PGAL weekly check in 10.31.16

ceclarlinetlo · October 2016

This is a weekly thread for those of us who are pregnant after experiencing loss of any stage (chemical, miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal) to support one another.

Please introduce your self if this is your first time participating

Good of luck to those of us with appointments this week!

1. Tell us about yourself (if your first participating)

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

5. When is your next appointment?

6. Rants/raves/whatever

7. Anything else on your mind?

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?

streulim · October 2016

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?
30 weeks and 5 days. EDD is January 4th but being induced Dec 28. Team blue

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Heartburn...enough said. Oh and having a tough time sleeping.
4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Pretty good. It is so reassuring to know that he would probably be ok if born now.
5. When is your next appointment?
Tomorrow. We started the two week rotation that's how I know we're getting closer

6. Rants/raves/whatever

7. Anything else on your mind?

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?
I absolutely LOVE soup. It's a tie for favorite between bean with bacon and chicken noodle. It depends on my mood really.

jsl82 · October 2016

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?
30w1d. 1/8. Team Pink

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Friday I was having contractions all day. Contractions felt like BH since they were irregular and not overly painful, but they just wouldn't stop. My doctor sent me home from work with orders to relax and hydrate. Over the weekend I was feeling okay as long as I was in bed or on the couch (but sitting isn't as comfortable). Overall my uterus is feeling sore, which along with the heaviness of baby isn't helping the situation. Not really sure if I'm still having contractions or if I'm just so sore that if feels like I am.

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Anxiety is pretty high. I have an appointment tomorrow and am pretty sure I'll be put on bed rest. Hoping they can give me something to stop the contractions. I know she can survive if born now, but I would really like to get another 6 weeks of cooking her to make sure she's healthy and can come home with us vs staying in the NICU. She is extra active when I am having the contractions- so I know she's okay in there. I'm just worried she isn't staying put.

5. When is your next appointment?
Tomorrow for 2 week OB. I scheduled a few weeks ago and am starting to rotate through the different doctors. Tempted to call and see if I can reschedule to see my doctor instead of the other doctor. I keep telling myself the point of rotating is to get familiar with all of the other doctors so that when I am in the hospital I won't be anxious with a stranger.

6. Rants/raves/whatever
I wanted to clean and organize so much this weekend and wasn't able to. I had a huge grocery list for DH and was sure that he was going to forget something, or not get enough of things on the list. I wanted extra freezer bags so I can start making freezer meals over the next few weekends so was hoping for 3-4 boxes. Same with getting extra paper plates, trash bags, ect. He did really well and said the cashier at the store was commenting on how much he was buying. When he scanned the store card the cashier, the guy behind DH, and DH were all watching the register to see how much would come off.

7. Anything else on your mind?
MIL's shower is this weekend. They live 4+ hours away and I don't know if the doctor will let me attend. I feel bad with the short notice, but there isn't really anything I can do about it. If we are able to go, I would be reclining in the car the entire way to and from or laying down in the back seat and sitting throughout the shower. I'm just worried about being so far away (and DH's parents live in the middle of no where so it's about an hour to get to the hospital up there). The shower is co-ed so I may still send DH if I am told I cannot go.

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?
Love soup! I had DH stock up on soups during his massive grocery trip this weekend. I have plenty of veggie soups and chicken noodles. I am also planning on making a huge batch of beef and veggie stew and chili to freeze for after baby.

susykat77 · October 2016

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?

27+4 Team Pink due Jan 26

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

My back hurts all the time. Seriously. Sitting hurts it standing hurts it. WTF.

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

I am feeling much better this week. Last week I was in freak out mode most of the time...

5. When is your next appointment?

28 weeks apt with midwife on Wed

6. Rants/raves/whatever

I worked on recovering the glider this weekend... I am not done yet, but I am close!! I can't wait to have it done so I can sit in there and just look around. I have also majorly stalled on my quilt....

7. Anything else on your mind?

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?

I love soup! My favorite is Tom Kha. I make it a bit more hearty than what you might get at a restaurant by adding rice noodles an more of everything! I learned this recipe at a cooking class in Thailand. Here is the recipe:

2 cans coconut milk

4 cans of water

3-4 slices of galangal* (this looks like ginger but adds a VERY different flavor)

8-10 lime leaves*

2-3 stalks of lemongrass (cut into large pieces)*

6-12 Thai Chili's whole but smashed*

1 yellow onion chopped

4 tbls of chicken stock (I like better than bullion)

Bring the above to a boil and then reduce to a simmer/low boil

Add chicken 1-1.5 lbs (I use 4 whole chicken thighs on the bone but you can add breast meat cut up too)

Cook until chicken is done (10 min for cut up breast meat and 20 min for thighs).

