Terrible Parenting Advice

allybadry · November 2016

So the boards have been fairly slow lately, so I thought it might be fun to throw in a random thread once in a while in addition to our regular weekly threads.

My question to you ladies is, what is the worst parenting advice you have been given or the best response to terrible advice?

Feel free to chime in, even if your are a FTM, I can almost guarantee everyone of us has been given some pretty awful advice, even if it was given with good intentions (it usually is).

allybadry · November 2016

My favourite terrible advice has always been the whole sleep when the baby sleeps thing.

With DS I was exhausted all the time. He was an amazing sleeper (like 4-5 hours from day 1 and 12 hours by 3 months plus long naps kind of amazing), but he was a lazy feeder so I got stuck eping for a good chunk of those early months. That meant that while he was sound asleep I got up 3 times a night to pump and spent most of that time glaring at the nursery door. I eventually learned to sleep sitting upright while connected to the pump and started setting an alarm on my phone.

My favourite response to this advice was along the lines of "Sure, I'll also cook when the baby cooks, clean when the baby cleans, and shower while the baby showers..."

MWoodside · November 2016

CIO. It just feels wrong in every way to my mama gut. I can help my children learn to sleep by being patient and providing comfort. I view comfort as a need just like nursing or a clean diaper.

pinkshades05 · November 2016

"Raising kids is like raising a dog." But not. You can leave a dog at home without having CPS called, you can't set out a bowl of fishies and water for a baby, and you can't register your 3yo at obedience school. Children are much more exhausting and demanding of our time and energy!

Omie_Wise · November 2016

@pinkshades05 , I spoil my dog rotten and my mother is constantly asking me if that's how I am going to treat my child. Yes, Mother, everything the child barks I will let him inside the house.

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/Fjr6v88OPk7U4/giphy.gif

blessedinmt · November 2016

@Omie_Wise Hahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh!

lovelongdog06 · November 2016

I was told to take a rough washcloth to my nipples in the shower to "toughen them up" for breastfeeding.

nwshay · November 2016

So not exactly "parenting advice" but when we were TTC, my coworker said "just have sex all the time. that's what my friend said worked for her!" No shit sherlock. But it's more than just that! This came from a single, non-parent.

Edited because of weird auto correct!

HGRich · November 2016

Haha! I haven't had any parenting advice given to me yet. But I had some stupid advice while ttc, hurtful and unhelpful advice after my loss, and unhelpful advice about being PGAL. I think most people should just keep their mouths shut, even if well-meaning.

My favorite though was when my grandmother called me up on the phone and told me about what sex positions to do in order to conceive either a girl or a boy. My grandmother is a very private person so it was kind of hilarious and also touching as she was trying to connect with me after my loss I guess. Haha.

Also not exactly parenting advice but I keep getting coworkers and friends shoving pickles at me. Like I get that that it's a stereotype but I don't want any dang pickles!

@lovelongdog06 that's hilarious.

smallanimal · November 2016

I heard so much nonsense. The worst was "ya know, if you do not breastfeed, you are not a real mom". My response was, well, let me tell you what makes you a real mom. pushing a kid out of your vagina, you idiot" (yes, I know, caesarians are real mums too but I wanted to sound punchy.. that shut her up).

I also heard this "feed on demand" which many people tell me is nonsense. In the first few weeks, yes, feed, sleep, nappy, but then you do need a routine and you should not be offering the baby your breast every time it opens his mouth... you would not do that with a toddler or a young kid, either!

Also, there is a lot of this "hipster" parenting around which I find complete nonsense. Breastfeed your kid until he/she says no (and the breastfeed 5-6 old kids!). Sleep with your kid for a year. errr.. no, maybe a few months sleep in the same room, but seriously... for years in the same bed?

@allybadry I kind of like the sleep when the baby sleeps idea... not sure if it will work, but I heard it a lot and will try. see if it works..?

dam0ne4 · November 2016

Not advice per se but my mil questioned almost everything that was different when she had kids 35+ years ago. I don't know how many times I've had to explain why it's not safe to have the baby in a car seat with a big bulky jacket.

She also never breastfed and neither did my SIL (which is fine of course) but she didn't understand it and would question me constantly. "how long are you going to do THAT for"

Hopefully she's less annoying this time around

rachelmiller03 · November 2016

One piece of advice I received early on (like the first week) was "not to let him use me as a pacifier". At that point, he wasn't even back up to his birth-weight, and he was still cluster-feeding.

M&Max · November 2016

Ah my favorite is "why won't you do (insert thing here)? We did that with you and you survived..." Um yes I did survive but if research shows something else is better why not do that?? So frustrating. Fighting my mother in law about the newborn sleeping on his back was oh so fun with DS. Can't wait to do that all over again with this little one... not!

