Overweight and struggling

mamagain520 · October 2016

I'm sure it's partially hormones but I'm a total mess. I'm technically obese according to BMI. I've never really struggled with my weight until 2.5 years ago when I had my son. My Mom passed at 34 weeks pregnant and apparently I grieve with food

I was 36 so age wasn't on my side either. I am still up 30 lbs and extremely overwhelmed about the next 7+ months.

I have searched resources for obese/pregnant women and although I found a lot of research saying how dangerous it is to be obese and pregnant, and how helpful support groups are, I am not finding any tangible leads. I will discuss with my DR, but I assume he will go the dietician route, and while that's great I think I would benefit from other Mom's in the same boat. My FB is flushed with accountability groups, but obviously not in my niche. Any suggestions?

***ETA almost all of it. THE BUMP (or my phone) hates me and only posts like 1 sentence...

ShadeofGreen816 · October 2016

I hate BMI!! I am definitely overweight but I so do not agree with the "obese" label! Luckily this babe doesn't seem to like sweets AT ALL so far, so I'm down about 9-11lbs. I'm trying to use this as motivation to eat a lot healthier and get some walking in (if I ever start to feel better). It's so tough because most of my life I've been a thin girl and I've just gotten so "fat and happy" since MH and I got married!

mamagain520 · October 2016

MoshiMoshi7 · October 2016

I don't even think it matters what size you are, it's hard to deal with all the changes pregnancy wreaks on your body. It's hard to be uncomfortable and not really be in control of your own body. (For instance, I was a relatively healthy eater before pregnancy and now I can only stomach white carbs.) Add hormones to it all and it really is a struggle. I'm sorry you're having a hard time but hang in there and know you aren't alone.

chickyclg · October 2016

mamagain520 said:

I'm sure it's partially hormones but I'm a total mess. I'm technically obese according to BMI

I probably am obese and I just take it day by day. Has your OB mentioned it? Mine never did, and in fact didn't feel like I was consuming enough calories last pregnancy. As long as your doctor isn't concerned and you continue to eat healthy you are doing the best you can for your LO, the occasional sweet here and there isn't going to hurt anything

.

mamagain520 · October 2016

@shadesofgreen816 The Bump or my phone hate me...it only posts like a sentence or nothing.

I agree! BMI is stupid and also not very forgiving when you are short. My last was a honeymoon baby so the last time I was skinny was...oh probably that night on my honeymoon:)

mamagain520 · October 2016

@chickyclg I edited my post. Something is off with the bump or my phone...

I see him next week. My bigger fear is coming out on the flip side heavier than I am now. My 39 year old body will HATE me!

hp_momma · October 2016

BMI is so outdated! I wish they would come up with a better solution!

My husband is in in the military and their weight/BMI is constantly measured. I can't tell you how many guys are "overweight" by BMI so they have to get taped/measured and they are perfectly normal, because muscle weighs more! These are extremely in shape guys who work out 5+ days a week and BMI has them as overweight!

So sorry your feeling down on yourself. I feel like the first trimester just makes everyone feel so blah. Between the hormones, nausea, lack
of appetite/cravings, and bloating you constantly wonder when the "pregnancy glow" is going to come!

rkstro2 · October 2016

Omg my weight is such a struggle. I worked so hard to lose a little weight this summer but now it's all going down the tubes. I feel like all we can do is try to make healthy choices and keep exercising. So not easy when it's hard to do anything due to fatigue. Just keep going and we can support each other!

Jens_Hoes · October 2016

Sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed! I've struggled with my weight and body image for most of my adult life. I was definitely not happy with where I was at when I got my BFP, and unfortunately my body has changed since then. I feel constantly bloated and my stomach is bigger.
Now, I can say I'm definitely not eating what I should (craving carbs, take out, chips, etc), I'm also not worrying about it as much because I feel like crap most days, and I'm growing a damn human for christ sake!
I think that as long as you don't gain a lot (since you say you're starting out overweight), and your dr is monitoring you and your baby's health, don't stress too much.
Try to do the best you can for the next 7 months, and focus on the fact that you are doing an amazing thing in your uterus.
Creepy internet hugs to you!

chickyclg · October 2016

I would still just keep eating healthy and work out a plan with your doctor and a dietitian. Even being overweight my weight was never brought up last pregnancy (and I gained ALOT). I was constantly avoiding my hospitals dietician but when I went on hospital bed rest she hunted me down. Turns out they were concerned that my babies were a little small and wanted me to increase my calories even though I was already overweight. The best thing you can do is continue to eat healthy balanced meals and everything else should fall into place.

