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Trying to Get Pregnant
adirat
member
wine / whine wednesday 10/19
adirat
member
(general TW that this thread may contain discussions of pregnancy, loss, and other tough topics)
Because I am having a really bad day today, and I know others also expressed interest in a real talk and/or drunk chat.
If you would like to participate in a regular win/wine/whine Wednesday and provide questions, go for it!
If you just want to drink with me and complain, please do.
Because I am having a really bad day today, and I know others also expressed interest in a real talk and/or drunk chat.
If you would like to participate in a regular win/wine/whine Wednesday and provide questions, go for it!
If you just want to drink with me and complain, please do.
Re: wine / whine wednesday 10/19
Dear diary whine:
I am crushed. I don't want to TTA. I don't even want to keep TTC. I want the instant pregnancy that was promised to me as a teenager! I want to have unprotected sex one time and get pregnant!
I know things are going to be OK. I know that TTA 2-3 months is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But you know what? I am also really fucking mad. It isn't fair. I did everything right and all I learn is that my body is a failure.
I hope you are all having better days, but if you have whines, I have ears. And @kiwi2628 I know you're gonna be here girl.
"It's time to try defying gravity."
Married 6/11/16
TTC Since 6/2016
12/2016 RE appt; 1/2017 SA & HSG results - all normal
3/2017 Dx Hyperprolactinemia; 5/2017 Prolactin levels normal; 8/2017 Low Ovarian Reserve
8/2017 TTA for personal reasons; 10/2017 NTNP; 12/2017 Re-start TTC
7/2018 Clomid+IUI
11/2018 Letrozole+TI
12/2018 Letrozole+IUI
2/2019 NTNP
5/2019 Stopping all TTC efforts; living Childfree
If an alcohol free whine is allowed, I'll jump in and whine about every damn sex ed teacher who said having sex led to babies. Thank you for making thousands and thousands of women feel "less than" for not getting KU on the first try.
Dating: 12/21/2001
Married: 09/08/2012
BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017
@RunRestRepeat
Alcohol certainly not required! Welcome.
@RunRestRepeat That gif is my life right now. THANK YOU
I started lunch with a glass of wine at 1 PM. Work is super stressful recently due to some dramatic upheavals in management and I NEEDED it.
@adirat hope you are feeling somewhat better from this AM
@RunRestRepeat I was so beyond lucky with my health classes in elementary/middle/HS. I went to a public school in Westchester, NY and our health classes talked so openly about fertile periods, ovulation, masturbation, LGBTQ, all forms of BC, how to find an OB, provided free condoms...it was legit AMAZING (although at the time I had no idea). It wasn't until talking to other people who went to other schools (especially in other parts of the country) that I learned how broken much of the education system is due to what I consider, a gross failure of separation of church and state.
Today sucks. Cheers.
O edit cuz now I am really feeling it. I had NO REASON to think I would be a special snowflake and get pregnant first go....except I did. I did think that. It was dumb, but I did. And I got let down. I am only on cycle two, so lets not pretend that I have been at this long or had major letdowns like many people here...but feeling like I dont have control over what happens is really effing annoying and frustrating.
also: Hugs again @adirat
@runrestrepeat for real in regards to sex ed. Jerks.
@kiwi2628 you and I are in the same TTC month and I feel the exact same way. Going into the first cycle I was the more level headed one to know it more than likely would not happen right away but it hurt so badly to not see a positive. UGH.
My whine (AKA rant):
*TW?* I am really over my pregnant coworker. She does not take care of herself properly and it's pissing me off. She is eating like shit, drinking too much caffeine, and then wonders why she doesn't feel well (which half the time I think she fakes). TODAY though she decided it was time to go to the ER after having bad chest pains for over a week that has now moved to her back. in the last 5 days she has been missing from the office for 3 of them for various reasons. It's going to be a LONG few months.
@kiwi2628 I'll claim special snowflake status with you. My first round of BFNs really hurt. I thought I was being more realistic this time around, but the BSC has really set in the last 48 hours or so. I'm glad you at least received some legit sex ed, though!
