TTC after getting laid off and looking for a job (long post)

dashamikhail · October 2016

Hi everyone, I’m a new member and I wasn’t sure if this is the correct section (TTC) to come for advice so please forgive me if it’s not (maybe someone can kindly point me to the right direction if I’m way off…)

I could really use some advice and this does have to do with TTC it’s just a bit of a long story. Background is that I was laid off from my job in oil & gas about six months ago. I’ve been on thirteen interviews since and I’m not even sure how many phone interviews now. I did have two offers but one was what I made when I first graduated from college and joined the workforce and the other was about the same with no benefits so my husband and I agreed to keep waiting it out and see if I could get something a little better. I’m not sure if that was the best route and it may have been a mistake but it’s said and done now. Today, I just got an email that I wasn’t selected for an interview I went on this week. The job was part-time with no benefits and they wanted someone with five years of specialized experience... I’m doing everything I can for my job search but in my city there were thousands and thousands of people laid off and it’s been tough. I’m also working with three recruiters who have been very honest and they say it’s just a tough job market right now since my city is oil and gas based and it’s not my resume or my experience that’s holding me back.

I do freelance work in my field but it’s very hit or miss. One month I only billed $38 but other months I’ve done better. My husband thinks I should try to make my own business out of my freelance work to make it “more professional” and I agree it would perhaps help me to gain more clients but it’s just been so hit or miss that I’m afraid to go that route. I’m afraid of spending money on a website and business licensing etc and then it be a bust. I keep applying for jobs and I’ve been really down in the dumps about all the rejection.

Part of me also thinks I should go back to school for something that is more recession proof if possible but TTC puts a monkey wrench in that. I could go back to school for my masters but I’m afraid if I do get pregnant that having a newborn and going to graduate school wouldn’t work. I know I had one friend who started a degree and then took a break for a few years and when he went back to finish it the course requirements were different and it was a mess. At the same time I know it could take longer than I think to conceive and maybe I could at least get started and try to make something of myself.

Well, this is month two of also TTC and I think I just want to burst into tears. I’m SO confused. Do I keep looking for a job and then what if I get pregnant? How will I interview when I start showing? I also hear that some companies really discriminate against pregnant women. Do I start my own company? Do I go back to school? Do I keep trying to do freelance and up my game? Do I live my life as though I’m not TTC even though I am? I’m sure some of you on this board have been through similar situations and life doesn’t just stop as you try for a baby. I want to be practical and realistic and I would appreciate any similar experiences or advice you all have.

lulu1180 · October 2016

OP, I'm sorry that you've been out of work for so long and yes, the job market isn't always the best. As far as the job prospects go, if I were you, I would start looking for anything. A low paying job is better than no job.

As for the TTC questions, if you have lurked, you would have been able to figure it out. In fact, one regular poster just asked a couple days ago about an interview she has for a position she thinks she would be perfect for. When you are TTC, you don't put any plans on hold, you keep on with your life as if you weren't TTC. And if you are special enough to get KU immediately, you then re-evaluate things and go from there.

If you plan on participating in the board regularly, I would suggest reading the posts pinned at the top, lurking a whole lot more, then doing an intro on the appropriate weekly thread and jumping into one of the daily posts when you feel ready. This is an amazing sight with an incredible group of ladies who are probably more supportive and understanding of my struggles than some of my friends or family. However, in order to get support, you need to give it.

I hope you decide to join us permanently and get to see for yourself how amazing this community is. In the meantime, good luck on your job search!

@adirat Did I miss anything?

RunRestRepeat · October 2016

Calling @lulu1180 and @adirat...

ETA: lulu, you beat me to it!

bumpybump · October 2016

The only thing I want to add to what @lulu1180 said is this. It is illegal for a company to discriminate against a pregnant woman! If you are/feel you are discriminated against at that point, you can go after that company.

lulu1180 · October 2016

Thank you @bumpybump! I felt like there was something I forgot

saralee797-2 · October 2016

dashamikhail said:

Hi everyone, I’m a new member and I wasn’t sure if this is the correct section (TTC) to come for advice so please forgive me if it’s not (maybe someone can kindly point me to the right direction if I’m way off…)

I could really use some advice and this does have to do with TTC it’s just a bit of a long story. Background is that I was laid off from my job in oil & gas about six months ago. I’ve been on thirteen interviews since and I’m not even sure how many phone interviews now. I did have two offers but one was what I made when I first graduated from college and joined the workforce and the other was about the same with no benefits so my husband and I agreed to keep waiting it out and see if I could get something a little better. I’m not sure if that was the best route and it may have been a mistake but it’s said and done now. Today, I just got an email that I wasn’t selected for an interview I went on this week. The job was part-time with no benefits and they wanted someone with five years of specialized experience... I’m doing everything I can for my job search but in my city there were thousands and thousands of people laid off and it’s been tough. I’m also working with three recruiters who have been very honest and they say it’s just a tough job market right now since my city is oil and gas based and it’s not my resume or my experience that’s holding me back.

