Everything Newborn

LeahNicole · October 2016

So I was lurking on December's board and started reading their "Newborn 101" thread and loved it.

I don't participate over there so I figured it would be awesome to hear any and all advice about everything newborn from women I recognize on TB!

karaelaine1991 · October 2016

One of the best tips my mom (mom of 6 kids) gave me when DD was born was to do night time in shifts. So, for us, if DD woke up between I think 11 and 2, I got her, DH got her from 2-5, and I was up with her after that (because at that point DH was usually getting ready for work)... or something like that, I forget the exact schedule. But anyway, we split up the night so it wasn't always the same person and we could both get at least a few consecutive hours of sleep. I pumped a lot in the beginning, and that allowed DH to feed her when I was sleeping. A lot of people think that using both a bottle and the breast can cause nipple confusion and maybe that's true, but in our case, I think that since we did both early on it made her a more flexible eater

LeahNicole · October 2016

I actually read something about doing nights in shifts, and that seems like something that would work really well for DH and I. He often goes to sleep earlier than I do, so I'll probably take first shift and he will take second. It probably won't be as easy as it seems and I'm ok with that, but having some sort of plan eases my mind a little!

karaelaine1991 · October 2016

LeahNicole said:

I actually read something about doing nights in shifts, and that seems like something that would work really well for DH and I. He often goes to sleep earlier than I do, so I'll probably take first shift and he will take second. It probably won't be as easy as it seems and I'm ok with that, but having some sort of plan eases my mind a little!

I really think it made a world of difference for us! We still did have some rough nights but I think we got a lot more sleep than many new parents do because of this method.

MaryNog · October 2016

We had friends who took care of their child in 6-hour shifts for each parent, it worked really well for them. I like the idea of trying it at night!
The one thing I don't understand is how often babies experience nipple confusion. The breastfeeding literature I've read say to avoid introducing a bottle until 4-6 weeks into breastfeeding, but some moms have told me that they've had no issues at all. The person who runs one of the at-home daycares we visited said the same thing. Confusing...

Teach123 · October 2016

My husband and I took turns with our first after I did it all for about 4 months and was about to go insane from lack of sleep. It was much better after we started tag teaming it.

karaelaine1991 · October 2016

MaryNog said:

We had friends who took care of their child in 6-hour shifts for each parent, it worked really well for them. I like the idea of trying it at night!
The one thing I don't understand is how often babies experience nipple confusion. The breastfeeding literature I've read say to avoid introducing a bottle until 4-6 weeks into breastfeeding, but some moms have told me that they've had no issues at all. The person who runs one of the at-home daycares we visited said the same thing. Confusing...

I think it probably depends on the baby. My guess is that breastfeeding takes a lot more effort, so some babies get lazy using a bottle nipple and then when they go to breastfeed they get frustrated. For us, doing both helped because breastfeeding really stressed both of us out at first - her little mouth was too tiny to latch properly at first, so while we did keep trying and eventually we both got the hang of it, having the bottle as back up was essential. Like anything, it's trial and error and you'll figure out what works well for you

therealfrizzle · October 2016

@MaryNog my MW did a whole lesson on BF this week and said that you can introduce a bottle (and pacifier) at 2 weeks. I'm sure it varies from baby to baby and family to family, but I intend to try a bottle at that time for the sake of my sanity

karaelaine1991 · October 2016

PMForbie said:

@MaryNog my MW did a whole lesson on BF this week and said that you can introduce a bottle (and pacifier) at 2 weeks. I'm sure it varies from baby to baby and family to family, but I intend to try a bottle at that time for the sake of my sanity

Lol I totally introduced them within the first week and had no problem! But that's a good plan!

nolemama24 · October 2016

@MaryNog @PMForbie I have had a lot of people tell me "Oh, you won't need bottles in the beginning..." But I plan on introducing a bottle early. 1) I work and will be having to leave my little baby when she's only 12 weeks old (TEARS). I will pump at work so regardless of her age, 4 weeks or 12 weeks, I rather have her comfortable with both breast and bottle. 2) My fiancee will wake his booty up and help feed during the night, LOL! I want to make sure he feels comfortable with warming up breastmilk, making bottles, feeding baby, etc not only to bond more with her but also his job is much more flexible than mine and it's possible he will be at home with her more during the day. I registered for a set of bottles and read somewhere to get "premie" and "level 1" nipples so that the flow is similar to that of the breast.

