December mom's I have a christmas question!

missmossy11 · October 2016

My first child, a sweet little boy, is due christmas day! My husband and I are also in the process of buying our first home and moving out of our 1 bedroom apartment. We are super excited but also super stressed out. Just thinking about Christmas is making me loose my mind!

Are you mom's doing christmas gifts for your family? If so, can you please gift provide ideas? We definitely can't afford to do christmas like we used to do so any help is appreciated. We have 4 nephews, sil, brother, both parents, and my husband and his parents to buy for.

Is it rude to skip christmas this year? I'm sure we will be receiving gifts from these people plus baby shower gifts.

Thanks in advance!

BenNSarah · October 2016

I actually posted about this this week in the Why My Family is Driving Me Crazy thread. We have decided to skip Christmas gifts this year. I think family is understanding and you will probably never have another excuse like this one. We are telling now, so they aren't already purchasing gifts and we are telling them that we are not going to give gifts and don't expect them in return. If they still want to buy gifts then they know what to expect from us in return. We have quite a few people to buy for too and I usually do all of the gifts so between the stress of figuring out what to buy, getting all of it (thank goodness for Amazon Prime most of the time) and wrapping everything, as well as the cost, we just decided to skip it. We will still spend time with them as we are able, and that's really what the holidays are more about for me, but just skipping the gift portion. Or maybe even agree to purchase gifts for the children but not the adults this year. Always an option also depending on how you think your family will handle it.

ETA You also know your family best and how they will react to this so that is very important in the decision you make.

cgss11 · October 2016

I personally wouldn't skip Christmas. Shop/plan ahead or gift late.

We don't buy for siblings anymore. We decided that a few years ago (mutual with the siblings). We buy for parents, and niece/nephews (we keep at $20 limit..also mutually decided). Typically a book and a toy, or DVDs, jewelry for older ones.

For parents, we do gift cards for restaurants, movies, etc. Its usually a "joint" type gift. We've also done Omaha Steak type things or Blue Apron and they liked that. Since our parents are traveling to us for Christmas to see the baby we plan to get a nice meal catered in and calling that the gift. My family is pretty laid back though and won't flinch at that being a gift.

I do think DH and I will probably skip gifts for each other this year.

phoebecar · October 2016

My family is BIG on Christmas and gift giving. It's my MIL's love language, so if she didn't receive anything (even given the circumstances) it would be a problem. In fact, she's already done with her Christmas shopping- she's that type of person. So we aren't able to skip- but I agree with @cgss11 about maybe skipping a sibling buy this year or capping it at $20 per sibling or sibling and SO and doing a lot of gift cards to restaurants or movie theaters for a "date night."

My DH's family draws names for the siblings since there are 3 siblings and 6 overall people to buy for. We also cap that gift to make it a bit more affordable since we all have children. We buy for nieces and nephews (older ones get gc's- which they'd rather anyway- the younger ones get something they are in to).

I've already started Christmas shopping for my family since the idea of going out with a newborn to the mall during Christmas season strikes fear in my heart! I'm trying to get it all done between now and TG in the event that I go into labor early.

KateH1216 · October 2016

I would have a hard time skipping Christmas all together, but we also have several money saving things already in place for our family (mainly for my husband's enormous side of the family). First, the siblings go in together and get a group gift for MIL & FIL, each of us agreeing to a dollar amount ahead of time (usually $75 from each sibling to cover MIL & FIL). Second, we don't buy for all the nieces and nephews, instead we draw names for the kiddos (you buy for as many kids as you have in your family). The kid gifts have a maximum of $25. The decision was made years ago by my husband and his siblings to stop purchasing gifts for each other since they were just in the habit of trading gift cards. Instead, we pick a day/night to leave all the kiddos with MIL & FIL and go out to a fun dinner/drinks and visit since we are rarely in the same place at once. These have not only saved us a ton of stress and time, but also money. On my side of the family, we still buy for everyone, since it's really not that many (just my mom and dad, my brother and SIL).

I'd say have a conversation to see if drawing names for the kids or even for siblings to save everyone time and money is an option...good luck!

brittnic86 · October 2016

I'm not really sure yet...I'm sure we'll figure it out. But going forward, the girls birthday will definitely be a thing, completely separate from Christmas. My EDD is 12/12, but they might be born the last days of November/First days of December. My birthday is 12/14, and I know how frustrating it is to have a birthday so close to Christmas.

temmetime · October 2016

I'm in a very similar boat to @KateH1216. Our families are drawing names (this month) so we can shop super early for whomever we drew. Also, the kids all drew names with a limit of $15. This can get a little expensive for the families with 4 kids, but prevents the swapping gift cards every year situation. Both of our families siblings go together for one big gift for the parents, so we're already working on/done with those. I'm a planner, so in light of not skipping Christmas completely, we're just buying things now and saving money by drawing names & only gifting for one person.