Dating: 12/21/2001
Married: 09/08/2012
BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017
I'm drinking a Kombucha with "trace amounts" of alcohol, but I have to weigh in. *TW*
It's been two months since our sweet boy died, and I'm so pissed. No baby should go through what he did. No baby should have open heart surgery, only for doctors to discover AFTER surgery that he also had inoperable problems that made it impossible for him to eat of breathe on his own. They couldn't have figured that out BEFORE opening his chest?! I constantly questioned/ pestered them about his breathing problems, but no one took me seriously until he was two weeks old. Still, someone besides me should have noticed. Maybe someone with "MD" after their name.
I'm angry that we did everything right, but he didn't make it. I waited until I was educated, financially stable, and happily married. I took my prenatals, avoided alcohol, NEVER smoked or did any drugs, went without cold medicine when I got sick, avoided hair dye just in case, and even eschewed Crest Whitestrips because there was no research PROVING they were safe during pregnancy. And our son's genes randomly mutated anyway. He didn't deserve that.
Meanwhile, my husband's heroin addicted cousin knocked up a random chick during a brief period when he was out of jail, and they have a healthy baby. THAT IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK, UNIVERSE.
So here I am, trying to conceive again when I should be snuggling a three month old baby.
It makes me want to tear my hair out and throw plates across the room.
@kiwi2628 No judgment. Your workplace management sounds so stressful.
I'm interested by how great your sex ed was. I went to public school in an abstinence only state, and it was terrible. We were very much in the "if you have sex before marriage you'll get pregnant and die" category.
I didn't think we'd get pregnant immediately. But I did think that five cycles would be enough. I convinced myself I was pregnant on cycle 3 (mostly because I had a temp dip on 6dpo, which is such a stupid reason) and it was awful when I started spotting. Then I convinced myself again this cycle. So I feel you, because even though it hasn't been very long it still really sucks to wait and try and wait and try and wait again.
I have no idea how you got through this. Honestly, you get 100% props from me because I can't imagine surviving the way you have.
It's bullshit. The universe is unfair and that sucks. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't have words to express myself but I want you to know that I am listening and that is some seriously unfair bullshit. I am really, truly sorry.
This is for you.
Dating: 12/21/2001
Married: 09/08/2012
BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017
@pleasesendpicklesnow My heart aches so much after reading your post. I am so sorry you were put through that. I can't imagine how hard it was to handle all of that, and I really am sorry that you had to.
@adirat it was amazing sex ed. I grew up in a exceedingly blue, exceedingly wealthy town (and in general, county). Everyone worked on wall street in NYC and keeping up family appearances was super important, and that was reflected in 1000 different ways- one of them being that to keep up the family name, you had to do well in school, have 16 different extra-curriculars including everything ranging from dressage to yearbook to debate, go to an ivy, get a good job, marry well at the age of 30 and have 2.5 children (obviously a boy and a girl and then, maybe, one more) and none of that would happen if you got pregnant in high school (or one of the 2638264872 things we were warned against, namely getting in trouble with the police, putting anything public that could harm any sort of political career etc...)
In 5th grade they separated boys and girls for one hour for a week to learn basics of human reproduction- eggs, sperm, how they meet, what sex is, when you should be having sex (they talked about marriage but also age, relationships, love...not just marriage).
In 6th grade we had sex ed once weekly all year, combined boys are girls, where girls learned more about boys and boys learned more about girls than we had the previous year, basically went into more detail about periods and baby development (but also talked about drugs, alcohol, diseases...health class stuff)
7th grade was once weekly and more about DARE and all that BS, just a small refresher on sex ed, they did bring up safe sex practices this year- mostly condoms and diaphragms, didnt go too into BC but said if you had questions they are open to talk
8th grade was more of the same and masturbation, went into the most detail this year about fertile windows, ovulation, when to get pregnant, when you cant, why you shouldnt at this age
9th grade was when they brought up LGBTQ, safe sex practices (started having condoms available), talked about all forms of BC, masturbation, blowjobs, other less common (they never used abnormal as a word) sex practices (aka kinks, threesomes, open relationships etc...) and everything or anything else we wanted to talk about
It was so effing complete and I think a lot of that came because of pressure from parents- they wanted the school to take the reigns on a lot of it and teach us about it which I think is AMAZING. Where I live isnt super religious, and also because its NY, the religious people that are there are so varied - TONS of jewish people, TONS of italian catholics, quite a few agnostics, a bunch of 'generalized' christians aka we go at christmas and that it- we dont really have many baptists or evangelicals who, overall, seem to be a bit more religious and by the book, so religiously pressures abstainence only did not fly with the population, and for that I will be forever grateful
@kiwi2628 Hot damn. My husband went to high school in Westchester, too, and did not have this experience. But his was certainly better than mine. Nice work, New York. (FWIW he grew up in a super Italian part of greater White Plains and I'm guessing you were more of a Bronxville/Scarsdale/Rye situation? No worries if you don't want to specify, just speculating)
This may be the first time I have said "Nice work, New York" non-sarcastically. I feel so earnest. It's weird.
