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Trouble TTC
avocuddle
member
Finally introducing myself...
avocuddle
member
in Trouble TTC
Hey all! 25 years old, trying for 1.5 years. I just saw I got my anniversary badge after one year of lurking on here and figured I'd finally pop in and say something. It's hard to talk about. It's been a really emotional year for me, watching everyone around me (three sisters-in-law, one sister, countless friends...) get pregnant while we're struggling with infertility. After the last gut-wrenching "So when is it YOUR turn?!" comment, I finally decided to make my first appointment with a fertility specialist. My appointment is next week. This also comes after a bunch of dead-end appointments with my PCP, multiple rounds of temping/ovulation kit charting/various blood tests--all coming back "normal," no answers. I've been treated on and off for ovarian cysts and "possible endometriosis" for about 7 years, but never had a true endo diagnosis ("We don't do laparoscopies for women your age... not until you're ready to get pregnant..."). I'm nervous that the depo they treated me with did irreversible damage to my body. That drug was the worst.
I guess I just wanted to feel like I have someone to talk to. I'm scared and I don't really know what to expect at my appointment. This is all a very lonely experience for me. My husband wants a baby as much as I do, but I feel like the weight of infertility hasn't hit him as hard as it's hit me. He always says, "It'll happen, it'll be okay." He thinks that going to the fertility specialist is just going to fix everything, but I have my worries and doubts. I've always wanted to experience pregnancy and be a mom and the thought of never achieving that makes me feel so alone. I know we can adopt, but does it make me selfish to want to feel a child growing inside of me? I constantly pin to secret Pinterest boards about pregnancy, nursery decorations, baby shower lists, parenting tips... hoping that someday, I'll be able to use them.
Anyway, that's my intro! Thanks for listening.
I guess I just wanted to feel like I have someone to talk to. I'm scared and I don't really know what to expect at my appointment. This is all a very lonely experience for me. My husband wants a baby as much as I do, but I feel like the weight of infertility hasn't hit him as hard as it's hit me. He always says, "It'll happen, it'll be okay." He thinks that going to the fertility specialist is just going to fix everything, but I have my worries and doubts. I've always wanted to experience pregnancy and be a mom and the thought of never achieving that makes me feel so alone. I know we can adopt, but does it make me selfish to want to feel a child growing inside of me? I constantly pin to secret Pinterest boards about pregnancy, nursery decorations, baby shower lists, parenting tips... hoping that someday, I'll be able to use them.
Anyway, that's my intro! Thanks for listening.
Re: Finally introducing myself...
Your first RE appointment will be a lot of talking about your history, symptoms etc. They may do a baseline ultrasound and prob order blood work and semen analysis for your hubby.
No Folic acid/pharmaceuticals/supplements (too many to list- private message me if interested), IVIL infusion
He has not joined me at the infertility appointments or my fluoroscopy, because it'd be silly for both of us to miss work. He also doesn't have to time his urination or get yet another Day 21/22 progesterone check. I get really overwhelmed with trying to do as much as I can before I call it quits on seriously trying.
I'm hoping you get some answers soon, which has been the hardest part for me (the not knowing!), and that you get to fulfill that dream of being a mom.
DH - low motility
Rx: Levothyroxine, misc supplements
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.
3 Losses, 8/16 11/16 and 6/2017
Kuddos for taking the first step and making that appointment. It's a hard step to take but, if you are like me, you will feel (at least marginally) better just knowing you are taking a step forward.
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
Please don't feel bad about not really wanting to adopt. I feel the same way--DH and I are on different pages about this--and I think part of it is I just want to experience pregnancy. It's frustrating that the rest of the world thinks they can just tell infertile couples to adopt--I think that's one of the worst things you can say to an knfertile couple. And of course it's never just that simple.
I can also understand the frustration you have with your H. Mine kept saying our first IUI was a "trial run", which I think made him feel better. But when it failed and I had a breakdown, I flat out told him that he needed to stop saying that because I had not put so much time, effort, and hormones into my system for a "trial run." Men don't understand how much of a toll every cycle takes on us.
In addition to joining this board, I definitely recommend thinking about outside therapy (one-on-one or group). A lot of us do it, I think, and sometimes it's just nice to talk to someone about your struggles face-to-face. Resolve, the national infertility group, has great resources.
Married 7/13
TTC #1 since 10/13
BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
IUI #1 2/25/16