Doulas?

Knottie42089123 · October 2016

Any of you using/have used a doula? I'm looking into some local options, will probably wait a little bit though. What was the experience like if you have?

halfthetree · October 2016

Heck yes. I would never birth without one.

Disclaimer: I'm a doula so obviously biased but had one birth without, and one with.

The right doula can make birth seem so much less intimidating. Many are trained lactation educators and birth educators as well, find one that offers help with that included in her packages. During labour, they just know what you need. Water, cold cloth, nudging your partner in the right direction if they want to be hands on etc.
I also have to say that having her there calmed my family down, and having her to hold my hand through stitches while husband had baby was very comforting. I don't really like to be touched during labor, but having her calm presence there was worth every damn penny!
Im hiring my doula (turned great friend) again for this baby (#3, second home birth).

Edit because spelling is hard today.

babytuck15 · October 2016

I used a doula and I'm planning on using her again this time! We met a few times beforehand to talk about my pregnancy and what I wanted as a birth experience. And I don't think me (or my husband) could have made it through transition during labor without her! She was also a great resource for breastfeeding! Bonus- she was training to be a doula (we were her last birth before her certification) so she was free!

wifeinraleigh28 · October 2016

I'm considering a doula as well so I'm excited to follow this thread. Does anyone recommend a good resource for finding a doula? Also, approximately how much do they run?

silliegirlie143 · October 2016

I had a doula with DD. She was our Hypnobabies instructor. Who better to help coach you than the one who taught you, right?
She was fantastic. I would hire her again except we moved to a different state. Boo!

prices can vary with experience, certifications, services offered, and geographic location. We paid about $1K and that was towards the higher end in our area, but we had an established relationship with her and a family member paid half as a baby shower gift.

jc_twomamas · October 2016

Yes! We had a doula with DS and although I ended up in the hospital for my third trimester and a c section, she was the most valuable person in our lives during that time.

I'm planning and hoping for a VBAC this time around and she already has our EDD on her books!

There's something to be said about an unbiased person to help you and your partner through the birthing process that is irreplaceable. I seriously love our Doula. Worth every penny.

mombod · October 2016

We didnt use a doula last time because of the price and ultimately because I was very trusting in my birth team and the policies at the birth center I used. Everything I really wanted (plan A) was standard protocol at my birth center... no continuous monitoring, no IV, immediate skin to skin... my midwife filled that role even as a lactation consultant. That being said if I risked out of using the birth center I would definitly hire one. I dont know how well I could advocate for myself if Plan B came along while in labor.

babytuck15 · October 2016

I looked up the doula we used last time and now that she's certified she charges $700-$1,200. Had myself a good cry about her not being there this time because we just can't afford that now.

ETA: I totally get why they charge that much because they do so much. She was pretty much on call for us the 4 weeks before and after I gave birth.

Knottie42089123 · October 2016

After having a wedding planner for my wedding I am all about this type of support investment. My maid of honor was a saint and gifted me the wedding planner. Maybe similar to a honeymoon registry moms can register for donations toward a doula? Going to research all things doula in a few weeks. I did acupuncture for a few months before TTC and we stopped right at the bfp because insurance wasn't covering and it was a big expense. Can you see my mental justification for the cost emerging lol

jc_twomamas · November 2016

@Knottie42089123 in my opinion, having a doula is worth every single penny spent. Ours was $800-$1200 for a vaginal birth (you pay based on what you feel your experience was). We ended up with a c section but she was still there all day, supported my mom in the waiting room and helped in recovery. And while on bed rest in the hospital she would bring me home cooked meals, books to read or just come and visit and acted as a super safe space for me to be as emotional as I needed to be about my pregnancy. That price was $300 but we paid her some extra because she just rocked. I cannot say enough good about experienced doulas!

caribbeanmama-2 · November 2016

Oh god - worth every penny! We used our HSA to cover it - we spent $850. Our doula also did postpartum herbal baths and placenta prep etc. - if you are into that kind of thing. Doulas are soooo knowledgable about the birth process! All the reading I did - and I did a lot - I couldn't come close! I'm Type A, independent, and pretty tough to calm - so my husband had major props for her dealing with all that. That being said, I think taking labor classes was really informative if your goal is a low intervention natural birth.

@Knottie42089123. The registry for the doula is such a clever idea! Why isn't that a thing already?

