Fiancé left, needing some support.

R&DsMum · October 2016

Hello mamas. I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with issue. My fiancé and I recently split and now he's no longer even talking to me. I'm beyond heartbroken. This pregnancy was not planned, and happened relatively quickly in our relationship, but we were happy because doctors told him that it would be a miracle if he ever had children because of the injuries sustained overseas during deployments. Now, it's completely falling apart. I'm currently living with my stepdad, and he's staying with his mother, it's been like this for a couple of months, just out of necessity. But now it seems completely hopeless. I had to return my car to the dealership because we could no longer afford the payments, and now I'm completely trapped with no way to even try to contact him in person. I just don't know what to do or how to begin picking up the pieces.

littleSkittle14 · October 2016

I have no advice but I am so so sorry this is happening to you

hugs!

datalover13 · October 2016

No advice here, just lots of hugs for you. There's enough stress with pregnancy without having to add something like this to it. I'll be thinking about you.

C25 · October 2016

I dealt with my sons dad leaving when baby was 3 months old, I was in school about to take boards and had no income and he drained our accounts.

My words of wisdom and comfort are to KEEP GOING! One day at a time. Turn on survival mode, and if you're religious, pray and tell God all of your problems and He will listen when you feel no one else understands.

Time will go on, and no matter how it turns out with baby's Dad, you will be stronger because of this struggle. Literally start with tomorrow and just make it through that day. Make it through the next day. And the day after that.

This is so hard and I'm so sorry you're going through it. Maybe a silver lining is that you have until baby is born to prepare a home for the both of you and to see how things pan out.

We are here for you. I believe you are never alone.

hippiemama-2 · October 2016

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I can only offer Internet hugs and wishes for your strength during this unimaginable time. ❤️

Goodmorning12 · October 2016

I am so sorry. It will get better, it always does. You're in my thoughts & prayers.

BaylieGirl · October 2016

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Sending you lots of thoughts and prayers. Just take everything one day at a time. It sucks that nothing but time can heal a broken heart

npaulie · October 2016

While I have no experience I agree with @c25. Just break each day down into manageable chunks. If a day seems too hard. Just break it down to "just get through this morning, just get through this afternoon". Each day WILL get easier. It'll feel like forever when you're in it, but as you start to come out of it, and as you start to find the good again, it won't be so bad. The key... don't be afraid to tell other people how you're feeling, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You may think people don't want to be "burdened" by your problems (and granted, sometimes that may be true) but you'll be amazed how people actually want to help the people they care about until they get on their feet again.

(Source; I'm a psychologist and have seen people make it through situations like this. You can do it)

virtual hug!!!

kjd291 · October 2016

No advice-just hugs! Reach out for support from those around you. You are strong and your baby is lucky to have you as a mama. Prayers for you and your family as you figure things out.

mrsyimster · October 2016

No advice just hugs!!!! Im sorry u are going through this. Stay strong!!

betsy538 · October 2016

I'm so sorry this is happening. Sending good vibes your way. You can do this mama!

triwellnessgirl · October 2016

Sending you many hugs and lots of prayers. In 2010 my first husband left me on Valentine's Day after 5 years of marriage with no warning or hope for reconciliation. We divorced 3 months later. He refused to speak with me during that time, and never again. I wasn't pregnant so I'm not able to relate completely with your situation but I have been through a traumatic breakup that shakes you to the core and turns your life upside down. I am so sorry you are going through this and I pray you have friends and family to surround you in love and support during this time. Like @C25 & @npaulie suggested, take things one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead. Stay in the present, as hard as it is. Don't be afraid to ask for help from those who love you. And turn to God for strength and guidance. These were the things that got me through the most difficult and darkest time of my life.

Peace and love to you and your precious one!

liepertsm · October 2016

Sorry you are going through this! Sending hugs!!

dubcompanion · October 2016

Sending lots of hugs. I'm so sorry this is happening. Stay strong and know we've got your back!

serenity13 · October 2016

My heart aches for you, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
A friend sent me this photo a while back when I was going through a rough period of time and I thought of this saying immediately when I read your post. You have SUCH strength and you will gain even more throughout this time, as difficult as it is. I agree that trying to stay focused in the present day, one day at a time...one hour or moment at a time...is great advice. Sending hugs & prayers.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/o2/kf7gvzebf17m.jpg

Liss_37 · October 2016

just wanted to send hugs and love your way.. i'm so sorry this is happening to you

peony2418 · October 2016

No advice for you, but you can do it. It may seem impossible now, but you and your baby have got this. I'm so sorry this is happening, and the timing is obviously horrible, but you can do it.

