@KarliQ88 oh my. That made my teeth grit. Sounds to me like you have much better people already in your life, they just seem to be bitter people. Plus, while technically she may be "grandma" she has no emotional connection, therefore she's more the person he married. At least that's how I see it. Chin up and do what you want, they'll get over it or they wont. Don't think of it as your problem though and weigh you down!!!
@BrennansMom2012 you are SO lucky that your husband is such a great advocate for you! Sounds like you rewarded him well, given your current circumstances. Using gifts as leverage is complete BS. In that case, I guess I’d rather not get any!
@vssbrm I completely relate to your post-birth expectations. We know ourselves best and if we feel that privacy will be most conducive to healing, learning and bonding, that’s what we should get! I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask that they stay at a hotel, particularly since you’re worried about your house feeling a bit too snug at that time.
@KarliQ88 I’m with PP… pissed off for you. My parents are still together but I have friends who have dealt with the stepmother “grandma” situation. While I certainly advocate for a reasonable level of inclusion, I don’t believe they deserve any special treatment or privileges—ESPECIALLY in situations like yours where they’re new on the scene! It’s sorta nice that she’s offering to throw you a shower but you’re certainly under no obligation to accept and it seems far more rude for them to expect you to travel than vise versa. From my perspective, it was generous of you to invite them and include them as your family, especially since they haven’t acted much like it in the past. I don’t blame you for expecting an apology, though it sounds unlikely since they are clearly incredibly entitled people.
My MIL has been pretty good to me and we get along fine. A few snafus here and there, but it's because we are very different people. However, OMG what she told DH yesterday has me going nuts.
Yesterday, ILs, DH, and his brother go to look at this beautiful ranch style house, 3700 sq ft, 3.5 acres, for ILs to potentially purchase. It's alright, not exactly what was pictured or described, and not worth the money being asked, so they decline. But while looking around, MIL expressed how she had hoped it would work out so that DH and I could move in with them and our LO and BIL could also move in. They'd give us the large room for our little family of 3...then we'd always have an on call baby sitter or what not. My mom had initially thought they were looking because there's a house going up for sale next door they were also thinking of purchasing as a rental and my mom thought they'd insist on us renting it to be close, which isn't horrible, but I love my area and don't want to move out there. But thinking that we would move in there along with BIL and our LO? Oh boy. I wouldn't even move in with my mom! I am so glad I was not there. I don't know how I would've responded...I'm very good at not blowing up, but I don't think my jaw could've stayed closed.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@KarliQ88 I’m with PP… pissed off for you. My parents are still together but I have friends who have dealt with the stepmother “grandma” situation. While I certainly advocate for a reasonable level of inclusion, I don’t believe they deserve any special treatment or privileges—ESPECIALLY in situations like yours where they’re new on the scene! It’s sorta nice that she’s offering to throw you a shower but you’re certainly under no obligation to accept and it seems far more rude for them to expect you to travel than vise versa. From my perspective, it was generous of you to invite them and include them as your family, especially since they haven’t acted much like it in the past. I don’t blame you for expecting an apology, though it sounds unlikely since they are clearly incredibly entitled people.
Exactly. I get it that my son might view her as "grandma" since she will be there from the start but that does not mean i view her as "mom." and to compare my relationship with my stepmom with my stepdad is incredibly unfair. I'm not even sure at this point if I'm going to allow them in my son's life. I need to make the best decision for him and having THAT in his life is not what i want. So unless they change they will not be seeing him. There has been so much other stuff that has gone on with them i could just go on and on about it. Most recently is his accusations of me after his money. I don't want or need his money (CEO of a company. Makes lots of $$ makes him think he is entitled to anything and everything). He is always trying to give me money or getting me nice things and using that against me. I brought up the not seeing my son thing and he was like "so i gave you that car for no reason then?"...what does the car have to do with anything? I got that car from you years and years ago as a college graduation gift not as a bribery to be allowed to see my son that isn't going to even exist for another 5 years after you bought me the car. No words...
