@canavara also just wanted to add I've read SO many peer-reviewed journal articles showing a glass (or more)/week is fine. I personally have stuck to huge sips of my husband's wine (but he isn't a big drinker). I haven't had an actual glass, not for fear of FAS, but because I love wine and it'd just upset me that I can down multiple glasses of a fantastic Pinot Noir (counting. down.).
@canavara I would be furious. My OB told me from the beginning that a glass of beer or wine here and there is fine. Way to make you feel horrible this late in the game. Ugh.
@canavara first of all I hope you are ok! Did I miss why you had to go to LD triage?? Second of all, that's awful and I'm sorry your were treated that way.
@canavara That is so ridiculous. I feel like I would just lie when asked that question anyways because I would rather skip the lecture. I had half a glass of wine a few days ago because my DH cracked a bottle and I wanted a taste. I also sip pretty much every beer he ever orders because I miss craft beer... I know that those sips and half glasses aren't hurting my baby.
If we lived in Europe having a glass of wine with dinner when pregnant is completely acceptable. I agree with you that there is no correlation between FASD and one glass of wine every once in awhile, they just need to tell us to abstain because we clearly live in a culture where most people don't understand moderation and they aren't sure what a healthy amount is as they aren't going to do research that could harm a child. It is when someone regularly and heavily consumes alcohol when pregnant that we know a child is at risk of FASD. I used to do Child Protection and saw many children with FASD and their parents were often very heavy alcoholics...
I also agree with some doctors treating women different. I am lucky to have an amazing OB who actually delivered me so she has been my doctor since I was born. Most of the doctors in her clinic are fantastic as well but at other clinics and at the hospital I have definitely had bad experiences and I actually get anxiety when I have to see a doctor I don't know for this reason!
@newyearsbaby5 I seriously could have written exactly what you wrote! I haven't had any alcohol this pregnancy though because DH doesn't drink the same alcohol as me (I'm allergic to beer). Otherwise I would be stealing sips for sure! DH mentioned something about a push present the other day and I told him all I want is a rare steak and a giant glass of pinot noir or cab sav! I'm not fancy. I just miss my wine!
@canavara wow! Those people sure know how to lay it on you. This is the exact reason why patients are not truthful to their doctors. If your OB is ok with it (and your OB knows you better than these randoms) and you've said that to them, they need to STFU. I'm sorry they attacked you like that. Also, I hope you're okay, (not sure why you went to L&D in the first place).
Ugh @canavara I am over here fuming for you! If you're OB is fine with it, they needed to step down and shut up. However, I'm glad everything at L&D checked out and you're all good.
I haven't had an actual glass, not for fear of FAS, but because I love wine and it'd just upset me that I can down multiple glasses of a fantastic Pinot Noir (counting. down.).
I was the DD on Saturday for my friends who went to some wineries, and really trying sips just made it suck worse, it did not lessen any cravings and I just wanted a whole bottle.
I just think it's funny that so many doctors are quick to prescribe category C drugs to pregnant women when the effects of those are unknown but so across the board judgmental or shaming even with less than moderate alcohol consumption. And yeah, when we were in Europe during first trimester, every pregnant woman we saw had wine with dinner. I always feel tempted to bring that up to doctors in the US but I know it'll shatter any true evidence-based argument I've built up since it's anecdotal.
One of my friends had her baby about 2 months ago and drank a beer or wine here and there through the 3rd trimester... she saw a different OB in the same office as me and told me she lied any time anyone at that hospital asked because she felt confident in her choices. I don't get why someone would even ask if they're literally only expecting one answer. It's kind of like that question doctors now ask about "if you feel safe in your home." I don't think any doctor truly is prepared for the reality that a patient might answer "no" to that.
ETA: @underthesea I had to go to L&D because I was having back pain + cramps and was uncertain if they were contractions and then my doula was concerned because I was having clear trickling discharge and we weren't sure if it was just normal discharge/urine or amniotic fluid--but everything was fine (it's kind of funny in hindsight to say I went to L&D because my back hurt and I peed my pants, but I'm glad I went)
I think I have the UO of actually LOVING Walmart. Like when I say I'm going shopping I spend hours at Walmart haha. Maybe it's because I live in a small-ish town with zero other shopping options (our target closed after barely a year) but I actually love it. I was mad that I needed to get groceries at a different store (they have the granola we like for our yogurt and we were all out) so I didn't get my weekly Walmart trip. My girl has preschool for 3 hours today, I might go spend my time there haha.
Also about the wine drinking, I mentioned to my grandma the other day that it's okay to have a glass every once in a while and she jumped down my throat telling me she would basically beat me if she ever saw me drinking when pregnant...like chill grandma, I get that she was a foster parent who likely saw tons of FASD kids and actually adopted an FASD kid but come on, look at those kids parents...all of them were druggies or alcoholics...my 5 sips in a glass is not going to harm my baby.
