Three miscarriages

missyrue · November 2016

I'm at a loss and I'm hoping someone can shed some light on what we're going through. I'm 38 years old and my husband is 42. Last spring we got pregnant after trying for about 4 months. We were thrilled. Then it ended at 7 weeks. They called it a chemical pregnancy. The doctor says it happens all of the time. But not to anyone I knew so it came as completely unexpected and completely heartbreaking. She said to try again as soon as I was comfortable. So we did and six months later, pregnant again! This time, we see our little bean with his perfect heartbeats. The doctor then assures me that the chance of miscarriage now is at about 5% and not to worry (since all I could now think about was another miscarriage). We went back a few weeks later and, no heartbeat. They called it a missed miscarriage and suggested I try again or go to an RE to see if there was anything wrong. They gave me an experimental prescription to take and I had one of the most painful nights of my life as I passed what was supposed to be our baby. The experiences were so horrible that I wanted to play it safe so we scheduled an appointment with a top rated RE at Penn Fertility. They ran tests on EVERYTHING. My husband and I were both fine, uterus looked great, except I was borderline DOR. She said that was probably the cause of my miscarriages since egg quality when you have DOR tends to be low. All of our options were given to us and, in the end, we decided to play it safe and use donor eggs (which was not an easy decision to come to). We have limited funds and only had one shot at it so we wanted to give ourselves the best possible chance to become parents. We transferred one fresh embryo (still have 5 frozen) and BOOM! Pregnant! I was so thrilled! Week after week the pregnancy progressed right on course. All tests and ultrasounds great and heartbeats and dancing baby in the womb. I was still petrified of miscarriage but kept reminding myself that we used donor eggs and that these weren't my crummy old eggs and everything would be fine, just like it seems to be for everyone else that I know in my life. We reached our second trimester and breathed a huge sigh of relief. My doctor said I needed to "chill out" and stop worrying about miscarriage and that everything was fine. We got our Cell Free DNA test back and he was a healthy little boy! We cried we were so happy. We smiled for weeks. Made plans, looked at nursery furniture, told everyone that would listen, blasted it on facebook, picked a name. And then at my 16 week ultrasound, he was gone. No heartbeat. They have no idea what happened. After a silent Doppler, a confirming ultrasound and a second opinion ultrasound, we knew he was gone. They looked over all of the tests we were given, looked at the baby who measured a few days behind and called it a fluke. Bad luck. Just happens to some people. Three miscarriages in a row, including one from an egg donor, is not just "bad luck". Something is wrong. Something is wrong with my body that it's killing my babies and there's no explanation. Their advise? Try again, the odds are in your favor. That's what they say after every miscarriage. Try again. You have a great chance. I go in for my D&E tomorrow. We have no other options. We can't do surrogacy or adoption because we went into debt for the donor eggs. And all we want is a family. I never thought I'd have to go through life never being a mom. I've never seen my husband brought so low. Has this happened to anyone else? What was it? Why is this happening??

cinderin · November 2016

I am sorry.

I miscarried myself around 7 weeks and it was very physically painful.

I don't have any advice as to what to try.

rkroupa · November 2016

Ugh, I am so sorry. I just miscarried my second baby in a row last week at 14 weeks. I've been pregnant twice and miscarried both times. I don't have any advice for you but wanted to let you know that you are not alone. It's so unfair and I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. At this point, I think you need to grieve and take your time and try again when and if you are ready. I know its so hard because its seriously like PTSD if you (we) get pregnant again. My thoughts and prayers are with you

Tennis11785 · November 2016

I have no advice, but lots of love and creepy internet hugs. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

fiorip · November 2016

Yes, it has happened to me. I'm 29 years old, husband is 30. We've been TTC for almost 2 years now, we've been incredible lucky conceiving without any issues but we have yet been able to keep a child. I first got pregnant on January 2015 and had a spontaneous miscarriage at about 6 weeks or so. Conceived again without a cycle in between right after my first loss and made it all the way to 22 weeks with a perfect little boy, he was completely healthy, I went into premature labor and it couldn't be stopped. Fast forward 4 months and I was pregnant again, another baby boy, since I had gone into premature labor before doctors recommended I used makena to help prevent another premature labor, I was given the injection at 16.4 weeks on a Thursday afternoon, later that same night my water unexpectedly broke. I was admitted through the ER and put on strict bed rest, monitoring the baby and waiting to see if more liquid could replenish but I kept losing every single drop of fluid produced, the day he turned 17 weeks, I delivered my fragile and tiny sweet boy. After that loss I saw a MFM and was tested for a dozen different things but they couldn't find anything wrong with me, no coagulopathy, no autoimmune, no genetic issues with me, my husband or the babies, both of the last two babies were examined and they were perfectly normal and healthy little babies. Doctors told me exactly what they told you, I've been to 4 already and they all seem to agree it has just been bad luck, same word was used, a fluke, no apparent reason for any of the losses, they even think all of them happened for different reasons and that I should just try again without a care in the world, they say is practically imposible it will happen again, odds are in our favor... guess what? I refuse to believe it! It makes no sense to me. I'm currently 4.3 weeks pregnant and I'm freaking the heck out! It's be 7months since my last loss, it's the longest I've waited and we got pregnant on our second cycle trying. The only thing that the specialist suggested was to have a profilactic cerclage done at around 13-14 weeks and to take baby aspirin, he also put me on folic acid with iodine, calcium supplement and a probiotic. That's all they can do, and just take my chances.

Hopefulmommy1980 · November 2016

I am sorry for your losses.

SP128 · November 2016

I have no advice, but I am so sorry you are going through this.

Sugargirl1019 · November 2016

I am so sorry for your losses. I hope you are recovering and finding peace.

tmblickley · November 2016

I miscarried my first 3 pregancies. They never found anything wrong with me or my husband. We did genetic testing on the 3rd loss and it was a partial molar (complete trisomy). The chance of 3 consecutive losses is less than 1% and a partial molar is 0.1% so the chance of my 3rd loss like it happened was 0.00001%.

The good news, my 4th pregnancy was viable and I have a perfect 8 m.o. It's hard but try not to lose hope.

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