed. Please try to get a bit better, I know it is difficult, with all the lives lost around you, but think - you are actually just right now growing an amazing new life inside you! he/she is the most important thing, and just imagine how your baby's arrival will brighten up the whole family, it will be light a beautiful shining light after all the darkness and challenges. it's your job to take care of this little life now, and so far you have been doing really well, even amidst of all the challenges and heartbreaks. Hang in there please, each day *will* be a tiny bit better, and remember the saying, which goes "if you are going through hell - keep going". Thinking of you!!
Me: 35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever. Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
@kitkat8387 yes I'm still taking Citalopram daily, 40mg. I went off it the first pregnancy and it was an awful experience. Doing much better this time. Happier mom, happier baby, right? Thinking of you...
@mrsbakes I'm so sorry. I feel that 2016 has been the best and worst year of my life for various reasons too and it's rough. I hit a low spot where I didn't know how to even keep going. But things will get better. They will. You don't have to carry the weight of all you've seen around you. Even though that really is a lot and I don't blame you for how you feel at all. I like how @smallanimal said it. Keep going. It will get better. It did for me. I'm coming up on my original due date and trying to fight the despair myself, but little girl is helping. Thinking of you right now. Hope work and such gets less stressful so you can rest and refocus too.
@MrsBakes I don't know what to say other than I am so very sorry you have lost so many loved ones in such a short period of time. If I were in your shoes, I know I would be feeling very down too, especially with the work stress on top of everything else. Try to just take it one day at a time and find happiness where you can, even in small ways. We are all thinking of you.
Just to update anyone who was curious, I talked to my OB and we decided to try Zoloft. I am starting it tomorrow. I remember when I first started on SSRI's 10 years ago I had some yucky side effects in the beginning so hopefully those aren't too bad and I can start feeling better in the next week or two.
@MrsBakes I'm so sorry for your losses. It sounds like a terribly sad and difficult time, pregnancy aside. Are you able to try out any therapy or counseling? I'm such a big fan of getting help even when life is just tad hard - you've been thrown so many things in the past several months. I would imagine most people in your shoes would need extra support. Thinking about you and sending lots of good thoughts and love to you.
@kitkat8387 I'm so glad you have a supportive OB! I hope it's a smooth transition for you - keep us posted.
Me: 31 DH: 36 Married 5 years DD born 8/30/13 #2 expected 4/25/17
@kitkat8387 I'm glad to hear you have a plan. I hope the side effects are small. I know it takes a while to build up in your system. During my 1st pregnancy, my anxiety flared up for the 1st time in like 10years. Its so weird when everyone is beyond the moon excited for you and you feel like you can't be that relaxed.
@mrsbakes That is so sad to hear. Let yourself grieve however you feel comfortable. It must be such a juxtaposition of emotions for you. I hope at least work can slow down a bit.
We are having cancer sadness everywhere in my family. My step-father was diagnosed this summer and now its just more and more and more depressing. He is still fighting with chemo but, watching what this is doing to him emotionally, his spirit, his physical body, my mother's emotions, my mother's physical body caring for him, her depression, and their relationship together. Unfortunately, they are not uniting as a team and problems they could ignore in their marriage are now front and center. My husband said they are not a team. He is exactly right. It's awful to watch. I'm the closest house to theirs so, I see so much more of it than my siblings.
I'm also pissed that his biological daughter has taken a backseat. She lives 30mins away but, she has a phone. A phone call each week could vastly improve his mood. Also, I'm holding all the worst information about his care, mental state, and prognosis to myself. She should share the burden with me.
Have you ever heard of chaga tea? I'm not the one to jump into all the natural healing techniques vs what the doctors say but there is a lot of info out there on how chaga tea and those mushrooms really DO fight cancer. There is a guy here where I live who sells this tea and provides info. His mother who had stage4 breast cancer and was told there was no saving her, beat cancer by doing this tea treatment. You can still do chemo and other treatments the docs are recommending as they do not interfere with it.
Just figured I'd put the info out there in case you or anyone else is interested. Sometimes it can be worth a try.
