UO Thursday 10/13

dubcompanion · October 2016

Time to share your unpopular opinion!

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/gzo6lUv8p8hMc/giphy.gif

kjd291 · October 2016

I always have a handful of UOs I think of throughout the week... I really need to start writing them down so I can actually remember them when Thursday comes around.

gracie4400 · October 2016

I miss the days when people used to talk on the phone. I'm not knocking text messaging and I think it's great for quick communication (hey, what time are we meeting, etc.) but I don't think it's efficient for long conversations. I also miss being able to hear someone's tone, attitude, and getting a better sense of how they are feeling. Text messages seem much more impersonal to me.

dubcompanion · October 2016

@kjd291 Same here, and I'm the one who creates this thread. I also struggle with discerning what is a UO and what is an FFFC. Thinking is hard.

kjd291 · October 2016

dubcompanion said:

@kjd291 Same here, and I'm the one who creates this thread. I also struggle with discerning what is a UO and what is an FFFC. Thinking is hard.

Truth! I had that conversation in my head last night while I was falling asleep, "Oh, that's a good UO - you should remember that for tomorrow." "No it's more along the lines of a FFFC, save it for Friday" "Hmm..well, we'll see if we remember it at all and go from there..." bahah

Spartanrd4 · October 2016

That reminds me I don't think we had a FFFC last week- *writes down reminder to start thread tomorrow*

dubcompanion · October 2016

@Spartanrd4 I have a really late FFFC - I noticed we didn't have it last Friday, but since I do UO & sometimes the Monday B-Fest, I wanted to let someone else start it.

But yay, good to know you'll get it going tomorrow! *teamwork high five*

dubcompanion · October 2016

UO: I don't really like working in a field where there are a lot of other women. Women tend to take things personally and create a lot of drama. Gossip is unproductive, particularly when it could get back to the person it's about and does nothing to improve relationships or morale. Men typically are more direct and don't BS so much. Also, it's exhausting having to tiptoe around a few personalities - you never know if you're going to walk out of the room and be the subject of gossip within 10 seconds. On the bright side, I've learned not to care.

Spartanrd4 · October 2016

@dubcompanion Teamwork makes the dream work!!

disneybaby84 · October 2016

UO: I have no plans to spank my children. I was spanked plenty as a kid and now my mom and I do not have a relationship. Not saying spanking created that, but I believe spanking enabled my mom and I to emotionally distance ourselves from each other.

Spartanrd4 · October 2016

@Dubcompanion I agree- I work with all women and we have drama quite often (I don't know if you remember me talking about an incident I had with a co-worker/friend after my *TW* loss when she announced her pregnancy pretty soon after it happened). We still haven't talked since and that was 6 months ago- even after I announced my pregnancy she could of been the bigger person and congratulated me and yet still hasn't said a word to me. Now we are split up into cliques and its just so dumb- I mean we are all in our late 20's, early 30's...not high school. But unfortunately in my field, men are just not very common (I think in the whole health system I can think of 3 men at the top of my head who work as a nutritionist). Some testosterone around the office would definitely help decrease the BSC...

dubcompanion · October 2016

@Spartanrd4 I do remember that story, and yeah, it's crazy how even in adulthood, there are still cliques. It's especially frustrating when I work in a career that involves instructing middle school girls in social skills.

kjd291 · October 2016

@disneybaby84 I think that your opinion is more the popular one these days... after having DD I see even her doctors offices give out pamphlets about not spanking your children. Ane socially it's becoming unacceptable.

my opinion: I think there is a line that needs to be drawn. obviously there is a huge difference between a little spank and a beating... and every kid and situation is very different - some kids you can look at disapprovingly and they melt into a puddle, other kids could really benefit from a spank when other discipline doesn't work. I plan on giving my kids a good smack on the butt if they need it to learn a lesson-especially to keep them safe! Big part for me is as long as you don't do it out of anger, but instead to help them learn, and if i need it give myself a minute to cool down and explain why they are getting one-not just yell and spank in the moment

pandalily · October 2016

DH and I fully intend on spanking when appropriate. I got spanked quite a bit as a child (I'm a back talker) and one of my biggest fears is that our child ends up being too coddled. But yes @kjd291 I think explaining to them why they are being disciplined is super important.

