Benched/TTA Check-in Week of October 24

adirat · October 2016

I hope you ladies are all having a good week

I am cheering for all of you.

Image: https://media0.giphy.com/media/26gJyu0UgBgIxaOTC/200.gif#21

***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say, and treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and are "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons
TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA?

What brings you here?

How long do you think you'll be here?

How have things been going?

Any R/R/CS?

GTKY: What's something unique about your hometown (or adopted hometown)?

adirat · October 2016

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? We will be moving, likely cross-country, in July 2017 and my husband starts a new job in August 2017. We hoped to do these things with an infant, but, five cycles of TTC and no luck.

How long do you think you'll be here? Until we would have a late September due date.

How have things been going? Tough weekend for both of us. We were both pretty down about having to TTA. Plus I feel like EVERY SINGLE PERSON in last week's TWW thread got pregnant EXCEPT ME.

Any R/R/CS? My husband is pretty depressed that we didn't manage to get pregnant before we had to TTA. He's been talking about how we should actually NTNP and if we get pregnant it'll be like this baby was meant to be. I appreciate where his heart is, but... I temp and get copious EWCM so how am I supposed to not know? Other than not using OPKs, I don't even know how to NTNP anymore.

GTKY: What's something unique about your hometown (or adopted hometown)?
I grew up near a reservation with wild horses. We saw beautiful wild horses almost every time we went to the river, including baby horses every summer. Imagine this but 115 degrees at least:

slaven · October 2016

****lurking from TWW but will be TTA if AF comes****

@adirat I feel like we're in the same situation. We've been trying for 4 cycles and even MH was saying we should just NTNP and see what happens. We have an international move in June, a wedding in July, and some financial planning to do but that can't happen until we know where we'll be stationed next. Even with this cycle if I get a BFP our move date is 5 weeks before the EDD so I'd be leaving Korea early and spending time in Massachusetts and then having to move to the next duty station in June or deliver in MA and move after with an infant. Obviously I want a baby but it would be a logistical nightmare and also very stressful for me and DH, we probably should have TTA this month instead of NTNP.

I also was super emotional about all the BFPs last week, especially the large amount of women trying for just 1 or 2 cycles, at least it seemed like a lot. I don't think I can read the BFP thread for a little bit.

MTgirlCOworld · October 2016

@adirat I am sorry for your frustration. Are you thinking of starting again in December?

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Issues with my job mostly.

How long do you think you'll be here? ?? Fx for mid December

How have things been going? Sucky. The last week has me pretty bummed out.

Any R/R/CS? Sorry in advance this is going to be a long post and somewhat overlap with my Monday Bitchfest. I got a new job at the end of May. DH and I have been talking about TTC for awhile before that but decided to wait. I was hired with the caveat that it is a temporary position my boss is trying to make permanent. Now we are being acquired and as part of the deal they cannot have temps or increase headcount. So all temps have to become contractors and go through an employment agency. After the acquisition they will reassess the necessity of the contractor positions. My boss is certain that the position will be approved and I will be staff but she doesnt know for sure and has no timeline for that. Also HR is saying that it will restart the clock for FMLA which I do not agree with so I am trying to look at the regulations in my spare time so I can fight that fight. Prior to last week DH and and were going to roll the dice and hope that I got the staff position but in the mean time get my IUD removed and start trying. I found the information about the contractor out the day before my appointment and decided to cancel. I am really bummed because we were so close to starting that journey and we have no idea what lies ahead for us. We are both more than ready to start that new journey and we feel like it got ripped away. Today was my first day as a contractor so I am just a little bummed. Sorry and thank you for letting me rant.

GTKY: What's something unique about your hometown (or adopted hometown)? It was pretty rural so anything outdoorsy you wanted to do was right there. You could drive for 20 minutes or less outside of town and be camping or fishing or skiing. Where we lived there was also almost zero light pollution so at night the sky was blanketed with stars.

adirat · October 2016

@slavenski Hey girl, you are so welcome here. I'm sorry you find yourself in the same situation. We're really struggling with the decision to TTA (sounds like you guys are too). Logistical nightmare is right -- I can't imagine trying to move with a two-week-old infant, which is what would happen if we tried this cycle. But I also can't imagine TTA for the next several months. Plus as @hartmich pointed out to me today, there's no guarantee a pregnancy would be 40 weeks, either -- we could get to the other side of our TTA time and then give birth two months early and end up in the same tight spot.