BTW-- Thanks for starting this thread, you all have taught me so much already and I appreciate it SO MUCH!

ladysaceb · October 2016

As a mom who has struggled with supply breastfeeding the night shift scenario would not work for us because I would still have to wake up to pump. Just something to keep in mind. Especially in the beginning, your body determines milk production by supply and demand. The more baby drinks, essentially the more your body will make. If you start cutting out nusing sessions MOTN without pumping, your body could take that at not needing that milk and stop producing as much. Obviously there is no exact science and some people will not have this problem but for me this was not feasible while breastfeeding.

Edited because words are hard.

Carly79 · October 2016

I had to exclusively pump with my first because of some health issues early on and he never went to breast because the bottle was easier (even with the premie nipple). Often times, if baby woke up while I was doing my MOTN pump DH would feed him while I pumped so yes we were both up but not as long as I would have been if I was pumping and feeding. Once I went back to work and my supply was more established and I dropped some MOTN pumps we did every other night. One night was DH and one night was mine so we were getting a decent night of sleep every other night. It worked out well. Not sure what the plan is for this one because I hope baby will go to breast better but still plan to introduce a bottle after nursing is established because I will go back to work and don't want to be fighting that when she starts daycare.

sagoon · October 2016

My son used to get very frustrated as a newborn when trying to latch, and the more frustrated he got the harder it was for him to latch. We would 'prime' him with a little bit from a bottle, then when he calmed down enough, stick him on the nipple for the rest of the feeding. It worked like a charm for us. He never had any problems with nipple confusion and would basically eat anything you put in his mouth (he still does).

sagoon · October 2016

Also, newborn advice unrelated to feeding: don't put your baby in a puffy snowsuit or jacket and then put them in a carseat. In the event of a crash, puffy clothing can compress and the child can slip right out of the seatbelt because the straps are not tight enough due to the puffy garment. Anything needed for extra warmth should be put on the baby over the straps, after baby is already buckled in. Most people here probably know this already, but I always find it surprising how many people are unaware of carseat safety measures.

katesmama0706 · October 2016

It's probably an UO but I think "nipple confusion" is a big fat myth. I've never actually heard anyone who had it happen outside of literature about breastfeeding and from LCs. We did use a preemie nipple on DD's bottles to slow the flow down but she took bottles and pacifiers at day 3 and never had any issues with her nursing.

LastMango · October 2016

ladysaceb said:

As a mom who has struggled with supply breastfeeding the night shift scenario would not work for us because I would still have to wake up to pump. Just something to keep in mind. Especially in the beginning, your body determines milk production by supply and demand. The more baby drinks, essentially the more your body will make. If you start cutting out nusing sessions MOTN without pumping, your body could take that at not needing that milk and stop producing as much. Obviously there is no exact science and some people will not have this problem but for me this was not feasible while breastfeeding.

Edited because words are hard.

This. In the beginning, if you are breast feeding, just go ahead and plan on being up for every feeding. Whether feeding from the breast or pumping while your SO feeds from a bottle, those first few weeks/months are essential for establishing a good supply.

What we did was when DD would wake, DH would get her, change her diaper, re-swaddle and then bring her to me to feed. That way we were both contributing.

We introduced the bottle at 4 weeks (never did a paci) but I may try a little sooner this time.

ThePax89 · October 2016

The first 6 weeks are hard. Don't make them more difficult by focusing on laundry, cleaning, trying to establish a schedule, etc. Life does get easier, it won't be impossible forever. Even when it feels that way. I will try my hardest to let those little things slide this time and focus on nursing, cuddling, skin to skin and admiring my baby.

colleenkevin · October 2016

ladysaceb said:

As a mom who has struggled with supply breastfeeding the night shift scenario would not work for us because I would still have to wake up to pump. Just something to keep in mind. Especially in the beginning, your body determines milk production by supply and demand. The more baby drinks, essentially the more your body will make. If you start cutting out nusing sessions MOTN without pumping, your body could take that at not needing that milk and stop producing as much. Obviously there is no exact science and some people will not have this problem but for me this was not feasible while breastfeeding.

Edited because words are hard.