@KarliQ88 oh my. That made my teeth grit. Sounds to me like you have much better people already in your life, they just seem to be bitter people. Plus, while technically she may be "grandma" she has no emotional connection, therefore she's more the person he married. At least that's how I see it. Chin up and do what you want, they'll get over it or they wont. Don't think of it as your problem though and weigh you down!!!
Thank you! It is very frustrating. I do have a very supportive mother and "step"father. I'm so very thankful for them in my life! I do not at all feel any sense of loss...it is my "bio dad" who is missing out on me and my soon to be son.
@ashanne88 yep, that was the gist of it. Which is funny because she told DH a decade ago when they first moved to FL she wasn't buying a house down here so that he could move back in, but now that there's a grandchild coming and BIL has had some issues being on his own since DH and I got married, she's rethinking it. BIL had also thought we were going to move in with him after we got married, despite the fact that I own my condo. Maybe there's a theme with the family...
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@PMForbie Daaang. Guess they’re not the type to enjoy an empty nest, huh? Moving in with my in-laws, or even my own parents, sounds like a special level of hell. How’d your husband react? Why on earth would his brother have wanted to live with you guys as a married couple? It’s all so weird!
@KarliQ88 Whoa, I hate to agree with cutting grandparents out of the picture, but it sounds like you have some very good reasons. If your dad is this bad about using his past generosity against you now, I can only imagine how easily he’ll be able to manipulate the situation once your baby is here. Perhaps the solution is to never accept anything from him and then see him/them on your own very rigid terms until they prove they can behave?
@emtimme DH just said he didn't think I'd want to do that lol his brother isn't very socially adept, so I don't think he really put much thought into the ramifications of having a newlywed couple living with him but it's funny/weird how they've all thought we'd move in with them.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
My MIL has been pretty good to me and we get along fine. A few snafus here and there, but it's because we are very different people. However, OMG what she told DH yesterday has me going nuts.
Yesterday, ILs, DH, and his brother go to look at this beautiful ranch style house, 3700 sq ft, 3.5 acres, for ILs to potentially purchase. It's alright, not exactly what was pictured or described, and not worth the money being asked, so they decline. But while looking around, MIL expressed how she had hoped it would work out so that DH and I could move in with them and our LO and BIL could also move in. They'd give us the large room for our little family of 3...then we'd always have an on call baby sitter or what not. My mom had initially thought they were looking because there's a house going up for sale next door they were also thinking of purchasing as a rental and my mom thought they'd insist on us renting it to be close, which isn't horrible, but I love my area and don't want to move out there. But thinking that we would move in there along with BIL and our LO? Oh boy. I wouldn't even move in with my mom! I am so glad I was not there. I don't know how I would've responded...I'm very good at not blowing up, but I don't think my jaw could've stayed closed.
@PMForbie Daaang. Guess they’re not the type to enjoy an empty nest, huh? Moving in with my in-laws, or even my own parents, sounds like a special level of hell.
LOL the last part!!! You couldn't pay me to move back in with my parents or live with my in-laws. Ugh, just the thought!
@PMForbie Daaang. Guess they’re not the type to enjoy an empty nest, huh? Moving in with my in-laws, or even my own parents, sounds like a special level of hell.
LOL the last part!!! You couldn't pay me to move back in with my parents or live with my in-laws. Ugh, just the thought!
@PMForbie Daaang. Guess they’re not the type to enjoy an empty nest, huh? Moving in with my in-laws, or even my own parents, sounds like a special level of hell. How’d your husband react? Why on earth would his brother have wanted to live with you guys as a married couple? It’s all so weird!
@KarliQ88 Whoa, I hate to agree with cutting grandparents out of the picture, but it sounds like you have some very good reasons. If your dad is this bad about using his past generosity against you now, I can only imagine how easily he’ll be able to manipulate the situation once your baby is here. Perhaps the solution is to never accept anything from him and then see him/them on your own very rigid terms until they prove they can behave?