Knottie42089123 · November 2016

I just found a website called Babylist where you can add doula contribution to your registry!

brij2006 · November 2016

We used a doula with DD's birth, but we didn't get to the hospital until 45 minutes before she was born and our doula only helps at the hospital. So she was there through transition stage and pushing, which I swear when she walked in the gates of heaven opened up. I felt instantly calmed and regained control.

We labored at home as long as possible with DD and plan to do so again this time if the midwife will allow us. So I'm not sure if we'll hire her again. H says no since I did it mostly on my own with DD and probably could again. I say yes because I'm sure as heck going to the hospital earlier this time. No transition stage in the car again. No way!

JAGinMI · November 2016

@halfthetree I am curious how a doula manages her scheduling! Like, what if 5 moms want to hire you for the last 2 weeks of a month - how do you know who to say yes to? Or even, just 2 moms with due dates 2 weeks apart? They could very well be in labor on the same day. It sounds like people get attached to their doulas so they wouldn't even necessarily want a backup to show up. Enlighten me!

halfthetree · November 2016

@JAGinMI Well, I think taking 5 clients due within 2 weeks of each other would be pretty risky, so full disclosure would be important! I probably would refer two to other doulas.
The thing with birth is that it is so incredibly unpredictable. However 2 moms with due dates two weeks apart are VERY unlikely to go into labour at the same time, much less labour at exactly the same rate so that it was impossible for me to attend both. I've gone to a birth, been notified of early labour signs, and gotten the call to go to their house as I'm walking out of the hospital after baby #1. It's not easy, but it's part of the job and we prepare ourselves for it! Coffee helps.
I always let my clients know that I work with two other doulas, and we back each other up in emergencies. If I'm sick, I'm not going to attend a birth and be around a newborn, that is incredibly unsafe and unprofessional. To ensure my backups aren't strangers, they come to 1 of our 2 prenatal appointments to meet, get familiarized with the birth plan, and establish that trusted relationship with the clients. Plus, in my experience, my clients have considered that a big bonus to hiring me, they don't want to be left with no one there.

Looking at each mom, previous birth experience and birth wishes is important in determining if you can accept another client for that birth month!

Spookster · November 2016

My sister is a doula, she isnt practicing right now but she has done some wonderful work supporting women before birth, through birth and after as well. Doula's are very knowledgable and not nearly as pushy as an OB or midwife. If I was a candidate for VBAC I would defnietly ask my sister to assit as I birth #2.

caribbeanmama-2 · November 2016

Our doula only takes 2 clients a month. She has 2 backups if for some crazy reason she couldn't make it to the birth. She met with us several times before the EDD and is on call to talk on the phone or come over to calm pre-labor gitters in the weeks leading up to labor. I also know that she helps with overnights once the baby is born if you need it (for extra) and if you need a sort of mother's helper in the final whale stage with getting house stuff done and other errands while chasing a toddler or two. Having a doula is really a special gift! Make sure you get a doula with lots of experience who comes with great references. You will also need to conduct in person interviews. We interviewed 5. Doulas are not ordinary humans - I think they are really born to take on this kind of role.

Okay, I will stop gushing now.

JAGinMI · November 2016

@halfthetree Makes sense! Thanks so much for sharing!

merrylea · November 2016

FTM here. Forgive my ignorance, but couldn't and shouldn't your partner help to fulfill those rolls that a Doula does? Be that emotional and physical support. Helping to calm pre-labor jitters, helping with the baby and around the house, being a source to vent to after the baby is born? I'm just asking to understand. Thank you!

wifeinraleigh28 · November 2016

@merrylea I'm a FTM too but it is my understanding that the point of having a doula is to have a professional help coach you through the labor process and serve as a liaison between you and the hospital staff. I would imagine that the doula serves as a support not just to you but also to your significant other. And I would also think that roles would be discussed ahead of time.

tosh24 · November 2016

Worth every penny! I didn't use one with DD and had a really hard time advocating for myself and was fully taken advantage of by the nurses while trying to decision make during labour. When I got pregnant with DS, finding a doula is one of the first things I did (because I can't use a midwife with my autoimmune disorder). She was also a hypnobirthing instructor and came to my house on a few different occasions pre-birth to run through hypnobirthing sessions and talk about my priorities, etc. I laboured at home as long as I could and had DS only 20 minutes after being admitted to L&D, but I'm still glad she was there. I had an unmedicated birth by choice with DS and her presence was so calming in a time of sheer panic lol. Just feeling her touch and hearing her voice lessened my anxiety immediately when it started to creep in. And the nurses pretty much did what they were required to do in terms of monitoring and stayed away the rest of the time which was glorious. If this little bug sticks, I'll be using my doula again for sure.