Bring a pot of water to boil for the rice noodles

Once chicken is done or mostly done,

Add 3-4 cups of sliced mushrooms (crimini, baby bella, or shitake)

Simmer while mushrooms cook.

Then add 1 package of medium wide rice noodles (or pad thai noodles) to boiling water and cook until done 5-10 min (mushrooms should be done cooking by the time the noodles are done)

Remove from heat and add 4 tbls of Fish sauce* to the soup and stir.

Prepare bowl of soup with a large handful of spinach and several tomato quarters (I use a whole tomato in my bowl and my husband likes only a half of one.

Add noodles to bowl

Then ladle the soup into the bowl and let it "cook" the spinach and tomato for 5 min before eating.

Salt to taste

The * items can be found at a specialty Asian store - I keep these on hand in my freezer. These items add flavor but are not edible (except for the Thai chilies!). The bolded items are all the ingredients (I think - I am writing this from memory). I like to store the noodles separate from the soup for leftovers as the noodles soak up the broth and I like mine really brothy!

ceclarlinetlo · October 2016

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?

30 weeks, January 9, blue!

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

I think baby found my ribs. Also the heartburn is not my favorite. Oh - sometimes lately I get this odd feeling in my lady bits that feels like I've been riding a bicycle with too hard of a seat on a bumpy road for like 7 hours. It just feels sore and bruised and it makes wearing jeans feels uncomfortable. It comes and goes. Very odd.

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

good!

5. When is your next appointment?

Tomorrow for a glucose test and a cervical length check

6. Rants/raves/whatever

7. Anything else on your mind?

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?

I could eat chicken tortilla soup every day. This is my go to recipe.

Ingredients:

1. Shredded chicken (I usually buy a small already cooked rotisserie chicken for $5 and shred it with my hands but if that's not available I get 1.5-2 pounds of boneless chicken, cook it in the oven, and shred it with forks

2. Two cans rotel with fire roasted tomatoes (with juice)

3. One can dark red kidney beans drained (not rinsed)

4. One can black beans drained (not rinsed

5. Chopped onions (I use about 1/2 a bag of frozen chopped onions)

6. One small can of sweet corn

7. Two quarts of low sodium chicken broth

8. One packet old El Paso traditional taco seasoning

9. One tablespoon cumin

10. One half tablespoon chili powder

11. One heaping tablespoon of minced garlic (I use jarred)

12. Three table spoons tomato paste

13. 1 tablespoon corn meal and ~1/4 cup warm water

Directions:

1. If I can't buy a rotisserie chicken I take boneless chicken breast tender loins or full chicken breasts (which ever is cheapest that day) and coat with a small amount of olive oil. Bake at 400 degrees for 15-20 minutes (tenderloins) or 20-25 minutes (full breasts).

2. Just before the chicken is done drain red and black beans and corn but don't rinse

3. Add beans and corn to a large pot with chopped onions and rotel cans (with juice) and tomato paste

3. Add in seasonings and garlic and mix well

4. Pour in chicken broth and bring to a boil

5. While you are waiting for soup to boil shred the chicken (if using pre poked still warm rotisserie chicken I used my hands, if using chicken I heated in the oven I use forks) an add to the soup

6. After all the chicken is added and the soup comes to a boil turn heat down to medium low and let simmer 30 minutes

7. Mix corn meal in warm water for a minute or two then dump water and cornmeal into soup and stir (thickens the soup a little bit)

8. Let simmer another 30 minutes

9. Turn of heat and let cool until it's edible

10. Garnish with any combination of crushed Tortilla chips, shredded cheese, sour cream, avocado

AlabamaRedhead · October 2016

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?

27+3, late Jan. Blue

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Heartburn in the afternoon/evening, tiredness, nipples have gotten sore again, and overall, like a small whale.

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Good! Little man is moving and kicking all around!

5. When is your next appointment?
Nov 11

6. Rants/raves/whatever
With 12 wks left I feel like I have a lot to do and not enough time to do it--with everything, but then I throw baby stuff in there and I'm like holy crap!

7. Anything else on your mind?
How will I not eat all of my son's Halloween candy??

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?
I like creamy soups--Panera Broccoli/cheddar in a bread bowl is my fave!

cjs260 · October 2016

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?
30w6d, Jan 4, pink!

