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What is the right thing?

ksandbksandb member
in Single Parents
I have a 2 year old and am 22 weeks pregnant. 
The father (of both) and I broke up 3 days before I found out I was pregnant but ultimately decided it was best to split. 

Its been a rough go. I have my 2 year old 95% of the time and I'm doing my very best. I'm a 35 year old professional and I want to do the best thing for my kids. 

The dad hasnt been to any OB appointments, hasn't been around helping and has called me annoying, said he doesn't care about me and can't stand me. My 20 week ultrasound showed some abnormalities and he missed the appointment to discuss any issues, too. 

Ive tried to include him in everything for my kids. But at this point all it does it hurt me. Do I stop inviting him? Do I even need to have him at the birth? He seems to believe it's just his inherent right despite how he treats me on the way. 

I just dont know what to do and not sure what the right thing to do is. Any advice?
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Re: What is the right thing?

  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    All you need to do is do what makes you most comfortable.  If he is doing nothing but stressing you out, stop contact.  If he wants an update, give him one, but only when he contacts you first.  Keep all communication about the LOs, and if he strays from that, tell him you're ending the conversation.  You are not obligated to have him at the hospital for the birth.  If he wants to be a part of his children's lives, he needs to put forth the effort.  You are not his mother.  If he gets mad that you aren't including him, remind him that you are not his mother and if he wants to be involved, he needs to man the fuck up and be involved. However, if he's going to do nothing but berate you or belittle you (whether or not in front of the LOs), you can see about going to court and having supervised visits set up where there is a counselor of the court or a police officer with him and the kids while you are in another room.  I don't know all the ins and outs of that but I feel like it should be an option for you if he is continually verbally abusive.  Especially so if it is done in front of the kids.  You want your 2yo to be respectful and he is definitely not teaching that in his actions.

    When it comes time for the baby to be born, the hospital or birthing center is worried about you and baby, not the dad.  So, again, if he is stressing you out, if the idea of him being there stresses you out, the nurses and doctors or birthing center staff will kick him out.  He does not need to be there.  He has no right to be there if it will harm you or the health of the baby.

    Hope that was helpful! Good luck mama!
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  • millerclanx5millerclanx5 member
    It all depends on what you want from him. There is no right or wrong way to do things if you are doing it in the best interest of your children. The father of this baby that I am pregnant with has never been to one appointment and shows little interest, but I continue to update him every appointment so that when the time comes I can say that I did everything I could to involve him. If he is hurting you and you can't be around him, then dont be around him. Don't let him come to the hospital. That will do no one any good. Plus like PP said, the hospital will kick him out if you don't want him there. Don't hesitate to tell your nurse right away. Sadly, he has no rights until the paternity test establishes that or he signs the birth certificate. So the right thing to do is do whats best for you and your children. 
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