That's the plan. I hate to 100% deny him from meeting my son but i do need to see a change from him. My husband and i both agreed on IF we do reconnect with him again it will be without my son and just my husband and i. and when i feel the time is right and there has been change he can meet my son. But my dad would literally give up ever meeting him over appologizing or changing his ways. His loss.
@KarliQ88 Who do they think they are?!?! EVERYTHING about their actions made me so mad. Sorry for them being so toxic.
My MIL is okay. My DH kept asking if she could come to the birthing center while I was in labor. Its a small 2 story building so the "waiting room" is just downstairs. I told him I didn't want anyone there (even my own mom) and that I didn't even want to tell people when we were in labor. I FINALLY convinced him and I think he told her that no one is welcome until the baby comes. She is sweet but she likes using stuff about her kids (jobs, grandkids, etc) to have something to talk about since she just sits around her house all day. For example, when we were still picking out names she told her entire side of the family the baby's name - BEFORE we had even decided on it. I got FB messages from distant cousins saying they loved the name. I don't want her at the birthing center because I can picture her knocking on the door while I'm in labor asking if the baby is here so she can call her family. Plus I want to spend the first hours/day with DH and our baby. I'm glad she is excited about the baby but give me some breathing room.
On the other hand....my mom is a MIL from hell. Sorry she is SO protective of her kids and has something weird against men. She has 3 son-in-laws and dislikes/despises/hates them. My poor DH who is super sweet and loving tries to do anything to make her comfortable when she visits but it's like she can't help but say rude comments. My mom is an angel to my brother's wife though (the only daughter-in-law). My SIL can do no wrong. Ugh so tiring.
My MIL is a sweet lady...but that whole family just cannot make plans or details or decisions...all the stuff that drives me CRAZY! My family is full of planners and doers, whereas his family just kinda goes with whatever. Ugh!
So, I knew I'd have to have help this time around after the baby was born, with DS and all. DH was like "My mom can come stay with us" and I was like, ummm..no, my mom already said she'd stay until we don't need her anymore. It would just be so much more work for me, they just have to be told what to do constantly. Plus, they eat weird shit, and I need someone to cook me good stuff. So yes, my mom will be here from birth until I send her home. The in laws can visit, but don't bring a suitcase.
I know that sounds bitchy, but I don't think I can handle having to direct people while I get used to 2 kids, one of which will be back attached to my boob again and all that jazz. At least I can have wine!
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20 DS born 9/4/12 MMC July 2015 MMC January 2016
I found out recently that my in-laws think they will be staying with us when the baby is born. Um, no. They are welcome to visit and I appreciate them flying across the country to see the new baby, but I've hosted them as houseguests before and no way I am doing it with a newborn. My MIL will want to 'help' by holding the baby while I cook or clean or whatever, and my FIL will sit on the couch the whole time watching football and complaining about dinner options. I have no desire to struggle with breastfeeding in front of them and I refuse to have to shut myself away in my own home because I don't feel comfortable with my boobs out in the livingroom. I told my husband that he needs to tell them to get a hotel. They will probably think I am being an unreasonable bitch, but I think they're rude for inviting themselves to stay in a home with a newborn baby, so I guess we're even.
My MIL is a sweet lady...but that whole family just cannot make plans or details or decisions...all the stuff that drives me CRAZY! My family is full of planners and doers, whereas his family just kinda goes with whatever. Ugh!
So, I knew I'd have to have help this time around after the baby was born, with DS and all. DH was like "My mom can come stay with us" and I was like, ummm..no, my mom already said she'd stay until we don't need her anymore. It would just be so much more work for me, they just have to be told what to do constantly. Plus, they eat weird shit, and I need someone to cook me good stuff. So yes, my mom will be here from birth until I send her home. The in laws can visit, but don't bring a suitcase.
I know that sounds bitchy, but I don't think I can handle having to direct people while I get used to 2 kids, one of which will be back attached to my boob again and all that jazz. At least I can have wine!