R&DsMum · October 2016

Thank you so much for all the kind words and advice. Honestly I feel a little better just knowing that I have some support, even if it's just through here. :-)
I don't have any family around, and just a few friends, but I'm going to make this work. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. My two boys included, although I'm trying to make sure they aren't as affected, and so far, so good. You ladies are amazing!!!

MamaD233 · October 2016

R&DsMum said:

Hello mamas. I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with issue. My fiancé and I recently split and now he's no longer even talking to me. I'm beyond heartbroken. This pregnancy was not planned, and happened relatively quickly in our relationship, but we were happy because doctors told him that it would be a miracle if he ever had children because of the injuries sustained overseas during deployments. Now, it's completely falling apart. I'm currently living with my stepdad, and he's staying with his mother, it's been like this for a couple of months, just out of necessity. But now it seems completely hopeless. I had to return my car to the dealership because we could no longer afford the payments, and now I'm completely trapped with no way to even try to contact him in person. I just don't know what to do or how to begin picking up the pieces.

I can truly relate and empathize with you as I lay on this bed 6000 miles from "home" wondering if I just need to call it quits. Surprise pregnancy in a fairly new relationship here too. We were happy to learn about our LO too but we fight alllllll the time and I have just about had it. My suitcases are still packed from the last time i threatened to leave a few days ago. How am I supposed to stay calm for the baby's sake (and my own) in this turbulence... I didn't save and sacrifice to come all the way over here to be forced right back to the US. I don't want to shred my family before we even see our baby either. And I don't want tuo commit myself to feeling miserable. But I swear I never ever ever wanted to be a single mom. I grew up in a single parent household, and as much credit as I give my mom, I just didn't want that for my own. So here I lay, indecisive.

Anyway, I didn't come in to make your post all about me. Just to say you are not alone. Life gets extra real when somebody else's future is on the line, doesn't it?

I guess the first thing any of us can do is try to get spiritually and emotionally grounded, however you personally do that. It is hard for me to think straight and make good decisions otherwise. It is devastating but life must go on.

bradleerick-2 · October 2016

Prayers, prayers, prayers for both of you, @r&dsmum and @MamaD233!

sunshine507 · October 2016

I'm so sorry. I haven't lived what you are now but I do know how much harder it can be when you're trying to work out a relationship - or dealing with the aftermath of one - with someone who's also wrestling with the after-effects of combat. Sometimes I think it never fully leaves any of them, and it can make it so much easier to doubt yourself and figure out what happened and decide to keep trying or move on.
I don't know where you are with any of this but I'd probably start with the basics, functioning daily with picking up, cleaning, laundry, showering, food, exercise, just creating a stable home life and routine for yourself and your kids. Making yourself take care of yourself (basically what my grandmother meant when she'd take a look at me and tell me to go put lipstick on). Once that's stable I'd probably reach out and find some community support whether that's your local friends who can come over for spaghetti, going out for coffee, go bowling, going to mass at a current or new church, finding a therapist, etc. Rebuild a life for yourself and your kids with people in it who are dependable and care about you and who might even make you have some fun

When you can, work on financial stability and planning too, whether that's finding a job or looking for a better paying one, or even starting to volunteer so you can have people to recommend you for a job hunt later on (and something to keep you getting out of the house regularly).

DrillSergeantCat · October 2016

Is he still in the military? If so, call his CO.

howdthathappen · October 2016

So sorry this is happening to you. Like the other ladies said, take it one day at a time and make sure to take care of yourself and stay healthy.
Also, start looking into legal action now so you aren't so overwhelmed once the baby comes. He should be helping you financially with baby needs.

acastl24 · October 2016

Lurking from December 2015

I thoroughly agree with PP. If he is still in the military, report him to his CO. They do not play around with that. They are big on responsibility and making sure that their servicemen are taking care of their children/families. Not only can he get in BIG trouble for abandoning you and your child, they will make sure he is financially responsible by taking the money and sending it to you themselves.

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