This is why I do all the MOTN feedings and trading off wouldn't work for our family. My husband will get up and do diaper changes and reswaddling and I'll nurse.

stumptownmama · October 2016

Taking shifts sounds pretty amazing, but wouldn't have worked for us. Baby wanted to nurse every time she woke, and only I could do that. My husband would wake too to help me by bringing her to me and changing if needed. She slept right next to me in a bassinet but I was in so much pain I couldn't reach over and pick her up without being jn tears (tailbone injury from labor). Those first weeks are a blur. I came across my feeding and diaper log a while ago and it reminded me how nuts it was. I set an alarm for every two hours to nurse the baby and wrote down the time, what side she nursed on and for how long. I also kept track of wet and dirty diapers. This time around i probably will not be waking her up to nurse unless she isn't gaining well or I have supply issues. I did have an oversupply that would get very painful unless I nursed her.

Re: bottles and pacifiers- my DD didn't like either. It took probably until she was 3 or 4 months to take a bottle of breastmilk. And I couldn't be anywhere near her. She only took a pacifier around that age as well for a short time while in the car or to help soothe to sleep. It's a good idea to have bottles on hand though.

AlabamaRedhead · October 2016

Yep, I was the sole food provider during those first 6-8 weeks, until I went back to work and built up a pumped supply. If I didn't get up to feed DS, I'd have to pump anyway and it was just easier for me to whip out a boob than pump. It's not horrible. Your body really does adapt to it. And you learn new things, like there's a TODAY show that comes on a 4 a.m. Who knew?

LastMango · October 2016

sagoon said:

Also, newborn advice unrelated to feeding: don't put your baby in a puffy snowsuit or jacket and then put them in a carseat. In the event of a crash, puffy clothing can compress and the child can slip right out of the seatbelt because the straps are not tight enough due to the puffy garment. Anything needed for extra warmth should be put on the baby over the straps, after baby is already buckled in. Most people here probably know this already, but I always find it surprising how many people are unaware of carseat safety measures.

Adding to this, once your car warms up, take the extra blankets off of baby. I'll never forget how awful I felt the first time we were on a short road trip and DD cried and cried the last 20 minutes or so. I figured she was hungry and waited until we got home to check her. She was overheated and sweating so bad. If you are warm in the car, so is baby.

ashanne88 · October 2016

I think nipple confusion is blown out of proportion (I'm sure there are babies that experience it). DS was given a pacifier at 3 days old and it saved my sanity. He was a comfort nurser and I would have gone crazy if I nursed him every time he wanted to since sometimes he wasn't even drinking anything. I also had to introduce a bottle at around a week old due to supply issues and needing to pump to bump up supply. DS never had any sort of nipple confusion. I think so much of feeding (and really anything with babies) is trial and error and learning what works for everyone and what doesn't.

ElleMF728 · October 2016

katesmama0706 said:

It's probably an UO but I think "nipple confusion" is a big fat myth. I've never actually heard anyone who had it happen outside of literature about breastfeeding and from LCs. We did use a preemie nipple on DD's bottles to slow the flow down but she took bottles and pacifiers at day 3 and never had any issues with her nursing.

The science on nipple confusion is really mixed, there are tons of studies showing that introducing pacifiers and/or supplementing can actual increase BFing rates long term. I know that personally I was able to BF my second twice as long as my first largely because I gave myself a break occasionally and was able to get a little more rest.

As far as the shifts, I agree that establishing a supply is important. However, if you end up with a baby who has a hard time falling back asleep you can always try to feed and then hand him or her off to dad so you can go back to sleep while he cuddles and soothes LO.

My best newborn advice is to not be too hard on yourself. Do what you need to in order to make it through the first few weeks. Sometimes things won't go according to your plans and that's okay. I was so strident and determined to do things MY way with DS1 that I made the transition way harder than it needed to be. With DS2 I did things HIS way and the adjustment was so much better for both of us. Communicate with your partner. Don't expect him or her to anticipate what you need. Allow them to form their own methods for soothing your baby and create their own bond separate from yours. As moms we tend to feel the need to step in and "help" when Dad is having a hard time but it's is important and healthy for both of you that he learns how to do it on his own. Be specific "I'm going to take a shower while you watch the baby, don't come in unless the house is on fire" generally works for me. I can't hear what is going on so I'm less tempted to intervene. Also, if I bring a glass of wine in with me I can drink it in peace

karaelaine1991 · October 2016

ThePax89 said:

The first 6 weeks are hard. Don't make them more difficult by focusing on laundry, cleaning, trying to establish a schedule, etc. Life does get easier, it won't be impossible forever. Even when it feels that way. I will try my hardest to let those little things slide this time and focus on nursing, cuddling, skin to skin and admiring my baby.