I hate to be a downer and resurrect this again. But I guess that's what it's for. I'm really struggling with the Christmas season. I thought embracing it would help but I am really feeling the fact that this is the season I should have been 37 weeks with my Christmas baby. I think getting past the a/s with this one has left my mind less preoccupied with her and now I'm deeply feeling that grief again. I think I'm also extra hormonal right now because I'm crying over videos of cute puppies. It's bad and the timing isn't good either.
I will add that I couldn't be more grateful to be pregnant again and past the halfway point before my due date. That's a huge help. But I still have a lot of grief and am struggling with how everyone around me is focused on this baby and hasn't said a word about my Christmas baby I was supposed to have. I totally get that they probably think I don't want to talk about it. But it's still lonely. Thanks for letting me vent.
@HGRich I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know I would be feeling the exact same way if I were in your shoes. It's so hard when you are still feeling grief about something that everyone else has "moved on" from, especially at the time of year when everything is supposed to be happy and celebratory. As you said, no one is bringing it up because they don't want to upset you, and also probably because they don't know what to say, which makes sense. But if you need someone to talk to, I think you could bring it up to someone you feel comfortable with and tell them you just need someone to listen. Hopefully you can enjoy the holiday season as much as possible despite your grief and keep reminding yourself that next year your baby girl will be celebrating with you.
@HGRich I had a loss earlier this year and the weekend before the due date, I talked with DH. He mostly listened and comforted but it helped me to know that he was feeling the same sadness. He also allowed for me to spend the EDD however I chose. Whether laying in bed and crying all day or doing something to keep myself busy. The pain and heartache never truly goes away, but I feel like surpassing that EDD milestone is a huge one for the grieving process. Hugs to you.
Thank you @kitkat8387 and @KirstinH88. I think the seasonal affective disorder isn't helping either. Bleh. This may just be a bad month and I gotta push through it. I will have to sit down and talk with DH. I may even make an appointment with my counselor if she has any open. I also requested the day off work since I have vacation days to burn before the end of the year and I may spend it doing something that will either distract me or be cathartic.
I'm glad tour DH was on the same page with you too @KirstinH88. I also agree that just getting past the EDD milestone could be really helpful for some closure. Thanks for your kind thoughts ladies.
@HGRich hugs. I'm sorry you're feeling sad, but it sounds completely warranted. I would imagine it might be especially hard because Christmas time itself has so many sensory triggers....if you had imagined all those with baby here, of course it's in your face right now and just tough.
As far as other people, I'm sure they just don't know what to say. I can say for myself, even having known many women who have suffered losses, I still feel clunky with words and like I'm doing the wrong thing bringing it up with them. I have a good friend from my first BMB who was on this BMB too, we shared a due date but she lost her baby early on. It's hard to know what to say sometimes. Not to give people an excuse, but I hope you can talk to those around you if you want, even if they don't bring it up....if they are true friends, they'll be more than available to talk and love on you.
Lots of love.
Me: 31 DH: 36 Married 5 years DD born 8/30/13 #2 expected 4/25/17
@cafedisco thank you. I'm sure you're right. I wouldn't really know what to do in others' shoes. My mom is a good one to talk to because I was her rainbow baby. But if she and I talk too much about it we're both bawling. Ha. But I'm grateful for her. Thanks for your words.
@HGrich sorry to hear that it's so difficult for you. I see that your mmc was at 11 weeks, I understand why you bonded with the baby so much by then. Mine was at 6 weeks so I am feeling less emotional about it, and I also had the old EDD pass already.
You have a healthy baby inside you and noone really knows how souls work, some people I know would probably believe that it is the same little soul in there. I don't really know what to believe myself but I know that everything and everyone (even that little unborn baby) has a purpose somehow and I am pretty sure that purpose cannot be you being sad and miserable. Some people told me that maybe I had to lose my first baby in order for the second one to concieve and be healthy... something about training your body and preparing you mentally. Maybe you would have done something in your current pregnancy that would have caused a problem, but you didnt do it because of your experience of the previous mc - does it make sense? Not sure how much I believe that.... some days I do some days I don't... but I certainly believe that there is more to life than what we can see and hear and it makes me count my blessings every day.
