I delivered my baby boy at 16 weeks. This was our first pregnancy and it was a long and traumatic loss with multiple steps. We received a positive screening test at 13w5d for Trisomy 21 and begun our grieving at the point, but over a different kind of loss. When we arrived at 15 week appointment the US showed congenital abnormalities in the heart and digestive system, as well as fluid around the heart. They then told us his heart had stopped - with the abnormalities in his heart, it wasn't able to beat against the fluid surrounding it. We don't know when he died, as he showed signs of growth restriction overall. I was told I had to deliver (I was told I had the option of a D&E, but in the end I couldn't find a doctor to perform it in my town due to politics) and was induced at what should have been 16 weeks. It took 18 hours using cytotec and pitocin. Delivering a lost baby was the hardest and darkest moment of my life. It was devastating and has left me emotionally broken. At first I did not think we would ever try again, but now that it has been a little while I want to try again quickly. I'm 34 and terrified that with each year, my chance of this happening again go up.
The problem is that I'm not sure if I'm fully recovered. I thought it was all over with finally after the delivery, but I bled heavily for 2 solid weeks. At my follow up, the US showed remaining tissue and I was put on another drug to expel tissue and control bleeding. I then had about another week of spotting and discharge. My OB was confident that the drug worked based on follow up US. Two weeks later I got what I thought was my period and felt relief that this horrible experience was over. I bled heavily for 8 days and now have been having brown and pink discharge for another 6 days. The discharge is very similar to that which I had after delivery and I am having minor cramps. I'm getting worried that this is not actually over and that I should call my OB, but I have a mental block and I just can't make myself do it. Sounds crazy, but I just don't want to hear the hold music & talk to the same people that I've been talking to constantly over the last nine weeks or so since this all started to unfold. This is my first pregnancy and first miscarriage so I don't know what to expect. I would really appreciate your thoughts and advice.