I do freelance work in my field but it’s very hit or miss. One month I only billed $38 but other months I’ve done better. My husband thinks I should try to make my own business out of my freelance work to make it “more professional” and I agree it would perhaps help me to gain more clients but it’s just been so hit or miss that I’m afraid to go that route. I’m afraid of spending money on a website and business licensing etc and then it be a bust. I keep applying for jobs and I’ve been really down in the dumps about all the rejection.

Part of me also thinks I should go back to school for something that is more recession proof if possible but TTC puts a monkey wrench in that. I could go back to school for my masters but I’m afraid if I do get pregnant that having a newborn and going to graduate school wouldn’t work. I know I had one friend who started a degree and then took a break for a few years and when he went back to finish it the course requirements were different and it was a mess. At the same time I know it could take longer than I think to conceive and maybe I could at least get started and try to make something of myself.

Well, this is month two of also TTC and I think I just want to burst into tears. I’m SO confused. Do I keep looking for a job and then what if I get pregnant? How will I interview when I start showing? I also hear that some companies really discriminate against pregnant women. Do I start my own company? Do I go back to school? Do I keep trying to do freelance and up my game? Do I live my life as though I’m not TTC even though I am? I’m sure some of you on this board have been through similar situations and life doesn’t just stop as you try for a baby. I want to be practical and realistic and I would appreciate any similar experiences or advice you all have.

QFP

Please read the newbie guide and lurk our boards. As PP have said, we discourage this type of post. You should also consider joining us in the WTO and TWW threads which are posted daily. For instance, just yesterday, @swimsister had a very similar question and lots of us weighed in. However, this is definitely one of those situations where, unfortunately, no one is going to be able to tell you what is right for you and your family.

glitterfish-2 · October 2016

I went through something similar, and I decided to basically stop looking for a job and got my real estate license so I could be flexible enough to be home a lot when we had the baby.
11 months later, still not KU, but I did end up getting one of the first jobs I had applied for when still in panic mode after my lay-off. I have to commute 1.5 hrs each way, but every day I tell myself that I'm doing this now while we don't have kids so I have more options later.

thatcma · October 2016

And Friday was going so well............

dashamikhail · October 2016

Sorry guys, I think part of the problem is that I did lurk on the boards for awhile (I joined two weeks ago) and I know it takes a few days to become a member so I just now got back on to check if I could post- I didn't lurk for this weeks posts so I missed the other you are talking about from yesterday. I did also do a search for "TTC and got laid off" but only saw something from 2008 pop up. Just trying to find some people who can possibly relate to my situation as TTC can be a very confusing time! I'm not sure if this is the right site for me after all. Thanks any way guys I could really use a listening ear so I'll continue my search for a community.

dashamikhail · October 2016

Also, I think that after posting this I realize while I am TTC that the job thing is a separate issue (although TTC is weighing on my heart and emotions as I'm sure it is for everyone on this board and impacting decisions I make) and that perhaps thebump isn't the best place for the advice I need and that maybe what I'm really looking for is career advice but just didn't know it.

swimsister · October 2016

@dashamikhail I’m the one who posted yesterday in the thread called WTO Thursday. The theory here behind all the organized threads is that support is a two way street, you have to give it to get it. It works pretty well. My situation is not the same as yours, but I got a lot of answers, you can read through them if they’ll help you. Generally people here agree that you should live your life until you get that BFP and figure the rest out then. Otherwise, you could end up putting your life on hold for a year or more.

FWIW my mom went back to school when the 4 of us were little and got her Masters in something completely different from what she’d majored in in college. It took her several years, but she’s so much happier in her new career than she was in her old one. I’ve always had crazy respect for her for that. So, if grad school is what you really want to do, you can find a way.

Hang out, read a few threads, make an intro and join us in the daily threads.

kiki75 · October 2016

I could really use a listening ear so I'll continue my search for a community.

You generally had my sympathy until you got to this passive-aggressive little gem.
eye roll bitch please not amused reactions classic

I get that you're having a hard time but lashing out at us does not solve anything. We're not responsible for any of it.

I will say that while companies can't discriminate based on your reproductive status, for some of them you have to have been there for X amount of time to qualify for their maternity leave programs. I think that there's some amount of time working there to be covered by FMLA, too. But I haven't researched it because it's not applicable to me.

dashamikhail · October 2016

Not lashing out... I just explained that I realized I need career advice and that the bump isn't where I'm going to get it but like all of you TTC weighing on my heart and mind so I came here (since TTC does have an impact on some decisions).

mylove071407 · October 2016

I was pregnant in graduate school...it can be done if it's something you want.

It took me a bit longer but I was determined to finish. Don't put life on hold for something that hasn't happened yet.

lulu1180 · October 2016

@dashamikhail I agree that if you're looking for career advice then TB is most definitely not the place for it. However, if you're looking for general TTC advice and support I would suggest you stick around as you will find that not only are these ladies incredibly supportive but they keep it real and science-based. They won't tell you what you want to hear but instead what you need to hear. I wish you luck in both your career search and your TTC journey.

kiki75 · October 2016

@dashamikhail Since we don't know you and we don't have body language or tone, we can only go on what you write.

