I didn't read through all of these so I apologize if this is a repeat...but don't freak out if you don't have that overwhelming love feeling towards your baby at first. I cared about my son but I didn't feel that instant love bond with him and beat myself up over it for weeks because I felt like the worst mom ever. It did happen eventually and was much more prominent after my daughter but talk to someone if you feel like that! I didn't for days and wish I would have because I would have felt much better.
Don't let supplementing be the end of your world. My son wouldn't latch at first and I had to supplement they tried to like feed him like a bird with a tube dripping formula off my nipples...don't be afraid to give a bottle. Feeding them is what counts!!
Married 12/17/2011 K born 8/31/12 C born 1/11/14 BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015 BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
You might not go into labor on your own. Your water might not break on its own.
Good point!! Also I was terrified of having my water broken. It was nothing. Honestly. (Even though I went in to labor on my own, my water did not break.)
Trying to not be redundant... * Not all FTMs go past their due date * Your milk may not come in quickly enough to feed your kid. Don't be afraid to supplement - it's more important that a newborn eats than anything else * Stitches can pop. Your ob may say it never happens, but it does - so trust yourself if something doesn't feel "right" * Everything is a phase in the first year - if it seems painful, it'll pass. The wonderful stuff sticks around. * Do what's right for you and your family - and don't feel compelled to justify it to anyone else : )
1) I didn't realize how often I would be disturbed by nurses, techs, doc, family members, meal delivery people, lactation consultant, etc while trying to recuperate after an emergency c section... don't feel bad about telling visitors to gooooo home!! It was really stressful to me, not to mention trying to figure out the breastfeeding thing while visitors came in and out (family/friends). I love my family, but I wasn't cool with my father in law and brother in law just walking in with my boobies all out!! Can't a girl have a teeeensy bit of modesty during this process?
2) Birth plans can change in a second. Didn't plan on being induced or having an emergency c section...but it was all worth it when I got to hold my perfect baby.
3) Having extended family from out of town stay at my house after birth(to "help") was more stressful than being on my own with the hubby...and I was super hormonal and ended up pissing off my mom big time. Not a great experience
4) You don't need half the crap you registered for! Stick with the basics!
Not every experience or person is the same, including all if these. Lots I agree with, lots I strongly disagree with above. Take what rings true for you and don't worry about what doesn't.
Trust your instincts as mama. NO ONE, no one knows your baby as well as you. Not your partner, not your mom, not internet strangers. Not your pedi. Your instincts are strong and you will know your baby and what is best for him. Trust them and stand up for you both when you need to.
Most gear is overrated or redundant. Wait to get stuff till you meet your baby and see what they need. If you plan on more kids, go neutral for car seats etc.
1) buy stock in tucks pads. Also make sure you have a stash at home.
2) If someone in the delivery room is making you uncomfortable, uneasy, nervous, annoyed or basically anything other than helpful, MAKE THEM LEAVE!!! It does not matter if it is a dr, a nurse, or your mother, your labor will go much better with that gone. If you aren't comfortable telling the person directly, ask a nurse.
3) If someone tells you to "push twice with every contraction" ignore them. That is how you tear unnecessarily.
4) Postpartum bleeding looks like a murder scene. You might bleed all over the floor and toilet for a few days
5) Buy depends to help contain the murder scene.
6) If you want to nurse, buy a nipple shield and lanolin. My baby had latch issues for several months and I never would have made it without the shield.
7) If your nipples are bleeding, make your doc check for lip and tongue ties. My kid was 9 mos old before hers was diagnosed, and it made infancy much harder than it needed to be.
8) If you don't want strangers touching your baby, baby wear.
9) It is probably going to be a good couple of months before you start to feel normalish. I didn't feel really good until baby was a year old.
10) Keep a "stocked" nursing station. Make sure you have a nursing pillow, a bottle of water, dried fruit, nuts (or other healthy snacks), a tablet/phone and charger. I was always so hungry and thirsty while nursing and tiny babies can take a long time.
11) Someone mentioned it before, but it is super important. It is ok if you don't ooze love for your newborn. My baby was at least 2 months old before I realized how much I loved her.
12) Sometimes the best thing you can do, is put down a crying baby and go somewhere in the house where you can't hear the crying.
13) Let people help you. Dinners brought to your home are a huge help. My mom flew out and stayed with me for 2 weeks and helped with my newborn. She cooked every day and kept my house cleaner than I ever do. I would not have been nearly as calm with a crying baby as I was if she weren't here with me.
14) Gripe water may be your best friend.
15) Get a Boppy. I had an off brand that was much smaller and it was harder to use with a small baby. Then it tore and I had to get another nursing pillow anyway.
16) Enjoy this. You can't avoid every inconvenient or uncomfortable moment, so try to find a way to enjoy them. Up in the middle of the night nursing? Examine your baby's sweet face. Enjoy the sweet sound of a newborn breathing. Baby won't sleep? Snuggle and watch Netflix.
Such good information here. 1) A couple of days at home as a family by yourself is great. There's no shame in wanting some time to get used to your new baby as well as you as a new parent. If family has to visit, see if they can come later when your significant other/support person returns to work. Also if family has to be around that perhaps they're not staying with you (aka at a hotel) and give you some space and time throughout the day. 2) I'm echo about feeding me your baby. Who cares as long as they are getting fed. 3) Everyone is going to have an opinion and the only one that truly matters is yours and your partners. 4) However you can get baby to sleep or be happy is what it is. Use pacifiers, use rock n plays, or whatever. There's no shame in your 14 month old still needing a bottle before falling asleep because sleep and their happiness and yours is what's most important. 5) Enjoy the little things. Relax and be calm. At the end of the day, all that matters is that your tiny little human and you made it through another day. 6) Interview pediatricians. You want to be able to trust them and that they are going to be there at 1am when your baby is screaming it's head off and you know that they'll take your call. Your little person is going to be seeing a lot of them so make sure that you want to see them also.
