Controversial Topic Ahead : Wiener Talk

birdiejo · October 2016

Hopefully we can keep this discussion respectful and open minded.

For those that have to or have already faced this decision, what made you decide to circumsise or abstain from circumcision?

Do people feel that it's becoming more common not to circumsize?

Is anyone else in disagreement with their husband over this? (I actually agree with him and all of his reasons for making his choice but am still held back due to culture and tradition.)

Vastra · October 2016

We only stopped having this argument as soon as I found out we're having a girl. H is c'ed, and is sort of bitter about it. I had always thought that it's just what you do, but he always thought that if he had a son, he'd not force it on him, and let the kid decide for himself when he got older. I probably still would have pushed for it, but I'm sort of glad it's not really an issue (for now).

srscott3 · October 2016

We are not circumcising. We are having a girl.

Joke's aside though, we would have if we were having a boy. H is a doctor and has seen quite a few infected uncircumcised penises and UTI's stemming from being uncircumcised. He also showed me quite a few medical studies on why you should circumcise. We (obviously) didn't look into it further when we found out we were having a girl, but we do know that we will circumcise any future boys..unless the medical evidence changes before then.

DontMakeMeAdult0903 · October 2016

We aren't finding out the sex. I don't want to circumcise and DH does...I think it should be the choice of the individual...I also don't intend to pierce ears if it is a girl. What if she doesn't like earrings? That's her body...not mine.

mrslittlemac · October 2016

H is for it, I'm ambivalent but would rather err on the side of letting the kid decide later in life. Became a non-issue this time around, at least.

MommaBean · October 2016

I let H decide for DS since he knows what it's like to have a weenie and he was very pro-circ. It's another boy so I guess we'll circ again, though I don't really see the need except so all they all match lol.

blush64 · October 2016

I think this is something that is best discussed with your husband/wife/partner and your doctor. There are so many opinions and reasons but which are best are really going to depend on the person deciding. There are good reasons on both sides. I know people can talk about whatever they want but I don't think this sort of discussion helps very much.

I live in Ontario, Canada. It is not that I feel it is becoming less common, it actually is much less common. I don't think that really matters when making a decision.

I have two boys so I have made the decision already.

expandcontract · October 2016

If we were having a boy, we would circumcise due to religious beliefs and science that backs it up. However, I have talked to several men who are not circumcised, and they've said they've never had any problems keeping it clean. So, if it wasn't for our religion, I would maybe let the boy decide. I'm not totally sure on that.

tishb · October 2016

We did with both of our older DS. We are having a girl this time, but would do it again if we were having a boy. Mostly for the medical benefit like @srscott3 mentioned. Also, it's an easier recovery when they are little. I wouldn't want to put my 7 year old son through that if that was something he decided he wanted done! DH said no way would he want to got though it as an adult!

madamerwin · October 2016

We are both on the fence about it. H is circumcised, but he does not feel like the kid needs to "match" him. Ultimately I think this is a decision I will leave up to him, but we are both having a hard time with it. There are obviously benefits to circumcision (reduced UTI's, reduced risk of STDs, etc.), but there are risks to the procedure as well. I believe the American Academy of Pediatrics (Edit: It may actually have been the CDC) recently came out with a statement saying they recommend it, and that the benefits outweigh the risks. So we will have to put more thought into it.

As much as I love the idea of letting the kid decide later, there is the potential for more serious complications when the procedure is done on an older child or an adult - so I feel like while if we don't do it, he could decide later he wants it done, it's riskier at that point.

BumpasaurusRex · October 2016

tishb said:

We did with both of our older DS. We are having a girl this time, but would do it again if we were having a boy. Mostly for the medical benefit like @srscott3 mentioned. Also, it's an easier recovery when they are little. I wouldn't want to put my 7 year old son through that if that was something he decided he wanted done! DH said no way would he want to got though it as an adult!

This is us as well.

scifichick09 · October 2016

DH is not circumcised. I don't want to circumcise our son, but DH is on the fence. I basically laid out the reasons why I don't want to circumcise, but told him since he's the one with a penis, I will ultimately let him decide. We'll see where it goes, but right now I think we're leaning more towards uncircumcised.

birdiejo · October 2016

blush64 said:

I think this is something that is best discussed with your husband/wife/partner and your doctor. There are so many opinions and reasons but which are best are really going to depend on the person deciding. There are good reasons on both sides. I know people can talk about whatever they want but I don't think this sort of discussion helps very much.