I think that the recruiters you're working with are your first source for advice. You didn't mention if moving is/isn't a possibility. My cousin had moved to North Dakota with his wife for a job in oil but when things started turning, they moved to Washington just to get out of that saturated job market. Maybe at least a somewhat temporary move would be an option? I'm not sure that going into consulting is going to be a real solution since it sounds like there might be a lot of people trying to do the same thing in that area.

Bababatty · October 2016

@dashamikhail Building off what @Kiki75 said, know that if you get a job with an employer who must adhere to Family and Medical Leave Act time-off (not all employers do; I believe it's based on the size of the staff), you must be employed by them for a year to be guaranteed 12 weeks of unpaid leave. That said, leave is something you can negotiate during the hiring process if you are pregnant. I had a friend who switched jobs early in her pregnancy who negotiated 8 weeks leave even though she didn't qualify for FMLA.

picklesplease · October 2016

Bababatty said:

@dashamikhail Building off what @Kiki75 said, know that if you get a job with an employer who must adhere to Family and Medical Leave Act time-off (not all employers do; I believe it's based on the size of the staff), you must be employed by them for a year to be guaranteed 12 weeks of unpaid leave. That said, leave is something you can negotiate during the hiring process if you are pregnant. I had a friend who switched jobs early in her pregnancy who negotiated 8 weeks leave even though she didn't qualify for FMLA.

***Lurker***

***TW IN SIGGY***

What she said. You must work at a company for at least a year to qualify for FMLA. I've been at my current district for three years, so it was a nonissue. Paperwork is being filled out for me, no problem. You can negotiate for leave, but I would highly encourage you to get it in writing.

MissBlair226 · October 2016

I'm so sorry you've been searching for a job for so long!
What do you think would make you happiest, TTC or not?
I would do as pp mentioned and start by taking a job that might not be high paying and starting small so that way you are bringing in some money you can put into saving and I really do think that will ease your mind and make you feel less rushed to make a bigger decision.
I wish you the best of luck with your job hunt as well as TTC!

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

TB is a good place for TTC advice and support but like PP said, you have to give it to get it. As for career advice, that's best discussed between you and your DH -- maybe close family. That being said, all I can say is welcome to TB and I hope you're stay here is short. As for the job, take anything you can get at this point of you're worried about it and do your freelance stuff on the side if you want. Basically do what you would if you weren't TTC and then when you get KU re-evaluate things if you need to.

saralee797-2 · October 2016

Also, here's the thing, we don't know you. This is a one off post as far as I am concerned. My first thought was how old are you? I'm 32 and it matters not only from an advice standpoint but also from a medical standpoint because I'm over 30. How many kids do you want to have? Do you really care about a career or would you rather stay at home? How important are "extras" and travel to you? I'm not trying to be mean here but these questions frame all my TTC priorities. If you want to be here, we want to get to know you and want to give you the best advice but that only comes through time and participation. That's why we have a system. If you take the time, I promise it is worth it.

dashamikhail · October 2016

Thank you all. I have to admit this website is very confusing for me as I am not originally a native speaker of English even though I've been in the US since fifteen. Some words for exampe baby dust on the rules section was very confusing but that is because I thought it was a drug (that's angel dust) and the acronyms! It took me an extra long time to read things so that may be why I don't understand your site the best. I was able to post on the "other" section of translation community I'm in (where you guys made the point you do not know me but people there know me quite well as translations are quite fun for me and I spend lots of time since this is my freelance buisness as well). I got quite a few good opinions and I was also told to look at Captain Awkward and Penelope Trunk in case this post becomes archived.

LadyMillil · October 2016

This is a hard question to provide advice on because every situation is so different. You need to think about if you could make it financially if you were pregnant and not working. If you found out you were pregnant tomorrow would your reaction be mostly panic because you're not working? Grad school is not a guarantee that you'll get a job and it can be extremely difficult to balance it with having a baby because it's much more intense than an undergraduate degree and could involve not only coursework but research, teaching, seminars, conferences, etc.

I had to make the baby vs career decision earlier this year. I chose the best job offer I had which meant having to postpone infertility treatments. We didn't stop trying naturally and have a plan for what to do if I get pregnant before the ideal time after starting the new job.

str13 · October 2016

**lurker
Speak with your husband. Would it be better to freelance, go back to school, search for a job in an unrelated field, or keep searching in your field?
Also like PP mentioned, is relocating an option? Even temporarily?
Not knowing all your circumstances it's hard to make that determination. And I don't really want to know. Not to be rude! There's just no way anyone here can help you make this decision.

MTgirlCOworld · October 2016

An addition to the FMLA conversations, I heard the website nationalpartnership.org is a good resource as it looks at laws state by state as some states have a varied FMLA law. I have not checked it out yet myself but it may help.

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TTC after getting laid off and looking for a job (long post)

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