crazy MILs.....

third2022 · October 2016

Anyone else's mother in law completely crazy or just driving them nuts??

Mine emailed me today with information on a potential MIL - granchild vacation for 2022 to another country that she wants to go on....without me or my husband.....

She also emailed me earlier in the day with a ridiculously long email about how she's offended I hadn't yet invited her for thanksgiving (which I have yet to even start planning but have hosted the past 5 years in a row) and that she is offended my family didn't call her to invite her to another holiday event (my husband invited her rather than my mom and she didn't want to come anyways). Meanwhile, in the past 4 months, she's come to either our house or my families homes 4-5 times for holidays/events and we've been to her place once. She has not once invited my family over for dinner/holiday/anything in the last 6 years but is offended that an invitation came through my husband rather than my mom....really?

christac1010 · October 2016

I'm trying to blame it on hormones but MIL is driving me crazy this week. Her biggest offenses - 1) waiting too long to buy the big ticket item off our registry, which is now gone, so she's offering to buy useless but expensive things not on our registry, 2) she's getting an 8 week old puppy next weekend after my shower while staying with us (mind you we have a big dog and a cat already), and 3) she's trying to plan holiday photos in December. I'm just trying to take my pregnancy day by day at this point. Why the hell would I make any plans when I could very well deliver early?! I told DH to deal with her because I'm trying not to stress right now.

shlecks · October 2016

Ugh I feel like I could write a book on this topic. Every time she texts she says "sure would be great to see y'all" and I always follow up with "yeah you guys should come up and visit!" It's 3 hours away, my husband and I have abnormal work schedules so it's not like we can just hop over on the weekend, and YOU DONT HAVE A JOB. And she's also ALWAYS posting those stupid poster meme things to Facebook like this exact one:

And im just like STOP ITTTTTTTTTT

moosette113 · October 2016

I'll preface this by saying that everything my MIL does is out of love (and a general misunderstanding of social norms) and I have really appreciated her help in the last few weeks. That being said, and in no particular order:
1. Asks every few weeks how we will manage to fly back to the US with a cat AND a baby.
2. Wants H to have the bestest, most perfectest job next year when we move home, as long as that job is within a half hour radius of her house.
3. Gives zero f***s about my job prospects when we move back, because can't I just change fields?
4. Sneakily tries to touch my stomach.
5. Wonders why her other child, DIL, and grandchild chose to live an hour away... and why we moved across an ocean for a few years.

canavara · October 2016

aca12017 said:

Mine emailed me today with information on a potential MIL - granchild vacation for 2022 to another country that she wants to go on....without me or my husband.....

The latter stuff I totally agree is crazy, and maybe I'm crazy as well, but I think the above is kind of cool! Maybe planning it out 5 years in advance is a little bit nuts and you didn't mention for how long, but having one-on-one adventures and opportunities with other people can be downright awesome and be a once-in-a-lifetime bonding experiencing for them.

third2022 · October 2016

@moosette113 I totally agree with you....my MIL definitely does it all out of love...just doesn't always come across that way....

@canavara
It does seem like it could be cool down the road...but its a bit early to be planning a trip for 2022...the kid will only be 5 and she wants to take her to Israel which is a 12 hour + flight and not the most stable part of the world

May also just bug me because it was sent within an hour of the other email saying how offended she is about holidays and how I need to figure out the kind of relationship we want to have .....

cabu14 · October 2016

@moosette113 I totally feel you. I have the same type of MIL everything out of love but completely out of touch with reality. Lately my H had handled 90% of the interaction with her bc I just can't. I'm too hormonal and will make her cry.

lydia-deetz · October 2016

shlecka said:

Ugh I feel like I could write a book on this topic. Every time she texts she says "sure would be great to see y'all" and I always follow up with "yeah you guys should come up and visit!" It's 3 hours away, my husband and I have abnormal work schedules so it's not like we can just hop over on the weekend, and YOU DONT HAVE A JOB. And she's also ALWAYS posting those stupid poster meme things to Facebook like this exact one:

And im just like STOP ITTTTTTTTTT

Omgosh. No. Just no. I'm laughing becasue it's so dramatic and over the top, but I'd be fuming.

