Question(s) for STM+

H4aPartyof5 · October 2016

Since I have my own question for STM+, I thought I'd open a thread for others that may be in my shoes. Hopefully, this isn't too redundant to the "Everything you didn't want to know..." thread (I've seen both on other boards).

Ask away...I plan to.

H4aPartyof5 · October 2016

So my question is for STM having their third (or second and third, @difazette)or TTM+ (please come in @maamawaabangi).

How did/do you plan to cope with the new addition while balancing the needs of your older 2, or more, kids?

I don't remember the same level of angst over this going from 1 to 2, but as I'm getting closer to my due date, my anxiety over the transition from 2 to 3 has increased significantly, especially because my 2 year old is a typical "terrible" two (full blown tantrums/stubborn) and my 4 year old is in to everything (or it feels that way). Adding to my stress is that I've never had success nursing, but I have exclusively pumped with both DS. I'd prefer to EP again (it just works better for me mentally), but I'm not sure that will fly with the needs of three 4 and under.

Any coping strategies that will help keep this SAHM from pulling her hair out will be greatly appreciated.

slartybartfast · October 2016

I am also worried about this. The part I am worried about is balancing the needs of both (and work and home) during the max sleep deprivation period. Which, with DS was month 3 to 12.

I'm trying to not worry and know that I'll just have to continually be adapting as the needs of my babes change and as the resources I'm dealing with change. This first year is going to be TOUGH. My plan is to be able to do it all... Be there for my babes, nurse, be primary income earner, and keep my house in order while making sure everyone is eating healthy and getting my fitness back.

...it'll be a tough year.

princesslockness · October 2016

Anyone have any tips besides Tylenol and Ibuprofen? L is miserable, and I am losing ehatvluttle mind E has left me.

uromys · October 2016

I'm actually more anxious about adding this LO to the home then I ever was with DD2. Something about 2 to 3 scares me and I have been in childcare my whole working career. A room for of 18 two year olds no problem. Sleep deprivation plus a clingy one year old I'm nervous! As hard as it's going to be I'm excited to complete our family and can't wait to get my later years. I'm excited to finally be able to see it being my husband and I again and not so much baby time.

Im a little nervous that since I just weened DD2 that she's going to want to tandem nurse with new LO. I had awful nursing agitation with her that thought of it has me very anxious to nurse again. I've never loved nursing, but enjoy providing for my child. If anyone else can relate.

Toller · October 2016

@Kate08Young what is she suffering from and how old is he?

princesslockness · October 2016

@Toller He is 14 months and has 6 teeth trying to come in. Its been about 2 weeks of ear pain bad enough it wakes him up, and he wont eat unless its mush or hard enough to really bite on.

Toller · October 2016

@Kate08Young we've had really good success for ear aches (or possible ear infections) with Garlic Mullein oil (https://www.amazon.com/Herb-Pharm-Mullein-Garlic-Herbal/dp/B001E8DBU8/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1475597624&sr=8-1&keywords=mullein+garlic+ear+drops). Your kid smells like a piece of garlic toast, but it does work!!

I don't know how crazy you want to get, but we've also used (German)Chamomile essential oil rubbed on the cheeks (very very very diluted). He is still a little young for topical EOs though , so if you're not comfortable with that, Chamomile Hydrosol would probably do the trick! I think there's tricks out there with chammomile tea too...

Good luck- that's NO FUN.........

mrsmerc2015 · October 2016

I'm so glad to see other moms transitioning from 2 to 3 are having anxiety! My transition from 1 to 2 was a bit different, DH and I met what DSD was just shy of 4 months old, and the transition was obviously a lot slower to "family" from there (well, maybe not really since we got married just under 9 months later), but I'm absolutely terrified about bringing this 3rd baby into the mix! It feels like everything is in a delicate balance already.

Add in the c-section, DH's demanding job (he will take some leave, but we're trying to figure out when/how much to maximize our time home with Bodhi), being cooped up in the house because of my due date, the holidays, coparenting with DS and DSD's other parents, DS's school obligations (well, mine and DH's), going back to work...I have a TON of anxiety about this maternity leave/post-maternity leave period.

DiFazette · October 2016

@H4aPartyof5 Hell if I know! I'm just going to try to survive. Going from 1 to 3 by way of twins isn't exactly easing into it. We'll figure it out... we always do! I worry most about DS, but he's become so much more independent during this pregnancy and is super excited for the babies that I *think* he'll be a trooper. I also remind myself that babies sleep a lot (during the day) and I will still have some good one on one time with DS.

phoebecar · October 2016

I know this is crazy, I fully admit that. But I'm anxious about how I'm going to love this one as much as I love my DD and DS. I had this same concern during my pregnancy with DS- like how am I going to love him as much as I love DD- but you just do. So this time around, I'm feeling the same way.