Right! Do what is the least stressful on you. You shouldnt feel like you need to entertain or feed people when you have a newborn.
@PMForbie That is crazy that they thought you would all live together!
@AlabamaRedhead@sagoon Ugh I would hate to feel like I was having to entertain, cook clean etc after houseguests with a newborn at home.I would also hate to have to tell my MIL that she couldn't stay with us and would totally make my husband take the lead on that one. So glad I live close by both my family and my MIL so they can just go home at the end of a day.
@sagoon omfg no. Yeah, sounds like she's going to "help" drive you to a mental breakdown. I'm in a similar MIL boat based on discomfort alone (FIL is not planning to make the trip immediately *angels singing*) but your situation sounds worse. I'm sorry.
Ugh I would hate to feel like I was having to entertain, cook clean etc after houseguests with a newborn at home.I would also hate to have to tell my MIL that she couldn't stay with us and would totally make my husband take the lead on that one. So glad I live close by both my family and my MIL so they can just go home at the end of a day.
Well, we just don't have room for them to stay. My mom lives 1.5 hours away, so she'll be staying with us until it's time for her to go. We only have the one spare, which is actually my son's room with a full size bed. Soooo....my mom claimed it first, so they can't stay. Muwhahahahahaha! Plus, they're so whatever/non-confrontational/blah that they won't even say anything other than "Well, whatever you guys need." So, it's not too hard. Whereas my mom is like "Umm..yes I'm staying. Duh"
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20 DS born 9/4/12 MMC July 2015 MMC January 2016
@sagoon I am a total jerk when it comes to sharing my newborn. My ILs know from past experiences that they need to get a hotel but when they are here I don't overly share my newborn. I breasteed and snuggle and take as much time as I want. I share a little bit, but for the most part they are welcome to help with my older children and around the house while I care for my newborn.
I'm so upset. My mom and I just talked and she was like, oh, btw I can't stay when the baby is born, your dad is flying out Sunday and I have to stay home with the dogs. I shit you not....the DOGS. So now, it's either my in laws or trying to see if my sister can stay for just a few dayseconds or just pioneer it by myself. I am so pissed and upset.
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20 DS born 9/4/12 MMC July 2015 MMC January 2016
Had some time with MIL on Friday to sort out shower details & she basically called me controlling (same person who's house shopping with the intention of me moving my family into the house without discussing it with me...) Apparently, I was very controlling when it came to my wedding reception. Um, no, I planned my wedding reception and accepted her help when it came to the decorations, but it was DH & my wedding reception, what more of a role could you play? Maybe because we told her no to inviting 50 extra people? Maybe because, after we booked and paid for our venue, she flipped out over us not having room to invite 50 more people that she booked a tour at an elk lodge on my day off work and then begged me to reconsider and I had DH calmy explain the situation instead of me flying off the handle? And after all that, we still managed to invite most of her people, but DH had to cut some of his out. And now, because I was so horribly sick first tri and had no idea how the pregnancy would affect my back that has some fused vertebrae in the lumbar section that I wanted to only have one shower instead of the extra 3 she was talking about, all of which would be over an hour away & in Dec, I'm being controlling again. Oh, and I told her we're not doing Christmas at her house because I don't want to be an hour & half away from the hospital one week before I'm due but my mom has offered to do Christmas and they're invited, but she doesn't want to burden my mom and it's so sad 'cos this is the first Christmas all of the family will be off and be able to be together....I did not plan this child to be due this time of year, we were trying to aim for an April baby, but sometimes this happens, maybe I should've been more controlling? sorry that the pending birth of your first grandchild gets in the way of Christmas (which, btw, they'll all be off on Mondays next year, which is the day of the week next Christmas falls on). Sorry for the rant, I'm just over this.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@PMForbie your MIL sounds like a a real piece of work. I'm so sorry she's trying to manipulate you into doing things her way. Try not to let her stress you out! At this point in pregnancy we need to be relaxed and that might include cutting out stressful influences.We've (DH and I) done a little trimming ourselves.