Teach123 · October 2016

Mine has been like this in the past. She is actually a little better right now. I think it's because I'm having another boy. I think things would be totally different if this baby were a girl. She also is traveling nonstop, so she hasn't been around much.

stumptownmama · October 2016

@aca12017 I'm not sure how I would respond the 2022 trip. That's pretty strange!

stumptownmama · October 2016

@shlecka I can't even with that post. She sounds like a gem!

mommy2ane · October 2016

My MIL is the sane one. It's my own mom who does the things above. It's out of love, but it drives me insane. She wants to throw me a baby shower since we're having a girl this time. I told her no (our families and friends were sooo generous last time and we have all the big ticket items already) and she basically told me that she's throwing me one whether I want it or not.

MamaandNurse · October 2016

My MIL has been not so happy that we're having another girl. She needs a grandson and is already trying to convince us to have a third baby. First of all, talk to your son. He's the one that supplies the Y chromosome. Second of all, we don't want any more. Two is our number. Third of all, even if we did have a third, it could very well be another girl.
She has two other children that are perfectly capable of having kids. Go bother them. /rant

canavara · October 2016

aca12017 said:

@canavara
It does seem like it could be cool down the road...but its a bit early to be planning a trip for 2022...the kid will only be 5 and she wants to take her to Israel which is a 12 hour + flight and not the most stable part of the world

May also just bug me because it was sent within an hour of the other email saying how offended she is about holidays and how I need to figure out the kind of relationship we want to have .....

Yeah the timing of that alongside the being offended is super weird. It's all about what you're comfortable with as a parent too, obviously. I went on a lot of mom+daughter trips abroad when I was 1-4 to places like Thailand and a few countries in South America, but my parents were both super eager about it... not every parent would be and that's cool. How does your husband feel about the whole thing?

third2022 · October 2016

@canavara My husband also thinks the timing and super advance planning is pretty odd.

moosette113 · October 2016

@MamaandNurse that makes me angry for you. I'm sorry your MIL is being so... difficult. People can just be so ridiculous when it comes to childrens genetic and genital makeup.

Parley · October 2016

hahaaha 2022, thats so far away! I can barely plan our vacation for next year;)

Kurtni · October 2016

@aca12017 I can't imagine letting my MiL take my kid out of state let alone out of the country. I don't blame you for being hesitant.

BrennansMom2012 · October 2016

@aca12017, yea would not know how to deal with that. Especially through email.

@MamaandNurse I feel your pain! Our situations are reversed though. We're having our 2nd boy and my MIL wants a granddaughter. So much that shortly after they found out the news, she told me she couldn't re-paint the nursery because her arthritis was flaring up...which she had offered to do a week before we found out the sex. Since then, she's repainted two rooms in their house and re-landscaped the front yard. She's back to being completely not interested in this baby and basically gives me an, "uh huh" anytime I mention baby stuff. She's also dropped hints that "maybe the next one will be a girl". No. there will not be a next one coming out of me.

@shlecka I hate passive aggressive behavior and my MIL pulls that crap all the time. Drives me nuts!!! I'm sorry, I stopped inviting you guys over after everyone came over an hour late for lunch and we were announcing our second pregnancy and acted as if we'd inconvenienced them from their day to day lives.