Hope this was at least a little bit helpful, and that you manage to push through, together with your little baby
Me: 35 year old FTM, a busy city banker living in London, and a constant worrier. My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever. Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!! Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
Thank you @smallanimal. I do think if it had been earlier it would have been easier. But having had an ultrasound and shared the news with my family and just the trauma of the surgery, everything about it was horrible. And with my faith I do believe in the soul and that life begins at conception and it's hard to let go of my first child. But I also know everyone grieves differently and for different periods of time. I am happy to focus on the little one I have now. She grew in me during some intense anxiety in the early weeks and I'd like to give her a calm rest of the pregnancy. Thanks for your encouragement.
@MrsBakes Thank you for the suggestion. I have not heard of chaga tea but, will definitely be looking into it. In strange news, my parents want to look into marijuana oil? Not sure how to support them there. I'm sure they can figure it out as they are both over 65 with much more "life experience" than me.
@HGRich One of my best gf also, will also have due date dread in Dec. She is currently almost to her 2ndT with another pregnancy. I want her to know I respect the little life that was so brief. I have wanted to maybe ask her how she is feeling but, after reading all these comments I think I may just check in with a much more vague opener and see if she wants to talk about it. Thank you for posting and thank you to the others who commented. I hope you feel a lot of peace and love when that day comes.
Re: Mental Health Check in
I just keep googling so you're right, a distraction would help!
Seriously though, I think it's so normal to feel anxious and worried. Even when I had symptoms/kicks going on with my first, I would panic out of no where that something had gone wrong. I have had a few moments this time around but I still have so many symptoms...I think I'm too tired to worry!
I hope your scan on Friday eases your mind. Remember, 2nd tri is supposed to be pretty low key. Before you know it, you'll be showing and glowing and loving those little kicks.
DH: 36
Married 5 years
DD born 8/30/13
#2 expected 4/25/17
I do also worry about the labor part, but feel confident I'll get through it and not freak out too much....
@smallanimal I don't think this is a bad thing. I must be the minority. I do it. I'm super practical. I lurk on the Bump loss board or PGAL board. I am always aware I don't know what is going on inside my uterus. We have held off on our FB announcement for this reason. My theory is to embrace the uncertainty. It doesn't make me "crazy" or "stressed" because it is a true fact. We don't have them safe in our arms yet. Nothing wrong with understanding the worst has happened somewhere to someone. It's life. I keep reminding myself, it has not happened to me yet with this baby. Today, I have no reason to think the baby is not thriving.
Emotionally, I'm still pretty reserved about this baby. My husband wants me to buy something for the new baby and we looked at the tiny nb clothes this weekend. I couldn't do it. He bought a used baby swing for the baby (the fancy 4moms alien space-pod looking one) and he has it in our office. My toddler has been putting her toys in it. I want so badly for her to watch her brother/sister in it. I walk by that empty swing thinking a baby may never sit in it. It doesn't make me sad though. It makes me hopeful I'm wrong. I have an appointment today with the OB. Every appointment I get a gold star, I begin to feel more excited. I think after the AS in a month, I can finally begin planning a new person into our lives.
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
For anyone interested, I'm a big believer in yoga and meditation for mental self-care but I know it's not for everyone. If you want to try it, here's a great site with guided meditations. There is one for pregnancy at the bottom. I haven't done much this time but with DD, I used to do it right before bed and it really did help with insomnia hits later in 3rd tri.
https://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast
DH: 36
Married 5 years
DD born 8/30/13
#2 expected 4/25/17
My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.
Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!!
Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
@smallanimal, all those hormones raging in your body can make you feel all kinds of emotions. Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure your DH understands. But dinner and cake would definetly be a nice gesture.
MMC @ 10w March 2016Cautiously expecting April 5, 2017
<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie.com/ZBoVm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
First, you absolutely are NOT alone. I'm so glad you are talking to us and to your OB's office. I think pregnancy is such a huge change that it's not surprising that anyone with a history of anxiety or depression will have a harder time. And it may pop up for the first time too. Panic attacks are no joke. I can only imagine how tired you must be if you are having so many a day - on top of growing a baby, you are probably physically exhausted by now. Which of course doesn't help with anxiety....and so a cycle continues.
I was going to suggest meditation, but I see you are already doing that. I have not had to take anxiety medication during pregnancy so I don't have suggestions on which ones are ok. I myself decided to go back on my SSRI, which is Class C, about a month ago. However, I had a severe reaction to it (so nauseous I couldn't stand) so I sought out an alternative with a nautropath. I'm taking a huge amount of fish oil...so far, I' not sure if it's helping or just feeling better from Tri 2...
