Rampant Infidelity — The Bump
Military Families

Rampant Infidelity

This is extremely difficult for me to write and I'm doing it here because its the only way for me to do so without telling a lot of people a lot of things they don't need to know. But in a nutshell I have recently found out there is an extreme amount of infidelity among the ranks of my husband's unit (national guard). No I'm not hearing rumors. Actual accounts first hand. Not only are soldiers cheating on their civilian spouses (male and female) there's a wm present that has been with two soldiers, also an E7 and now my husband as well. WTH am I supposed to do with this?! I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that I am now going to have to prepare myself and my two young children for our entire lives to be irreparably changed, but I'm also 13 weeks pregnant and have to ask my OB for a freakin' std panel!!! Obviously this is fraternization at its extreme, but I feel like there's nothing I can do. If it gets reported to the command more than just my family is destroyed, many families will be ruined. On top of that isn't this grounds for less than honorable discharge for all those involved and therefore removing any available benefits from them and their families? So if i report this not only are lots of lives destroyed by the infidelity, all the defendants get doubly hurt by losing all their benefits as  well.  I'm so utterly devastated I can barely function and in fact ended up in the ER today with high blood pressure and a migraine. Can someone please have a word or two of advice about any of this I can't even think straight or stop crying long enough to even see what my next step options are.....
and for the love of God if all you have is judgement please, please just keep it to yourself I literally can not take anymore negativity right now.

Re: Rampant Infidelity

  • Honestly it makes me angry that this WM is giving such a terrible name to military women. Just proving what the men believed would be the case if women joined the military. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are going through this, and I have no words. I would talk to your husband and tell him that you feel like you need to report it because you feel an ethical obligation. Discharge is a sticky situation, especially knowing the benefits we have will be stripped away. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation as far as speaking to higher ups, but I would speak to your husband about the fact that he did irreparable damage to you as a loyal wife, and that what happened was as serious in your mind as it would be in the eyes of the people who could potentially kick him out
  • I'm sorry you're going through this. As much as it hurts, an infidelity doesn't need to be the end of a relationship unless that's truly what you want. And as for reporting it, I'd leave it alone. It's really none of your business and not your responsibility to report on anyone. If you really feel the need to tell someone, tell the significant others of those involved so that they can protect themselves, but telling their command is not your job.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • I'm so sorry for you and your family. I can't begin to say what I'd decide in your situation, but would suggest taking time to digest everything before making decisions, taking good care of yourself and your baby, and maybe reaching out to a counselor/therapist or someone like a priest for them to help you talk things through and figure out where your head is at, what you want out of the current situation and how to figure out if it's achievable.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Even if you report it there needs to be multiple forms of solid proof aside from word of mouth or really nothing can be done other than a stern talking to about getting their act together and keeping their dicks in their pants. It doesn't have to be the end of your relationship like another poster said unless you want it to be. As far as the others, that's not your business to worry about what they do, who they do and worry about their benefits. 
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