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Heartburn, sore hips, restless sleep, and solidarity with @ceclarlinetlo on the pubic synthesis pain (at least that's what I'm assuming this is... it feels like I took a swift kick to the vag sometimes.

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Pretty good. Main fear now is that the random aches and pains I have are bad signs going unnoticed. Going to talk to the OB tomorrow to try to get a better feel for what is normal.

5. When is your next appointment?
Tomorrow morning.

6. Rants/raves/whatever
The big project I was trying to get done before baby comes at work has been officially postponed until after I get back from leave. Annoying because I upheld my deadlines, and my boss let things slip through the crack, but relieving, because I can focus on the grant that I'm submitting in December.

7. Anything else on your mind?

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?
I lurve soup! My favorite is probably H's tomato tortilini, which I don't actually know the recipe for, but I'm sure it's on Pinterest somewhere.

third2022 · October 2016

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?
29+6; January 10; Team Pink

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Sore back, exhausted by like 4pm everyday, heartburn and starting to get sick

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Pretty good.

5. When is your next appointment?
November 18th is my last monthly then I switch to 2 week appointments. Did my GD test on Friday so just waiting to find out if I passed/failed

6. Rants/raves/whatever
A preschool teacher asked if there was any concern I would have a baby between now and Thursday today. Now I know I look pregnant, but I don't think I look THAT pregnant yet. Made me feel like I must be huge!

7. Anything else on your mind?

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?
Panera broccoli cheddar. I tried making my own this weekend but I don't think it came out right.

LoneStar21416 · November 2016

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?
31 weeks! Jan 3. Still rocking green.

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Good. Besides all the nonsense from the weekend.

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Much better than Friday, but I feel on pins and needles due to this cervix issue and I'm getting nervous for my NST tomorrow. I just hope everything looks good like it did before we left the hospital. I've sort of accepted that everything is out of my hands at this point and I just need to stay calm and relaxed.

5. When is your next appointment?
NST tomorrow.

6. Rants/raves/whatever
Exhausted from the weekend and very little sleep in the hospital. Happy to have my comfortable bed back

7. Anything else on your mind?
Has anyone heard from Carly? Hope she and baby are doing well.

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?
I love pasta fagioli.

@ceclarlinetlo I'm so curious to see how your cervix is measuring. Please update if you feel like sharing. I'm hoping I'm more normal than I think I am!

jsl82 · November 2016

Just got back from the doctor and everything looks fine. She checked my cervix and it is still closed and she said baby's head is up. I do not need bed rest, but she did advocate working from home as much as possible since my commute tends to bring on the contractions. I am also able to travel for my MIL's shower this weekend.

On a completely different note, my husband bought a Mazda CX5 last November (just a few weeks short of a year) and had been having trouble shifting into gear on Saturday. He took it to the service center yesterday and the transmission is shot and needs to be replaced. Luckily it is covered by the warranty, but the car isn't even a year old yet! Just thought I'd share in case any of you ladies are looking to get a new car. We loved the size for car seats and truck space with having a family in mind when we bought it. He did a little research and found the transmissions are a common issue with many of the newer crossovers.

ceclarlinetlo · November 2016

Had my cervix measured and it came at 4cm with no funneling so my OB is feel good about that. She also did a check measurement of the baby and his head is measuring at the 97 percentile. O_o that's terrifying

LoneStar21416 · November 2016

That's a great measurement, @ceclarlinetlo!

curlysue22 · November 2016

Hope everyone's having a good day today!

2. how far along are you? EDD? Team green pink or blue?
30w+1, Jan. 10, Pink

3. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Ugh, the sleepless nights are killing me. I only get up once to pee, but just toss and turn and have crazy dreams all night. It's frustrating.

4. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Pretty good. Actually starting to get anxious about the labor & delivery part.

5. When is your next appointment?
Ultrasound & doc appointments on 11/10.

6. Rants/raves/whatever
Finally picked a paint color for the baby's room. And decided to stick with the furniture we bought. I basically said to DH that I didn't have time or energy to think about different furniture anymore.

7. Anything else on your mind?
I have a sneaking suspicion that there might be a surprise sprinkle this weekend. Which is wonderful, but also tough with all of the concrete plans we already have for the weekend, especially if my MIL, FIL, and Aunt in Law will be staying at our house. I usually have to do a lot of prep for them which DH doesn't realize, and he's playing a gig Saturday night and working all day Sunday.