andrawrmeda2 · October 2016

Mines not my MIL. It's my youngest SIL. She's a year younger than I am and has a 3 year old daughter. So in her eyes.....she's the ONLY mom in the world that can BE a mom. She gets very offended by everything we do and how different it is from what she did with her daughter. Mind you her kid never does anything wrong. I love my niece, but she's a brat. Today she pushed my son down and threw something at him cause he was walking on her boots when she wanted to put them on. He's almost 16 months old....and my fiance did freak a bit cause he hit his head hard. She screamed at him "well she is only 3 and half years old E. So it isn't her fault you shouldn't let him walk when people are leaving." Uhm...what? Their mom got mad at her and her husband even spanked their daughter for pushing him and she got mad about it. But she constantly goes on about how her daughter is the best big cousin (there's 2 young cousins plus ours on the way) and she can't wait for her to be a big sister. But she won't listen when someone tells her that her daughters being mean or rude, she pushed both younger cousins multiple times yesterday and SIL did nothing about it. Just drives me nuts cause my son is kinda mean, he likes pulling hair and biting and hitting and I try to correct him and the other day she yelled at me cause I held him on my lap when he threw a toy at his cousin and told him he was being mean. She tried to grab him from me and I said no he needs to learn and she got pissy. She keeps trying to buy me formula for the baby too and give me coupons and she turns her nose up and rolls her eyes when I tell her I am breastfeeding again. She hated that I did with my son cause she couldn't feed the baby, and I keep telling her it's not her baby anyway. She's been very involved in all the nieces and nephews lives except ours, babysitting and such, and she feels the need to play mommy to all the other kids.(also she wants a baby so freaking bad and her husband isn't on board yet, so she is really mad were having another baby so soon) She constantly tells her daughter "where's your baby" and points at my stomach. I'm like no, it's not her baby, if anything it's our sons baby and she'll get upset and tell me well since we aren't having one yet, she likes calling it her baby. Ugh. Sorry for the long rant.

emtimme · October 2016

@aca12017I agree with PP that, in theory, a grandma/grandchild trip abroad sounds like a cool idea, but it also sounds like the kind of thing that she might just mention in conversation at this point, not thoroughly plan out 5 years in advance after just berating you for something else. That makes it weird and control-freakish.

@andromedacorrine ugh, your SIL sounds like a piece of work. I’m not a mom yet and have limited experience with kids (one nephew) but I can’t imagine correcting my sister’s parenting style. If you hadn’t been present and already handling your son’s naughty behavior, she might’ve had some standing in disciplining him but had absolutely no right to intervene. It’s a shame she’s letting her jealousy over your pregnancy interfere with her relationship with your son and future baby.

I have a bitchfest of my own.

Overall, my MIL is a good person but I’m fed up. You may remember my thread about post-birth visitors since we live far away from both families. I *thought* my husband and I had reached an understanding, and that he’d told his parents that we were going to stagger the visits. Well, the other day I could tell he was in a major funk and he sat me down and said we had to have a serious conversation. As it turns out, he and his mom have been sitting on this for over 2 months just waiting for me to “change my mind” and now they’re both upset that I haven’t.

Disclaimer—call me out if I’m being a brat:

I’d have more sympathy for my MIL, as this is her first grandchild, if it weren’t for the fact that she has made ZERO attempt to talk to or be close to me during my pregnancy. Sorry, but why would I choose her over my mom (or even share the time that I have with my mom) when she doesn’t seem to care about me as anything more than the incubator of her future granddaughter? Also, not to sound like a gift-grabby asshole because we have what we need, but my in-laws haven’t even bought a single thing for the baby yet. It isn’t about the stuff, but the effort (they’re well-off financially, so that’s not the issue).

andrawrmeda2 · November 2016

Mhm i know that is what gets me. It wasn't this bad with my son but this time around is ridiculous. I'm over it though, til the next thing, cause there's always more in this family. As for your MIL that sounds awful. My grandma was controlling with my parents when they had me and she used alot of influence over my dad. I love her dearly but believe me I see the effects 22 years later. Stand your ground. Let him know how you feel, and if he won't try to fix it, go to her and let her know. She may be someone that needs a straightforward so to speak slap in the face. I've learned this with the SILS over the last 3 years. My MIL is pretty wonderful, but even sometimes I have to remind her not to let her daughters push me or my fiance around. She tends to stay out of the way and out of confrontations though lol. Sounds to me like yours needs to be reminded she has means to come see you as well, and help out some or interact. Stand your ground mama!

ceclarlinetlo · November 2016

@emtimme - I don't think you are being a brat. You made your feelings clear and in this instance your feelings trump anyone else's. TBH I think your MIL and DH are the ones out of line. It's one thing to hope you would change your mind it's another to complain at you that you haven't.