The grad thread was hard for me, too. I don't begrudge anyone their happiness, and I would not wish this wait on anyone else, but damn if I didn't feel real, real bitter about my failure to conceive. I feel you.

adirat · October 2016

@sglen3 We plan to restart whenever we'd have a late September due date, so either end of December or early January depending on when I ovulate.

I don't know much about FMLA or how that works with temp employees, but what state are you in? Some states (such as California) will have much better maternity leave laws you can take advantage of.

slaven · October 2016

@adirat I've had the same thought since starting TTC about what would happen if the baby came early, especially since we're in Korea and we have to move back to the States in June (no clue where yet) and I really didn't want to deliver in Korea (my friend had a bad experience). Another problem is that if the baby came early here but it was a month or 2 before we move then the baby wouldn't have a passport in time and idk how that would have worked. I guess thankfully we're passed that and when we start TTC again we will probably already be at our next duty station.

We're also looking at the possibility that DH will deploy at his next duty station and have super long training periods (gone months at a time). I was hoping to have a baby before then because delivering with him gone would be so hard.

adirat · October 2016

@slavenski Yeah, that's really tough. I can't imagine it. My cousin gave birth when they were stationed at Whidbey Island and he was in the middle of training. They gave him 12 hours off for the delivery, so she chose to wait for him to come until after the baby was born because she didn't want him to be there and have to leave if her labor took more than 12 hours. What a nightmare choice! You said you were planning to move in with your in-laws if you come back to the US early to give birth, right? So at least you have a soft place to land stateside (or ditto if you have to wait until the baby gets a passport and follow him a month later).

slaven · October 2016

@adirat Yeah the plan was for me to fly stateside by 7 months so that a) I'd be comfortable for the flight b) I'd have time to get set up with a new dr and c) less likely to deliver (as opposed to waiting till 8 months along)

But at this point that isn't a problem unless AF doesn't show (I highly doubt that). We're going to be TTA at least until we move back to the States, possibly even longer.

MTgirlCOworld · October 2016

@adirat @slavenski I cannot imaging trying to figure out the logistics of a long move and either being pregnant or having an infant. We moved just the two of us across three states and that was stressful enough. I am sorry that each of you have gotten to this point of having to make the decision. I admire you both.

@adirat I just realized i forgot to answer your question. I live in Colorado I found the section on the DOL website but it is a little vague as to how applies to temps and the in and out nature I am dealing with.

ETA to answer adriats question.

swimsister · October 2016

@adirat @slavenski I hope this isn't out of place. I'm not TTA yet, but my job interview went really well today and that means that if this isn't my month I could be looking down the barrel of TTA until new benefits kick in. It breaks my heart to see you two here because you're two I would be really happy to see move on to a BMB. I feel like you're ones who have been around a similar time frame to me and really know what a struggle this can be. Just know I'm sending you hope and peace wherever you are in the world.

slaven · October 2016

@swimsister Aww thanks. Honestly with our original TTC plans we weren't going to start until after MH had a deployment done but then with life, and especially the military, you never know what will happen so we decided to try now but just "seeing what happens" was putting us in potentially sticky situations with an international move coming up so we're TTA. At first I was okay with the idea of moving in with ILs before we are scheduled to move but then I realized the reality of it all so we're TTA once this cycle is over. We don't even know where we'll be stationed next which really grinds my gears.

sqfibemom · October 2016

__________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Miscarriage at 8w. Still passing tissue two weeks out so just waiting for that to stop and my numbers to drop.

How long do you think you'll be here? I'm thinking middle end of November if things go smoothly. Otherwise who knows.

How have things been going? Crappy. Just ready for this to be done so I can work on moving past and trying again.

Any R/R/CS? So ready to be done passing stuff. I passed a hard lump last night after a week of barely any clots of tissue. Utrasound today to see what's going on.

GTKY: What's something unique about your hometown (or adopted hometown)? I can't really think of anything unique. It's a town in central/southern AB Canada but nothing super unique about it.

ETA: Ugh, sorry I wrote this on my phone and it was a PITA to turn bold off every time. Fixed it now so it's easier to read.

zwink1 · October 2016

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Where to begin... At this point, our TTA is primarily due to my best friend's wedding, literally across the country, next August. As much as I don't want to put my life on hold for someone else, we have been best friends since we were 10, and after what she did for me with my wedding I would hate myself if I missed her's. I'm also hoping that since we're here anyway, this job I've been aiming for will pan out. While it will mean a longer TTA period, I think the reduced stress, better work/life balance, better pay, and better benefits would be worth it in the long run.