8. GTKY - who here doesn't like soup?! What's your favorite?
Pasta Fagioli from Olive Garden. I have a shortcut recipe for home:

Pasta Fagioli in the Crockpot~ just like Olive Garden (ish)
2 lbs ground beef
1 onion, chopped
3 carrots, chopped
4 stalks celery, chopped... (or you can do the pre-diced mix of all three, two containers)
2 (28 ounce) cans diced tomatoes, undrained
1 (16 ounce) can red kidney beans, drained
1 (16 ounce) can white kidney beans, drained
3 (10 ounce) cans beef stock
3 teaspoons oregano
2 teaspoons pepper
5 teaspoons parsley
1 teaspoon Tabasco sauce (optional)
1 (20 ounce) jar spaghetti sauce
8 ounces pasta (ditalini)

Directions:
Brown beef in a skillet.
Drain fat from beef and add to crock pot with everything except pasta.
Cook on low 7-8 hours or high 4-5 hours. Add pasta the last 30 minutes. (Or I usually cook the pasta separate and add it to each bowl as I'm serving it. This way the pasta doesn't soak up all the liquid.)

SquirrelGiggles83 · November 2016

2) 27+1, team pink, Feb 1

3) I'm pretty good. A little reflux. Knees are achy. My back spawned up pretty good a couple of times, due to overworking myself I think. All in all not too bad.

4) Anxiety is pretty low. I have my 3rd tri GD screen tomorrow. I passed the one in 2nd tri with flying colors, so I'm hoping this one goes well, too.

5) Labwork tomorrow - OB appointment 11/9

6) Twyla's room is officially demolished. Now, to start the process of putting it back together- walls, carpet, etc.

7) This time next week I will be sleeping in HAWAII! Babymoon/anniversary get away in T-minus-6 days! I'm a little nervous about flying, but the doctor said it would be fine to fly up until like 34-36 weeks and I will be exactly 28 weeks... but that I should move around from time to time to help make sure to prevent blood clots. It's a long flight - I've never even been on a plane! - but the trip is overnight so I'm not sure about how much I may be asleep. Anyone with flight during pregnancy tips that you can give me? Im also nervous about leaving my mom with my brother for 4-5 days. I'm sure I'll get grief for it later... sigh. I hope this awesome opportunity/trip is what I'm hoping it will be.

8) I love soup! and Chili! White chicken chili or chicken enchilada soup are probably my favorites. Yum!

moosette113 · November 2016

*lurking* @SquirrelGiggles83 I have now been on 13 flights this pregnancy (and I'm reeeaaally hoping I'm done), 6 of them being trans-Atlantic. I can't sleep on planes. Definitely chug water like it's your job. If you haven't picked your seat yet, I would opt for the aisle just so you don't need to ask a stranger or your partner to get up constantly. I found that with all the water I drank, it got me up often enough that I didn't need to take any extra walking breaks, but I did make sure to do some ankle flexes while I was sitting. For the most part I didn't have problems with swelling during the flights, but more the night and day after the flights, especially if I knew I was dehydrated (I would also get wicked leg cramps the night after if I didn't drink enough). I never tried compression socks, but I know some people swear by them. I usually put the tiny pillows they give you at the small of my back to help with lower back pain. And snacks- I would definitely bring a few to much on between meal service. Have fun in Hawaii!!!

LoneStar21416 · November 2016

Echoing @moosette113. I flew three times this pregnancy, and was supposed to fly once more, but luckily that was canceled (wahoo!). Aisle seat is clutch, definitely flex your ankles when sitting, and squeeze your calves and your butt muscles intermittently. I drank a ton of water before, during, and after the flight. I didn't have to take that many walking breaks either since I was up enough to use the restroom, but sometimes I would just stand next to my seat and bend at the knees or stretch my legs out, etc. I didn't swell, and I flew at the beginning of the third trimester too, but my flights weren't as long as yours or moosette's so I'm not sure if that will play a factor. And you don't have to go through the body scanner if you don't want to! Just leave a little extra time to go through security if you are not pre-TSA approved and they'll give you the pat down. Have a great trip! Hawaii is awesome!

SquirrelGiggles83 · November 2016

Thanks so much @LoneStar21416 and @moosette113 !

We are only going for a long weekend, which seems like SUCH a shame, but it's the first time we've ever taken a vacation where the point of the trip is to RELAX and enjoy ourselves. I did have the forethought to ask for the aisle seat, but told my DH that I may want to look out the window at some point. I haven't had much swelling at all up until this point so I'm hoping that helps in my favor.