1) Towards your third tri, get yourself a waterproof mattress pad. A girl on my Sept '10 board had her water break in bed and her mattress was ruined.
2) Take the hospital tour beforehand and check everything out, even if you think it won't apply to you. Fact is, there will be mamas here with unplanned C-sections. There will babies spending some time in NICU. You'll feel a thousand times better when the unexpected happens if you're at least familiar with it.
3) The nurse is going to offer you some prune juice after delivery. You don't like prune juice. Drink the prune juice anyway. Constipation after giving birth is a special level of hell.
4) If you become a C-section mama, carry a pillow with you at all times in the beginning. Every time you sneeze or get jostled (especially in the car) you're going to feel like your insides are going to fall out. Holding that pillow against your abdomen is going to help.
5) You're going to receive more unsolicited advice and opinions in the next two years than you've received in your entire life. People love to instruct first time mamas. Don't let them. Nobody knows your child like you do. Trust yourself, you're going to do just fine.
Me: 38 l DH: 41 Gavin - 8/27/10 *TW* Gabriel - 2nd tri loss 5/17/16 Trisomy 18 & 21 Hope - 2nd tri loss 12/7/16 complications from pneumonia
Mentally prepare for natural childbirth to be hard. It is, but you mentally go to a different place. Nap between contractions. And FFS, labor in a tub. It's lovely.
I breastfed past two years. It's not always easy, but it was 100% worth doing.
With the stillbirth of my son, I pumped and donated to mommas. There are so many babies in the NICU, heart babies, moms who couldn't breastfeed, and moms whose kids can't tolerate formula...if you can pump and donate, it is absolutely worth it.
Don't go drive yourself crazy about what you're able to eat while you have morning sickness. Anything you can tolerate is great.
Find a favorite diaper bag. It will go everywhere you go.
Buy all the carriers and wraps you need. Strap that baby to you and enjoy! I guarantee you have a local baby wearing group with a lending library, so you can try on several styles so you can decide. I STILL wear my four year old. And so does my hubby/her dad. Baby wearing is amazing.
Darn it, cosleeping is the best thing ever. Do not be afraid to cosleep. I wouldn't sleep train, even if you paid me.
Also, you can hold baby 24-7. Who cares. Babies don't spoil.
Invest in basic, easy to clean outfits. And buy whatever you love. This little life is something you should relish.
1. If your baby is fed, clothed and loved you are doing everything right....even if it feels like you are doing everything wrong. 2. Get a small swing or bouncer that can sit on your bathroom floor. It's the only way I managed to shower most days. 3. Stock up on ready to eat one handed foods. I hate bananas and ate about 100 of them during the first week because they were easy and available. 4. The days are long but the months are short. Try to enjoy the moments because they really do go so fast. 5. Even if you have no/minor tearing use the spray bottle after the bathroom. Wiping is not your friend in the early days. Spray then blot. 6. Take a comfy housecoat to the hospital. I delivered on one of the hottest days in august but the hospital was freezing cold, I had no interest in wearing pants and hospital gowns suck.
Oh and those of you wanting to do a natural birth it can be done. Even though I had to be induced I didn't get an epidural. Was it painful? Absolutely! Will I try to have another unmedicated delivery? Absolutely!
Be ready for baby way early but with the realization you will never be fully ready for baby. I had my son at 32 weeks and I had no birth plan, no bag packed, yet I still had a birth I'm happy with. Make sure you have somebody either hubby or somebody else designated to take pictures. I wish I had more from the night he was born. When people offer to help, let them, even if it is saying hey I could use a pizza delivered. Don't get offended when people offer car seat, choking, or legitimately life saving helpful advice. I was baby led weaning my son and giving him raw baby carrots until my sister told me they are one of the number one choking hazards, I'm glad she did and I didn't get offended! Don't take out your sleep deprivation on your spouse. Give each other a break it's not a competition on who is the most tired. I could go on I'm sure.
This thread is amazing and I enjoyed reading through all the tips, as a FTM. So much that would never cross my mind. Can we pin this please so I can easily reference this thread for the next 7 months and beyond? @BumpAdminn@BumpTara@BumpCaitlin
***BFP & Child Warning***
Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014 IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17 FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
Just read through these and I have a couple more gems of my own to add:
- The cloth diaper toilet sprayer thing was a godsend for super sensitive areas. Spray water on yourself WHILE you pee to minimize the burning of pee hitting a healing episiotomy.
- Lots of really strange things are normal during the postpartum period, but being constantly sad/crying/angry/fearful/anxious is not. Tell your spouse/partner. Tell your OB. Tell your Pedi. Tell SOMEONE. Do not suffer inside your head in silence. You can feel better and you deserve to feel better!
- You may not fully regain bladder control. This will start towards the end of the pregnancy and can continue well afterwards. There is NO SHAME is adult diapers. Actually they're great because they stay in place and you can just tear them off to change.
- You may want everyone to visit. You may want nobody to visit. You may only want your Mom and your spouse/partner. These are all acceptable and normal feelings. Decide what you want and go with that!
-You are going to be a great Mom! No matter what your birth story looks like, it's yours. Trust yourself. Tell us to all GTFO with our advice. Mom guilt is real so follow your instincts and be OK with your decisions. You will make mistakes. Everyone does.
I thought of some more: -Keep a towel in the vehicle you drive most often toward the end of third tri. A friend of mine had her water break while driving home from work and ruined her car upholstery -Dont feel bad if you send the baby down to the nursery while you are in the hospital so that you can nap. Labor and birth are HARD. You need to eventually get some rest on your own while in the hospital and have nurses to help. You can't do that when you get home. -Always keep a spare change of clothes for you and the baby in your diaper bag or car.