MamaandNurse · November 2016

I have a bitchfest of my own.

Overall, my MIL is a good person but I’m fed up. You may remember my thread about post-birth visitors since we live far away from both families. I *thought* my husband and I had reached an understanding, and that he’d told his parents that we were going to stagger the visits. Well, the other day I could tell he was in a major funk and he sat me down and said we had to have a serious conversation. As it turns out, he and his mom have been sitting on this for over 2 months just waiting for me to “change my mind” and now they’re both upset that I haven’t.

Disclaimer—call me out if I’m being a brat:

I’d have more sympathy for my MIL, as this is her first grandchild, if it weren’t for the fact that she has made ZERO attempt to talk to or be close to me during my pregnancy. Sorry, but why would I choose her over my mom (or even share the time that I have with my mom) when she doesn’t seem to care about me as anything more than the incubator of her future granddaughter? Also, not to sound like a gift-grabby asshole because we have what we need, but my in-laws haven’t even bought a single thing for the baby yet. It isn’t about the stuff, but the effort (they’re well-off financially, so that’s not the issue).

Do we have the same MIL? With my first, I was adamant that I didn't want anyone in the room except my husband when it came time to push. She managed to weasel her way into staying, along with my SIL, my own mother, and sister. I've told them this time, they're not even allowed in the hospital until we call them to give them OK to come see the baby.

And I totally feel you on the gifts. My in-laws bought nothing for my first-born until her first birthday. It still rubs me the wrong way. This time, my husband is pushing for them to buy the car seat. He has called them out on it too. "You know, since you didn't buy anything for DD1, I figured you would want to buy something for this grandchild."
It has nothing to do with the physical gift but the though behind it. How can someone be so desperate for grandkids but then not want to buy them something. Anything.

andrawrmeda2 · November 2016

MamaandNurse said:

I have a bitchfest of my own.

Overall, my MIL is a good person but I’m fed up. You may remember my thread about post-birth visitors since we live far away from both families. I *thought* my husband and I had reached an understanding, and that he’d told his parents that we were going to stagger the visits. Well, the other day I could tell he was in a major funk and he sat me down and said we had to have a serious conversation. As it turns out, he and his mom have been sitting on this for over 2 months just waiting for me to “change my mind” and now they’re both upset that I haven’t.

Disclaimer—call me out if I’m being a brat:

I’d have more sympathy for my MIL, as this is her first grandchild, if it weren’t for the fact that she has made ZERO attempt to talk to or be close to me during my pregnancy. Sorry, but why would I choose her over my mom (or even share the time that I have with my mom) when she doesn’t seem to care about me as anything more than the incubator of her future granddaughter? Also, not to sound like a gift-grabby asshole because we have what we need, but my in-laws haven’t even bought a single thing for the baby yet. It isn’t about the stuff, but the effort (they’re well-off financially, so that’s not the issue).

Do we have the same MIL? With my first, I was adamant that I didn't want anyone in the room except my husband when it came time to push. She managed to weasel her way into staying, along with my SIL, my own mother, and sister. I've told them this time, they're not even allowed in the hospital until we call them to give them OK to come see the baby.

And I totally feel you on the gifts. My in-laws bought nothing for my first-born until her first birthday. It still rubs me the wrong way. This time, my husband is pushing for them to buy the car seat. He has called them out on it too. "You know, since you didn't buy anything for DD1, I figured you would want to buy something for this grandchild."
It has nothing to do with the physical gift but the though behind it. How can someone be so desperate for grandkids but then not want to buy them something. Anything.