I'm also anxious about how my DS will handle a new baby in the house. He's always been the baby of the house and knows it. So I'm concerned how he'll transition from being the baby to the middle child.

bakerstreetboys · October 2016

I also had my first three in four years, and to be honest, I found it harder going from 1 to 2 than from 2 to 3. When number three was born, I could set the other two up to do something together like look at a book while I nursed, etc. It was nice for them to have each other while I was busy with the baby. I also had to pump a lot, and they would find ways to amuse themselves and really enjoyed the "big kids" to the baby.
It's tiring, and a lot of work, but you'll find your routine! Now that my three big guys are in school, I'm wondering how I'm how I'm going to juggle homework with a newborn....

yellingbanana · October 2016

DD 1 has always been easy going and understanding. I also nannied with her from the time she was 6 weeks to 4 1/2 years old, when her sister arrived. I started a full-time bachelors/teaching certificate program that was 3 years long, when DD 2 was just 8 weeks old. It was really, really rough. DD 2 was not as easy going as her sister, and I was always trying to do homework. I drank a lot of coffee to cope, which probably didn't help with DD2 since I was exclusively breastfeeding.
I ran a daycare for a while after graduating, and will be nannying again when DS is born. I will have DS, an infant that is 3 months older than him, and a 3 year old (DD1 & 2 are in school during the day). I'm not that concerned with adding DS because I have nannied so much and already have 2 DDs that are pretty helpful at school ages. Even then, there will be adjustments!
Here are my tips from experience:
-Have a regular wake up time where you can shower before taking care of everyone else. Showers make you feel human, and bring a zen even if it's 5 minutes.
- Be prepared to have a messier house than you'd like. It's ok. Everyone will survive.
- Help empower your older children by giving them age appropriate responsibilities. 2 year olds can put toys away, wipe floors, and bring you items you need, they can also make funny faces and sounds to entertain baby. When older kids feel like they are involved, they fee like they have a place and belong.
- Don't overload your diaper bag. Instead, keep a stockpile of stuff in the car, and keep your diaper bag for diapers, wipes, and basics.
- Enjoy the crazy moments, when the kids get older, you'll look back and miss the chaos and unpredictability that life can bring. I already miss my 10 and 5 year old DDs being little crazy babies and toddlers. It's such a short time that they are little.

zubenescamali · October 2016

I'm pretty anxious even though my two girls are older (4 and 7). The newborn phase was so long ago! I couldn't have handled a third any earlier than this though. I think I'm most concerned that LO will have the same developmental delays as DD2, she has overcome a lot but it was so much work for all of us, and the thought of going through all of that again is overwhelming. I'm just grateful that my two girls can mostly entertain themselves and each other, and I'm hopeful they will be mommy's helpers.
i think the best thing we can do to deal is try to relax, let go what we can, and just roll with the punches.

slartybartfast · October 2016

Oh man. In realizing how easy DS was in so many ways I feel certain new baby is gonna drop like a bomb on us. I feel like, in some ways, the choices we made helped things go easy but with all the sleep deprivation, I don't remember what we did

mimi603107 · October 2016

I'm in the same boat at @zubenescamali because I have two older boys at 3 and 7 (will be turning 4 and 8 within a month of my EDD...all winter babies

) So for the most part my oldest is self sufficient even though he does need help with certain things but my 3 year old is still very clingy and gets jealous very easily over my attention, so I think that's my biggest worry other than having a newborn again after 4 years without one lol. Also, @zubenescamali I totally understand the worry about having another child with a delay....my oldest has autism and my youngest has a speech delay and it's definitely something my husband and I worry about with our third but I guess the silver lining with that is we've all ready been through the process twice (further with my first) that I feel like we are more prepared and know more what to look for.

maamawaabangi · October 2016

I think @yellingbanana has some great advice.
Going from 2 to 3 was probably the hardest stage for me thus far ... but mostly because my oldest was 3.5 when our 3rd was born and our 2nd was only 17 months old. However, I'm also a big believer in the notion that if you've had 2 you are more prepared to have a 3rd than you know. I can have a 7th child, and be prepared and equipped for that task, mostly because I've mothered 6 already... quite literally, "what's one more?" when you are doing it and doing it well.
Some of my advice is...

