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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Steeepy
member
Newly Frustrated Mother
Steeepy
member
I gave birth to my son a little over a month ago. My husband and I are still trying to navigate this thing called parenting while living with my parents as we attempt to get our things in order and find a new place (old place raised the rent to an amount we were unable to afford and my parents offered to let us stay). While we are incredibly grateful that our son is already loved immensely, we want to try and figure out our son and his cues. We do not want to rely or push things off onto anyone else.
With that being said, I have had some issues with my son in the recent weeks deciding that he doesn't want to sleep at night. The scenario plays out like this: I think my son is sleeping (eyes close & seems like he's already dreaming), I put him into the bassinet for the night, about 10-20 minutes later he wakes up crying/screaming. This goes on about 7-8 times over the course of a few hours. The only thing that seems to quiet him is to be held and/or rocked to sleep. The problem with this is that I cannot imagine holding/rocking him all night long, get no sleep myself, then try to take care of him the following day on zero sleep.
Now here is where the problems have begun. Every one seems to have THE solution on how to deal with this: swaddle him, warm milk, warm bath, warm bath then warm milk, try talking to him, etc. I have tried all of these options but when I tell people I have already tried their suggestion and it does not work I am met with some form of disbelief.
This past week when my aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandmother all decided that they wanted to stop by at 8pm and my son was screaming crying in his crib, I attempted to console him by talking to him and rubbing his stomach and head while they were all outside chit-chatting. This did NOTHING to calm him. They all came back inside and while my grandmother was on the way to use the restroom, she talked to him from the doorway of his nursery and calmed down for a minute. Now I attribute this to the fact that he had been crying for a good 5-10 minutes already and was taking a breath. In that moment, my grandmother stated "See! You just need to talk to him." I became frustrated with having very little sleep, the crying from my baby, the family who came over late in the evening, and the constant advice. When I told them no, that wasn't the case, my grandmother told my mother "She doesn't get it" to which my mother replied "No, she doesn't." When they said that (in front of everyone), I was so hurt.
I talked to my mother about this comment the following day and she said that I always have some sort of reply when someone tries to offer advice. I explained that often times I have already tried the advice and it hasn't worked but they haven't seen me try it so they think I am just writing them off.
I feel as though I am not taken seriously because I am a new mother and I have no experience. I also believe that my mother was expecting me to be asking for her help more than I do. Could she be offended that I am not asking for help? Am I in the wrong because I want to try things my own way?
Sorry for such a long post but I had to vent. I am just so frustrated and don't know what to do.
Now here is where the problems have begun. Every one seems to have THE solution on how to deal with this: swaddle him, warm milk, warm bath, warm bath then warm milk, try talking to him, etc. I have tried all of these options but when I tell people I have already tried their suggestion and it does not work I am met with some form of disbelief.
This past week when my aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandmother all decided that they wanted to stop by at 8pm and my son was screaming crying in his crib, I attempted to console him by talking to him and rubbing his stomach and head while they were all outside chit-chatting. This did NOTHING to calm him. They all came back inside and while my grandmother was on the way to use the restroom, she talked to him from the doorway of his nursery and calmed down for a minute. Now I attribute this to the fact that he had been crying for a good 5-10 minutes already and was taking a breath. In that moment, my grandmother stated "See! You just need to talk to him." I became frustrated with having very little sleep, the crying from my baby, the family who came over late in the evening, and the constant advice. When I told them no, that wasn't the case, my grandmother told my mother "She doesn't get it" to which my mother replied "No, she doesn't." When they said that (in front of everyone), I was so hurt.
I talked to my mother about this comment the following day and she said that I always have some sort of reply when someone tries to offer advice. I explained that often times I have already tried the advice and it hasn't worked but they haven't seen me try it so they think I am just writing them off.
I feel as though I am not taken seriously because I am a new mother and I have no experience. I also believe that my mother was expecting me to be asking for her help more than I do. Could she be offended that I am not asking for help? Am I in the wrong because I want to try things my own way?
Sorry for such a long post but I had to vent. I am just so frustrated and don't know what to do.
Re: Newly Frustrated Mother
Good luck.
Hang in there, I am sure you are doing a great job. It does get better with sleep routines as they get older. I dont know how old your LO is, but what you describe sounds perfectly normal behavior for the first 3 or 4 months. Unfortunately until around 4 months, babies do not have much ability to soothe themselves so you may have to do lots of snuggling, rocking, etc. to get your LO to sleep. The sleep struggle (for both your LO and you!) improves, but changes to a new guessing game of sleep strategies to other new issues with sleep regressions, teething, etc. that come during the months to come.
as for your Mom. She may be offended you aren't asking for help, maybe explain to her that you are trying to figure it out. And while you appreciate people's advice, you are tired and have already tried XYZ.