DO NOT sleep with your baby in a recliner. You may think you haven't them support to not fall, but they can suffocate. We have a friend who lost their newborn this way. There's reasons so many people look down on bed sharing; please look into co sleeping and bed sharing guidelines and follow them.
BFing shouldn't hurt. If it does, get help. Babe isn't latching well and that can be helped.
Not all babies can tolerate formula and it can take months to find a formula that works. (Some babies tolerate it just fine.)
Just because your baby spits up doesn't mean it has reflux. There's so much more to reflux than spitting. Some kids are just happy spitters. Both of my girls were able to soak themselves and me and whatever else might happen to be near us at that point in time.
No one knows all of the answers. Trust your gut. You can do this. When you think you can't, remember that it's a phase. I loved the Wonder Weeks book and app with both girls. Whenever either of them hit a particularly cranky period and I opened that app it was almost always aligned with their predicted stormy periods. It was comforting to be reminded that it's normal and okay.
The post partum sweats. JFC. I had no idea what I was in for. Not a single book I read ever mentioned those.
1) Towards your third tri, get yourself a waterproof mattress pad. A girl on my Sept '10 board had her water break in bed and her mattress was ruined.
^^^^ Happened to me too. Mattress survived, but we pretty much used all of the towels in the house to contain the mess / get to the hospital. TMI: I'm having flashbacks of standing in L&D waiting for a room, having contractions and holding towels to myself as fluid dripped on the floor. (Why am I doing this again?!?!)
To echo the sneeze-pee.... pelvic floor physical therapy is real and AMAZING. You don't have to leak when you sneeze, you can remain strong and "safe" through pregnancy and postpartum!
Kegels are are not supposed to be done by the hundreds. See a physiotherapist, it's worth it!
I second having your baby examined for tongue/lip ties. When the pediatrician comes to visit in the hospital I would have them check then.
It's really easy to get so wrapped up into preparing for labor and you forget to read anything about what having a newborn is like, don't do this.
When you start having internal exams you should see more than one doctor. I saw only one and she thought baby was head down but she ended up being breech. I didn't have another doctor give me an internal exam until my water had already broken and by that point it was too late to try to turn the baby.
Let me reiterate, no one ever told me and I was SHOCKED at not only the amount of blood but clots or clumps. I literally called my doctor almost every other day as if they get too big it is a problem but... seriously, think golf balls... doesn't hurt, just a ton! I used to be so freaked but apparently it is normal.
Definitely agree with the end of pregnancy and beyond sneeze and pee - struggle is real.
Have an an idea of what you want for a birth plan but ultimately go with the flow. The baby will dictate what happens next. The more easy going you are the more relaxed and less stressed your delivery will be
be kind to your nurses and they will totally take extra good care of you. I brought baked goods with me to the hospital as I was being induced - had some for different shifts too. Kindness goes a long way.
Definitely bring a robe to the hospital - you might not feel up to putting clothes on and at least you will be better covered than if you were just wearing a gown.
Accept all all the help that is offered
stock up on household items so you don't have to worry about running out and your significant other shopping and getting the wrong stuff. (Paper towels, laundry detergent, toilet paper, shampoo, deodorant,etc. )
pick a a shirt for the day - if you are home and not going anywhere you don't need to change right away if baby spits up cuz guess what - they will spit up again in a few hours.
Trust your instincts! I had one baby prior to the endless information on smartphones and the internet and one baby after. It was so much more relaxing the first time, even when I was young and clueless. Then, if I was worried about some ailment, I'd call the doctor. They'd treat it and all was well with the world. Now, I google everything. One thing leads to another and we're all going to die!!!! Cue panic attack. There's always someone online with differing views that will make you doubt yourself, but only YOU know you and your baby best!
Also, steal all the pads and crap from the hospital. They just don't carry that stuff at CVS!
You might not go into labor on your own. Your water might not break on its own.
Good point!! Also I was terrified of having my water broken. It was nothing. Honestly. (Even though I went in to labor on my own, my water did not break.)
On the flip side, it is also perfectly ok if it doesn't break right away. My bag has ALWAYS broken on its own while pushing just before baby emerged. Some babies are born in the caul. There are reasons to do it, there are reasons not to do it, but the bag of water has a physiological purpose. Depending on your approach and your practitioner's philosophy, it may or may not be an intervention you want so no need to go in thinking it HAS to be done.
Birth and the newborn period isnt always as rosy and beautiful as it is sometimes described. It's possible that you might not have that amazing moment of bonding and love the first time you lay eyes on your baby. You might be out of it from exhaustion, or just not able to take it all in. And if that happens to you, its ok. It doesn't make you a bad mom. Not that you won't love your baby, but if you suffer from PPD it may take you a while to really bond, to really feel a special connection. And that's ok too. You are not alone. I guarantee you if you open up you will find other moms in the same boat. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel this way. People won't judge you as much as you fear. edit to apologize that it looks like I repeated some ladies who already said this above. but I do think it's very important. nobody told me.
Me: 26 DH: 27 Married 6-15-13 DS born 4-9-15 Septate Uterus BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17
I also have to second the whole pooping in labor thing. There's a good chance it's gonna happen so don't stress about it. You're not gonna care at the time. The nurse or doctor isn't going to care. Your SO might care for a second but they will get over it when they see their baby.
Me: 26 DH: 27 Married 6-15-13 DS born 4-9-15 Septate Uterus BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17
C&P from my last BMB: My write up following my 3rd c-section.
I had my 3rd cesarean section last Saturday, and wanted to share my experiences. I know some of you are planning cesareans, or know they're a possibility; some of you are not planning on them, but may end up with one anyway. So I figured I'd write out what I've learned from the last 3 surgeries in case anyone is curious (or other previous cesarean folks want to chime in).
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. All of this is anecdotal from my experiences, and everyone is different in how they process surgery and recover.