@PMForbie Good grief. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. How is your husband's relationship with his mom? (My apologies if you've explained this in previous posts. I'm guessing good enough, since she wants you all to live with her! Yikes!) Is he able to step in and put his foot down on your (and his) behalf? My opinion is -- right now (or ever), it is not your responsibility to make everything right for everyone, and it sounds like she's asking you to do that. If she's not willing to bulge, that's on her. It sounds like you and your family have approached all of the drama with compromise and accommodation on her behalf. If she's not willing to meet you in the middle, that's on her. This time should really be about you, your husband, and this little baby. I'd say -- if she is stressing you out, then go ahead and be "controlling"! Set limits that will make you feel comfortable. Again, I'm so sorry she is stressing you out and putting all this unnecessary pressure on you. ugh.
Thanks @LCartee2016 and @rdh33. Trying my best not to get overly stressed, but last week was a doozy between craziness at work and then shower drama. DH has a good relationship with MIL and can keep her at a distance when needed. We don't see much of the ILs since they are an hour and 15 min away, which makes me sad because I work with my mom and see her all the time and I want to have the ILs be in our life. Now I'm seeing how blessed it's been to have them a bit farther away. DH handled all the drama MIL was bringing when it was our wedding and he said he's sure MIL is going to mention Christmas to him and he'll let her know how ridiculous it would be for us to go there. He half expects me to go into labor on Christmas if I do anything more than lounging lol. I'm going to have him talk to MIL about our expectations after baby comes. I don't mind them being at the hospital. Once we're home, I don't plan on having anyone over the first few weeks unless my mom needs to help because DH has to work due to busy season. It would be way too awkward to have MIL helping me and my mom has been through 2 back surgeries with me where she had to help me go to the bathroom and shower, so I'm ok with her being there.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
Ok, I've got to rant about my mom. she is guilt tripping me and insisting that we come to her for Christmas because it's "her year" (we alternate between us, her, and the in-laws)
We live 4 hours away with good weather, and who knows what the weather will be like the week of Christmas.
Does she not realize that she and my dad (who are retired and have no pets) are asking me, who will be 8.5 months pregnant, to travel with a 2 year old in winter weather and be 4+ hours away from the birthing center. what? how can you not make the adjustment to come visit your only daughter instead of making her travel. I have already offered a few times for them to come up and repeatedly reminded her that if things change I'll need to stay at home. ugh.
@Kittievr4 that sucks! I've found the holidays have been so much more stressful than I thought they would ever be. I never realized how much certain family members want to have them at their homes and how unmoving they are in their wants, even with the pending birth of their grandchild!
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@Kittievr4 Most OBs won't let you leave town after 36 weeks. How far along will you be at Christmas? That's how I'm happily getting out of ANY holiday traveling this year.
Yeah my doctor vetoed travel past 36 weeks for me, even to my in-laws who are less than an hour (45ish minutes) from our hospital due to my speedy labor history but I'm not at all sad about that. I'll happily stay home and not deal with all their dramatics but it didn't go over well. I didn't offer my house though- they're all anti flu shot for a million different reasons that are complete crap and I'm over here like "omg don't come to my house and bring us the flu weeks before we have a baby". I also mentioned "hey if you don't get the shot don't come see us, see you at Easter when baby is a little bit older and we're further from the dead middle of cold and flu season" which didn't go over well either. They all think I'm being a brat but I'm so over caring at this point
@Kittievr4 Most OBs won't let you leave town after 36 weeks. How far along will you be at Christmas? That's how I'm happily getting out of ANY holiday traveling this year.
I'll be 37 weeks by Christmas. I just had my 34 week appt this morning and OB didn't say anything about holiday travel yet. I did have yet another fight with my mom last night about traveling to see her. We drive rather than fly, but it's a 4 hour drive and I've made it as clear as I can that I'm uncomfortable being that far away. She thinks the most crucial thing is that I'll be uncomfortable for the drive and sleeping in a different bed. Seriously?
