Just had a BABY

yadiebobby · October 2016

my son is 4.5 months. And my husband and I just found out we are expecting again. Honestly, I am ashamed. Embarrassed that this happens. I believe it's too soon and yes we should of been more careful. I'm worried about the judgement that will come with this. A baby should be a celebration. But I can't seem to shakes off this gray cloud. It sucks. Yes it will be nice for my children to grow up together. I didn't have that, and neither did my husband. I believe positive reinforcement is needed. For instance a shining light saying that all will be fine. Thank you

SnarkasaurusRex · October 2016

Honestly, it sounds like you need to stop judging yourself, first. If you keep this attitude of being ashamed and embarrassed, other people are going to pick up on that and react in a similar fashion.

FWIW, how you plan and grow your family is no one's business but yours and your husbands. Yes, there will be struggles and it will be rough to adjust to two LOs who need a lot of attention, but it is doable. I have plenty of friends who have kids with similar age differences. Plus, your kids will grow up together, and that's something more meaningful that whatever negative comments you might get in passing.

jennielynn+ · October 2016

I know how you are feeling. I did not want my second either and was really regretting not having the implanon after I had my daughter. Now, I'm over two months into my second pregnancy and getting a bit more excited. The baby is coming wether I planned for this or not so, I'm trying to be positive. I will have this second baby and get pregnancy life over with 2 kids at 30. My husband has been sweet and telling me he is ready to get snipped.

He also has said, "this is the last time you will be pregnant, try to enjoy it".

Also, I agree with @SnarkasaurusRex how you plan (or don't plan) your family is no ones business. Don't feel pressured to explain yourselves. I know I have but, found out most people are just excited about babies.

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

yadiebobby said:

my son is 4.5 months. And my husband and I just found out we are expecting again. Honestly, I am ashamed. Embarrassed that this happens. I believe it's too soon and yes we should of been more careful. I'm worried about the judgement that will come with this. A baby should be a celebration. But I can't seem to shakes off this gray cloud. It sucks. Yes it will be nice for my children to grow up together. I didn't have that, and neither did my husband. I believe positive reinforcement is needed. For instance a shining light saying that all will be fine. Thank you

Your feelings are understandable but people will (for the most part) react the way you do. If you're ashamed and embarrassed, then people will have a negative reaction BUT if you hold your head up high, people will do the same and be happy for you.

vrj0522 · October 2016

I have a friend who just announced a 3rd baby a year apart from her second. Yes, it's shocking to hear babies that close in age but not because she did something wrong or stupid, but simply because of the additional work it will create for her. I have seen no negative reactions to her news, maybe because like others have said, her approach to it has been one of excitement, just as if her baby was about to be born at the perfect time.

One thing to think about is that women have multiples all the time so they have to deal with several LOs at the same time. You are on a similar boat except you get more time before you have to deal with two.

Also, my older brother and I are 15 months apart. I've always been told that it was planned that way although who knows, but it doesn't matter. It was nice to grow up so close in age to him and I have always admired my mom for having two so close in age. Don't be so hard on yourself.

MWoodside · October 2016

Let go of the potential judgement of others! It's ok to think, whoa I am shocked, but I am looking on the bright side and this will work out just fine. Congrats!

tiger2010 · October 2016

First, congrats!
Big shock, of course it is! Now breathe.
I have one who turned 1 yesterday and a baby who is 5 weeks tomorrow.
Sorry to hear you're struggling with this! Planned/not planned, pp are correct that it's not anyone's business. Of course people will have an opionion, these days everyone seems to have such strong opinions on things that don't affect them in the least! This is about you and your family. Thats it. The age of these babies will have no affect on anyone else but you guys. Trust me when I say I know how you feel. I have the worst anxiety and honestly at times I would get some of the same feelings. Eventually though, once randoms would strike up a conversation I was nothing but happy and positive. Even when I was met w the occasional negative nancy.
My husband was an enormous help for me bc he has such a positive outlook on everything. My doctor was an amazing support as well. More often than then not I would hear about people in my same situation, random persons brother and her are 11 months apart, the neighbors sil/sister are 12 months apart, the nurse at the offices mom was 10 months apart, the lady at target with hers 11 months apart. We are everywhere

it's more common than one might think.
Also, look into some more mom boards/fb groups stuff like that for more support if you need. Just take it day by day. You can do this!!

katie0919 · October 2016

Congratulations, first off!

Secondly, I somewhat understand your feelings. I found out I was pregnant with #3 and it was a big shock. My DS#2 turns 1 tomorrow and I'm almost 10 weeks pregnant. I feel bad because I am 37 yrs old and feel I should "know better" than to have let myself get accidentally pregnant. I always wanted a third child, but was not planning for one so close to the last.However, over the last few weeks I have gotten SO excited. And I know that while some people may be shocked when we tell them (DH and my parents were certainly surprised), I know everyone will be happy for us also - and it's really "nunya" - none of their business! lol. Keep your head held high and you do you, girl!

Wino0920 · October 2016

Congratulations!! Your only mistake is caring what people think. Who cares? If someone says something, reply with "well we like to have sex!"

My mom found out she was pregnant with me at her 6 wk check up after having my brother. People usually respond with positive funny remarks when finding this out. For two months we are the same age!

SKZW · October 2016

@yadiebobby Everyone here has really solid advice. Give yourself the time and space to process this news in the privacy and comfort of your own home... and show a different face to the world, because your family planning is your own business... and fake it til you make it! Like @jennielynn+ said, she's getting more excited as each week passes... and I bet the same will happen to you!! Hang in there; you didn't do anything wrong; let other people's opinions roll right off your back; and things really do have a way of working out for the best, even if you can't see it when you're right in the middle of it. You'll do great. Take care of yourself!

(@Wino0920 That's pretty amazing. Was your mom super shocked or what?!)

izza2 · October 2016

My brother and SIL had both of their kids a year apart. Their DD was due on their DS's birthday, actually! People are obviously different, but no one I'd ever talked to about it thought it was weird or judged them. Your attitude does a lot to set peoples' minds, too. If you go in to an announcement being ashamed and judging yourself -- others will pick up on it and start to feel the same way.

Take time to process it for yourselves, accept it, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Your family planning if your family planning. It's not their right or place to tell you what is right and wrong.

Just had a BABY

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