What kind of cesarean are you having?
Many people I've talked to are familiar with the vertical incision vs. bikini line cesarean. At this point, the vertical incision is almost never used except in the absolutely rarest of circumstances. However, there has been a new version of the bikini cesarean developed during the last 7 years that many people are not aware of. Not all OBs practice it, but it makes a HUGE difference in recovery time. The difference comes from whether the abdominal muscles are cut (the old method) or spread (the new method). Everyone I know who's had their abdominal muscles cut has had an absolutely abysmal recovery time. When my mom had her cesarean, we rented a hospital bed for the house because she couldn't sit up on her own for weeks. I know people who've had a cut cesarean as recently as 6 years ago, and my OB tells me that it's still common practice in many areas.
I've had 3 cesareans with the abdominal muscles spread each time. I've been able to sit/stand/walk on my own within hours of each surgery. This is not to say that the spread method has no recovery time or that you bounce back right away, but there is a significantly different recovery curve. Regardless of whether you're planning a cesarean or not, I'd ask your OB which method they practice so you can make appropriate recovery preparations.
Anesthesia
Spinal - With each of my cesareans, we went for a spinal block as the anesthesia of choice. The first time it didn't take, the second it took amazingly, and the third time it took well enough. Even with the issues I've had, it's my prefferred method of anesthesia for the cesarean. I got to witness the births, talk with my husband, and see my babies immediately. Even in the most recent surgery (where the spinal just didn't go terribly high on the abdomen) the most I experienced was physical discomfort from all of the pushing/prodding/scooping, and I'd take that discomfort for the immediate moments of seeing my baby every time.
General - Not going to lie; my first spinal was kind of a cluster. The spinal failed, and the anesthesiologist gave me a drug from a family of drugs I was allergic to (even after the OB told her not to). [This goes into another bit. If you have ANY drug allergies, make sure you educate yourself on what "families" of drugs that allergen is related to. You might not be allergic to the rest of the family, but why take the chance if there are other options? ] Fortunately, my OB is cool under fire, and as soon as I started reacting to the drug, he leaned over the sheet and told me that we were just going to take a nap and when I woke up I'd have a baby. And I did. And he was safe.
The thing to know about GA cesareans is that the actual opening/birth process tends to have to happen a lot faster, as the OBs are racing against the clock to get the baby out before too much of the drug gets into their system. If it's your first cesarean, it's not a huge deal. But if you've already had one, your doctors are going to have to deal with your existing scar tissue, and that causes opening to take longer. What this means for you is that you might get a sleepier baby with lower immediate APGAR scores. But it's OK. Whatever happens on the table, the thing to remember is the priority is to keep you and your baby safe. My GA cesarean was my first, and because my OB is apparently the Waco Kid of obstetric surgery, the whole thing only took 15 minutes open to close, and DS1 was out within 1 minute of me going under GA. Following his birth, I had a lot of anxiety that I wouldn't be able to bond with him as well because I hadn't witnessed his birth or the first 30 minutes of his life. This seemed like a completely rational fear for past me, but present me can tell you that such a fear was not only unwarranted, but also ridiculous. DS1 was fine, immediately nursed like a champ, and is a completely amazing kid.
Epidural - This has been presented to me as an option instead of the spinal, but I've never experienced it, so I can't comment. From what my OB explained to me, epidurals are usually used in cesareans that occur from a complication or lack of progression in a vaginal delivery. If the epidural is already in place, they'll just use that as the cesarean anesthesia.
During the Surgery
Getting "Cleaned Out" - After the baby is born, the OB will clear out the placenta and tissue from the uterus. How thorough they are is variable. Getting "cleaned out" is not a terribly comfortable process, especially when the spinal doesn't take fully, BUT it is totally worth it. The more thorough and aggressive they've been during the surgical stage, the less post-partum bleeding and cramping I've experienced. My OB was SUPER thorough this time. During the surgery it was a few seconds of gagging nausea, as it felt like I was being punched in the stomach from the inside (and sort of was). But the PP bleeding and cramping has been the least I've ever experienced, and I've been able to use regular maxi-pads since day 3 post-surgery. (All OBs should do a certain amount of tissue clearing to reduce the risk of hemorrhaging; it's just the amount of tissue they leave behind tends to vary).
Closing the Uterus - One of the big dangers from repeated cesareans is the thinning of the uteran wall around the scar tissue. This can lead to rare, but scary things like a scar-line uteran rupture or tear during subsequent pregnancies. One thing that will minimize this is a healthy separation between deliveries. While my OBs recommend a minimum of 16 months between deliveries following all cesareans, they also believe that 24 months between deliveries results in a much healthier and recovered uterus. If you're planning (or thinking of planning) on a shorter separation than 16 months, make sure to talk to your OB. One of the things they may be able to do is double-sutcher the scar line, for a thicker hold. Full disclosure: After 4 weeks of pre-term contractions with my DD, my uterus did rupture along the scar line. Fortunately, I was already on the operating table when it happened. When the OB closed following delivery, she folded the uteran wall over itself in a double layer and sutchered twice. This time, the uterus held together, but the wall was too thin to fold the tissue over. So instead, she pulled uteran tissue from behind the bladder, and used that to reinforce the closure line. This time we're planning on putting more space between pregnancies, but thanks to those techniques, my OBs believe that I should be able to have many more children if I so desire.
Closure Techniques
This is the part that seems to vary the most depending on your OB's preference. I've had 2 different OBs perform my cesareans; they both favor dissolving sutchers with tagiderm (a clear plastic tape) on top. I have no other closures to personally compare it to, but I think it's a great option. The tagiderm keeps everything contained and dry until the 2 week follow-up, and I've been able to shower without issues.