Definitely taking note on the water though - especially during the flight back home which will be during "awake time." We are near the west coast, so the flight time is still somewhere in the 7 hour range (plus, one layover). I think I'm finally allowing myself to be excited - instead of just nervous - lol.

third2022 · November 2016

@SquirrelGiggles83
I've been on a few flights this pregnancy and found the compression socks to be really helpful and I didn't have any issues with swelling after the flights. I didn't force myself to get up and move on our overnight flight, but did find that I woke up because I was uncomfortable in the small seats and then needed to use the restroom.

Have so much fun!! I would love to get to Hawaii one day but from the east coast it just seems sooo far away

Carly79 · November 2016

Hi Everyone! Sorry I've been MIA the last few weeks. I've wanted to log on and see how everyone is doing and update everyone on our little one but I hate mobile bumping and haven't had a chance to pull out the laptop (or steal it from my husband). I feel like today is one of the first "normal" days we've had.

Everything is going well. We named our little one Margaret Michael (nn Greta). Greta is 12 days old (30+5) and doing fabulous. Right now it's just a matter of waiting for her to grow. She's getting my milk via a feeding tube and tolerating it well and on a cpap at minimal oxygen. Another week and we will start looking at weaning from the cpap and another 2-3 weeks depending on her cues we will start attempting some nursing. I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks but glad she's doing well.

My husband went back to work this week. He's working part time in the office and part time from the hospital. We pick up our 2 year old after daycare and he comes up with us for a little bit. Then one of us goes home with Sam and the other stays with Greta. Every 2-3 nights all 3 of us are home. I'm sure this plan will change a few times over the next several weeks but it's working for us now.

I need to read through some threads and get caught up on what everyone is up to, I've been itching to see how things are going.

AlabamaRedhead · November 2016

That's fantastic news Carly!

LoneStar21416 · November 2016

@carly79 I am so happy to hear from you!! I have been thinking about you a lot. So glad to hear Greta is doing great and everything is progressing well. What an amazing little girl! Sending you and your family a lot of love - you are so strong!

jsl82 · November 2016

That is a wonderful update @Carly79! Happy that Greta is doing well and you and your family have settled into a routine.

ceclarlinetlo · November 2016

@carly79 I'm so glad to hear Greta is doing so well! ( and I LOVE Greta as a nickname - so cute!) Thanks for the update and I hope you can be a family of 4 all at home soon!

canavara · November 2016

Been thinking about you @Carly79! Glad you're both doing well! Even though she came early, it sounds like you slayed it with the labor

Hope she continues to get bigger and stronger and you're all able to be home together soon!

cjs260 · November 2016

@Carly79 so happy for great news! I'm so happy that everything worked out so well. I hope that little Greta is able to keep it up!!

SquirrelGiggles83 · November 2016

@Carly79 I'm so glad to hear how well things are going. I don't think any of us expected October birthdays for our little ones. Thank you for keeping us updated. You and Greta and the rest of our family are in my thoughts.

susykat77 · November 2016

@Carly79 I love the nn Greta! So happy she's doing well. Y'all have been in my thoughts. ❤️

Briala · November 2016

So quick update this baby girl will be here first thing tomorrow morning via cesarean it's too dangerous for me to stay pregnant any longer I'll give an update when I can ❤️

cjs260 · November 2016

@Briala Thoughts are with you this morning!!!!

ceclarlinetlo · November 2016

@briala thinking of you and baby - you were amazing to be on such strict bed rest for so long.

LoneStar21416 · November 2016

@briala Thinking of you, baby, and your family!

jsl82 · November 2016

@Briala good luck today. Hopefully your baby girl will be small but healthy like @Carly79's baby girl and both of you continue to give us positive updates.

cjs260 · November 2016

**TW: Loss discussed** I missed it if there was one of these started up this week, but I'm having a sad day and needed to post. It was a year ago today that I found out about my first pregnancy loss. I remember so clearly getting up that day with such excitement to see our baby, only to find out that there was not only no heartbeat, but no embryo at all. When we sat there in the u/s room, the tech wouldn't tell us that anything was wrong, only that the doctor would be coming to talk to us in a room. Then we had to sit there, me knowing what was wrong, for an extra hour, while we listened to the girl in the next room cry about the doctor not scheduling a c-section for her. My husband driving me to my car in silence. Sitting in my car and crying before I could drive. Sobbing at CVS while the pharmacist asked if I understood how the medicine worked. The horrible weeks that followed, including Thanksgiving and Christmas.

