Benched/TTA check-in week of 10/17

Cats*in*space · October 2016

I haven't seen one of these in a while- hopefully I'm the only one left in this boat!

***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer- even if it is for a good reason. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say, and treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and are "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons
TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA?

What brings you here?

How long do you think you'll be here?

How have things been going?

Any R/R/CS?

GTKY: What is your favorite place to shop for clothes?

Cats*in*space · October 2016

Are you benched or TTA? I am finally in the TTA zone!

What brings you here? MMC in August, waited a few months per Dr's orders. Travelling for work for 2 weeks in early November, followed by 1 week of travel with my hubby. Last (and only) positive I've gotten was discovered in the ER when I had an ovarian cyst rupture. Dr says I shouldn't worry about that happening again, but would like to be in the U.S. if it does.

How long do you think you'll be here? Just this cycle. My next window is the beginning of December.

How have things been going? Busy. I work full time and am working on my M.S. Just had my midterm last week.

Any R/R/CS? DH and I are travelling to Austria in a few weeks and other than where to sleep.... I haven't planned anything! Anyone been & have recommendations?

GTKY: What is your favorite place to shop for clothes? This was a selfish question b/c i need some new places.

Places i currently frequent are Loft, Eddie Bauer & Gap.

izza2 · October 2016

@jmn1985 - Yay for being so close to TTC again! I'm so happy for you! I have no idea on Austria recommendations; I'd end up searching Google maps for places near where I was staying if I were you. I love looking at reviews.

AFM: still TTA for another 10/11 months due to Nursing school.

Rave: I've taken every single BCP on time so far. Not something most people would rave about, I'm sure, but I was so bad at remembering my pills last time I was on them and that's why I switched initially. I'm proud that I've been so good so far this time around. The small things.

Rant: One of the students/acquaintances from my previous college just announced she's pregnant. She got married last week (they were engaged for a while before-hand) and made that announcement over the weekend. Her EDD is mid-May, before her last semester is even over. I'm happy for her, because she's an excellent mother to the son she already has, and she's a really sweet person, but it's just a reminder of what I don't have yet. Normally pregnancy announcements don't get to me, but I've also never gotten one from a fellow student.

GTKY: I'm not big in to shopping, and I'm more of a thrift-store person, so H usually buys my clothes for me.

I really do not like shopping at all, whereas he's always like "oh this would look GREAT on you!", so I usually tell him to pick clothes out because I'll wear whatever. But, when I do go shopping, I actually like looking at the Salvation Army, because ours always has brand-name and high-end/decent clothes available for dirt cheap. And with us on a budget, it works out. I've found some brand-new-condition clothes (some with tags still!) for less than $5.
That and the consignment shops always have bag sales when seasons change (before winter they sell off their summer clothes; and before summer they sell off their winter clothes), so I'll pay $5 for a garbage bag to fill with clothes. It can be a little crazy sometimes, but last time I filled 3 bags for $15 and got a bunch of clothes for myself, my mum, and one of my co-workers.
So I'm really no help, but, if you're in to it - thrifty shopping can be a fun adventure. Going with certain things in mind ends up like a game of whether or not you'll find it.

icecubeinthedesert · October 2016

Hey gals, I finally got a few minutes to post this week! I'm on a two week work trip, and it's been hard to find time to post.

@jmn1985 Sorry to hear about the cyst rupture, but glad that this happened at home. Health issues during travel are the worst. How much longer do you have to get the MS? Will you be working in the same field when you're done? I haven't been to Austria, but we keep saying we need to go, as DH's grandmother lives there. When I travel, I find that TripAdvisor is a great resource for finding things to do that go along with your interests, as well to see reviews. When we went to London a few years ago, I used it to plan out days according to site-seeing in each area of town to best make use of our time.

@izza2 I understand your frustration with the pregnancy announcement. It's funny how people's perspectives of the right time to have kids is so different. And girl, you get some deals on clothes!!! I grew up in an area where second hand clothes were not very good quality. I guess now with so many consignment stores, I should rethink that!

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? MMC and D&C on 9/13

How long do you think you'll be here? Until AF. Hopefully any day now?

How have things been going? I've actually been doing surprisingly well considering all the triggers I've had to endure (see numbered list in spoilers). The last two weeks I've been shadowing doctors for job enrichment (I study gynecological malignancies).