I've also seen people have success with staples. The only closure my OB advises against (currently) is dissolving staples. They're relatively new, and he says that the dissolve time varies and he's seen more incisions complications when they dissolve too soon. He hasn't seen serious complications; usually just uglier scarring.
Pain Management
The most important thing I've learned through the 3 surgeries is that it's very important to MANAGE the pain, but not ELIMINATE it. I've done both, and have had a far easier time with the overall recovery when I manage the pain appropriately. At my hospital, they ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1-10. The goal for a post-cesarean is to keep the pain at a 3 or below. This most recent time, I found that was possible to do using just Motrin, so I did. After my previous cesareans I used Motrin (all three times), Percocet (the first 2 times), and Morphine (the first time). Here's why I prefer the just Motrin approach:
It doesn't fully eliminate the pain, so you don't risk overdoing it. With my first two cesareans, between all of the painkillers, I found that my pain was at a 0 almost all the time. Since I had no gauge to tell when I was overtaxing myself, I did it frequently. I believe my overall recovery took much longer than it could have as a result. With the motrin, I can do what I need to do, but I know very easily when I need to take a break.
No constipation! Percocet will constipate you to a ridiculous degree, and after major abdominal surgery, you DO NOT want to have to strain to poop. If you do take percocet, make sure to ask for a stool softener, preferably with a laxative. If you don't use percocet, the stool softener is still a kindness to yourself, but make sure you take the kind without the laxative. That's a recipe for diahrea, and you do not want to have to try to run to the bathroom in the hours and days following your surgery.
I feel like my recovery has been overall faster (so far) this time. I'm on day 6 post c-section, and I've actually felt so good that I've forgotten to take my motrin a few times over the last few days. I realize pain tolerance and recovery is different for everyone, but this has been my easiest recovery so far. I don't know if the Motrin has made the recovery easier, or if the recovery has been easier so I've been able to get away with just the motrin.
Other Stuff
Abdominal Binder - Get one! Day 1 after the surgery it wasn't a big deal. I was so full of fluids that my stomach still jutted out as though I was 7 months pregnant. But after I started to deflate, I started getting a lot of pain and irritation from my flab folding over on my incision. I talked to my OB about an abdominal binder and she put an order for one in the system. I had one within the hour, and it's made a huge difference. My stomach is supported and it feels great. It's not as fancy or durable as a belly bandit; mine is 4 strips of elastic with a crap-ton of velcro. But it still works very well and I'm grateful for it. I've even been sleeping in it. I took it off for a few hours last night to sleep and felt so much worse after.
Simethecone - Take it! Take it liberally and often. The operation will put gas in your body where you've never had gas before. After my 2nd cesarean, I thought I was having a heart attack because I had terrible chest, shoulder and arm pain. Simethicone (aka Gas-X) is an OTC gas aid, and it makes worlds of difference for me in terms of cramping and overall discomfort. Plus it's chewable in either mint or cherry flavor.
Stool Softeners - A stool softener is helpful no matter what other medications you're taking. After abdominal surgery, you do not want to have to strain to poop. So regardless of anything, I'm pro stool-softener post surgery. The question becomes whether you take the stool softener with or without a built-in laxative. At my hospital, it's the difference between them giving you Colace (no laxative) and Senna-S (laxative). Take the Colace regardless. Only take the laxative if you're taking a constipator (like percocet).
Walking - Get up and do it. I don't wish a NICU stay on anyone, but with my 2 in the NICU, I had to get up a lot sooner and walk a lot farther than I did with my firstborn, and I believe my recovery benefited greatly from it. Each time I get up it gets easier. Even with my first, I'd put him in his rolling hospital bassinet and push him around the L&D ward. I am not, nor have I in the recent years been in any sort of shape (unless amorphous is a shape). I'm not talking about walking miles; just up and down the hallway. It helped me keep my muscles from seizing up, and helped move things through the digestive tract as well.
No matter what type of birth you end up having, I wish you all the best.
Contractions (for me) didn't feel like the jabbing pain you see in the movies. They felt like really strong menstrual cramps, which at first made me not even recognize them as contractions, and later made it really hard to time them.
How much you'll hate your husband. After my first, we faced so many parent (our parents...mainly his) issues that we didn't talk about ahead of time. It made him have to realize that I come before his mom and it was overall a really dark time.
I was nursing so everything seemed really unequally balanced, too.
communicating my needs helped 100%. I wish someone warned me how hard it could be on a marriage.
Be prepared for hemorrhoids and the fundal massaging after birth. I was totally not prepared for the hemorrhoids that came with pushing and the fundal massage was a special level of hell. Also, the contractions post partum while breastfeeding were fun.
Ladies you can do ZERO pushing and still end up with horrible hemorrhoids. Ow
TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!! Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui) #1 born December 2011
TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo #2 born May 2013
TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
#3 born August 2015 #4!!!!!!! due June 2017
Take EVERYTHING from the hospital - diapers, wipes, onesies, baby hats, swaddles, those ridiculous pads, numbing spray, whatever.
Also, this experience is yours, and will be unique. Don't freak out if you don't feel or look or think about things they way you thought you would. Be kind to yourself as much as you can and try not to compare your pregnancy, birth, recovery to that of others.
Also, it's such a cliche, but it really does go by so fast. The upside of that is that the parts of pregnancy you hate the most usually pass in a few weeks or months. The downside is that your sweet babe will be here and be all grown up before you know it!
I have to echo what @halfthetree said. Do not accept sneeze peeing as normal. It isn't. Pelvic rehab is AMAZING. Look into it if you have pelvic floor damage or weakening after labor.
You will lose all your pretty hairs. Not immediately. You'll hit a mommy groove, maybe even start to feel a little bit like your old self, and then suddenly start balding. It stops. Eventually. But not before giving you a pretty gnarly hairline (at least for me).
I am late to the game so I feel like most of these mamas have covered it.