Virginialeigh · November 2016

My MIL has be trying to get me to give DS antihistamines pretty much since they pulled him out of me. I get it, you work at an allergist and think everything is allergies, but sometimes it's just a runny nose. I'm not going to dope my kid up because it would make you happy. I don't care what you give your other grandkids or when you started giving it to them. I don't give my kid drugs unless his Ped says to and even then I question it.

mrsstuessy · November 2016

@smallanimal Feeding on demand worked well for me. You will naturally fall into some sort of routine, but feeding on demand was so much easier than being all about some strict routine. Honestly, I think hearing parenting advice from someone who is not a parent, or who has not played an actual parenting role, is just stupid. I worked at a daycare for years before I had children, but still mostly kept my mouth shut, because until you are a parent, you just don't know.

Virginialeigh · November 2016

mrsstuessy said:

I worked at a daycare for years before I had children, but still mostly kept my mouth shut, because until you are a parent, you just don't know.

I also worked at a preschool before I had kids. I never said anything to a parents face, but I sure did have a lot of opinions on what they were doing wrong. Then I had DS and realized how much of a jerk I had been. You really don't know ANYTHING until you are responsible for another life. And even then you might not know it all, but that's your child and you have the right to raise it how you choose.

jennielynn+ · November 2016

Someone asked me if I would be keeping my dog outside when the baby comes home from the hospital. They said you want to make sure the baby does not get woken up in the middle of naps. Nope. My dog and I played during the day and were rowdy like always. My daughter had no trouble napping and slept through the night starting at 8weeks.

elgie · November 2016

dam0ne4 said:

Not advice per se but my mil questioned almost everything that was different when she had kids 35+ years ago. I don't know how many times I've had to explain why it's not safe to have the baby in a car seat with a big bulky jacket.

She also never breastfed and neither did my SIL (which is fine of course) but she didn't understand it and would question me constantly. "how long are you going to do THAT for"

Hopefully she's less annoying this time around

THIS!! I hate when people make comments and say sarcastically "boy times sure have changed, we didn't always have the fancy this or the fancy that and our kids turned out okay"

I know they are kidding, but it annoys me for some reason.

BecNJake · November 2016

DH's grandma keeps telling me that because I had a c-section with my first baby (traumatic and not by choice!) I need to just schedule a c-section for this baby before I go into labor. She tries to scare me into it. I am not even going to a hospital for this birth and I've gotten LOTS of "advice" about that from family

marshmallowmadness · November 2016

smallanimal said:

I heard so much nonsense. The worst was "ya know, if you do not breastfeed, you are not a real mom". My response was, well, let me tell you what makes you a real mom. pushing a kid out of your vagina, you idiot" (yes, I know, caesarians are real mums too but I wanted to sound punchy.. that shut her up).

I also heard this "feed on demand" which many people tell me is nonsense. In the first few weeks, yes, feed, sleep, nappy, but then you do need a routine and you should not be offering the baby your breast every time it opens his mouth... you would not do that with a toddler or a young kid, either!

Also, there is a lot of this "hipster" parenting around which I find complete nonsense. Breastfeed your kid until he/she says no (and the breastfeed 5-6 old kids!). Sleep with your kid for a year. errr.. no, maybe a few months sleep in the same room, but seriously... for years in the same bed?

@allybadry I kind of like the sleep when the baby sleeps idea... not sure if it will work, but I heard it a lot and will try. see if it works..?

Bahaha I've done almost all of this with all my kiddos. We are breastfeeding as long as DD3 wants to, my older two transitioned out of our bed around 3 (DD3 is still in our bed), and we feed on demand, always.

MWoodside · November 2016

Cosleeping and bed sharing isn't 'hipster parenting'. Most cultures do that and have forever. I think a lot of FTMs think they will put their baby in a separate room right away. But once baby is here that doesn't work for a lot of families if mom wants any sleep at all. Especially breastfeeding moms.

mrsstuessy · November 2016

And I thought for sure we would have baby in our room for the first maybe 6 months. We lasted 3 weeks and were all sleeping so horribly. So, she went into her crib in her room and we all were much happier. The key words when it comes to parenting is "be flexible".

cafedisco · November 2016

I'd rather have parenting advice from non-parents than parents (maybe an UO). I don't like the whole "I did this with mine and they slept/ate/acted/farted perfectly!" There's no magic trick, every kid and family is different. There were so many things we thought we'd never do that we did and vice versa. You just don't know until that little human is in your arms.

I also don't like when my parents' generation comment on how much gear and technology we have and that we're so lucky/parenting must be so much easier now. I actually think all the options is quite difficult. I have no interest in becoming a baby and kid gear expert, but you don't have much choice, especially when money is limited. I think I'd be quite happy if there was just a "cheap version" and an "expensive version" of everything and that was that.

Want a personalized experience?

Terrible Parenting Advice

Re: Terrible Parenting Advice

Choose Another Board

Search Boards