juliehollz13 · October 2016

We did gifts for the entire family one year - never doing it again. We're only doing gifts for people we will actually be seeing on Christmas (extended family never sends gifts anyway). I think it being the 1st Christmas with baby, you can get away with getting slightly cheesy (and inexpensive) "grandma/grandpa" "best aunt" type gifts this year. Have everyone get a gift from "the baby". If the baby comes before Christmas and there's time, you can get nice pictures done of the little one, put them in frames and give as gifts as well. Some ideas below:
Image result for grandpa gift

Image result for grandparents christmas gift

bookworm8622 · October 2016

My family uses Elfster for all of the adults to do a secret santa, and then we all buy for the kids (only 3 in my family right now, my little one will make 4!). I've already bought maybe half of the gifts for the kids because of good sales. Usually we run the Elfster selection the day after Thanksgiving, but I'm going to request we do it two weeks earlier so I have some extra time to get the adult gift.

Austenista · October 2016

@brittnic86 My husband's birthday is on December 17th and it's important to him too that our son have a proper birthday, because like you said, he got a lot of "here's your Christmas/birthday gift" things growing up and that's kind of a bummer.

sourlemon · October 2016

Christmas as usual here.

kbduke · October 2016

We are doing our usual Christmas routine (I'm due 12/6) as long as we feel up to it. The only present situation that is changing is DH and I have already bought each other experiences instead of traditional gifts and we are using them before the baby is born. I gave him football tickets and he gave me concert tickets. We are using them as our last date nights baby free.

Kacie209 · October 2016

Definitely not skipping Christmas... it's one of my fave holidays and time of the year!

Before baby, DH and I only did gifts for our nephews (was only supposed to be godchildren (2), but now is all of them (4). My sister and I shared gifts to our parents, and included our SO's on them. The same for DH's siblings for my in-laws. My sis and I would exchange something small, but I don't think DH and his siblings ever bought for one another. Oh, DH and I would also exchange gifts but are usually bought WAY in advance.

My parents have said to not worry about gifts this year, as we'll have other stuff to worry about. However, my sister already got something for my dad so I told my mom would be getting something for her price comparable. For my dad, it's something that was made with my Grandma's signature - which he will love.

For each other, DH brought up a thought to not do gifts for one another but instead... buy a nice camera. I have been wanting a new camera pre-baby for a LONG time. A smaller Canon DSLR, or something equivalent. So, that is what we'll do once we decide on what we want. I want more pics of my child on a camera than on my phone for every day and milestones.

Nephews will stay the same, but will have to be either bought my DH or bought WAY in advance if he wants my opinion; we usually buy them clothes. We have one nephew who has a birthday 12/5, so his birthday present will be the usual clothes, as well. Again, may have to be bought well in advance or DH will be on his own to buy if I can't come with.

Not sure on DH's parents, but usually a group gift anyway... so we'll let someone else figure that out and give them money.

brittnic86 · October 2016

Also I was kinda freaking out about just decorating for Christmas, because we always do this the first week of December...and we'll be having babies like RIGHT THEN. But DH said he'll take care of it lol.

Kacie209 · October 2016

@brittnic86 I am taking vacation the week of Thanksgiving (star FMLA leave the Monday after Thanksgiving), and although I have a rule where I can't decorate until after Thanksgiving.. I am breaking that rule and doing it before Thanksgiving. That is as long as I don't go 3 weeks early. I just have to have DH get my totes down from shelves in the garage, and I am good to go.

I just want it decorated, so when we do newborn pics at home... we can do some under the tree or holiday-theme, etc. But, I also love decorating so I am all for it!

brittnic86 · October 2016

@Kacie209 my problem is I'll probably be having my babies the week of Thanksgiving...or the week after lol.

beff12 · October 2016

My due date is Christmas Eve. We are planning on celebrating Christmas early, perhaps combining it with my birthday. We may also be moving around that time, so I'm pretty sure our family is expecting very little from us haha! I'm getting a start now on handmade things and plan on making some snack type gifts. People understand and will have grace.

leksiL · October 2016

We are also just doing niece and nephew presents this year. And presents for each other. I'm due the 14th and our families live two and five hours away so we are unlikely to see anyone unless we are a week early or something!

sourlemon · October 2016

We are having our tile/carpet cleaned Nov 12th (I hope) after that I'm setting up the inside decorations. DH will do outside ones thanksgiving weekend. I'm not waiting until 38 39 weeks to set up. Usually I have a zero tolerance before Thanksgiving bit this year idgaf.

penelope4612 · October 2016

DH's family is Jewish and mine is nearby so we usually do a low key Christmas. We will probably go to my brother's house, which is about 30 mins away. It will probably be pretty small - just my mom and maybe grandmother, brother, SIL, nieces. We do small ($30 or less) gifts for brother and SIL and nieces. We all do joint presents for mom and grandmother. DH typically gets small Chanukah gifts for his niece and nephew but doesn't really do much past that. We will not be visiting his family for the holidays this year (they live about 4 hours away).