- Be gracious with yourself. Don't try to do it all. Being a mama of many requires life changes, saying "no" or setting up a system that works for your particular life.
- Keep cutting back until there is peace in your home! For real. Take out the ballet lessons for your 5 yo or revisit it in a year... but if it makes you yell or causes you to lose sleep cut it out even for a season.
- Live like you have 3 kids... don't keep trying to live like you have 2 (or whatever #). Make adjustments, room and lifestyle changes appropriate for the number of children you have. Set up systems in your home/life that serve you... not you serving them. For me this is a solid laundry system, meal plan and cleaning routine. I am not a drill sargent about it, but we do it because it benefits us.
- Do NOT underestimate your need to heal postpartum! You will need it more now than you have in the past. I know mamas who hemorrhage postpartum (and are wrecked) due to just doing "regular life" in the 1st week or two postpartum... it's NOT worth it! Rest for at least a few weeks in earnest and you will be benefitted by it long term... you owe it to your family to fully heal yourself.
- Teach your littles to contribute and have a helper's heart. Keep them near you and in your view and they will be less likely to get into trouble. Do life together.
- Nothing isn't correctable. If you have to spend a season watching PBS kids realize that one day you can change that habit. Habits are not the nature (disposition) of the child... they are just the things you do, so do something different and keep doing it.
- Get a ergo style carrier. Put that baby on. You'll need both hands free now.
- Mandate a rest hour (at least)... everyone on their bed, resting, reading ... but being quite. Take a nap.
- If you feel like crap get your blood work checked... I always need more vit. d postpartum and it makes a world of difference in how I feel... both physically and emotionally.
- Keep growing you. Read, learn, enrich yourself and do things you enjoy. This passion and learning will flow out to your children and benefit them!

slartybartfast · October 2016

@maamawaabangi 's advice.
For my BTDT lesson this time, I'll echo @maamawaabangi's:
-Do NOT underestimate your need to heal postpartum! You will need it more now than you have in the past. I know mamas who hemorrhage postpartum (and are wrecked) due to just doing "regular life" in the 1st week or two postpartum... it's NOT worth it! Rest for at least a few weeks in earnest and you will be benefited by it long term... you owe it to your family to fully heal yourself.

I'll add - know when it's not worth it. I have so many friends that are such robust individuals that having to ditch certain activities or hobbies or cut back after kids didn't seem like an option to them. So they have the grand complicated weekends that don't measure up because... some things are just not fun with babies. They end the weekends tired, unfulfilled, and stressed. They start their weeks in chaos. DH and I are just like... yea... maybe in a couple years but I'm not packing the car just for that... (though we do also have many things we DO pack the car for... just not the same)

H4aPartyof5 · October 2016

Thanks ladies for all the support, commiseration, and suggestions! Sorry for the delay in responding as well.

@Kate08Young, I wish that I had some suggestions for you. We were fortunate to have Ibuprofen and Tylenol do the trick for us. We did use Teething Tablets (Hylands) as well, but not sure how much, if any, help those actually were.

@slartybartfast, I'm also worried about how I'm going to cope with the lack of sleep...my DH has always been a trooper with both the boys as far as middle of the night diaper changes and feedings, but it still messes with me despite all his help when I don't get enough sleep. Add in that DS1 is dropping his afternoon nap more often than not, and I can just see super long stretches of sleep deprivation heading my way. Also agree that it's important to do things that make sense with your time and kids, not things that will ultimately just wear you out.

@uromys, I know right...one to two wasn't too bad, but something about going from 2 to 3 makes me feel distinctly outnumbered.

@mrsmerc2015, you are certainly not alone.

.

@DiFazette, serious props to you...the thought of going from 1 to 3 overnight would probably take more mental and physical strength than I can imagine. I know that you'll do great, and I bet your DS will love having his younger brothers around to play with when they get a bit older.

@phoebecar, DS2 is our baby, and I'm 99% certain he will always be the baby despite being the middle child. It's just his nature...he's needier in so many ways than DS1 ever was.

@JessCL, thanks for the support and advice. I've read on pinterest about making quiet boxes, etc. so I'm hopeful that something like that might work while I'm pumping, need to get the baby to sleep, etc., but I'm a bit worried about how quickly I'll be able to fall into a routine that works for us going from 2 to 3. I bet you'll get the routine for balancing homework and a newborn down in no time...I'm having a smaller similar struggle at the moment - DS1 is "enrolled" in a home instruction preschool program through the city school system, and it can be hard even now to get the homework activities done.

@yellingbanana, thanks so much for the tips! I really, really need to work on giving both of our DSs actual responsibilities...right now, they really don't have any. Occasionally, I'll ask them to pick up (or actually help me pick up) their toys, but that's about it.

@zubenescamali, I agree...rolling with the punches is the way to go. I'm generally a laid back person, so hopefully, that will work in my favor again.