I live in Ontario, Canada. It is not that I feel it is becoming less common, it actually is much less common. I don't think that really matters when making a decision.

I have two boys so I have made the decision already.

@blush64 This is an ongoing discussion I'm having with my husband and so I'm simply looking for outside perspectives.

And I do think the prevalence is important, at least for me. Most of the people we discuss it with are extremely vocal and negative and that's a concern I have.

Xstatic3333 · October 2016

This is such a tough topic. H and I don't entirely see eye to eye about it, but he's the tiebreaker as the only weiner-holder in our relationship. I've never seen an uncircumcised penis so I don't really know what it would be like. I'm relatively uncomfortable with having him go through a painful procedure so young, but H is very glad he was circumcised as a baby so I think we'll be following his lead and going ahead with it.

expandcontract · October 2016

Also, when I saw the title of this thread, I thought we were going to talk about either @Spicyweiner or sexual BJ stuff.

scifichick09 · October 2016

@Xstatic3333 I've have been with both circumcised and uncircumcised penis, and I have to say, I love uncircumcised. I wish all men were uncircumcised.

BumpasaurusRex · October 2016

homemake said:

blush64 said:

I think this is something that is best discussed with your husband/wife/partner and your doctor. There are so many opinions and reasons but which are best are really going to depend on the person deciding. There are good reasons on both sides. I know people can talk about whatever they want but I don't think this sort of discussion helps very much.

I live in Ontario, Canada. It is not that I feel it is becoming less common, it actually is much less common. I don't think that really matters when making a decision.

I have two boys so I have made the decision already.

@blush64 This is an ongoing discussion I'm having with my husband and so I'm simply looking for outside perspectives.

And I do think the prevalence is important, at least for me. Most of the people we discuss it with are extremely vocal and negative and that's a concern I have.

Just out of curiosity, why is this a discussion you have with others aside from your spouse? Not saying it's a bad thing but ultimately, it's not up to them.

When it comes to issues like this, I think it's truly a personal discussion for the parents-to-be and doctor. Besides, I can't imagine how invested other people can be about the state of your child's penis.

birdiejo · October 2016

@BumpasaurusRex We've been asked by many family members. I come from a Jewish family and so from their point of view there are not two options there's only one.

kswiger06 · October 2016

Our son is circumcised and it was just something when asked, we both were like yeah, do it... we haven't talked about it yet for this baby, but I feel certain we will do it again no discussion needed...

Just a thought on putting it off
Our son had an issue when first born, and was unable to get the circumcision until he was turning 2... it was not fun. He had to be put to sleep which had me a wreck. And having an older fussy toddler who could reach and grab at it was difficult to keep it protected and clean. I'm not sure how it would be for older boys, I would assume it would be awful, so I'm hoping all goes well and can be done in the hospital before leaving.

BumpasaurusRex · October 2016

homemake said:

@BumpasaurusRex We've been asked by many family members. I come from a Jewish family and so from their point of view there are not two options there's only one.

I gotcha. It's much harder when dealing with family.

I think I'd still be firm in not discussing it with them (not saying you should!) Then again, I have family members who have difficulty with boundaries.

PerraSucia · October 2016

Oh man I have all the feels on this. I didn't want to and H did and I let him have the deciding factor because I don't understand what it's like to have a penis.

That being said while my dad was dying and I had to help change his diapers I'm glad I didn't have to handle his penis to clean under foreskin because it wasn't already the fucking worst.

MoonOverGoldsboro · October 2016

We just talked about this this weekend! We're not finding out the sex, so we want to be prepared for this decision if we need to make it. We aren't 100 percent either way just yet, but I'd say we are leaning against circumcising. My husband is circumcised but doesn't feel like that has any particular bearing on our decision about a potential son. Like others, I think he'll be the one to make the final call.

@madamerwin, and for anyone else interested, the American Academy of Pediatric position on this issue is "After a comprehensive review of the scientific evidence, the American Academy of Pediatrics found the health benefits of newborn male circumcision outweigh the risks, but the benefits are not great enough to recommend universal newborn circumcision. The AAP policy statement published Monday, August 27, (2012), says the final decision should still be left to parents to make in the context of their religious, ethical and cultural beliefs. " They do recommend that it be covered by insurance, so families who wish to do it have access to the procedure.