I'd love to decorate but realistically I don't think we will. DH is never very excited about it and we will be tired/overwhelmed with the baby. I also doubt that doing it before the baby is realistic - I'm already physically tired and in pain and can't imagine that at 38-39 weeks pregnant (what I'll be around Thanksgiving) that I'll feel like decorating.

ajstevenson · October 2016

I'm due 12/30 but will probably go right before Christmas. We are not traveling. SOs family will probably come over if I'm not in the hospital since they're close and laid back. Everyone else can come after January 1st and we'll celebrate then. I'm not sure what we'll do for gifts this year in the past my siblings and their partners drew names, but this year my sister decided that we'll all just buy for everyone and each person can do what they're able to. No pressure there!

missmossy11 · October 2016

Ladies thank you for all of your responses!

I too absolutely LOVE christmas time but I've always gotten a bit carried away with it. I like to buy gifts for everyone in my family including aunts and uncles and all of our friends. We also buy a LOT for the kids each year. Money has always been tight this time of year but I can't help it! I like to spoil.

Unfortunately as some posters suggested my family isn't the type to go in on a gift together. We will always say that we will or that there is a limit this year but no one ever actually follows through with it!

What do you think about food gifts? How about couples gifts?

I'll speak with my SIL and brother as well. They're due in December as well. I'm sure they get it!

missmossy11 · October 2016

@BenNSarah no one in my family would care if they had gifts or not. They just want the baby. I guess I'm just struggling with myself. Not only do I love giving gifts but I HATE receiving them if I haven't given!

Christinaruth74 · October 2016

I think it's ok to cut yourself some slack this year. We have had to scale back on Christmas the last few years for various reasons but have found creative ways to still show our love. We are big on thoughtful, handmade gifts. Or baked goods... or even a "family" gift for nieces and nephews ie. a game for the whole family to enjoy.

ErikandAfton · October 2016

We are doing parents, siblings and my grandfather this year and something small for each other.

We normally do my second cousins and all my aunts and uncles because of the way my family does Christmas but I don't have the energy to do handmade gifts for the adults this year and I don't want want to figure out what to do for my 6 little cousins so we are skipping that.

As far as BIL and SIL they just bought their first home and have requested gift cards so that's easy.

My brother is getting kitchen supplies because he got divorced and let her take everything.

Grandpa is getting a super supportive stadium chair. He loves going to car races and such and the bleachers are too hard for him.

Not sure what MIL FIL and my Dad and Step Mom are getting yet.

I'm in the same boat for decorating. Dh's birthday is November 29th and I try to wait until after that to decorate for Christmas but I'm going to need help and BFF is off for thanksgiving break and said she'd come help so I might do it then.

Mamax2 · October 2016

We are foregoing sibling gifts this year. All 4 of us have kids of our own to buy for. So, we will do gifts for our parents, gifts for neices and nephews ($20 limit), and then gifts for DD and DS. With DD we are doing a 3 gift limit from us. 1 gift she wants, 1 gift of something she needs, and then a 3rd gift of our choosing. Also, DH gets her a teddy bear every year. It's a tradition his dad did with DH's sister, abd DH wanted ro do it for DD. She has so much stuff as it is anyways, plus she'll still get things from aunts and uncles and grandparents.

l9i · October 2016

We are still doing Christmas gifts, but scaling back from how much we normally spend. We are also "fortunate" that nearly everyone in both of our immediate families has fall/winter birthdays (all four parents, both mine and DH, and a niece) so we need to account for that too. We set a budget and started buying last month with the goal that once December hit we'd be focusing solely on baby items. We also keep the number small who we buy for. We will have our parents, DH's sister, DH's two little cousins, and my three nieces. We've always just done immediate family and little kids. So far, we have almost all of our Christmas/birthday shopping done, except for my nieces. I think by planning it out, spacing out the spending, and really sticking to our smaller budget it has helped a ton. I'm due 12/30 so in terms of actually celebrating Christmas, we'll play it by ear.

AbriannaO · October 2016

My brothers and I a few years back decided to stop doing gifts for each other and instead try to get together every year or two (I was living in Colorado, one was in Michigan, and the other was either in Guam or Virginia - now it's Michigan, Maine, and London). So that makes it easier for this year with having a baby and not needing to worry about getting them anything, though they will both be in town around the due date - so I think we will all try to get together for dinner and a movie (if I am not in the hospital). With my parents, both are very adamant that they never want gifts from us, but instead would rather have our presence and do a meal together. In spite of this, all of us kids usually get them some kind of small inexpensive gift (last year I had our wedding pictures printed out for them and some framed), or all go in together on something that we know they need (one year we got my mom a new mixer). This year, for my parents, I am sure we will figure out something small to get them - though I am not going to stress about it as they really do not want/nor expect gifts. DH's family usually gives us home made gifts as they are usually tight with money. Last year we also gave them wedding pictures. This year, I may follow example from them a few years ago and either give them scarves/hats, or make them a fleece blanket. While we won't skip Christmas, we will probably stay under $20/person - or plan an activity to spend time together. We do not have any nieces or nephews to buy for, so that's easy!