My point is, if your mental health is suffering and as a result, your physical health as well, I wouldn't hesitate to take a Class C drug. The way I see it is, you need to be well enough to take care of yourself and baby. If you need your anti anxiety meds to do so, then it is worth the risks associated. Just one opinion, but if your office is ok with it, I wouldn't feel badly.
Also, I think it's easy to convince ourselves that everything will be fine once a healthy baby is in our arms. And that may be so for some women, but for a lot of moms I know (myself included), having an infant is MUCH harder than being pregnant. The number of things to worry about just goes up. I don't say this to be negative at all, but just to encourage you to do what it takes to take care of yourself and build your support system now. Because post-partum may get hard. I personally suffered from post natal OCD, which I didn't know at the time. Now I know that was a manifestation of my anxiety. If you want any details about that, let me know. Here, I'll just say it wasn't fun and left me not wanting more kids for 2 solid years.
Ok, enough ranting. TL/DR: you're doing everything right. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. We're here for you. Rest. Hang in there.
DH: 36
Married 5 years
DD born 8/30/13
#2 expected 4/25/17
@cafedisco I saw your response on my other thread (thank you!), but it looks like it got deleted in the big glitch over the weekend. Your point is a big reason I want to go on the medication now, as I no longer have confidence it will be better once I have him in my arms. As you say, I think it might actually get worse since there are even more things to worry about once the baby is born. I think the reason it actually got worse after the anatomy scan was that I felt so connected to him after that and I already love him so much it's scary - I can only imagine how that love will feel after he is here with us. I kept saying to myself that my anxiety will be better after the first trimester; then, it will be better after the genetic testing; then, it will be better after the anatomy scan - etc. and it's just not getting better. So I think right now for both my health and the health of my son I need to get this under control, and if that means taking a class C medication, then that's okay with me right now.
This will probably sound bleak, but for me, when I get anxious, praying helps a lot. Partly because of its meaning, it calms me down - but also because if I repeat a routine prayer, it sends my brain into calm mode, as the sequence is familiar and easy to remember, and has it's own rhythm, If you are not the religious sort, you can try it with any other regular something that you can recite, it can even be song lyrics, just needs to be something that is super familiar to you and has the tendency of sticking in your head.
Also, at work, we all got taught that maths help with emotions and anxiety and I always use the multiplication technique to get into a calm and practical headspace before big meetings or when I am upset. It's very simple, you just pick a number and start doubling it in your head. You can start with 2, so go 2,4,8,16,32 etc etc. By the time you get to the thousands, your right brain takes over and shuts down emotions, it sounds crazy but it really does work. If you are advanced, move to 3, and go 3,6,9,27 etc. don't do 5, that is way too easy
Don't know if this helps, but maybe worth a try, it certainly works for me.
My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.
Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!!
Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
Keep your head up, mama!
Hi everyone. I'm sorry, I've been completely off the gird again for a while. And I'm sorry that I haven't been following up on anything. Please know that I'm not being ignorant towards any of you. I am just completely and totally drained, emotionally and physically. I also don't want this to seem like I've been MIA and am just coming back now to talk about me, but I need to vent and I promise I'll catch up...
In July my H's cousin (32) committed suicide. In September, H's great uncle died unexpectedly of cancer. it took him away in less than 7 weeks. A month ago my H's cousin, whom we were very close with and who was only 28, died in a car crash. Last Thursday (Thanksgiving), my grandmother died unexpectedly.
I am seriously hanging by the thread and feel like I could just lose it any day.
I'm tired, completely stressed out at work and we have lost so many loved ones in such short period of time.
I try to stay positive and really look at the most amazing and happy thing that's about to happen, which is the birth of our son and little brother to our sweet girl. But I am so overwhelmed with everything that I'm slowly losing my stability...
That's all. Thanks for "listening"
My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.
Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!!
Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
@kitkat8387 I'm so glad you have a supportive OB! I hope it's a smooth transition for you - keep us posted.
DH: 36
Married 5 years
DD born 8/30/13
#2 expected 4/25/17
@mrsbakes That is so sad to hear. Let yourself grieve however you feel comfortable. It must be such a juxtaposition of emotions for you. I hope at least work can slow down a bit.