@canavara completely agree with your comment about the, "do you feel safe at home?" question. I get this question at every visit along with a host of other standard questions when the nurse is doing vitals. My husband is generally at all my appointments unless he has an immovable conflict. The first time the nurse asked me that he said, "why are they asking this in front of me?" We were both kind of baffled. I, of course, responded "absolutely," but I expressed my concern that perhaps not everyone is in my situation and this question should be asked to the patient in private. If someone really didn't feel safe at home, I sincerely doubt she would admit to that while her partner was sitting right there. It's clearly just a check the box question and it infuriates me.
@LoneStar21416 I was asked that question when H didn't come with me. H even came to some of my first appointments so the first appointment he didn't come with me the nurse mentioned that she couldn't ask that while he was there.
My fiancee comes to almost every one of my OB appointments unless there is a major scheduling conflict and they always ask that question in front of him as well. They also ask if you feel if you've had thoughts of self-harm in such a formulaic way that I optimistically want to believe if someone really were in that position, they'd reach out and say "yes" but the monotonous nature of it makes me think the answer would be "no."
Interestingly, when I went into L&D, they didn't immediately allow him to go back with me and when I asked the nurse (who, unlike the doctors, was SO sweet) told me, "Yeah I can grab him but I need to ask you these questions first that might be awkward with him around:" which was oddly 2 totally unrelated questions, one about diarrhea and the other about domestic abuse... they seemed so weird paired together.
This conversation reminds of the nurse who gave me my flu shot. She gave me the flu shot and then asked me the allergy questions and had me sign the form. I said, "Um shouldn't you have asked me that before hand?" and she said, "Well, the answer is usually no, so it's not that big of deal, "
Yeah, except when the answer is yes and you've put them in harms way.
My UO is that I hate that this group doesn't have a Facebook group yet! What the heck!!!!! I like you girls. I'm ready to take this to the next level.
I don't have a Facebook account but if you have Instagram and PM your username I will find you!
@ThePax89 Send your IG username this way, too! I'll maybe join the Facebook group when it happens, but I'm hardly ever on there, but I'm on IG more than necessary.
@ThePax89 it's so hard to weed out the regular posters. I feel like there are some people I'd add, but then others I feel like I've seen post here a couple times that I wouldn't be comfortable with. I don't know who should be in charge of all that!
Our RainbowBaby H arrived at 37 weeks on 12/20/16!
Baby E arrived at 37 weeks on 01/31/15!
Married my Marine 05.23.14
*TW* TWIN LOSS 7.2.15 BFP 9.7.15 CP BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16 BFP 10.14.17 CP BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
@ThePax89 I am ready too. This board is so slow compared to ones I have been on in the past. @AshleySparkle720 the crazies tend to weed themselves out. I have my facebook private so they would only be able to see what the rest of the world who is not friends with me sees.
@ThePax89 I am ready too. This board is so slow compared to ones I have been on in the past. @AshleySparkle720 the crazies tend to weed themselves out. I have my facebook private so they would only be able to see what the rest of the world who is not friends with me sees.
That's true. I guess I forget how far along we are and how low key this board is. My last bmb was NUTS!
Our RainbowBaby H arrived at 37 weeks on 12/20/16!
Baby E arrived at 37 weeks on 01/31/15!
Married my Marine 05.23.14
*TW* TWIN LOSS 7.2.15 BFP 9.7.15 CP BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16 BFP 10.14.17 CP BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
Agree for the fb group! This group hasn't had nearly as many random or crazy posters as my last bump group. I think the majority who post on here are pretty regular at this point.
No past experience with BMBs but yeah, I think at 6-7 months it's kind of easy at this point to get a sense of who's a regular. This board has been so low-key overall aside from like 1 or 2 weirdo drive-bys that may have been trolls (I hope). I was kind of expecting us to have a catfish or something wacky back when most of us first joined back in April/May, haha.
+1 for FB! How does one go about creating the group & getting it out there to the regulars without the whole world wide web seeing & randomly attempting to join?
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
No past experience with BMBs but yeah, I think at 6-7 months it's kind of easy at this point to get a sense of who's a regular. This board has been so low-key overall aside from like 1 or 2 weirdo drive-bys that may have been trolls (I hope). I was kind of expecting us to have a catfish or something wacky back when most of us first joined back in April/May, haha.
So I have yet to read this, I stumbled upon it (one of those suggested links on the side of this website) and I bookmarked it to read for an uber slow day at work haha. But apparently from what I can tell it is an entertaining read of an actual catfish on the bump, and it looks like the person was a regular for quite a long time too.