Yeah my doctor vetoed travel past 36 weeks for me, even to my in-laws who are less than an hour (45ish minutes) from our hospital due to my speedy labor history but I'm not at all sad about that. I'll happily stay home and not deal with all their dramatics but it didn't go over well. I didn't offer my house though- they're all anti flu shot for a million different reasons that are complete crap and I'm over here like "omg don't come to my house and bring us the flu weeks before we have a baby". I also mentioned "hey if you don't get the shot don't come see us, see you at Easter when baby is a little bit older and we're further from the dead middle of cold and flu season" which didn't go over well either. They all think I'm being a brat but I'm so over caring at this point
I'll be sending my OB a quick message today then. Thanks ladies for this! It wasn't an issue with DD so it never even occurred to me to ask. I have no problem with them coming up, but it's like she won't even consider it! And I totally agree about the flu shots, it's just a smart idea. Sure, it may not protect against every strain, but wouldn't you want to do everything you can to help the immunity of a newborn?
@Kittievr4 omg yes! My MIL was all "it's a pharmaceutical rep scam to get doctors to pay them more money!" And I was like "who the fuck cares if the pharmaceutical rep doesn't make money because you didn't get a flu shot if my baby catches it from you?!" SIL claimed it was too expensive so she wasn't getting one. DH's cousin claimed all kinds of "I've been on the internet and don't believe in vaccines" crap. It all makes me so mad because it's my baby's health you selfish jerks!
And the fight continues. I'll quote directly what my mom sent me via text today "Well, see what your Dr. says first. It's still 3 weeks before your due date, right? And only for a couple of days. Most important thing might be how uncomfortable you'll be traveling and sleeping in a different bed."
So many things wrong with that. First of all, she doesn't get to tell me how I'm feeling or what's important. Secondly, 3 weeks before due could easily be when I give birth! Also, my OB can recommend travel or not, even if she says it's ok that doesn't mean I have to go.
@Kittievr4 I'm so sorry you're dealing with fighting over the holidays. It sounds like your mom really needs something to snap her into reality - this is your body, your baby, and your decision. If you say no, then continuing to fight you is simply disrespectful. I am due 1/3 and I've made it very clear to everyone that DH, DD, and I are not traveling. There will be no fighting over it because I won't entertain it, justify it, or whatever. It's simple - I made a decision and they need to respect it or at least live with it.
@Kittievr4 I traveled 4 hours to my parents house for Thanksgiving when I was 34 weeks. This could have happened anyway as I get further along, but I had not been swelling really at all. Ever since that trip, I've been retaining upwards of Doctor estimated 8+lbs of water (I went in to be checked for pre-e). And I'm talking I gained 8 lb in a week - and I barly was able to eat at Thanksgiving. I've been kicking myself in the butt for two weeks now. Just tell her your doctor says no. Trust me.
Re: crazy MILs.....
My MIL has been pretty good to me and we get along fine. A few snafus here and there, but it's because we are very different people. However, OMG what she told DH yesterday has me going nuts.
Yesterday, ILs, DH, and his brother go to look at this beautiful ranch style house, 3700 sq ft, 3.5 acres, for ILs to potentially purchase. It's alright, not exactly what was pictured or described, and not worth the money being asked, so they decline. But while looking around, MIL expressed how she had hoped it would work out so that DH and I could move in with them and our LO and BIL could also move in. They'd give us the large room for our little family of 3...then we'd always have an on call baby sitter or what not. My mom had initially thought they were looking because there's a house going up for sale next door they were also thinking of purchasing as a rental and my mom thought they'd insist on us renting it to be close, which isn't horrible, but I love my area and don't want to move out there. But thinking that we would move in there along with BIL and our LO? Oh boy. I wouldn't even move in with my mom! I am so glad I was not there. I don't know how I would've responded...I'm very good at not blowing up, but I don't think my jaw could've stayed closed.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
There has been so much other stuff that has gone on with them i could just go on and on about it. Most recently is his accusations of me after his money.