We are having cancer sadness everywhere in my family. My step-father was diagnosed this summer and now its just more and more and more depressing. He is still fighting with chemo but, watching what this is doing to him emotionally, his spirit, his physical body, my mother's emotions, my mother's physical body caring for him, her depression, and their relationship together. Unfortunately, they are not uniting as a team and problems they could ignore in their marriage are now front and center. My husband said they are not a team. He is exactly right. It's awful to watch. I'm the closest house to theirs so, I see so much more of it than my siblings.
I'm also pissed that his biological daughter has taken a backseat. She lives 30mins away but, she has a phone. A phone call each week could vastly improve his mood. Also, I'm holding all the worst information about his care, mental state, and prognosis to myself. She should share the burden with me.
It is so great to see that we have such a good support group here. Thank you all for the kind words!
@jennielynn+
Have you ever heard of chaga tea? I'm not the one to jump into all the natural healing techniques vs what the doctors say but there is a lot of info out there on how chaga tea and those mushrooms really DO fight cancer. There is a guy here where I live who sells this tea and provides info. His mother who had stage4 breast cancer and was told there was no saving her, beat cancer by doing this tea treatment. You can still do chemo and other treatments the docs are recommending as they do not interfere with it.
Just figured I'd put the info out there in case you or anyone else is interested. Sometimes it can be worth a try.
Thinking of you all!
I hate to be a downer and resurrect this again. But I guess that's what it's for. I'm really struggling with the Christmas season. I thought embracing it would help but I am really feeling the fact that this is the season I should have been 37 weeks with my Christmas baby. I think getting past the a/s with this one has left my mind less preoccupied with her and now I'm deeply feeling that grief again. I think I'm also extra hormonal right now because I'm crying over videos of cute puppies. It's bad and the timing isn't good either.
I will add that I couldn't be more grateful to be pregnant again and past the halfway point before my due date. That's a huge help. But I still have a lot of grief and am struggling with how everyone around me is focused on this baby and hasn't said a word about my Christmas baby I was supposed to have. I totally get that they probably think I don't want to talk about it. But it's still lonely. Thanks for letting me vent.
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
I'm glad tour DH was on the same page with you too @KirstinH88. I also agree that just getting past the EDD milestone could be really helpful for some closure. Thanks for your kind thoughts ladies.
As far as other people, I'm sure they just don't know what to say. I can say for myself, even having known many women who have suffered losses, I still feel clunky with words and like I'm doing the wrong thing bringing it up with them. I have a good friend from my first BMB who was on this BMB too, we shared a due date but she lost her baby early on. It's hard to know what to say sometimes. Not to give people an excuse, but I hope you can talk to those around you if you want, even if they don't bring it up....if they are true friends, they'll be more than available to talk and love on you.
Lots of love.
DH: 36
Married 5 years
DD born 8/30/13
#2 expected 4/25/17
You have a healthy baby inside you and noone really knows how souls work, some people I know would probably believe that it is the same little soul in there. I don't really know what to believe myself but I know that everything and everyone (even that little unborn baby) has a purpose somehow and I am pretty sure that purpose cannot be you being sad and miserable. Some people told me that maybe I had to lose my first baby in order for the second one to concieve and be healthy... something about training your body and preparing you mentally. Maybe you would have done something in your current pregnancy that would have caused a problem, but you didnt do it because of your experience of the previous mc - does it make sense? Not sure how much I believe that.... some days I do some days I don't... but I certainly believe that there is more to life than what we can see and hear and it makes me count my blessings every day.
Hope this was at least a little bit helpful, and that you manage to push through, together with your little baby
My DH: French guy, car fanatic, best husband ever.
Our baby boy: Due on 17 April, currently 37 weeks. I can't believe it - I made it to full term!!!!
Last measurement: 3150 gs at 37+1! This is going to be a big baby
@HGRich One of my best gf also, will also have due date dread in Dec. She is currently almost to her 2ndT with another pregnancy. I want her to know I respect the little life that was so brief. I have wanted to maybe ask her how she is feeling but, after reading all these comments I think I may just check in with a much more vague opener and see if she wants to talk about it. Thank you for posting and thank you to the others who commented. I hope you feel a lot of peace and love when that day comes.