(SN: my doula charged $750 for her hypnobirthing package but only ended up charging me $175 because my labour was so short).

merrylea · November 2016

@wifeinraleigh28 - thank you for your thoughtful reply!

NamelessAria · November 2016

How did you ladies find your duola? Do you just do a Google search and pick the person with the best profile or whatever? I feel totally unprepared for this whole pregnancy thing. I spent so long TTC and too sad to research anything pregnancy related and now I'm just clueless.

jc_twomamas · November 2016

@NamelessAria I searched online for a month or so and read what reviews or testimonials that I could. From there, I contacted 2 doulas and picked the best fit from emails and phone conversation (basic information gathering). Many of them have websites or Facebook pages. This may sound stupid, but I liked seeing their pictures too. Something about seeing them helped me figure out if I felt a "connection" or not.

thankfully · November 2016

@NamelessAria A local FB mom's group would probably be a great resource. I see people asking for recs for stuff like this all the time in mine.

halfthetree · November 2016

@NamelessAria Google, pick whose info and beliefs you feel align with what you're looking for (don't pick the doula who believes birth is only safe at home, if you're wanting to birth at the hospital), and interview!! Get to know the doulas, you can have a list of 100 questions, but when it comes down to it, it is all about connection. Do you feel comfortable with this person? Does she/he (yes there are some amazing male doulas!!) make you feel like she's an old friend? Or do you feel like she's judging birth preferences that aren't her favorite?
Trust your gut and hire based on what you feel is most important (experience, connection, additional offerings).

kelseycookies84 · November 2016

I had always thought I would use a doula. My sister had a very negative birth experience with her first that I feel would have been improved if she had had one. However, in my first in depth appointment with my practice it seems like they discourage using doulas...I'm not sure if I should look for a different practice or just think more about whether or not my husband can truly be a helpful, supportive part of the birth. I love him, but I don't know if he can deal with it!

bornmommy · November 2016

@NamelessAria and @wifeinraleigh28 - check out doulamatch.net . google will give you doulas that have good SEO/ You can find testimonials, the doulas updated schedule, and her price range on doulamatch.

YAY for doulas! We are awesome!!!

c1tym0m22 · November 2016

@bornmommy, huge thanks for the link to doulamatch!

thankfully · November 2016

kelseycookies84 said:

I had always thought I would use a doula. My sister had a very negative birth experience with her first that I feel would have been improved if she had had one. However, in my first in depth appointment with my practice it seems like they discourage using doulas...I'm not sure if I should look for a different practice or just think more about whether or not my husband can truly be a helpful, supportive part of the birth. I love him, but I don't know if he can deal with it!

Honestly that would be a red flag for me, not just as it relates to having a doula but what it may say about that practice's philosophy in general.

bornmommy · November 2016

c1tym0m22 said:

@bornmommy, huge thanks for the link to doulamatch!

DOULAS FOR EVERYONE!!!!

bornmommy · November 2016

@kelseycookies84 - shop for a different practice. You should really find a practice with similar philosophies to your own. Research shows us that the biggest factor in how your birth goes is the hospital culture in which you give birth and provider preference.

Knottie42089123 · November 2016

YOU GET A DOULA
YOU GET A DOULA
EVERYONE GETS A DOULA!!!

halfthetree · November 2016

silliegirlie143 · November 2016

We are planning a home birth for this LO. Our MW will have an assistant with her.
A doula is still a good idea, right?

We hired a doula for our hospital birth to help coach us and help as an advocate to keep the birth in line with our philosophy. I don't see that being as much (if any at all) of an issue with a home birth though...

thankfully · November 2016

silliegirlie143 said:

We are planning a home birth for this LO. Our MW will have an assistant with her.
A doula is still a good idea, right?

We hired a doula for our hospital birth to help coach us and help as an advocate to keep the birth in line with our philosophy. I don't see that being as much (if any at all) of an issue with a home birth though...

That's the only reason I haven't used a doula. My MWs were with me for labor and provided all of that support. If I were planning a hospital birth I definitely would have used one. That being said there are plenty of people that choose to have a doula in addition to their MWs at a hb.

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