Speaking of cell phones - I HATE when people come up to the counter still on the phone. I refuse to help people or say to them I'll be with them as soon as they're done with their conversation. So I think people use their phone for conversations plenty enough lol

dubcompanion · October 2016

@disneybaby84 I agree with @kjd291 that there is a line between spanking being a discipline method and just a beating. I don't plan to use it as a method of discipline but don't judge those who use it and provide a rationale for it. I will add that I don't think spanking is appropriate for aggressive behavior - i.e. if the kid hits, I don't think hitting (which yes, spanking is, it's just on the butt) them back works. It just confuses them. ("Don't hit, or I'll hit you.") That is where I believe resentment forms - kids might not know the term hypocrisy, but they sense it all the same in this regard.

howdthathappen · October 2016

I can only think of FFCs as well. Now I have a handful trying to come up with OUs but come tomorrow i won't remember any of them i'm sure. haha

mtmama2 · October 2016

dubcompanion said:

@disneybaby84 I agree with @kjd291 that there is a line between spanking being a discipline method and just a beating. I don't plan to use it as a method of discipline but don't judge those who use it and provide a rationale for it. I will add that I don't think spanking is appropriate for aggressive behavior - i.e. if the kid hits, I don't think hitting (which yes, spanking is, it's just on the butt) them back works. It just confuses them. ("Don't hit, or I'll hit you.") That is where I believe resentment forms - kids might not know the term hypocrisy, but they sense it all the same in this regard.

I agree with this to a point but I do recall a time in my childhood where I used to bite my little brother all the time and no amount of spanking or timeouts would get me to stop. Finally one day my mom caught me biting his arm so she grabbed my arm and lightly bit it and I never ever bit him again!

dubcompanion · October 2016

@SienaC I've heard of that tactic, and it's because you teach the child that it really hurts to bite someone's arm! In that case, the child learns some empathy.

However, if a child is already aware that their aggressive behavior is hurtful and continues doing it with the intent to harm, then spanking or doing the same action in retribution is ineffective. My guess is that you bit your brother because you knew he didn't like it but didn't realize the extent of your actions until you got bit. For some kids with aggressive behavior, their reasons for it are deeper, and they need alternate outlets for expressing their emotions. (Hence, spanking/biting them back won't work because they haven't been taught how to show their anger in a more appropriate way, and physical punishment just reinforces that that's what you do when you're mad at someone.)

RunBooRun · October 2016

Discipline is such a tough subject. I strongly believe that you need to determine the best discipline method for each child. It's not one size fits all.

With my sister, bring grounded worked. She wanted to be able to go out and see her friends. For me, I'd rather be locked up in my room reading a book, so it wasn't a punishment for me. Now, tell me I couldn't have dessert that week and I would straighten up.

dubcompanion · October 2016

@RunBooRun Yep! Agreed. Food is my motivator, lol. And I'm going to make mistakes as a parent, just like I make mistakes with students.

For the most part, when there are good intentions to discipline a child, that's what matters. It's usually when a parent totally loses their cool that mistakes are made, but eh, kids need to know they're only human too.

I have never been spanked, but when I was in middle school, my mom once smacked me across the face after I called her a very inappropriate name. She doesn't remember it (or denies it

), but I can't blame her for her reaction. It's the only time she'd ever laid a hand on me, and I fully deserved it.

littleSkittle14 · October 2016

I am also not opposed to spanking but I agree with you ladies that it can't be done out of anger. I'm honestly not at a point where I think that's the case for me in my own parenting journey (I tend to take my child's misbehavior wayyyyy too personally) so I do not to spank at this time. However if I have another baby in a few years and I am at a point where I have learned to separate my emotion from whatever misbehavior my child is doing, I would consider it. Does that make sense?

littleSkittle14 · October 2016

Also my UO is that I don't think the pics of babies/toddlers with food all over their faces and hair is cute! I think it's so gross and all I can think is how badly they need a bath!

My one exception for my kids is on their birthday with their first birthday cake. But even then I don't like it and all I can think is how much work it is to clean them/the surrounding area up!

Gators&BoSox · October 2016

I don;t have an UO this week but had to chime in to say that seriously I don't think this conversation on spanking could happen civilly on any other board lol

Burrberrymum · October 2016

My UO this week is I very much dislike the sun. It puts me in a bad mood, and I wake up much happier on cloudy/rainy days. I just sigh when it's super sunny out.

mtmama2 · October 2016

@RunBooRun I completely agree! What works for each child is so different, even between siblings! I was a total BRAT as a child and the only thing that worked was a good spanking but my younger brother was the total opposite, if my parents even slightly raised their voices he would shape right up. I can't recall my parents ever having to spank him! We were as opposite as you could get!

mtmama2 · October 2016

@Burrberrymum

My UO this week is I very much dislike the sun. It puts me in a bad mood, and I wake up much happier on cloudy/rainy days. I just sigh when it's super sunny out.

This breaks my heart! It just recently started getting all dark and gloomy where I live and I can't stand it! I am so not ready for winter yet. During the fall/winter months where I live it is always dark outside when I wake up and dark again when I get off work & I find that so depressing!

Edit- I messed up the tag

babyspice · October 2016

@Gators&BoSox I totally agree! That's the only reason I felt comfortable joining in with this community. I love that the ladies keep it pretty positive and always respectful to one another!