Oh and I have noticed on my phone if I use emojis that aren't TBs it deletes what I type, don't know if that could be the issue.

mamagain520 · October 2016

@MoshiMoshi7 That is so sweet and I agree with you. Thanks:)

@rkstro2 I hate it. I lost about 15lbs spring then we moved from Chicago to Cincinnati. We had so many visitors over the summer and actually the last 6 weekends in a row. As awesome is it was to have visitors eating (and drinking) healthy just wasn't a part of that so the weight came back, THEN I got pregnant. I have been going to the gym but thats even different. I am out of breath ALL THE TIME! It's just so frustrating. Thanks for the support:)

@h&p_momma haha...yes. I wish that was the reason my BMI was high. My husband is considered obese too for the same reason. #musclemen

mamagain520 · October 2016

@chickyclg Oh really? I am an emoji Wh*** so I bet that was it. Who knew? (shoulder shrug emoji)

hp_momma · October 2016

@mamagain520 Sorry if it came off the wrong way! I guess I just really wanted to point out how awful BMI readings are!

Laurieday10 · October 2016

Have you had your thyroid checked? After DD1 my thyroid went out of control and I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Weight gain was one of my symptoms.

The best thing you can do is try to eat healthy, but don't drive yourself crazy. Eating healthy all of the time is hard, especially when you have morning sickness and the first trimester blahs. If your doctor is concerned about your weight, he'll let you know.

I think BMI is total BS too. I'm short with big boobs and if I were to be at the low end of my recommended BMI I would seriously look anorexic.

bacorrea · October 2016

Girl I am right there with you. My DH is military and is extremely fit and can eat whatever he wants (slightly hate him) I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I cried when I found out I was pregnant (not planned) because I was concerned about my weight and I had just started a weight training program and was working on running. Just keep on trying to eat healthy and know you're not alone. I was overweight with my DD and she is prefectly healthy. I was healthy my whole pregnancy until the end where I got pre-e at 39 weeks. Check out "Plus Size Mommy Memoirs" on Facebook! It's great encouragement. And stop googling "obese and pregnant" you're just going to keep stressing yourself out.

lilmisscrafty-2 · October 2016

The entire month before I got my BFP I kept telling myself I was carrying too much weight. I was the biggest I'd ever been. I'm obese and the weight was the first thing I thought of when I found out I was pregnant. I've found that the thought that my baby is eating everything I'm eating has kept me good. I track everything that goes into my mouth and actually discovered that I wasn't eating enough calories.

Surprising to me, my doctor never brought my weight up at my first visit. I'm just going to keep eating healthy and focus on making a happy baby. True there's some concerns with being overweight while pregnant, but many women have done it with little to no complications. Reading some of the positive birthing stories out there really helped me.

mamagain520 · October 2016

@h&p_momma No way! You didn't. I totally get how BMI can be a hoax.

@Laurieday10 I did 6 weeks post partum but it wasn't a full panel work up. My Aunt and Grandma have thyroid problems that started around my age so I guess it wouldn't hurt to get it checked.

@bacorrea My husband is super fit too. Totally annoying. I was only googling those words to find a support group and I think it's crazy how they scare you but really don't offer preventative help for the concerned peeps. Like insurance will cover bariatric surgery but not personal training...WTH?! So backwards. I'm totally checking that FB group now! Thanks!

SKZW · October 2016

@Jenshoes I could've written that same thing---when I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't in the best place weight-wise and there loomed in front of me a year of more weight issues to deal with...

But putting it into perspective, we're growing babies here and have to take it one day at a time. Other PP are totally right, we need to trust our medical staff to be upfront about any problems they see, as well as solid tactics to deal with them. My OB said I need to limit my gain to a certain amount, so I won't super-stress-out about it, but I'll certainly keep an eye on it like she advises.

@mamagain520 You said you're fearful of the other side, of being "worse off" than you are now... I certainly share this worry, so you aren't alone... and let's each of us try to accept the fact that we WILL (for better or worse) have different bodies in a year from now, no matter what the scale says, and try to build up that self-love between now and then to make the transition as smooth possible. I'll try if you try!

mamagain520 · October 2016

@littlemisscrafty I'm not sure that my DR will bring it up actually. I do a food log and hit the gym at least 3 times a week but the emotional toll it takes on me is super concerning. I have few pictures with my son and am in tears most of the time when I'm getting dressed. Even though it can be a health risk for me and the baby I am super concerned about PPD and becoming a hermit. I HATE how much it consumes my day.