The one thing to remember with a newborn -- everything goes by so quickly! If you seem to to be in a really hard spot, remember that it will pass and likely in a couple weeks. Everything is just a phase. If you remember that, it all seems more manageable on your hardest days.
1. Hemorroids and nipple pain from breastfeeding is worse than labor and I did it with no meds! Buy tucks pads. They are the bomb and heal hemorroids fast. Also screw the bra initially. The more u air out the boobs the faster they will heal. 2. Crying non stop for no reason at all in the first couple weeks is completely normal... warn your SO in advance that it's normal. 3. Don't try to be in a rush to have the baby... it's so stinking harder with a baby then being pregnant. Try to enjoy the end. Also enjoy every second after, the crying, the sleepless nights. It flies by so fast and you will never be able to experience "the first baby" again. I spent so much time thinking about how hard it was I missed out on just enjoying the moment no matter what it was. 4. Forget modesty! That goes out the door after like the 5th nurse or doctor checks you out during labor. And once the real pain kicks in u won't care who sees you or how or what they see! Ha!
How much you'll hate your husband. After my first, we faced so many parent (our parents...mainly his) issues that we didn't talk about ahead of time. It made him have to realize that I come before his mom and it was overall a really dark time.
I was nursing so everything seemed really unequally balanced, too.
communicating my needs helped 100%. I wish someone warned me how hard it could be on a marriage.
Yes! I second hating your husband. It was AWFUL. He read more baby books than I did and went to every single OB appointment with me. It wasn't uncommon for him to get up and make me breakfast before I went to work even though he worked nights... I assumed this envolvememt would carry over after the baby arrived. It didn't. But I was nursing and so there really wasn't too much that he could do. He's a heavy sleeper and it didn't make sense to wake him at night when DD woke up because I was nursing. He had no idea she was even waking at night. For months he would tell people, in front of me, that I got more sleep than him. He truly had no idea. So yes, you HAVE to communicate. I don't care how happily married you are, if you're sleep deprived for a month, or hell, even a week, tensions are going to be high.
Oh boy! Like others have mentioned - you may have some not so nice feelings directed at your husband possibly having to with him sleeping like that mythical baby while you and the baby are up in Studio 54
Joking aside, I wasn't prepared for the hit the marriage would take just in terms of changing priorities and being sleep deprived. The dip in marital happiness that supposedly occurs when kids are 0-2 years old is real for us. I just don't have the time like I used to - I have to care for this awesome human we just made! My husband says I love the baby more - well....
Re: What I Wish I Knew As A First Time Mom
Don't let supplementing be the end of your world. My son wouldn't latch at first and I had to supplement they tried to like feed him like a bird with a tube dripping formula off my nipples...don't be afraid to give a bottle. Feeding them is what counts!!
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lagm.lilypie.com/3Fc1.png" width="200" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers" /></a>
* Not all FTMs go past their due date
* Your milk may not come in quickly enough to feed your kid. Don't be afraid to supplement - it's more important that a newborn eats than anything else
* Stitches can pop. Your ob may say it never happens, but it does - so trust yourself if something doesn't feel "right"
* Everything is a phase in the first year - if it seems painful, it'll pass. The wonderful stuff sticks around.
* Do what's right for you and your family - and don't feel compelled to justify it to anyone else : )
BFP #1 6/13 DD 3/14
Mirena 10/14-5/16
BFP #2 9/2/16, CP confirmed 9/8/16
BFP #3 10/10/16 EDD 6/22/17
2) Birth plans can change in a second. Didn't plan on being induced or having an emergency c section...but it was all worth it when I got to hold my perfect baby.
3) Having extended family from out of town stay at my house after birth(to "help") was more stressful than being on my own with the hubby...and I was super hormonal and ended up pissing off my mom big time. Not a great experience
4) You don't need half the crap you registered for! Stick with the basics!
BUY. ALL. OF. THE. TUCKS PADS.
Those things saved my V for weeks!
Trust your instincts as mama. NO ONE, no one knows your baby as well as you. Not your partner, not your mom, not internet strangers. Not your pedi. Your instincts are strong and you will know your baby and what is best for him. Trust them and stand up for you both when you need to.
Most gear is overrated or redundant. Wait to get stuff till you meet your baby and see what they need. If you plan on more kids, go neutral for car seats etc.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
2) If someone in the delivery room is making you uncomfortable, uneasy, nervous, annoyed or basically anything other than helpful, MAKE THEM LEAVE!!! It does not matter if it is a dr, a nurse, or your mother, your labor will go much better with that gone. If you aren't comfortable telling the person directly, ask a nurse.
3) If someone tells you to "push twice with every contraction" ignore them. That is how you tear unnecessarily.
4) Postpartum bleeding looks like a murder scene. You might bleed all over the floor and toilet for a few days
5) Buy depends to help contain the murder scene.
6) If you want to nurse, buy a nipple shield and lanolin. My baby had latch issues for several months and I never would have made it without the shield.
7) If your nipples are bleeding, make your doc check for lip and tongue ties. My kid was 9 mos old before hers was diagnosed, and it made infancy much harder than it needed to be.
8) If you don't want strangers touching your baby, baby wear.
9) It is probably going to be a good couple of months before you start to feel normalish. I didn't feel really good until baby was a year old.
10) Keep a "stocked" nursing station. Make sure you have a nursing pillow, a bottle of water, dried fruit, nuts (or other healthy snacks), a tablet/phone and charger. I was always so hungry and thirsty while nursing and tiny babies can take a long time.
11) Someone mentioned it before, but it is super important. It is ok if you don't ooze love for your newborn. My baby was at least 2 months old before I realized how much I loved her.
12) Sometimes the best thing you can do, is put down a crying baby and go somewhere in the house where you can't hear the crying.