@mimi603107, I'm worried mainly about how DS2 will handle it as well. He can be incredibly stubborn and pretty clingy as well. We've done the rounds with speech therapy too...DS1 and now DS2 were/are in early intervention for speech delays. DS1 is still a bit delayed but has mostly caught up. I'm hoping that DS2 will follow in big brother's footsteps, or at the very least be able to communicate what he needs a bit easier sooner rather than later. I agree with you and @zubenescamali that having a child/children with delays can add another layer of worry to the mix.

@maamawaabangi, thanks very much for all the tips. I really need to take so many of the things that you said to heart, especially about making changes to our lifestyle/activities that make sense with our new family dynamic that also help keep my stress down, less mom guilt about the "bad" temporary habits we may may fall into, and integrating the boys into our daily activities with the baby (I didn't hardly at all when DS2 was born). As an aside, I'm really hoping that this baby likes the carrier as much as DS2 seemed to...I know having one with DS2 felt liberating, and I'm hoping for the same affect this time around.

Again, thanks everyone!

LauraH22 · October 2016

What products do you use to change diapers? Is baby powder a no-no now?

princesslockness · October 2016

LauraH22 said:

What products do you use to change diapers? Is baby powder a no-no now?

My daycare does, but unless a cream is needed I just wipe everything really well and put the new diaper on.

DiFazette · October 2016

@LauraH22 yes, baby powder is a no no. It's been found to be inhaled and cause all kinds of problems in baby lungs. Now, like anything, common sense prevails. But common sense is dead, so we have to protect people from themselves. We Never used it.

sourlemon · October 2016

We used baby powder occasionally but would put it in the diaper then put the diaper on. By occasionally I mean like 4 times in 2.5 years and only when the Dr said to for a specific reason. It wasn't part of our standard routine.

H4aPartyof5 · October 2016

We've never used baby powder before, and when we went to our birthing classes with our first, they discouraged its use for the reasons @DiFazette mentioned.

LauraH22 · October 2016

Thanks for the replies. Maybe this was a stupid question.
@Kate08Young, I think it's interesting that a daycare uses it. I'll have to find out if mine does. Do you have any cream recommendations?
@DiFazette, I was reading about using talc-free powder and stumbled upon the breathing issues mentioned. I had no idea and wanted reassurance from other moms. Thanks for saving me from myself.
@sourlemon, thanks. Do u use a cream as part of your routine? Any recommendations?
@H4aPartyof5, thanks. I definitely won't be using it. We haven't gotten to the postnatal care part of our birthing class yet!

princesslockness · October 2016

@LauraH22 We use Butt Paste. It works wonders.

SarahF8611 · October 2016

We never routinely used anything during diaper changes and my son didn't have any issues. We were specifically told not to use baby powder and we shouldn't need anything else if we were keeping the area clean and dry. Once solid foods started, we used Pinxav when he got a little rash and it worked AMAZING. As he's gotten older, he does get a diaper rash if he eats spicy foods (which he loves) and Pinxav clears it up overnight.

maamawaabangi · October 2016

I just wipe and go unless there is a rash, I use plain corn starch and burts bees diaper ointment... it has the highest concentration of zinc (there was a study done a few years back so I assume that's still the case) and really knocks out rashes quickly I've found. Also, airing bums works well.

mrsmerc2015 · October 2016

Same as @maamawaabangi here, just wipe and go unless there is a rash. We use desitin, usually, which has worked well with DSD. I used a Canadian brand that I've only seen in northern New England on DS (came in a huge tub and lasted forever!), and it worked well also.

I second the "airing bums" option as well, especially when things are bad.

jennbaylor12 · October 2016

- no baby powder, ditto wipe and go. The only time DS had any rash, we used Budros Buttpaste - worked liked magic!!
- we had a changing pad upstairs and downstairs but have always changed DS on our bed.... We've used the changing pads maaaaaaybe twice

sourlemon · October 2016

We don't use a cream as part of our routine. Never needed it. We did use aquaphor or Vaseline the first few days until the poop wasn't so sticky...but that was just to make it easier to clean,not because a rash.

yellingbanana · October 2016

True, only wipe unless baby's butt is looking red or irritated. Don't give yourself extra work if you don't need to.

H4aPartyof5 · October 2016

No worries @LauraH22. I'd never changed a diaper in my life prior to DS1, so I wouldn't have even known using baby powder was ever a thing that you did.

We're also in the wipe and go camp. I've never actually bought diaper cream as we've been gifted a few tubes...I really need to check the expiration because some of it dates back to DS1.

Want a personalized experience?

Question(s) for STM+

Re: Question(s) for STM+

Choose Another Board

Search Boards