1. I have to walk past the labor and delivery unit every day on my way in.
2. When shadowing a pathologist, we reviewed some slides from a D&C to confirm pregnancy. Was a bit hard to think about a month after my own.
3. The pathologist saw a ring on my finger, and then asked how long I was married and if I was going to have kids. After my vague obligatory answers, he decides to lecture me on not waiting too long. Dude, not what I need to hear right now.
4. I overheard a conversation between the gyn residents about one of them wanting to plan a second pregnancy around work. Her friend was all "So you're going to get pregnant in January and things will all work out perfectly. It's decided." I wanted to scream "IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!!!!" Seriously, how do these people not know better? They are DOCTORS specializing in the female reproductive system!!!

BUT, so very excited to get back to business, lol.

Any R/R/CS? I got lots of EWCM (more than ever before), so I'm reasonably confident that I've ovulated. I gave up on temping pretty early on (laziness, travel, etc.). Only bad thing is I got EWCM twice, a week apart from each other. I'm guessing the second time was right, as AF did not come as expected yesterday. But who knows what my body is up to this cycle...

GTKY: What is your favorite place to shop for clothes? My usual go-to's are Banana Republic, Gap, Ann Taylor, and sometimes the Limited. Also occasionally find things at H&M. I recently went with a friend to Zara, which I really liked, but got chased out of the store at closing time. I've been meaning to go back.

Edited because I couldn't figure out how to do spoilers.

adirat · October 2016

Hi. I go here now.

@jmn1985 Sorry to hear about the cyst -- they are not fun. It's great you are so close to TTC, though.

@izza2 Hugs. I don't know how you stay sane.

@icecubeinthedesert Hearing that about doctors is especially frightening! Yikes.

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? We will be moving, likely cross-country, in July 2017 and my husband starts a new job in August 2017. We hoped to do these things with an infant, but, five cycles of TTC and no luck.

How long do you think you'll be here? Until we would have a late September due date.

How have things been going? I had a reeeeeeally tough couple days since getting my period on Wednesday, and I'm still pretty depressed. So is my husband.

Any R/R/CS? Sigh. Not there yet.

GTKY: What is your favorite place to shop for clothes? Like @izza2 I mostly buy clothes at thrift stores and consignment shops. I hate shopping for clothes so I only go when I really need something new.

magnolia131 · October 2016

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Upcoming change in DH's job requires us to move and we need time to re-evaluate where we might each be in a few months. Even if we were not moving our RE can no longer advise us to move forward with our original treatment plan due to the whole county now being considered a Zika zone as of this week.

How long do you think you'll be here? Awhile. I don't see us being in a position to try again until June but I don't have enough information to say that definitively.

How have things been going? Not great. I really struggled with whether posting on TB would be right for me, given how long of a wait could be ahead of us. I really thought maybe it would make it harder, but still find myself checking in at the end of each day because I feel emotionally invested at this point and want to see people succeed.

Any R/R/CS? I just feel like everything is falling apart and that everything that could go wrong has found a way to in the last few months. **TW for mention of death/mental health/addiction/and of newborn baby** About 10 years ago I spent nearly a year in a residential treatment center for women recovering from eating disorders. I learned this morning that my roommate during my stay there passed away very recently. She was 28 and left behind a two month old son and the whole thing has just put me in the weirdest and most melancholy of moods. **end TW**

GTKY: What is your favorite place to shop for clothes? I love Banana Republic and J. Crew but can't afford them half the time unless it's a factory store and/or on sale. In reality I buy 80% of my clothing from Marshall's.

@jmn1985 I've always wanted to visit Austria. No recommendations from me, but I do hope you have fun! I'm sorry about the cyst rupture, but glad to hear your stay here on this thread will be hopefully short.

@izza2 I would be proud of the BCP timing! I used to have to set an alarm on my phone and carry them in my purse or else I'd totally forget. I understand your reaction to the pregnancy announcement. I think it's normal to feel like that, but it doesn't make it any easier.

@icecubeinthedesert I'm sorry for your loss. Those triggers are very real and you're crazy strong in my opinion to be able to not let them get in the way of what needs to be done. I hope you did, in fact, ovulate though! If so, that's great news. Hoping things get back on track for you soon enough.