This is so true! I'm pretty sure the only chores I let myself do for the first 8 weeks or so were making the bed (I really can't handle an unmade bed), the bathroom sink if it got gross, and dishes occasionally but usually DH stepped up and did those. I was also finishing up grad school at the time so yeah, chores were really my last priority.

emy730 · October 2016

Also, I want to add as someone who didn't end up breastfeeding, but did feel incredibly guilty about it for the first few weeks: as long as you're feeding your baby, you're doing just fine. If that way is breastfeeding, wonderful! If that way is formula, good job!

My DD is a horrible eater. She latched just fine, but didn't show any interest in actually sucking. I felt so guilty and shameful because I was certain it was me and something I had done. Turns out, she had the same issues with a bottle. No tongue or lip ties either, just a really crappy eater and everything is more interesting than eating.

Point being, be kind to yourself. I had a dear friend say to me, "What would you tell me if I were in this position? Talk to yourself how you would talk to me, as a friend,"

katesmama0706 · October 2016

Re: Shifts and what worked for us:
DH is a night owl and I am not so I would feed baby and put her to bed at 8 PM. Then I was in bed by 8:30. He gave her a bottle of formula at 10 and then was in bed by 11. I woke up and nursed her in her room for the 12-2 (varied a ton depending on growth spurts and how much formula she took since formula takes longer to digest and kept her full longer) feeding and then he brought her to me in to nurse in bed when he got up for work at 6. She'd nurse for an hour off and on then we were both up for the day by 7:30. It was awesome because we both got longer stretches of sleep and whoever was up handled everything- feeding, changing, soothing. I never found it affected my milk supply to skip a feeding without pumping at that time but she also cluster fed in the evenings around dinner time which helped increase my milk supply.
That being said, don't be afraid to experiment with routines. If something works then stick to it, but if you find it stops working don't die on that hill, try something else until you find another fit. We have a few friends who swore by dad gets up and changes baby, brings baby to mom who fed the baby and dad put baby back to bed but hated that ourselves. We also had friends who swore by co-sleeping or mom and baby sleeping in the guest bed while dad slept in their room, we hated that too, but they loved it. Depends on you, your partner and your baby.

Re: Housework in the first 6 weeks: Literally all I cared about in those 6 weeks was 1. do we have clean underwear 2. is my breast pump in the dishwasher for overnight sani wash before I went to bed and 3. have I showered recently and brushed my teeth today? We had lots of freezer meals and neighbors who brought food so DH was on dinner duty and dish duty. He washed his own work clothes and most of our regular laundry. It never got bad or out of control but our house definitely wasn't as clean those first 6 weeks as it usually is. NBD.

MaryNog · October 2016

This thread is amazing and so are all of you. Thank you for being so generous with your advice!

AlicjaB · October 2016

Loving this thread!

May be a dumb question (sorry in advance!) but how long is breast milk good for?

I plan to have some in the fridge, whats the best way to warm them up? I see these bottle warmers on amazon, any recommendations?

ThePax89 · October 2016

@AlicjaB

AlicjaB · October 2016

@ThePax89 Beautiful, thanks! Totally printing that out and putting it on the fridge

kaytastic25 · October 2016

karaelaine1991 said:

MaryNog said:

We had friends who took care of their child in 6-hour shifts for each parent, it worked really well for them. I like the idea of trying it at night!
The one thing I don't understand is how often babies experience nipple confusion. The breastfeeding literature I've read say to avoid introducing a bottle until 4-6 weeks into breastfeeding, but some moms have told me that they've had no issues at all. The person who runs one of the at-home daycares we visited said the same thing. Confusing...

I think it probably depends on the baby. My guess is that breastfeeding takes a lot more effort, so some babies get lazy using a bottle nipple and then when they go to breastfeed they get frustrated. For us, doing both helped because breastfeeding really stressed both of us out at first - her little mouth was too tiny to latch properly at first, so while we did keep trying and eventually we both got the hang of it, having the bottle as back up was essential. Like anything, it's trial and error and you'll figure out what works well for you

That was my understanding was babies prefer the bottle because it is less effort to get the milk than BF!