13) Let people help you. Dinners brought to your home are a huge help. My mom flew out and stayed with me for 2 weeks and helped with my newborn. She cooked every day and kept my house cleaner than I ever do. I would not have been nearly as calm with a crying baby as I was if she weren't here with me.
14) Gripe water may be your best friend.
15) Get a Boppy. I had an off brand that was much smaller and it was harder to use with a small baby. Then it tore and I had to get another nursing pillow anyway.
16) Enjoy this. You can't avoid every inconvenient or uncomfortable moment, so try to find a way to enjoy them. Up in the middle of the night nursing? Examine your baby's sweet face. Enjoy the sweet sound of a newborn breathing. Baby won't sleep? Snuggle and watch Netflix.
1) A couple of days at home as a family by yourself is great. There's no shame in wanting some time to get used to your new baby as well as you as a new parent. If family has to visit, see if they can come later when your significant other/support person returns to work. Also if family has to be around that perhaps they're not staying with you (aka at a hotel) and give you some space and time throughout the day.
2) I'm echo about feeding me your baby. Who cares as long as they are getting fed.
3) Everyone is going to have an opinion and the only one that truly matters is yours and your partners.
4) However you can get baby to sleep or be happy is what it is. Use pacifiers, use rock n plays, or whatever. There's no shame in your 14 month old still needing a bottle before falling asleep because sleep and their happiness and yours is what's most important.
5) Enjoy the little things. Relax and be calm. At the end of the day, all that matters is that your tiny little human and you made it through another day.
6) Interview pediatricians. You want to be able to trust them and that they are going to be there at 1am when your baby is screaming it's head off and you know that they'll take your call. Your little person is going to be seeing a lot of them so make sure that you want to see them also.
2) Take the hospital tour beforehand and check everything out, even if you think it won't apply to you. Fact is, there will be mamas here with unplanned C-sections. There will babies spending some time in NICU. You'll feel a thousand times better when the unexpected happens if you're at least familiar with it.
3) The nurse is going to offer you some prune juice after delivery. You don't like prune juice. Drink the prune juice anyway. Constipation after giving birth is a special level of hell.
4) If you become a C-section mama, carry a pillow with you at all times in the beginning. Every time you sneeze or get jostled (especially in the car) you're going to feel like your insides are going to fall out. Holding that pillow against your abdomen is going to help.
5) You're going to receive more unsolicited advice and opinions in the next two years than you've received in your entire life. People love to instruct first time mamas. Don't let them. Nobody knows your child like you do. Trust yourself, you're going to do just fine.
Gavin - 8/27/10
*TW*
Gabriel - 2nd tri loss 5/17/16 Trisomy 18 & 21
Hope - 2nd tri loss 12/7/16 complications from pneumonia
Mentally prepare for natural childbirth to be hard. It is, but you mentally go to a different place. Nap between contractions. And FFS, labor in a tub. It's lovely.
I breastfed past two years. It's not always easy, but it was 100% worth doing.
With the stillbirth of my son, I pumped and donated to mommas. There are so many babies in the NICU, heart babies, moms who couldn't breastfeed, and moms whose kids can't tolerate formula...if you can pump and donate, it is absolutely worth it.
Don't go drive yourself crazy about what you're able to eat while you have morning sickness. Anything you can tolerate is great.
Find a favorite diaper bag. It will go everywhere you go.
Buy all the carriers and wraps you need. Strap that baby to you and enjoy! I guarantee you have a local baby wearing group with a lending library, so you can try on several styles so you can decide. I STILL wear my four year old. And so does my hubby/her dad. Baby wearing is amazing.
Darn it, cosleeping is the best thing ever. Do not be afraid to cosleep. I wouldn't sleep train, even if you paid me.
Also, you can hold baby 24-7. Who cares. Babies don't spoil.
Invest in basic, easy to clean outfits. And buy whatever you love. This little life is something you should relish.
Baby led weaning was amazing! And easy!
2. Get a small swing or bouncer that can sit on your bathroom floor. It's the only way I managed to shower most days.
3. Stock up on ready to eat one handed foods. I hate bananas and ate about 100 of them during the first week because they were easy and available.
4. The days are long but the months are short. Try to enjoy the moments because they really do go so fast.
5. Even if you have no/minor tearing use the spray bottle after the bathroom. Wiping is not your friend in the early days. Spray then blot.
6. Take a comfy housecoat to the hospital. I delivered on one of the hottest days in august but the hospital was freezing cold, I had no interest in wearing pants and hospital gowns suck.
Expect the unexpected... I spent a week in the hospital with an early jaundice baby because I developed HELLP at 36 weeks.
The first poo after you give birth will be scary and might even bring you to tears!
There will be no modesty between you and your partner.
Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014
IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs
IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos
FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17
FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN
FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
- The cloth diaper toilet sprayer thing was a godsend for super sensitive areas. Spray water on yourself WHILE you pee to minimize the burning of pee hitting a healing episiotomy.
- Lots of really strange things are normal during the postpartum period, but being constantly sad/crying/angry/fearful/anxious is not. Tell your spouse/partner. Tell your OB. Tell your Pedi. Tell SOMEONE. Do not suffer inside your head in silence. You can feel better and you deserve to feel better!
- You may not fully regain bladder control. This will start towards the end of the pregnancy and can continue well afterwards. There is NO SHAME is adult diapers. Actually they're great because they stay in place and you can just tear them off to change.
- You may want everyone to visit. You may want nobody to visit. You may only want your Mom and your spouse/partner. These are all acceptable and normal feelings. Decide what you want and go with that!
-You are going to be a great Mom! No matter what your birth story looks like, it's yours. Trust yourself. Tell us to all GTFO with our advice. Mom guilt is real so follow your instincts and be OK with your decisions. You will make mistakes. Everyone does.
