Hi everyone, I was briefly a member of the May 2017 board, but I am now here after a diagnosed missed/silent miscarriage. If I can share my m/c experience and vent a little: (skip next two paragraphs if you don't care to read it right now)
This was/is my first pregnancy. I had absolutely no idea that anything was "wrong" until I went in for my first u/s and prenatal appointment at 8+4 weeks. My baby was measuring at 6+2 weeks, no heartbeat. The midwife asked if I'd had cramping, was I sure about my dates, any bleeding, do I skip periods? Answers yes- in the week before/after period was due, yes- I wrote down my LMP- but I don't track ovulation, no bleeding or spotting, no- I've written my period dates for almost 5 years and I have never skipped a cycle. I think the questioning was to reassure me in the case that I might be earlier along than my LMP states.
They checked my HCG over the next few days and it dropped from 30,004 to 28,894. I was told that a small drop like that was basically inconclusive, and that another u/s will tell us more. I had the follow up u/s 5 days after the first. Fetus same size, still no heart beat. I brought up that I only waited 5 days, and most of what I've read online says to follow up after 7 days. She said there still should have been growth. I was informed about what is "normal" with a m/c and what signs to watch out for/head to ER. She explained cytotic and D&C and said that I didn't have to decide now, and I could wait to miscarry at home. She is calling me on Monday (as that will be a full week from 2cd u/s) to check in. I don't know if I'll need any sort of medical intervention at that point physically, but I might want to just be done for my mental/emotional health. She did say that before selecting a pill or d&c I could get a 3rd u/s for piece of mind. I still have the same symptoms (which was never much, and does now seem to be slightly less "strong"), and still absolutely no bleeding. Based on my LMP, I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow. That's four weeks since the heart beat likely stopped. Right now I don't feel like my body will ever miscarry naturally.
AW moment over. How did you keep busy while waiting for m/c? I know that I need to try, but when I have a quiet moment, my mind keeps playing "what if"? Without ultrasounds, how would I have known? Would I have carried this dead baby indefinitely?
Does anyone else feel betrayed or "gas-lighted" by their own body? I don't feel so down about it all the time, but I just don't know anyone else who has been in a similar situation. My mom and one of my best friends have both had multiple m/c's, but theirs came on quickly. I've considered making an announcement on my FB- mostly to break the silence/secrecy of miscarriages that makes them so taboo in our culture, and, honestly, hopefully get some additional support. (I'm considering that because it is something that I am personally comfortable with, I certainly don't expect anyone else to do the same. While I think m/c in general can be discussed more openly, it is still a personal and private experience and everyone's privacy desires should be respected.) However, I don't feel comfortable sharing that on my social media yet because I am not miscarrying right now. I'm in some weird limbo of not pregnant and not not pregnant.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but if you would like to share your miscarriage experience on here with me, I would like to read it (even if it's nothing like my drawn out wait). I think that just hearing more stories about how m/c's went, how you felt during and after, and how you are now will make this a little easier for me. (and hopefully for everyone else reading). Thanks for reading.