Oh I would have been so mad. Es 2nd oldest sister has been in the delivery room for I think 3 or 4 babies and she was angry we didn't let her stay in for ours. My mom begged for ever to stay in and I couldn't even handle her in the room with my contractions!!! I was like no one is staying in the room, everyone is getting kicked out except E. This time I think maybe no one will be there til she comes. I had a lot of people in my room asking every contraction if I was okay or did I need anything. I snapped on my best friend and mom alot cause they kept giving me these looks of pity. It irritated me beyond belief. E did incredible in the hospital, which shocked me cause I figured I'd yell at him most lol

AlicjaB · November 2016

Do we have the same MIL? With my first, I was adamant that I didn't want anyone in the room except my husband when it came time to push. She managed to weasel her way into staying, along with my SIL, my own mother, and sister. I've told them this time, they're not even allowed in the hospital until we call them to give them OK to come see the baby.

Wait, they were all in the room with you when you were pushing? If so, I am flabbergasted. I would have yelled at all of them to leave!

Good for you telling them they aren't allowed til you say its ok. Hopefully there wont be anymore "weaseling" lol

MamaandNurse · November 2016

AlicjaB said:

Do we have the same MIL? With my first, I was adamant that I didn't want anyone in the room except my husband when it came time to push. She managed to weasel her way into staying, along with my SIL, my own mother, and sister. I've told them this time, they're not even allowed in the hospital until we call them to give them OK to come see the baby.
Wait, they were all in the room with you when you were pushing? If so, I am flabbergasted. I would have yelled at all of them to leave!

Good for you telling them they aren't allowed til you say its ok. Hopefully there wont be anymore "weaseling" lol

Yep. My nurses asked who I wanted to have in the room and I said no one. I was too exhausted at that point to fight anyone so everyone took advantage. I blame my nurses, honestly. She saw I was having a hard time letting my voice be heard and she wasn't stepping up to be the "bully". Or maybe my husband for not stepping up and telling everyone to GTFO. I dunno. Five years later and it's still a sore subject for me.

This time, I'm letting my opinion be heard loud and clear well before we get to the pushing stage. Everyone is going to know that no visitors are allowed anywhere near my birthing suite.

juliehollz13 · November 2016

shlecka said:

Ugh I feel like I could write a book on this topic. Every time she texts she says "sure would be great to see y'all" and I always follow up with "yeah you guys should come up and visit!" It's 3 hours away, my husband and I have abnormal work schedules so it's not like we can just hop over on the weekend, and YOU DONT HAVE A JOB. And she's also ALWAYS posting those stupid poster meme things to Facebook like this exact one:

And im just like STOP ITTTTTTTTTT

*LURKER*

I'm sorry but your comment and meme had me DYING laughing because this is so my MOM. She's overly dramatic and every time I disagree with her on ANYTHING she says "well you'll miss me when I'm dead"... wtf??

emtimme · November 2016

@andromedacorrine my grandma was overbearing, too! I was talking with my mom about this last night and she mentioned how, luckily, my dad was always her biggest advocate, including against his mom. How I wish that was the case in my situation. Even still, she said that my grandma was there immediately in the recovery room following my birth, telling my mom all about us (my twin sister and me) before my mom had even had a chance to see us (she had a c-section). She said that, to this day, it still sort of bothers her and it really set the tone for her next delivery—no one was allowed anywhere near the hospital room until my parents were ready.

@mamaandnurse omg, I would’ve gone BERSERK. Granted, I am such a private person that I can’t even process the thought of anyone but my husband in the delivery room with me, but holy crap. You’re generous to even allow them to visit after the stunt they pulled last time! To be honest, I could definitely see my husband and his mom colluding to have her come when she wants anyway. I’ll flip. I don't blame you a bit for still harboring a grudge over what they did.

As awful as it is, I’m grateful you relate on the gift front, too. Like you said, it isn’t about the physical gift. My husband literally says “the baby is all they ever talk about” every day but when it comes to actual details they never ask, so I’m not clear what there is to talk about. I tallied up the big-ticket items remaining on our registry and suggested that he talk to his side (who didn’t breathe a word about throwing a shower) about how, if they want to get us something, those are the things we still need. He said “Oh, I’m sure they’ll all send checks once she’s here.” How impersonal. I don’t want their money; a thoughtful or practical gift that can help us prepare ahead of time would be so much more useful! /rant

shlecks · November 2016

@juliehollz13 Oh yes we get that too! My MIL is also convinced she's dying of cancer and has Alzheimer's so she will post pictures of my nephew saying "how could I forget this face?" I just. I can't even.