It's just so fresh right now, while being so different. I'm having a hard day, feeling both sorrowful and joyful about the new opportunity that I've been given that will be here before we can blink. Thank you all for giving me a place to word vomit out my emotions. I hope I haven't really upset anyone today. I needed somewhere to post about this where it may be understood.

ceclarlinetlo · November 2016

Oh wow - I'm so sorry ladies, I didn't even realize I didn't start a new thread this week!

@cjs260 - I'm so sorry you are having a sad day. With my first loss the exact same thing happened to me. I actually had a harder time with that loss than I did with my second which had an embryo but it stopped at 6 weeks. It just had the extra layer of feeling so betrayed by my body that was an additional sting, and people not understanding that blighted ovums are a loss (I got more than one comment that showed the person didn't even think I was actually pregnant so having to justify your pregnancy as real is another twist of the knife).

I am so glad that little Patton Pending is on her way, and I'm thinking of your first little one today. Big hugs to you!

susykat77 · November 2016

@cjs260 This is the exact place to share your feelings. I only have a sec but wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and sending big (creepy internet) hugs to you.

LoneStar21416 · November 2016

Hey lady! I'm glad you came here to post. I'm sorry you're having a rough day. Earlier this week, for reasons totally unrelated to this pregnancy, I had a moment where I felt like I was living in a bad dream and would wake up in a different reality. Besides September 11, the only other time in my life that I've ever really felt like that was during my losses. I truly felt like how could I be living this hell and it had to be untrue. I felt legitimately traumatized by my first loss, for a variety of reasons, and I can totally understand when you say you feel sorrowful and joyful at the same time now. I think we'll always feel like that. A couple of weeks ago, an episode of the show blackish had a scene at the end where the whole family goes to the doctor with the pregnant mom and the doctor is struggling to find a heartbeat at first, and then ultimately finds it and everyone is happy. My husband and I just sat on the couch and sobbed together watching that remembering how our experience was the exact opposite and how utterly heartbreaking it was. Now I've gone on a rant. But anyway, all that is to say, I feel you! The pain and memories of what we have all gone through can resurface when certain dates or other triggers come about. I'm glad we have each other!

cjs260 · November 2016

Thank you all so much. I made my friends come over for dinner and H and I just went out for ice cream. I'm taking off work tomorrow to get a jump start on Christmas shopping. I'm so glad that I found such a great community!

Kurtni · November 2016

@cjs260 Glad you're treating yourself! Ice cream and shopping can feel as good as therapy sometimes.

jsl82 · November 2016

Awe @cjs260 sorry you had such a hard time yesterday. It's exciting being so close to the end with this one, but having had losses around the holidays as well I completely understand the power of grief to come back and knock you on your ass all over again. I approve of the ice cream solution- there are very few things in life that ice cream cannot fix (though a glass of wine in a few weeks will be extremely welcomed as well). Enjoy Christmas shopping today- I bought so much stuff for my DH and LO yesterday that I'm kind of scared of how sad our bank account is going to be after this holiday season!

AlabamaRedhead · November 2016

@cjs260 I feel you. We just got our c-section date yesterday...Jan. 20. I'm excited, but then I realized Jan. 15 is when I had my d/c with my second miscarriage and just a few weeks later I would have given birth to my first mmc baby. How much changes in a year. It makes me teary, I'm not sure from joy or pain or both. I lean more toward joy and gratitude...I think.

I will, no doubt, be a complete, blubbering mess when this baby is born. I loved my first son when he arrived, but I wasn't very emotional. This time, my lord...no photos will be allowed.

Briala · November 2016

It's so hard when the loss date gets close. My sons birthday is bittersweet because of it. He was born a year to the day that I learned of my loss, I try to save my sadness for the EDD though. But I always get nightmares about his birth and the miscarriage around then too. Stay stong mama's

I've been having a really rough time lately this situation is so overwhelming. I've just been going through the motions and have been struggling to bond with DD. My son needs me, my husband needs me time and a break and the house is a disaster zone. She is just so tiny and small and I feel like I can't do much to help her. I just started anti-depressents and I hope they start to work quickly. I'm also so worn down and tired I didn't imagine how hard it would be to recover from this. My body hurts and I'm struggling to get my stamina back. I know I need to be careful so I don't mess with my incision too much or end up hurting myself. It's hard to stay patient and give myself time and space to heal.

TLDR: just complaining

PGAL weekly check in 10.31.16

Re: PGAL weekly check in 10.31.16

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