@SKZW That's a great idea! Thank you for your encouragement. Maybe I should start a check in specific to this...I worry about PPD and being so obsessed with it that's it's hard for me to enjoy my baby. I also am going to have my husband limit my scale use. I have become a slave to it and that CAN'T be healthy!!

SKZW · October 2016

@mamagain520
You are not alone!!! I too struggle with depression. This is totally apart from pregnancy issues, from weight issues, from fear-of-the-future issues... just your "run of the mill" depression, if you could call it that... BUT THEN you add in all of those other things... the pregnancy, the weight, all the stupid time-sucking nerve-wracking what-ifs about everything else! and postpartum! and having a little one that you're responsible for 24 hours a day! and it just gets nuts!

But there's good news out there (for you, for everyone reading this!). There are resources available to us all. Using this forum to find other like-minded souls is a really great start. It's really amazing that you acknowledge your feelings and you should be proud that you've done so! You aren't in a place of denial or unhealthy coping and that's a really, really good thing! That's a great place to be in. Truly. Beyond this board, though, therapists exist solely to help others and we'd be wise to utilize their services. There's no stigma here. They are trained to listen to others, and you are paying them for a service. You are in control of choosing who to visit with and that should be an empowering emotion. In my estimation, just by reading some of your word clues, I'd gently suggest that maybe it'd be better to talk with someone face to face, sooner rather than later. I've been in that spot too! And taking that first step can be really trying and difficult and self-judgy but you are worth the effort!!! In my experience, it's better to take the time upfront to research some therapists/social workers/shrinks/etc. and review their credentials/websites and check on what your insurance will cover---and take the time to find a "good fit"---and make a project out of it!---than to be in a position of crisis or "needing someone asap" and then having to scramble to find some jerk with the first availability. Many therapists/counselors offer a free consultative appointment. I've used these to "interview" people to see what their style is (more listening or more talking, do they give "homework" tasks? what's their office like, is it easy to get to?), what their background is (have they dealt with my specific issues before?), and general personality meshes/clashes. You really could make a project out of it---and I'm a huge nerd when it comes to that sort of thing: I'll have a dedicated notebook with Q&As and lists of yays and nays and do printouts of people's webpages... I totally geek out!... but even if that's not your style, you could streamline the whole thing. Go to a reputable site with a searchable index of practitioners and find some in your area. APA, AAMFT, AAPweb, ABCT, etc., or start with your health insurance company, and call and see what services are covered. Mine surprisingly covered 6 sessions in full, twice a calendar year, and a few visits might be all that's needed in anyone's particular case. A lot of people work on a sliding scale, too, so don't let the thought of money and finances be a hindrance. I had a few moments of "it's HOW MUCH per session?!" and then sat back and thought about it and realized (when Not Pregnant!) would I be spending this money on booze or retail therapy or food to help me cope and would the money be better spent on myself in a positive way? Would I spend $500 now to avoid further-heartache and worse-craziness later? Yes, the answer is Yes. I'd say, you're worth it, too, and I don't even know you

but we need to stick together and support each other and this is truly a judgment-free zone, okay? Even if you think therapy's not for you, it's perfectly okay, and maybe this message has reached someone else today that needs her spirits lifted. You're not alone, we're all in this together, seriously. Pregnancy's not easy (cue captain obvious...) and there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling however you're feeling and perhaps even wanting to share those feelings with someone outside of your friends/family/inner circle. Be well!

KMD1106 · October 2016

I'm right there with you @mamaagain520. We had stopped fertility treatment the month we got our bfp because I wanted to lose weight first. Surprise! I had my official first prenatal appointment yesterday, and my doctor never mentioned my weight. I actually had to bring it up. I'm considered obese too (short with big boobs doesn't help), and she said to just try eat well and be active. She didn't focus too much on it. That made me feel a bit better.

I love the idea of a check in for this. The encouragement and feeling of not being alone would be great.

mamasmurf12 · October 2016

mamagain520 said:

@chickyclg I edited my post. Something is off with the bump or my phone...

I see him next week. My bigger fear is coming out on the flip side heavier than I am now. My 39 year old body will HATE me!

I wasn't overweight in my first pregnancy, but I was almost 20 lbs heavier than my usual weight when I found out and then gained about 40lbs. If it makes you feel better, things did not go the same for my second daughter. I ate MUCH healthier (it was partially cravings and partially fear of adding another 40+ lbs) and ended up weighing less afterwards than I did after my first. Just saying that every pregnancy is different so don't lose heart!