From my perspective, benefits do exist...but they are so, so small, once I looked at the actual studies the AAP cited. I'm just not sure. I would like to look more into why circumcision is so much less common in the rest of the world than it is in the U.S. Just anecdotally, I do feel like I have more friends/acquaintances who are choosing not to circ, though all of my close family members who have recently have boys did go ahead with it.

MommaBean · October 2016

The doc who did DS made it clear he didn't agree/approve and I did not appreciate that. We were strangers to him.

skiingstark · October 2016

With us, my DH is the one with a penis therefore he has the final say. He says he wants his kid circumcised so we will be doing it. It would be nice to let the son be old enough to decide on their own, but it is not as safe when you wait longer so it is up to us to decide.

srscott3 · October 2016

@moonovergoldsboro That was one of the studies H showed me. Just note though it also states that "All policy statements from the American Academy of Pediatrics automatically expire 5 years after publication unless reaffirmed, revised, or retired at or before that time."...That will be next year, so be on the lookout for an update

edit to add that they could always reaffirm. Wasn't trying to make it sound like their position will change next year or anything. I just know 5 years is a decent amount of time in medical research world, and *possibly* something has changed

ChaoticWolf · October 2016

I'm having a girl, but DH and I had a talk about this before we knew, and I basically said, "You're the one with the penis and know what it's like, therefore you get to decide." DH is circumcised, but he said if we were having a boy he probably wouldn't get him snipped. It's just unnecessary unless you're doing it for religious reasons.

MrsDramaK · October 2016

So, we're having a girl, but we're Jewish so we'd definitely be doing the snippity snip.

However I once dated a guy who was uncircumcised and he said BJ's didn't really feel good (not that they felt bad, he just wasn't into them) cause he had the foreskin, so I'd definitely not want to subject my child to a lifetime of subpar blowjobs from his future significant other.

scifichick09 · October 2016

MrsDramaK said:

So, we're having a girl, but we're Jewish so we'd definitely be doing the snippity snip.

However I once dated a guy who was uncircumcised and he said BJ's didn't really feel good (not that they felt bad, he just wasn't into them) cause he had the foreskin, so I'd definitely not want to subject my child to a lifetime of subpar blowjobs from his future significant other.

I don't know if this is true across the board. DH is not circumcised and he loves BJ's...the foreskin has never been an issue.

MoonOverGoldsboro · October 2016

Funny you mention that, @srscott3, because I was really hoping for something more recent than 2012! Looks like that will be coming soon.

For what it's worth to all, the 2012 AAP statement is definitely more of an endorsement for circumcision than the previous one, and from what I can tell, American organizations overall (like the CDC) are becoming more pro-circ, though I haven't found any that actually recommend universal circumcision...just that the benefits outweigh the procedure's risks.

Spending a lot of time with wiener on the brain lately...(you know, like usual)

Spicyweiner · October 2016

AfKash said:

Also, when I saw the title of this thread, I thought we were going to talk about either @Spicyweiner or sexual BJ stuff.

Me toooooo.
Im so disappointed.

LC12261012 · October 2016

Well, we will be getting our son circumcised. DH is circumcised and wants the baby to be as well, and I feel the same so it wasn't something we talked about too much.

Spicyweiner · October 2016

Out of curiosity I asked H, a non religious circed man, if we had been having a boy if he would want to and he said no.
He said that there's little to no medical benefit and uncut men have greater sexual pleasure.
So go H for thinking of our non existent future sons sex life

birdiejo · October 2016

Spicyweiner said:

Out of curiosity I asked H, a non religious circed man, if we had been having a boy if he would want to and he said no.
He said that there's little to no medical benefit and uncut men have greater sexual pleasure.
So go H for thinking of our non existent future sons sex life

This is my husband too. A big part of him wanting to abstain is because of the increased sexual benefit for both the uncircumcised man and for the partner.

joyful08 · October 2016

This isn't the discussion I was expecting when I saw "weiner talk".
Anyways, we are having a boy. DH is uncircumcised and has never had any issues. Our son will be uncircumcised as well. But ultimately it is DH's decision. I don't have a penis so I feel like I shouldn't get a say. Kind of like no uterus no opinion that we say to our husbands.

poofwok · October 2016

My H is Jewish and even if he weren't, we're both pro circ. DS is circumcised and had this LO been another boy, he would have been as well.