katesmama0706 · November 2016

Mine is pretty difficult but we've not seen much of them lately so it's been pretty low-key. Except she recently argued with us when we told her we were asking that anyone who sees our baby needs to get a TDAP and she was all "noooooo those are good for 10 years, and I had one when I worked at the doctor's office". A) No. They are not. Shut up. TD's are good for 10 years, its the whooping cough I'm worried about. B ) Even if they were it's been longer than 10 years since she worked there so she'd still need one and C) It's just a shot. It's no big deal, and it's not expensive. Just go get it. Ughhhhh

MamaandNurse · November 2016

katesmama0706 said:

Mine is pretty difficult but we've not seen much of them lately so it's been pretty low-key. Except she recently argued with us when we told her we were asking that anyone who sees our baby needs to get a TDAP and she was all "noooooo those are good for 10 years, and I had one when I worked at the doctor's office". A) No. They are not. Shut up. TD's are good for 10 years, its the whooping cough I'm worried about. B ) Even if they were it's been longer than 10 years since she worked there so she'd still need one and C) It's just a shot. It's no big deal, and it's not expensive. Just go get it. Ughhhhh

My in-laws are upset about the TdAP too! I'm a nurse so obviously, everyone's health and well-being is my top concern. They of course, think I'm being controlling and over-dramatic. But babies DIE from pertussis. Adults may get a small cold but babies die. I didn't push the topic with DD1 but that was five years ago and it wasn't such an epidemic like it is now.

Side note, my OB is comfortable with me having one two years ago and not getting one for this babe. He said he's comfortable with five years. Buttttttt .... my in-laws don't need to know that.

ceclarlinetlo · November 2016

MamaandNurse said:

katesmama0706 said:

Mine is pretty difficult but we've not seen much of them lately so it's been pretty low-key. Except she recently argued with us when we told her we were asking that anyone who sees our baby needs to get a TDAP and she was all "noooooo those are good for 10 years, and I had one when I worked at the doctor's office". A) No. They are not. Shut up. TD's are good for 10 years, its the whooping cough I'm worried about. B ) Even if they were it's been longer than 10 years since she worked there so she'd still need one and C) It's just a shot. It's no big deal, and it's not expensive. Just go get it. Ughhhhh

My in-laws are upset about the TdAP too! I'm a nurse so obviously, everyone's health and well-being is my top concern. They of course, think I'm being controlling and over-dramatic. But babies DIE from pertussis. Adults may get a small cold but babies die. I didn't push the topic with DD1 but that was five years ago and it wasn't such an epidemic like it is now.

Side note, my OB is comfortable with me having one two years ago and not getting one for this babe. He said he's comfortable with five years. Buttttttt .... my in-laws don't need to know that.

I can't be vaccinated against pertussis so my OB said it was important to have DH and the grandparents have it done - so I've been very adamant with everyone. That's the price of admission to hold the baby. Thankfully no one has pitched a fit yet.

Kittievr4 · November 2016

My issue isn't my MIL but my own mom. I heard this phrase awhile back that describes her so well "listening to talk" where you surface listen to what someone is saying while waiting for your chance to jump in and start talking again without actually hearing what the other person said.

She's done this my whole life and usually I try to shrug it off but this pregnancy and my last (DD) it just bothers me cuz it feels like it's gotten worse. For example: Last Thursday I told her I was going to a hockey game with a couple friends on Saturday (2 days away). Fast forward to Saturday afternoon she texted me a question and I say "not sure, I'm getting ready for the hockey game" and all I get back is "what hockey game?" SMH

Just one of the many, many, many examples I could give. She doesn't listen or take in hardly anything I say (even some things pertaining to her grandchild) and she loves to talk over me in conversations WITH MY DAUGHTER. It is seriously so frustrating sometimes. I'll be in the middle of trying to ask my daughter to do something and my mom will jump in (in the middle of my sentence, no less) saying something that contradicts what I'm trying to do. Like asking her to remember where a toy goes when we're cleaning up and my mom will say "Go put this in X place" Gee mom, if I didn't want her to think about it, I would have told her myself.

