Babies on the Brain
amiec-2
member
New and struggling
amiec-2
member
Hi all
Don't know where to start, new to message boards and hope this community can help... I guess an intro.
I am 30 and my husband is 28. We have been together 3 years, married just under one. We are so desperate to have a baby but because of a host of reasons we have decided to wait. Yes this was our choice but no, we don't want it to be this way. I know in my head it's the right thing to do, sensible and practical but my heart is crying out and my whole being feels empty. I am terrified that I might struggle to conceive, it seems to be so common, and then I will look back on this time and regret waiting.
The main reason we are waiting is because I plan to be a stay at home mum and I am currently in an IVA which is a debt management programme. If I come out of it there will be serious financial repercussions (it lasts 5 years and I have 1 and a half to go) and I don't want to put it on hold as I'm not planning to go back to work. Also we want to save for a house, we live in a flat owned by the in laws who eventually want to sell, plus we want to move out of London. And probably the second biggest reason; my weight. I need to lose at least 5 stone before trying and that brings a whole host of other issues, the 'why have I done this to myself' thing...
So so anyone who has got this far deserves a medal! I have set these perimeters myself yet I feel like I'm dying inside every day, that physical longing is just impossible to describe. My closest know the situation but all anyone can offer is 'it will be over before you know it' and 'it will be your turn soon' etc. I know they're trying to help but it just makes me so upset. My husband is so supportive and keeps saying we can bring it forward but that's not the answer. There is no answer.
Then there's all the 'oh when are you gonna have some babies' and 'you'll be next' comments from practical strangers. Why do people do this. And I smile and say 'soon, soon' and try not to cry. And of course, everyone is pregnant around me. My best friend is 8 weeks and I couldn't be happier for her but it's also so hard. It's just hard.
Thank you you for reading if you have, thanks in advance for any support or comments.
:-)
Don't know where to start, new to message boards and hope this community can help... I guess an intro.
I am 30 and my husband is 28. We have been together 3 years, married just under one. We are so desperate to have a baby but because of a host of reasons we have decided to wait. Yes this was our choice but no, we don't want it to be this way. I know in my head it's the right thing to do, sensible and practical but my heart is crying out and my whole being feels empty. I am terrified that I might struggle to conceive, it seems to be so common, and then I will look back on this time and regret waiting.
The main reason we are waiting is because I plan to be a stay at home mum and I am currently in an IVA which is a debt management programme. If I come out of it there will be serious financial repercussions (it lasts 5 years and I have 1 and a half to go) and I don't want to put it on hold as I'm not planning to go back to work. Also we want to save for a house, we live in a flat owned by the in laws who eventually want to sell, plus we want to move out of London. And probably the second biggest reason; my weight. I need to lose at least 5 stone before trying and that brings a whole host of other issues, the 'why have I done this to myself' thing...
So so anyone who has got this far deserves a medal! I have set these perimeters myself yet I feel like I'm dying inside every day, that physical longing is just impossible to describe. My closest know the situation but all anyone can offer is 'it will be over before you know it' and 'it will be your turn soon' etc. I know they're trying to help but it just makes me so upset. My husband is so supportive and keeps saying we can bring it forward but that's not the answer. There is no answer.
Then there's all the 'oh when are you gonna have some babies' and 'you'll be next' comments from practical strangers. Why do people do this. And I smile and say 'soon, soon' and try not to cry. And of course, everyone is pregnant around me. My best friend is 8 weeks and I couldn't be happier for her but it's also so hard. It's just hard.
Thank you you for reading if you have, thanks in advance for any support or comments.
:-)
Re: New and struggling
@aboxofchocolates trying to keep busy, am I being totally dumb not knowing what you mean by coupling? The weight is also a practical focus so that's good! :-)
Awww I definitely remember the baby fever before having my son. You're right, it's like you want it so bad that you can physically feel it. I actually have baby fever pretty bad for #2 but sadly we have to wait. I definitely understand where you are coming from! All I can say is good for you, you are being smart in planning things out financially. Not everyone does that (which is so stressful). It is so hard having to wait though, even if for good reason! First of all, try not to be so hard on yourself. You have time to get to your desired weight. Rather than beating yourself up about it, use wanting a baby as motivation. The healthier you are (mind and body) the healthier your future pregnancy will be. Try to find other things to distract you as well. Make a list of things you want to do with your husband before having a baby and while you are waiting, check off as many things on that list as you can (i.e.: romantic getaway, skydiving, wine tasting, or even just a small hobby you enjoy). If you'd rather find things that won't cost money since you are trying to save, you can maybe try to volunteer somewhere together as well. Pack in as many date nights as you can (even if it's staying home watching movies) because once you do have baby, it's much harder to find the time. The busier you keep yourself, the faster the time will seem to go.
being able to stay at home with our little guy it totally worth the wait. Just keep that in mind! Your waiting now means that you get to spend more time with LO in the future. Reading all the posts by moms who are having to start going back to work is truly heart breaking.
@aboxofchocolates haha I love a typo! I think couponing doesn't really exist in England like it does in America. I have seen documentaries which blow my mind. We are lucky to find 20p off a £50 shop lol! But def trying to cut down on stuff.
@borgie05 you are so kind and I really needed to hear that. I tend to punish myself so much because my past decisions are impacting me now and congratulating myself for being responsible didn't even register. And we really have been trying to plan things, especially spa days which we both love and I found out you can't do hot tubs etc when you're pregnant :-O do def getting those days in! Also planning a 'big' holiday in Easter/summer backpacking stylee which would be harder when pregnant/with a child.
@korpatch that is seriously motivating! I am heartbroken seeing my best friend in all kinds of stress trying to save and find money to allow her to have the 9months off work she wants. It must be so hard. So glad you're loving life with your LO; how old is he?
Big it hugs to everyone, feel sooooo much better, what a lovely community! Xxx