I don't want or need his money (CEO of a company. Makes lots of $$ makes him think he is entitled to anything and everything). He is always trying to give me money or getting me nice things and using that against me. I brought up the not seeing my son thing and he was like "so i gave you that car for no reason then?"...what does the car have to do with anything? I got that car from you years and years ago as a college graduation gift not as a bribery to be allowed to see my son that isn't going to even exist for another 5 years after you bought me the car. No words...
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
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Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
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BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
My MIL is okay. My DH kept asking if she could come to the birthing center while I was in labor. Its a small 2 story building so the "waiting room" is just downstairs. I told him I didn't want anyone there (even my own mom) and that I didn't even want to tell people when we were in labor. I FINALLY convinced him and I think he told her that no one is welcome until the baby comes. She is sweet but she likes using stuff about her kids (jobs, grandkids, etc) to have something to talk about since she just sits around her house all day. For example, when we were still picking out names she told her entire side of the family the baby's name - BEFORE we had even decided on it. I got FB messages from distant cousins saying they loved the name. I don't want her at the birthing center because I can picture her knocking on the door while I'm in labor asking if the baby is here so she can call her family. Plus I want to spend the first hours/day with DH and our baby. I'm glad she is excited about the baby but give me some breathing room.
On the other hand....my mom is a MIL from hell. Sorry
So, I knew I'd have to have help this time around after the baby was born, with DS and all. DH was like "My mom can come stay with us" and I was like, ummm..no, my mom already said she'd stay until we don't need her anymore. It would just be so much more work for me, they just have to be told what to do constantly. Plus, they eat weird shit, and I need someone to cook me good stuff. So yes, my mom will be here from birth until I send her home. The in laws can visit, but don't bring a suitcase.
I know that sounds bitchy, but I don't think I can handle having to direct people while I get used to 2 kids, one of which will be back attached to my boob again and all that jazz. At least I can have wine!
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20
DS born 9/4/12
MMC July 2015
MMC January 2016
Jan17 Sept Sig: Pumpkin Spice gone too far
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20
DS born 9/4/12
MMC July 2015
MMC January 2016
That is crazy that they thought you would all live together!
@AlabamaRedhead @sagoon
Ugh I would hate to feel like I was having to entertain, cook clean etc after houseguests with a newborn at home.I would also hate to have to tell my MIL that she couldn't stay with us and would totally make my husband take the lead on that one. So glad I live close by both my family and my MIL so they can just go home at the end of a day.
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20
DS born 9/4/12
MMC July 2015
MMC January 2016
BFP#5 5/22/17 EDD:1/27/17 It's a GIRL!!!!
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20
DS born 9/4/12
MMC July 2015
MMC January 2016
Sorry for the rant, I'm just over this.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
We live 4 hours away with good weather, and who knows what the weather will be like the week of Christmas.
Does she not realize that she and my dad (who are retired and have no pets) are asking me, who will be 8.5 months pregnant, to travel with a 2 year old in winter weather and be 4+ hours away from the birthing center. what? how can you not make the adjustment to come visit your only daughter instead of making her travel. I have already offered a few times for them to come up and repeatedly reminded her that if things change I'll need to stay at home. ugh.
/rant
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
I'll be sending my OB a quick message today then. Thanks ladies for this! It wasn't an issue with DD so it never even occurred to me to ask. I have no problem with them coming up, but it's like she won't even consider it! And I totally agree about the flu shots, it's just a smart idea. Sure, it may not protect against every strain, but wouldn't you want to do everything you can to help the immunity of a newborn?
"Well, see what your Dr. says first. It's still 3 weeks before your due date, right? And only for a couple of days. Most important thing might be how uncomfortable you'll be traveling and sleeping in a different bed."
So many things wrong with that. First of all, she doesn't get to tell me how I'm feeling or what's important. Secondly, 3 weeks before due could easily be when I give birth! Also, my OB can recommend travel or not, even if she says it's ok that doesn't mean I have to go.
Just, ugh. I am so done with this right now.