/rant

andrawrmeda2 · November 2016

MamaandNurse said:

AlicjaB said:

Do we have the same MIL? With my first, I was adamant that I didn't want anyone in the room except my husband when it came time to push. She managed to weasel her way into staying, along with my SIL, my own mother, and sister. I've told them this time, they're not even allowed in the hospital until we call them to give them OK to come see the baby.
Wait, they were all in the room with you when you were pushing? If so, I am flabbergasted. I would have yelled at all of them to leave!

Good for you telling them they aren't allowed til you say its ok. Hopefully there wont be anymore "weaseling" lol

Yep. My nurses asked who I wanted to have in the room and I said no one. I was too exhausted at that point to fight anyone so everyone took advantage. I blame my nurses, honestly. She saw I was having a hard time letting my voice be heard and she wasn't stepping up to be the "bully". Or maybe my husband for not stepping up and telling everyone to GTFO. I dunno. Five years later and it's still a sore subject for me.

This time, I'm letting my opinion be heard loud and clear well before we get to the pushing stage. Everyone is going to know that no visitors are allowed anywhere near my birthing suite.

2 of my favorite nurses actually said several times to my family that they wild be bullies if need be, cause my mom wanted to stand and hold my hand every five seconds and I didn't want her hovering over me. I loved those two they were there when he came and so helpful about keeping me calm. We did nearly 2 hours of skin to skin and that drove my SILS nuts cause they waited at the hospital and he didn't come til 1210am. So it was almost 2 am before they got to see him. But my nurses stayed super firm with everyone and I loved them for it cause I was too tired to. They even kicked them out at 230 so we could sleep lol

KarliQ88 · November 2016

All your stories got me thinking i need to hug my mom and MIL.
My problem lies with my step mother and "father". Background: She didn't enter my life until very recently...like 5years ago. I was never close with my dad growing up. I was raised by my mom and stepdad (who i also call dad). My mom got pregnant with me in college so she was never really with my dad. My "stepdad" (again i say dad) accepted me as his own immediately. I was maybe four when they started dating. He had two kids from a previous marriage (twin boy and girl) but never treated me different. My bio dad was in the picture on holidays and occasional summer visits but nothing major or "fatherly." so fast forward to now...he finallly decides to settle down and get married. Step mom has one son who is my age and has zero intentions of having kids, he has made that clear. So naturally when i tell my dad and stepmom they were beyond excited. Drama started when my mom and best friend are hosting a baby shower in my hometown. I called my bio dad for addresses to some family members on his side. They live 4 hours away so i knew chances were slim they would even come but i figured invite them anyway. Out of nowhere my dad and stepmom go off on a huge rant about me being "selfish" by requesting they travel to my hometown when i should be the one traveling there. Then my dad says "*stepmom* is the grandmother of this child too you know. The least you could let her do is throw you a shower like your mother is." ok 1. She is NOT my mom just because she is married to you. The difference with my step mom and stepdad is my stepdad has been my dad when you sucked at it.
2. How is it selfish to invite my family to my shower? Sure if they come they'll have to drive but they can make that choice. I totally get it if they don't. So i told my bio dad that. And i made the mistake of saying "they can still send something if they want" i meant it not in a selfish way. So after he refused to give me addresses i called my aunt (his sister) and she sided with me. She helped me get them and my mom sent out invites behind my dad stepmom back. They find out and were FURIOUS. My dad told the whole family the only reason i invited them was for their money (thatside is very very wealthy. Like multiple houses/private jets wealthy). What he told them is NOT TRUE!!!! Its my family thats why.
So now that the due date is getting closer and closer they are trying to make up with me without apologizing. I told them until he apologizes and makes things right he will not see my son. He refuses to do that and continues to make lies to my family to make me look like the bad person. I refuse to allow my son to be around someone who will make up lies about his mother. I told my dad that im putting my son first before our broken relationship and he will have a grandpa (my stepdad) so dont worry about that. If i was interested in his money or my/his families money i would have tried using them long before now. My stepmom is just making everything worse. She is pushing his buttons to get him more upset at me. Then she acts like the "poor me, poor me. Karli wants nothing to do with me and i try and try to be nice." they arealso mad I'm not letting them in the delivery room. My own mother wont even be there. What makes you think ill let you two? They are crazy. Im not even letting them know when im going in. They can find out just like everyone else....facebook!
There is soooo much more i could go on about these two but ive tied you up enough. So kudos if you read the whole thing. Just the venting got me relaxed a little more. Sorry typos...mobile bumping