Burrberrymum · October 2016

SienaC said:

@Burrberrymum

My UO this week is I very much dislike the sun. It puts me in a bad mood, and I wake up much happier on cloudy/rainy days. I just sigh when it's super sunny out.

This breaks my heart! It just recently started getting all dark and gloomy where I live and I can't stand it! I am so not ready for winter yet. During the fall/winter months where I live it is always dark outside when I wake up and dark again when I get off work & I find that so depressing!

Edit- I messed up the tag

I like when it gets dark early! Feels much cozier, peaceful and gets me excited for the holidays! My SO always jokes that I'm a vampire cause I prefer to keep the blinds closed and complain about the sun. Anytime a big cloud goes in front of the sun on a super sunny day I'm always like "ahhhhhhh finally!" I actually googled it to make sure I'm not the only one, I was starting to feel like there was something wrong with me lol

nursemama-2 · October 2016

I can honestly say that I haven't and will never spank my children. I just would stress out too much and I don't think it would work for my kids. I don't judge others though, you know your kid best. I don't know if people know there are pretty strict laws (at least in canada) when it comes to spanking. My kids seem to do better with alone time then we hug and talk about it.

kiyamurph · October 2016

This is the most civil conversation on spanking ever! This came up on a Facebook mom's group not too long ago and holy Jesus did it get ugly. What was annoying about it was there were too many women being self righteous about their opinion and thinking their way was the right way and everyone else were horrible people for spanking their kids. Some women were even talking about how the people who spanked should have their kids taken away. They would start sharing articles on why you shouldn't spank and it was awful. Needless to say I did not join that blood bath.

I agree with some of the others in that spanking depends on the child and doing what discipline works for them. I strongly believe that there's a right and a wrong way to spank. My dad mostly did the spanking of me and my brother growing up. He would always talk to me before he spanked me (on the butt) and would tell me why he was doing it. After the spanking and after I cried and calmed down in my room, he would come in and tell me that he didn't like having to spank me and would reiterate why he did it. He would always, ALWAYS tell me that he loved me before leaving the room. I understood every time why I was being spanked and of course my bratty ass deserved punishment for the foolishness that I would take part in. I was never confused by my dad's actions and it was very effective. I always learned my lesson and not once did I want to hit back. Spanking caused me to have a healthy fear of my parents and I never wanted to cross them. I'm not looking forward to the day when my kids need to be spanked, but when that day comes I plan to take on the same method that my dad did. I fully understand though why someone would choose not to spank. It's a very difficult subject and it just doesn't fly for everyone.

kjd291 · October 2016

Yepp! Ya'll definitely just keep proving March rules!!

nursemama-2 · October 2016

Should we talk circs and formula/breast while we're at it?

kiyamurph · October 2016

How about vaccines and politics. Ha!

sunshine507 · October 2016

@kiyamurph LMAO I just got piled on IRL because I said I plan to get the flu vaccine. Super unpopular opinion in that crowd. You'd think I'd said I was going to get drunk and do crack.

serenity13 · October 2016

I agree each child responds to forms of discipline very differently; what works for some kids doesn't work for others and it really is a personal decision for the parents. DH & I plan to never spank our kids, but then again we may need to change our outlook down the road if we have a super bratty kid that only responds to that. Hopefully we'll raise little angels & won't ever need to worry about it though lol... I definitely agree it should never be done out of anger & explaining "why" is crucial as is stating your love for them. I remember being spanked as a kid & being put in time out a lot because I was a terrible child half the time; my sister was a saint compared to me & only had to be given a look or a firm tone of voice to change her behavior.

My UO this week is I don't like fancy cars...more specifically the people who buy them. As part of one of my jobs I deal with car title transactions, so when extremely rich people come in with their Lamborghini's & all the other high end makes of cars and I see they've spent more on one of their vehicles than my house is worth, I immediately cringe & think "you could have done so much good helping others with all that money instead!" I just don't get it...even if I had millions of dollars, I'd never use any to flaunt it on some fancy car cause I'd just feel guilty & selfish for doing so.

dubcompanion · October 2016

@serenity13 Whenever I see those high-end flashy cars, I think they either have way too much money to burn or they are compensating for something.

RunBooRun · October 2016

NurseMama said:

Should we talk circs and formula/breast while we're at it?

1. There's some documented benefits to circs, but not enough for MDs to recommend it universally. So you do you.
2. Feed your kid.
(PS, I know you were tongue-in-cheek).

RE fancy cars: I want a luxury car someday. Not a high end sports car or anything, but something with nice comfy seats and bells & whistles. However, I won't buy it new. Used is good for me!

kiyamurph · October 2016

@sunshine507 Heaven forbid you protect yourself against the flu, which can be majorly detrimental to the baby. People, especially women, can be so ridiculous. It's ok for everyone to have their own opinion about these things, but it's the shaming that I can't stand. No one parent is perfect and getting on a high horse about something won't mean someone will change their stance. Sheesh.

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