How long do you think you'll be here? At this point, 1-2 Months. If I get the job 3-5.

How have things been going? Like garbage.

Any R/R/CS? I'm trying really, really hard (and failing) to not get super depressed that we pulled the ntnp type thing for sixish months and officially hit the one year of actual trying this last cycle, got no where, and now I'm TTA. I feel like I'm starting at ground zero. CD1 showed up 10 days "early" this cycle and I had to reschedule my Dr appt because of it. I guess, given the scheme of things, not huge, but it just felt like one more sign that this isn't meant to happen. However, while we're TTA, i am not going to avoid any Dr appointments because I don't want to get stuck starting at 0 again, but I'm also not sure how to address this with my Dr.

GTKY: What's something unique about your hometown (or adopted hometown)?

Alright, so I moved a lot as a kid and don't really have a hometown.

@adirat I'm with you, there's no way to ntnp when you have the knowledge. I was barely pulling it off last time because I couldn't avoid tracking cm, and I would be all over H when ewcm showed up... Not exactly what I would call ntnp by a formal defintion. Now, forget it, temping, plus opks, plus secondary signs makes ntnp impossible.

Edit - autocorrect to incorrect word

slaven · October 2016

@zwink1 DH and I are kind of in the same boat. SIL's wedding is July 30 and we have to travel for it. I'm one of the bridesmaids and DH has been asked to escort their nana. She's been great since we started TTC. She and my bff are the only people I told and my SIL is actually more supportive about it. My bff was excited to "be and auntie" but wasn't a good listening ear, especially now with TTA. We're also using this period to get better financially.

@adirat I took a test on my lunch break today and got a BFN and AF showed up 2 hours later so we're officially TTA.

blitzy23 · October 2016

My posts keep getting cut off

izza2 · October 2016

@adirat - TTA after TTC is a lot worse than TTA prior to TTGP, and I'm sorry that you're now in that boat. Thankfully it's only for a few months, though, and not a longer-term.
@slavenski @swimsister - I hope you guys don't have to join the TTA "club"! I always hope you ladies get your BFPs, but my fingers are definitely crossed that you don't have to TTA for a while!
@Sglen3 - I'm sorry your job is being screwy! Definitely keep looking in to your policies and regulations, and try looking in to state laws as well. Do you pay for short-term disability benefits, or do you have that option?
@sqfibemom - I'm so sorry for your loss! *hugs*
@zwink1 - I think explaining to your doctor that you're going to TTA for a few months because of how your EDD would fall, but that you want to go through testing and see an RE so that you can get answers and be ready once your time to start TTC again comes. You hit the one year mark; they can't say no because you're TTA for a few months. *hugs* I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, regardless!

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Nursing school

How long do you think you'll be here? Generally, another 10 or so months on top of the 11 or so I've already been here.

How have things been going? As good as always. My SIL is due to have her baby in a few weeks; her EDD is actually my birthday, but they've scheduled her C-Section for the week after. But hopefully baby boy wants to make an appearance right on time.

Any R/R/CS? I made a comment to H last night that, if we started TTC on our current schedule, DSS would be/almost 10 by the time LO would be born. So that prompted a conversation about how much easier my schooling is, and my school schedule, since I'll be taking one class at a time from now until graduation. As of now we're still TTA, of course, but we agreed to re-visit things in a few months. I doubt we'll move our date up, but it's nice talking about it every few months.

GTKY: What's something unique about your hometown (or adopted hometown)? My actual hometown? Nothing. The town where I went to school? We won the best tasting water in NY in 2000-something. I don't remember exactly when, but... there's that. Better than the chlorine-water that my previous college tried feeding students.

adirat · October 2016

@sglen3 So there are likely two things at play here. One is whether you are eligible, which you may be. The other is whether the new management of the company will fight you on it, which they probably would given the messaging they're giving you now. Is it worth the legal fight you'd have to undertake? I have no idea. Good luck.

@swimsister Thank you, my friend

You are welcome here

I have to say, though, I'm so thrilled about your job interview -- it sounded perfect for you! Who knows, maybe it's the kind of company with no waiting period to qualify for maternity leave. Fingers crossed.