-Keep a towel in the vehicle you drive most often toward the end of third tri. A friend of mine had her water break while driving home from work and ruined her car upholstery
-Dont feel bad if you send the baby down to the nursery while you are in the hospital so that you can nap. Labor and birth are HARD. You need to eventually get some rest on your own while in the hospital and have nurses to help. You can't do that when you get home.
-Always keep a spare change of clothes for you and the baby in your diaper bag or car.
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
BFing shouldn't hurt. If it does, get help. Babe isn't latching well and that can be helped.
Not all babies can tolerate formula and it can take months to find a formula that works. (Some babies tolerate it just fine.)
Just because your baby spits up doesn't mean it has reflux. There's so much more to reflux than spitting. Some kids are just happy spitters. Both of my girls were able to soak themselves and me and whatever else might happen to be near us at that point in time.
No one knows all of the answers. Trust your gut. You can do this. When you think you can't, remember that it's a phase. I loved the Wonder Weeks book and app with both girls. Whenever either of them hit a particularly cranky period and I opened that app it was almost always aligned with their predicted stormy periods. It was comforting to be reminded that it's normal and okay.
The post partum sweats. JFC. I had no idea what I was in for. Not a single book I read ever mentioned those.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
BFP #1 6/13 DD 3/14
Mirena 10/14-5/16
BFP #2 9/2/16, CP confirmed 9/8/16
BFP #3 10/10/16 EDD 6/22/17
Kegels are are not supposed to be done by the hundreds. See a physiotherapist, it's worth it!
It's really easy to get so wrapped up into preparing for labor and you forget to read anything about what having a newborn is like, don't do this.
When you start having internal exams you should see more than one doctor. I saw only one and she thought baby was head down but she ended up being breech. I didn't have another doctor give me an internal exam until my water had already broken and by that point it was too late to try to turn the baby.
Let me reiterate, no one ever told me and I was SHOCKED at not only the amount of blood but clots or clumps. I literally called my doctor almost every other day as if they get too big it is a problem but... seriously, think golf balls... doesn't hurt, just a ton! I used to be so freaked but apparently it is normal.
Have an an idea of what you want for a birth plan but ultimately go with the flow. The baby will dictate what happens next. The more easy going you are the more relaxed and less stressed your delivery will be
be kind to your nurses and they will totally take extra good care of you. I brought baked goods with me to the hospital as I was being induced - had some for different shifts too. Kindness goes a long way.
Definitely bring a robe to the hospital - you might not feel up to putting clothes on and at least you will be better covered than if you were just wearing a gown.
Accept all all the help that is offered
stock up on household items so you don't have to worry about running out and your significant other shopping and getting the wrong stuff. (Paper towels, laundry detergent, toilet paper, shampoo, deodorant,etc. )
pick a a shirt for the day - if you are home and not going anywhere you don't need to change right away if baby spits up cuz guess what - they will spit up again in a few hours.
Also, steal all the pads and crap from the hospital. They just don't carry that stuff at CVS!
BFP #1 9/1999. DD Born 6/7/2000
BFP #2 10/2011. EDD 7/11/12. MMC discovered 11/2/11. D&C 11/4/11.
DX PCOS 10/2012.
BFP#3 1/11/13. DS Born 9/17/2013
BFP#4 9/30/17. Grow baby grow!
~Everyone Welcome~
edit to apologize that it looks like I repeated some ladies who already said this above. but I do think it's very important. nobody told me.
Married 6-15-13
DS born 4-9-15
Septate Uterus
BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17
yesssss to all of that. Yes. Yes. Yes. And hugs to you. What a beautiful selfless gift you gave after your loss. That is inspirational.
tongue and lip ties are so prevalent and can really derail nursing. But don't bother asking your pedi, most are clueless on them.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Married 6-15-13
DS born 4-9-15
Septate Uterus
BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
I was nursing so everything seemed really unequally balanced, too.
communicating my needs helped 100%. I wish someone warned me how hard it could be on a marriage.
TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!! Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui)
#1 born December 2011
TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
#2 born May 2013
TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
#3 born August 2015
#4!!!!!!! due June 2017
Also, this experience is yours, and will be unique. Don't freak out if you don't feel or look or think about things they way you thought you would. Be kind to yourself as much as you can and try not to compare your pregnancy, birth, recovery to that of others.
Also, it's such a cliche, but it really does go by so fast. The upside of that is that the parts of pregnancy you hate the most usually pass in a few weeks or months. The downside is that your sweet babe will be here and be all grown up before you know it!
You will lose all your pretty hairs. Not immediately. You'll hit a mommy groove, maybe even start to feel a little bit like your old self, and then suddenly start balding. It stops. Eventually. But not before giving you a pretty gnarly hairline (at least for me).
edit: posted too soon
The one thing to remember with a newborn -- everything goes by so quickly! If you seem to to be in a really hard spot, remember that it will pass and likely in a couple weeks. Everything is just a phase. If you remember that, it all seems more manageable on your hardest days.
Me: 29 DH: 35
Married: 9/29/12
DS #1: 3/8/152. Crying non stop for no reason at all in the first couple weeks is completely normal... warn your SO in advance that it's normal.
3. Don't try to be in a rush to have the baby... it's so stinking harder with a baby then being pregnant. Try to enjoy the end. Also enjoy every second after, the crying, the sleepless nights. It flies by so fast and you will never be able to experience "the first baby" again. I spent so much time thinking about how hard it was I missed out on just enjoying the moment no matter what it was.
4. Forget modesty! That goes out the door after like the 5th nurse or doctor checks you out during labor. And once the real pain kicks in u won't care who sees you or how or what they see! Ha!
Joking aside, I wasn't prepared for the hit the marriage would take just in terms of changing priorities and being sleep deprived. The dip in marital happiness that supposedly occurs when kids are 0-2 years old is real for us. I just don't have the time like I used to - I have to care for this awesome human we just made! My husband says I love the baby more - well....