SparkySunDevil · October 2016

I am an obese momma. This is my 3rd pregnancy, and I've been the same size with all of them. My first pregnancy had some complications, but they weren't in relation to my weight. My second was routine. So far, this one is too.

Because of my weight, I am not supposed to gain any weight at all during my pregnancies. I am encouraged to lose 5-10 lbs, minimum.

One of the complications I had with my oldest was gestational diabetes. I maintained it with diet. I ended up losing 60 lbs total, and baby was 100% healthy. Because the diet was so beneficial for me, I tend to follow it during all my pregnancies, to help keep my weight in check. My current doctor has never mentioned my weight. I've brought it up, and he's satisfied that I can take care of myself. If I need it, I'll request a dietitian again.

mamagain520 · October 2016

@SKZw Oh goodness, I am all about therapy! I think everyone could use one at least 1 time in their lives, probably more. Life is complicated and tough to navigate even in the best of circumstances. Although I appreciate therapy, (and actually just went back to school to finish my masters to be one myself) in this situation I honestly just feel alone. Quite frankly, I actually am. I don't know a single soul who is overweight and pregnant right now, except you all now, which has already brought some comfort. I was hoping for more peer support where I can commiserate, celebrate, and cry with people who share the same concerns.

mamagain520 · October 2016

@sparkysundevil I've thought about this actually. I am concerned about GD. I assume the diet for GD is a fairly healthy way to eat whether I get it or not. Maybe that would be a good way to be proactive about it and not gain a ton of weight. Perhaps if I feel more in control and have a plan I will feel better. I don't know much about the diet but I do know about Google. Thanks for the input!

@mamasmurf12 So sweet. Thank you!

@KMD1106 I kind of hate the 'eat healthy and be active' speech. We totally don't live under rocks. We all know what to do, it just hasn't been that easy for me the last 2 years. Keeping motivated is my biggest challenge. That's also why I think a check in would be good. I will totalky start one!

WombThereItIs · October 2016

I am very pro dietician. I was very overweight with my first and that combined with a history of eating disorders won me a trip to the dietician and it was great. By my follow up she actually had me adjust my plan so I was eating more carbs because in being so worried about my weight I wasn't eating enough. Go figure.

One surprise for me though was a GD screening at 16 weeks. Some doctors will screen early in addition to the normal test at 28 weeks if you are overweight or obese. It's just something to ask about so you can be aware, it was a bit of an unpleasant surprise being sent to the lab after my 16w week appointment!

At the end too I was measuring wayyyy big, like they lost the top of my uterus behind my sternum and couldn't get fundal height kind of big so I had to repeat the GD screening (the three hour!) since they were so sure a big girl with a big baby must have it. It ended up being okay but if you do have some anxiety about your weight and pregnancy asking earlier about how it may incorporate into your doctors plans could save you some stress.

ShadeofGreen816 · October 2016

I'm all for a weekly check in to help keep ourselves in check and to check on our mental state. This is going to be a rollercoaster I'm sure.

SparkySunDevil · October 2016

@mamagain520 the GD diet is low carb/low sugar. I tested my blood sugars 4 times daily and kept a record of what I ate, when I started. This helped me learn what spiked my blood sugars so I could avoid them.

I actually had GD due to an abnormality on my placenta. I didn't have it at all with my second, which surprised me. I assumed it was due to my weight. My doctor (different from my first) explained that it was more likely due to the abnormality.

Due to my weight, I will still be tested early, and perhaps multiple times for GD.

mamagain520 · October 2016

@WombThereItIs This is great info. My insurance will cover a dietician so that sounds like a great idea. Even though I KNOW what to do some guidance will probably help. This thread has helped me so much and given me some hope to gain control before it's way out of control. I feel 100% better than yesterday!

@sparkysundevil That diet sounds like how we all should be eating anyway. I'm going to get on it. Do different foods spike different people's blood differently? (I used the word different 3 times in that sentence...isn't that different..lol)

bacorrea · October 2016

@mamagain520 yes, mom is diabetic and absolutely cannot eat bananas. Each body is different.

I have already had to go for a GD test (around 7 weeks) everything was normal though. Like @WombThereItIs said, be prepared for them to send you for the test more than normal.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot · October 2016

I had GD with my first pregnancy and then tested negative post partum. My doctor says that my GD was caused by the placenta and that I won't have to take the glucose test any earlier this pregnancy. Anyone else receive that news from their doctor?

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