JelliRob29 · October 2016

MoonOverGoldsboro said:

...

Spending a lot of time with wiener on the brain lately...(you know, like usual)

And here I am with weiner on the brain NOT like usual!! (being a lesbian will do that to you). I do want to thank the OP for opening this topic. My wife and I are pretty sure we've come to a decision, but it's always good (for us) to see all the sides of a decision.

MrsDramaK · October 2016

scifichick09 said:

MrsDramaK said:

So, we're having a girl, but we're Jewish so we'd definitely be doing the snippity snip.

However I once dated a guy who was uncircumcised and he said BJ's didn't really feel good (not that they felt bad, he just wasn't into them) cause he had the foreskin, so I'd definitely not want to subject my child to a lifetime of subpar blowjobs from his future significant other.

I don't know if this is true across the board. DH is not circumcised and he loves BJ's...the foreskin has never been an issue.

Maybe it's my technique. Most of the guys I've blown are Jewish and they come circumcised standard

blush64 · October 2016

srscott3 said:

We are not circumcising. We are having a girl.

Joke's aside though, we would have if we were having a boy. H is a doctor and has seen quite a few infected uncircumcised penises and UTI's stemming from being uncircumcised. He also showed me quite a few medical studies on why you should circumcise. We (obviously) didn't look into it further when we found out we were having a girl, but we do know that we will circumcise any future boys..unless the medical evidence changes before then.

This is kind of what I mean. Medical evidence doesn't suggest it is dangerous not to circumcise according to many doctors and medical professional. I guess it depends on who you ask or what you look at.

A doctor who has seen the negative effects of circumcision might pull information supporting the opposite position. There are very real risks to having it done. The risk are low, but so is the risk of needing it done later.

How does so much of the world live with uncircumcised penis? How are they not suffering the horrible effects people are afraid of? People get old in Europe and other places where circumcision isn't as popular. In Canada right now about 30% of boys are being circumcised and even when it was more popular it was never close to 100% across the country.

As for a sexual partner preferring a circumcised penis, what would you tell your daughter if her partner didn't like the look of her vulva? What if her labia minora is too big or coloured "wrong"? Would we offer surgery as a young baby so she can have the right look later? or would we tell her to get another partner? People have preferences, that's ok, but if they interfered with a relationship you don't want that person as a partner anyway.

Girls get UTIs, should something be done about them?

As for STIs, condoms offer much more protection than circumcision. (I have issues with what certain studies really mean for where I live)

I would never give the decision over to my husband because he has a penis. I am equally capable of reading, researching and talking to the doctor. He has a penis but his experience is limited to his own penis. I would fully expect his opinion on medical decisions regarding a baby girl.

My sons were not circumcised even though their father was. I looked at the studies and information on both sides. I looked at what the studies really said and how much they meant for where we live. Their father didn't want them done.

I obviously do not agree with circumcision so I like to offer my opinion on certain points. That being said, I don't think parents are wrong for choosing circumcision. They just came to different conclusions than I did.

scifichick09 · October 2016

@blush64 I loved your post. Very well said. I agree totally, minus the fact I am deferring to DH for the ultimate decision, but I'm pretty sure it's going to align with mine, which is not to circumcise.

ETA: I favor education over mutilation. And by that I mean, the main argument I hear for circumcision is that uncircumcised is more likely to get infected or cause UTI. So, the solution is just to cut off the foreskin? I disagree, I think the solution is better personal hygiene/health education.

imalwaysme79 · October 2016

We will be circumcising. But we're Jewish, so that's the only option for us.

srscott3 · October 2016

@blush64 I get what you're saying, but we're still going to circumcise if/when we have a boy. H did offer research as to the consequences of circumcision too. And I did my own research as well. To us, the benefits outweigh the risks. Even if the benefit isn't high enough to make it universally recommended, they are enough that I would be upset with myself if my son was one of the few to have those infections, STIs, cancer and I could have possibly reduced his risk. A circumcision is not an elimination, I know, so I'm probably overthinking it, but we're happy with our (very far in the future) decision.

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