For each other, we will probably get our typical new pajamas. Then we will get our baby one gift for in case it is here for Christmas day.

MaggieG183 · October 2016

We have decided since Christmas is out of control always in our family that we're doing a secret santa both on my side and DH's. We're using drawnames.com and sending out email lists with a spending cap of $50 for gifts. We said homemade gifts are a bonus if people want to do that too, but otherwise it's the $50. We just don't have the budget to go crazy and until we know what's happening with the budget, we are just laying low on gift giving. It's all about family time anyways for us.

karmba · October 2016

We're still doing Christmas gifts. DH and I have actually started to game plan for that. Our families are 8 and 12 hour car rides away, and both sets of our parents are planing to drive out after the baby is born. We plan to send them back with all the Christmas gifts we've bought so that we don't need to ship anything. I plan on buying things almost exclusively online. I find it easier anyway, and this year I really want to avoid stores.

We're going to be home alone, just a little family of three for Christmas and I'm really looking forward to it!

Blockfour · October 2016

I'm hoping to do Christmas as usual this year but it kind of depends on when Spencer arrives. My family started doing a white elephant type game for Christmas about five years ago. I have thirteen nieces and nephews but they are all grown except for one so she gets small $5 gifts from everyone because she doesn't really understand the game. When we switched to only needing to purchase one gift that definitely cut down on the Christmas expense.

My husband's family is much smaller and we do gifts for everyone but I am thinking we will have to cap it at $15-$20 a person.

JEM525 · October 2016

Amazon is my best friend. Also Marshalls and TJ Max have toys in a low price range for nieces and nephews you can get some good gifts for under $20. I started buying already so im not stressed for Christmas. I go to the dollar store for gift wrapping and save that way.
I hate to say this but kids won't understand why you didn't buy them Christmas gifts, Especially since most people will want to get your new baby a gift. Adults won't care if you miss out this year but I wouldn't recommend forgetting your nephews.

Diamond0323 · October 2016

Yule is normally celebrated at my house. Parents, grandparents, siblings and friends. I do all the cooking and planning however I'm having a c section on 12/19 and will still be in the hospital on the 21st. My family has stepped up and will be having a belated celebration around Christmas where they will be doing the cooking and such. The only people who get gifts are the children. My only question is do we get baby a gift with only being a few days old of can we skip it this year?

dmontgo · October 2016

I wouldn't completely skip Christmas, but I understand how stressful the holidays can be, especially with a big change like a baby!

We don't have any children in our immediate or even extended families, so I'm not sure what to say about that. I do, however, recommend early gift shopping and planning--I started doing that a few years ago and the difference of my holiday season is amazing. This is where budgeting is so important. I've been getting a few gifts each pay period and plan to wrap them by December 1st. This way I don't have to drop a ton of money all at once or put myself in debt just to make Christmas happen. I'm almost done buying for DH and our furbaby--only plan on getting a few things for Ashton since he'll still be a (very cute) potato lol. If you're not ready to buy gifts yet, grabbing a Visa gift card each pay period helps set aside monies until you are ready.

For our families, we started giving gift baskets for the whole family: fancy hot chocolate mixes, champagne or wine or craft beers, a movie, candies, gift cards, homemade soaps, etc are a few things we've put in them. So instead of buying individual gifts, giving one is not only cheaper, but it is more personalized. We went from buying 8 presents to buying 3, and no one has ever complained.

I also plan the meals and what I want to bake in advance. Sounds simple but once people get nuts in the grocery stores, a little prep goes a long way. Also, take advantage of after-Christmas sales! I don't have to buy wrapping paper, bows, cards, or little touches because I bought them last year at 50% off!

You don't have to go to every party or even buy gifts for every neighbor or friend. I love Christmas time, and I think we can still enjoy it even with brand new babies--we just have to prioritize. Good luck, whatever your decision!

sourlemon · October 2016

@Diamond0323 we are "getting" the new baby something for Christmas. She will be about 3 weeks old. The "gift" is something we had bought for the nursery anyways. The only reason we are doing this (and a stocking, tissue paper to look full) is so dd1 sees the new baby also gets gifts and not just her like she's used to. Of course new baby won't care or know, and I'm not wrapping it. But dd1 is used to being an only child and getting all the attention. This will be the first time sharing.

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