Major props to anyone who can let go of control and do shifts. I am a major control freak and wanted to do everything for DS1. Lol I imagine it will be the same with this baby...I was one of those who slept when the baby slept so I wasn't really sleep deprived too much.

Eta: I won't have the luxury of sleeping when newborn does this round... because of 2 kids this time. Enjoy it while you can!

kaytastic25 · October 2016

sagoon said:

Also, newborn advice unrelated to feeding: don't put your baby in a puffy snowsuit or jacket and then put them in a carseat. In the event of a crash, puffy clothing can compress and the child can slip right out of the seatbelt because the straps are not tight enough due to the puffy garment. Anything needed for extra warmth should be put on the baby over the straps, after baby is already buckled in. Most people here probably know this already, but I always find it surprising how many people are unaware of carseat safety measures.

Goodness, yes! This times a million! Plus not turning kids around forward facing until at least 2.
Also, can we add not using crib bumpers, loose blankets, and stuffed animals in the crib? I have tons of friends who post photos on Facebook with all the above and I just cringe a little. My aunt's SO lost a baby to SIDS at 8 months old! I'm always surprised how many people don't know these things. I know things change but that's the current recommendations...

nolemomma14 · October 2016

Some of the best advice I received before my son was born was that it is okay to say NO! I felt bad telling people we weren't up for visitors on certain days, but your rest and sanity are far more important than someone coming to sit on your couch to meet your newborn! If you do have visitors don't be afraid to excuse yourself to go tend to baby or yourself, and don't be afraid to let them know when they're starting to overstay their welcome. The majority of our family and friends were pretty respectful of either waiting for us to invite them over to meet the baby, or if they were visiting to keep it short and sweet. You'll always have people though who can't take a hint and at that point I would just let them know baby and I were needing a rest and take him into the room with me to nurse and try and take a nap.

LeahNicole · October 2016

Loving all this advice!

azwildcat62 · October 2016

Loving all the tips as well! Keep bringing them on!

You guuuuyyyssss! We're all going to have newborns so soon!

Teach123 · October 2016

emy730 said:

Also, I want to add as someone who didn't end up breastfeeding, but did feel incredibly guilty about it for the first few weeks: as long as you're feeding your baby, you're doing just fine. If that way is breastfeeding, wonderful! If that way is formula, good job!

My DD is a horrible eater. She latched just fine, but didn't show any interest in actually sucking. I felt so guilty and shameful because I was certain it was me and something I had done. Turns out, she had the same issues with a bottle. No tongue or lip ties either, just a really crappy eater and everything is more interesting than eating.

Point being, be kind to yourself. I had a dear friend say to me, "What would you tell me if I were in this position? Talk to yourself how you would talk to me, as a friend,"

Agree so much with this. I was super sick after my first. I had to go in multiple rounds of antibiotics. He was really small and not a good eater, so I never got a supply established. There were so many things against us. Breastfeeding just never worked. I beat myself up about it. I shouldn't have. All those things were out of my control. The main thing is he got fed somehow by someone.

This time around I'll try breastfeeding once again. If it doesn't work out though, I know it will still be ok.

aishmc · October 2016

Thank you thank you thank you, ladies! This advice is great. I've been feeling so overwhelmed this week about how I'll make things work once the baby arrives and this is so helpful.

ThePax89 · October 2016

Paced bottle feeding for breastfeeding babies helps elimate a preference for the bottle over the breast.

Also, pacifiers should be avoided not only because of nipple confusion but also to ensure that your body knows to create milk. I got bullied by nurses to use a paci immediately. My milk didn't come in until day 8....

rdh33 · October 2016

This thread is AMAZING! Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. (And @LeahNicole for starting it.) Lately I've become very aware that this baby is due 10 weeks from now. This is all so helpful.

shlecks · October 2016

Loving this thread y'all!

ThePax89 · October 2016

Your hospital will probably take the baby to the nursery for several things...a pediatrician visit, overnight, a bath, etc. You do not have to consent to this. My husband and I were very strict that our daughter not be taken for any reason without one of us present. Usually my husband went with her. (He actually loved this special daddy/baby time...he told me last week).

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