@adirat on my most recent CD1 I started drinking around noon and it would've been sooner if I didn't have to go buy alcohol. Thank god it was a Saturday.
Yeah, I I'm in the same boat as @kiwi2628. I didn't think I'd get KU super fast... except I did. My sister got KU on the first try with BOTH of her pregnancies, and same with my mom. Although, my mom is a lying alcoholic, so its possible she's full of shit.
I was honestly not prepared for the emotions that TTC brings. I never thought I'd cry over a BFN.
@PleaseSendPicklesNow I can't even imagine what you've been through and what you're going through now. I wish I had something more useful to say other than I'm so very sorry. You have more support than you could ever imagine here from a group of creepy internet strangers.
Married: 2/1/2012
TTC #1 since August 2016
DH SA Dec 2016: Low count (11.7 mil total motile), 5% morphology, 73% motility
Blood work June 2017: AMH 1.1 (ugh), FSH 8.4, LH: 5.2, estradiol 28 pg/ML, progesterone 7.4
HSG July 2017: tubes clear
BFP 7/24/17 - EDD 4/5/2018
Married August 2016
TTC #1 September 2016
BFP 10/31/16
EDD 7/16/17
My whine: I'm currently on CD17. WHY THE F#@$ HAVEN'T I OVULATED?!?! WHERE IS THIS MYTHICAL EWCM?!? AND WHY HASN'T AMAZON DELIVERED MY WONDFOS YET TODAY SO I CAN PEE ON SOMETHING USEFUL?!?
Married August 2016
TTC #1 September 2016
BFP 10/31/16
EDD 7/16/17
Whine no. 2 of the afternoon - DH left at the crack of dawn for work today. His assignment? Drive to the other side of the state and take photos of the change in seasons. Still no ETA on when he'll be home. Meanwhile, I have had a shitty day (see TWW) and all I was hoping for would be for him to get home so I can vent a little. But, I'll be lucky if he gets home before our friend shows up to watch the debate tonight. You know, home from a day of hiking around state parks... so not fair.
Dating: 12/21/2001
Married: 09/08/2012
BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017
Post-Kahlua I opened a bottle of wine to enjoy with the "eat our feelings" pizza my husband brought home.
He really, really wants a baby -- even more than I do -- and was also disappointed today, though he has convinced me that our dream of a summer baby will simply be replaced by a holiday baby. He reminded me that an October baby means I could get Thanksgiving and Christmas in my maternity leave next year. Hey, that's a silver lining.
It's going to be OK. I'm breathing. Though I am really not appreciating that my google ads are now about embryo adoption. Cool it, google, we aren't there yet.
@PleaseSendPicklesNow I am so sorry to read your story. I am so glad that you found this place though, and I hope you find it helpful. Truly, this group of ladies here has saved me. I'd be in the loony bin without them.
I joined this forum because wanted to learn about TTC and figure out what we needed to do to achieve this goal of starting a family. That's how I approach things in life. Nothing kills me more to have learned that this is something that is out of my hands. I have learned the science behind it all and frankly, I hate it. I can't even begin to count how many friends and family members have told me they got KU on the first try. I mean, seriosuly, what did all of us do "wrong" that we are still here? Whether it's month 2 or 20, it's just bullshit. And while I am a spiritual person who believes things happen for a reason, I can't think of a good enough one for this group of wonderful women to have to go through this.
Dating: 12/21/2001
Married: 09/08/2012
BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
Married: 06-2024
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
BFP: 07/17/2024
Also, just a big hug for everyone in this thread. I went and had wine with a friend and now I'm fairly drunk, but coming home to read this has been great
@adirat I love that you say hot damn and I love how many times you've said it in this thread!
@PleaseSendPicklesNow I am so so so so so sorry. My heart is broken for you. All the hugs and all the crossed fingers for you.
DH is out of town so I opened a bottle of wine to survive through this debate.
EDD: March 24, 2018 - angel baby at 21 weeks