@sqfibermom I'm sorry for your loss.

@zwink1 Oh no, I'm so sorry to see you here -- I was really hoping that was your cycle. I think it's a good idea to move forward with testing, if you're comfortable with it, while you are TTA. You can explain to the doctor that it has been a year and you want to know what's happening, and talk about the current TTA or not. You wouldn't want to jump to treatment, but diagnostics would be good -- SA for your husband, bloodwork and HSG for you, etc. Like @izza2 said, they wouldn't turn you away at this point.

BTW, I am doing the same -- I'm having an ultrasound to look for endometriomas (chocolate cysts) next week (this is technically not a fertility screening but instead related to my terrible ovulation pain, but it's also sort of "step one" to figure out if my endometriosis is really bad which obviously has TTC implications). I'm also trying to get my husband to go get an SA. He keeps saying yes but he hasn't scheduled it yet so...

@slavenski Sorry for BFN

@izza2 You are my hero for TTA after TTC for so long and keeping it together. I really appreciate reading your calm posts. And I laughed at your story about the best-tasting water.

MTgirlCOworld · October 2016

@izza2 we haven't signed up for short term disability but DH work has open enrollment starting soon so I think we are going to. When are you expecting to be done with school? I think I remember you saying at some point but I don't remember.

@adirat yeah I am just trying to figure out my options at this point. My plan is to put together the best argument I can and present it to HR and if they say no we will probably just wait it out.

@sqfibemom so sorry for your loss.

@zwink1 good luck on the job. I am sorry that means you will need to TTA longer. I agree with PP that it is worth a conversation with your DR.

@slavenski I am sorry you are now officially TTA.

zwink1 · October 2016

@adirat - Thanks, I was hoping it was for both of us as well. Obviously life has other plans, and I'm trying to be optimistic and look at the massive swing from the regular that was that last cycle as a sign that there's a bigger reason it didn't work out. No worries, you and @izza2are right, I have absolutely no intention of putting off testing any longer. Regardless of our immediate plans, the long-term is still to have a child and I have no interest in waiting to do testing until we're ready to get rolling again. If something is going on, I want to know that now.

@Sglen3 - Thank you for the well wishes, I'm hoping that if I can get a new job, the improved job conditions will help out in other aspects of life...like TTC!

@slavenski - I'm happy to share the boat, but wish that no one was in it with me! It's great that your SIL is so supportive!!!

izza2 · October 2016

@adirat - Before I took my bump break, I was definitely not calm, haha.
@Sglen3 - I'll graduate May 2018. But, as of now we're planning to start TTC in late August/early September 2017, since it would put my earliest EDD after graduation. The difference between now and when we first made that decision is that the college I've transferred to is geared toward adult students with families. They're very flexible when it comes to leave and missing days due to your kids.

slaven · October 2016

I did some retail therapy today. Got a LuLaRoe package in and another one should be here tomorrow. I also got a North Face fleece jacket which I actually kind of need because I have my winter coat but no mid weight jacket, plus we're going to New England for a month to visit family over Thanksgiving and it's about 20 degrees warmer here than it is there. I also grabbed a Vera Bradley backpack on clearance. I've wanted one for years. DH actually got me one for my birthday a few years ago but he got a purse backpack, not a full size backpack. I take my laptop to work with me plus gym clothes and my tote bag has been hurting my shoulder and back. I got it for 50% off retail so score! It'll be great to use as a carryon for our trip too since we have to take some trains to get the airport in Seoul. I hate dealing with luggage on trains.

I got the BCP today. Originally I was just going to trust the pull out method but since we're TTA for a year until DH gets a pay raise but the pay raise is pretty important for my ability to be a SAHM. At least with the pill I can stop when I'm ready as opposed to having another IUD put in. I'm also hoping it'll help with my hormonal acne. If I'm not going to have a baby right now, I might as well have clear skin.

mrsegan13 · October 2016

@sqfibemom, I just wanted to write in and say that I'm in the same position as you are. We lost our first pregnancy at 9weeks and I had a D&C last Thursday. My levels last Tuesday were 15,000, and my doctor said it would take 3-4 weeks for them to come down. If you need support in any way, I am here. The sadness is so consuming, but I've had really good luck with staying busy. I stay at work longer than I have to, I run errands that need to be done but aren't urgent, I read, I watch movies...I definitely have been grieving, and we went to therapy too, but I find keeping my mind busy is helping.

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