BrennansMom2012 · November 2016

@emtimme I'm sorry your husband and MIL are still being ridiculous! I'm completely on board with you and think you're in the right. Stand your ground on the issue and don't cave. I couldn't imagine my MIL being around instead of my own Mom. Also, the gift issue is a sticking point with my inlaws too except for it's the opposite. They feel that if they buy the baby a gift here or there--no matter if it's something we don't need or never asked for--it'll grant them special powers of visitation or something. Up until this past week they wanted nothing to do with this second child because he is also a boy. They wanted a girl. My MIL got him long sleeve 6-9 month outfits...my baby is being born in January it will be summer/late summer when he fits into 6-9 month sleepers not needing long sleeves. She also asked what we still needed, I mentioned the only things we need are a dual camera monitor system and a sit and stand stroller but I have to research one that I can buy attachments to connect our infant carrier. She instantly jumped at getting us the stroller for Christmas, then in the next conversation she mentioned being in the delivery room and possibly inviting her Mom up and her being there?!? Excuse me? Before I could respond, my husband said no! I will be the only one with her besides the nurses! He got a back rub, a beer and full tv remote privileges when we got home (sex is soooo off the table right now! Lol) I could rant about my inlaws showing up for trick or treating on Monday night--uninvited and taking over so I didn't get to enjoy it with my son but honestly it's just not worth it...they'll never change and never listen. At least I got a visit out of the way until Thanksgiving.

mudderbear · November 2016

I just have to say....I LOVE reading these! My MIL is really awesome and my own mom passed away 16 years ago so I don't have any issues like you guys do. But seriously, these are great! I mean I'm sorry you have to deal with some real cows but it always makes my day getting to read everything haha so keep them coming!

Oh well I guess I have issues with my own dad, but he lives in Ontario and I'm in Alberta so i only have to deal with his crap when I visit him. He's a great dad/grandpa from afar haha

vssbrm · November 2016

I kind of have the opposite problem, my mother-in-law is fantastic, overly so, actually. I feel very badly, but when we first found out I was pregnant, I had to have a conversation w DH, that though I would love for his parents to be in town for when Baby is born, I would really prefer if they stay at a hotel (they live in another state) or with my parents. I feel so bad Bc I want them around, but we live in a 100 yr old house that is not very big and there are only 2 bathrooms - no master ensuite. I'm just not sure how I will be feeling and how important the need for space/privacy might be and I didn't want to drop the bomb on them a day b4 he is born, they have always stayed w us when they visit. I'm not sure if DH has mentioned it yet, but it's probably a non-issue as I'm sure they won't come until we ask. But if he is born early, they may already be in town for Christmas...
Maybe I am wrong in thinking I'm going to want so much privacy right after baby is born? Figure things out on my own, healing, breastfeeding, etc. it seems like a lot to adjust to!

katesmama0706 · November 2016

@vssbrm don't feel bad! If they're awesome then they should understand that you need some time to get into the swing of things and adjust to the new stuff. If they're awful then you have stories to share here! But don't let yourself feel guilty for asking for time to yourself.

Kittievr4 · November 2016

I did the same thing when DD was born but with my own parents! don't feel bad at all, if they're awesome they will totally get it and love any baby time they get

crazy MILs.....

Re: crazy MILs.....

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