I think the best thing to do is to gather up the regulars, send pm's asking who is interested/has Facebook, and create a private group. I can help get the ball rolling on this. It definitely takes some time to do!
Our RainbowBaby H arrived at 37 weeks on 12/20/16!
Baby E arrived at 37 weeks on 01/31/15!
Married my Marine 05.23.14
*TW* TWIN LOSS 7.2.15 BFP 9.7.15 CP BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16 BFP 10.14.17 CP BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
I would be happy to be an admin and get things moving. This isn't my first rodeo, so I know how these things work. I can't, however, be the admin who everyone adds as a friend to be added to the private group (for security reasons). My current Bmb had 3 or 4 (I think) admins at the start. Rules were set up so that if a member didn't post within the past month, she was booted, but we can make things more stringent if need be.
I can also be an admin....just don't ask me to get it started cuz I have no idea how to do it haha. But I'm pretty much on Facebook all the time so can definitely be in charge of adding people
I would be interested in joining the Facebook group at this point! I'm excited to start associating names and faces with the girls I've been talking to for 25ish weeks now!
I would like to join in the FB group, though I worry about not being deemed a regular enough poster. I try to offer support where I can, but being in a very different time zone makes it somewhat difficult to be as involved as I would like to be.
Re: UO 10/13
If we lived in Europe having a glass of wine with dinner when pregnant is completely acceptable. I agree with you that there is no correlation between FASD and one glass of wine every once in awhile, they just need to tell us to abstain because we clearly live in a culture where most people don't understand moderation and they aren't sure what a healthy amount is as they aren't going to do research that could harm a child. It is when someone regularly and heavily consumes alcohol when pregnant that we know a child is at risk of FASD. I used to do Child Protection and saw many children with FASD and their parents were often very heavy alcoholics...
I also agree with some doctors treating women different. I am lucky to have an amazing OB who actually delivered me so she has been my doctor since I was born. Most of the doctors in her clinic are fantastic as well but at other clinics and at the hospital I have definitely had bad experiences and I actually get anxiety when I have to see a doctor I don't know for this reason!
One of my friends had her baby about 2 months ago and drank a beer or wine here and there through the 3rd trimester... she saw a different OB in the same office as me and told me she lied any time anyone at that hospital asked because she felt confident in her choices. I don't get why someone would even ask if they're literally only expecting one answer. It's kind of like that question doctors now ask about "if you feel safe in your home." I don't think any doctor truly is prepared for the reality that a patient might answer "no" to that.
ETA: @underthesea I had to go to L&D because I was having back pain + cramps and was uncertain if they were contractions and then my doula was concerned because I was having clear trickling discharge and we weren't sure if it was just normal discharge/urine or amniotic fluid--but everything was fine (it's kind of funny in hindsight to say I went to L&D because my back hurt and I peed my pants, but I'm glad I went)
Also about the wine drinking, I mentioned to my grandma the other day that it's okay to have a glass every once in a while and she jumped down my throat telling me she would basically beat me if she ever saw me drinking when pregnant...like chill grandma, I get that she was a foster parent who likely saw tons of FASD kids and actually adopted an FASD kid but come on, look at those kids parents...all of them were druggies or alcoholics...my 5 sips in a glass is not going to harm my baby.
Interestingly, when I went into L&D, they didn't immediately allow him to go back with me and when I asked the nurse (who, unlike the doctors, was SO sweet) told me, "Yeah I can grab him but I need to ask you these questions first that might be awkward with him around:" which was oddly 2 totally unrelated questions, one about diarrhea and the other about domestic abuse... they seemed so weird paired together.
Yeah, except when the answer is yes and you've put them in harms way.
I was so annoyed!
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
*TW*
TWIN LOSS 7.2.15
BFP 9.7.15 CP
BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16
BFP 10.14.17 CP
BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
@AshleySparkle720 the crazies tend to weed themselves out. I have my facebook private so they would only be able to see what the rest of the world who is not friends with me sees.
BFP#5 5/22/17 EDD:1/27/17 It's a GIRL!!!!
*TW*
TWIN LOSS 7.2.15
BFP 9.7.15 CP
BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16
BFP 10.14.17 CP
BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
*TW*
TWIN LOSS 7.2.15
BFP 9.7.15 CP
BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16
BFP 10.14.17 CP
BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
@PMForbie I guess make it a private group? Or I think you can accept/deny whoever requests to join
Here's the link if anyone is interested:
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12463790/possible-catfish-on-july-bmb-update-in-op
*TW*
TWIN LOSS 7.2.15
BFP 9.7.15 CP
BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16
BFP 10.14.17 CP
BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
*TW*
TWIN LOSS 7.2.15
BFP 9.7.15 CP
BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16
BFP 10.14.17 CP
BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18