@adirat I'm sorry to see you here. I saw your wine/whine Wednesday and that's pretty much the kind of weekend I'll be having. Cheers.

Image: https://media0.giphy.com/media/tjMMmrPSliuyc/200.gif

adirat · October 2016

@magnolia131 I'm so sorry to see you here

I know you've had a tough road and this just makes it so much worse. You have all my TTA hugs and sympathy. And for what it's worth, I also planned to stay away from TB for my mental health but found myself checking back so...

Plus hey I'm always here if you want a TTA drinking buddy!

*TW* This is not even remotely equal to your experience but I want to share if it's helpful -- my close friend and college roommate for two years was pretty severely mentally ill (bipolar + bulimic) and I always struggled with all sorts of emotions when she spiraled up and down. Let yourself feel your feelings. It sounds stupid but you need to give yourself permission to feel all those complicated feelings, even if they are sad, even if they are angry, even if they are guilty because you aren't where she is. Those feelings are real and you will do yourself a real disservice if you don't let yourself feel them and process them. You are in a safe space of understanding friends here if you ever want to talk, or even if you just want to vent and get an internet hug.

magnolia131 · October 2016

@adirat thanks so much for the thoughtful response. I'm on mobile now but imagine this is a gif of me hugging right back. There's definitely truth to what you said. I've been very emotionally guarded these last few weeks just because I feel like I need to keep it together in order to prevent things from just getting worse, but I definitely agree that often times a quiet moment to let oneself just feel emotional is best. I'm sorry to hear that you went through that with your roommate. The effects of mental illness on friends and family are very real and too often overlooked.

I'm here if you ever need a drinking buddy or a place to vent/shoulder to lean on as well. I know how much you were hoping to not have to TTA and hope you know I am rooting for you so hard once you finally do get back in the game.

[Deleted User] · October 2016

@magnolia131 very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend... ♡

@adirat. Sorry to see you here, too, lady. Dec/Jan will be here before you know it! ;) ((hugs))

mrsegan13 · October 2016

Are you benched or TTA? Benched
What brings you here?
I never posted in the graduation thread because even after my BFP on Sept. 13th, I just had a bad feeling like something was possibly wrong. I had two blood tests to check my HCG, and it was rising. From there, my first ultrasound was scheduled for the 9 week point, but I continued to worry and just felt "off" (not very many symptoms was the main cause of my worry: tender breasts only). My ultrasound was Tuesday, and it was a missed miscarriage with 3 empty sacs (blighted ovum, I guess, though the doctor didn't use that term but used the missed miscarriage term). The doctor said it may have been a multiples pregnancy originally...we were just so so sad. It was a lot to take in. I had a D&C Thursday (it had been weeks, and my body had done nothing to miscarry naturally; I was afraid of taking pills and pain, and it was horrible to have to make a decision like that). Now, I'm benched until my HCG returns to 0 (it was at 15,000 on Tuesday).
How long do you think you'll be here?
Hopefully only a month. But I don't know.
How have things been going?
I am recovering: mentally and physically. My mom came in town this weekend. My bleeding was light the day of and two days after the D&C, but it is a little heavier today. I am worried that I won't feel "normal" again. I feel very changed by this experience...in a way that is hard for me to articulate. We have received a lot of support (flowers, meals, etc) for which I am very thankful.
Any R/R/CS? Someone asked me if I was pregnant today. That stung, and it made me very upset.
Also, I meant to add, I'm very sorry for everyone's losses. I'm blurry right now/kind of numb but still feel so deeply for each of you.

wabash15 · October 2016

Lurking from WTO***
@mrsegan13 I am so sorry for your loss. TW*** I had a miscarriage after doing fertility treatments and happened to have an US on the day the baby's heart stopped. My Dr wanted me to miscarry naturally but almost a month later and my body was still clinging on. We ended up inducing medically but even that did not go smoothly. I'm sorry you had to make the hard decision to do a D&C. My doc didn't really tell me what to expect but I bled for about 2weeks. In time you will feel normal by you will always miss them. Allow yourself to grieve, you'll be sad, mad, all the feelings. Try to be good to yourself. I'll be thinking about you. End TW

[Deleted User] · October 2016

@mrsegan13. So very sorry for your loss. ♡

mrsegan13 · October 2016

Thanks @wabash15 and @BusinessWife.

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