Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
mariecoss
member
Options
Advice
mariecoss
member
my son is going to be 16 months on the 17th lately he has been starting the tantrums a bit stomping his feet and just laying on the floor crying (that part he doesn't do that much and if he does he just lays there) if he doesn't get his way he gets mad for a few seconds and throws his pacifier or sippy cup. He was never like this and no one does this around him. He was usually a happy baby until about a week or two ago. Also lately we have been putting him down in the bed to sleep instead of rocking and the first few days he was fine went to bed no problem but the last three days he has been basically crying himself to sleep he cries so hard I have to rock him until he is drowsy to get him to calm down and then when he is calm and drowsy I put him on the bed and he falls asleep. He doesn't do this with his dad, why is he doing this? Could it also be that I just started working again this is my third week working at my job I was a stay at home mom from April till now.
Re: Advice
Ways to deal
1. Don't loose your cool. I know this one is tough, especially when it's in the middle of the grocery store. But letting them see they are getting a rise out of you will only make it worse.
2. Don't give in to whatever caused the tantrum or it goes from being a normal expression of toddler feelings to being a way to get what they want.
3. Make sure that their basic needs are met. Are they do for a nap? Are they hungry? Is it because you have been running errands all day and they are overstimulated and at the end of their rope? Are you putting them into a situation that they developmentally can't handle? (like taking a 2 year old into a toy store to buy a toy for someone else). By keeping this stuff in mind, you can prevent some tantrums to begin with.
4. Distract if you can, get them out of the situation if you can, and be available for hugs and soothing, but step away if they start hitting you, ect. For us, asking what different animals say and then making the sounds or reciting a favorite story works great. Obviously if the tantrum is over a time out, you have to let them scream for the duration of the timeout and then calm them down after.
As for bedtimes, do you mean that he goes down fine for dad awake, but not you? I've personally found that because I'm the primary caregiver in our house, DH has more luck sometimes with doing bedtime stuff because there's less separation anxiety with him. Do you have a bedtime routine? When you talk about putting him down awake, do you still rock him first? You may need to rock him until he's drowsy and then put him down as a transition for a while before you can put him in bed fully awake, but even when you do put him to bed fully awake, you will probably need to rock him first since that has become part of his "it's time to sleep" cues.
Our bedtime routine is turn on white noise and dim lights, diaper, pj's, teeth brushing, bottle, then rocking with 3 songs with the lights out, then we lay her down, say prayers and leave the room.
For the bedtime issue, remember that routine is comforting, so if you have been rocking him to sleep then this change from you is going to be unsettling at first. It will take some time for this to become the new normal and the adjustment period can be sucky. The fact that this is happening around the same time as a different change in his routine (your returning to work) might be relevant, but I wouldn't let that stop you from trying to go ahead and start this right now.
My son had a similar problem with naps, where he needed to be rocked to a dead sleep before being put down, otherwise it was endless screaming. I ended up doing some sleep training and the entire sleep routine (naps and bedtime) is much better for it. Some people think sleep training is mean, but it really isn't that bad. There is crying, but contrary to popular belief you aren't just letting your kid scream endlessly. And we began to see results in like, 3 days. I tell my friends who wonder how we got him to be so good about going to sleep, to check out the Ferber book and give it a read. Once you do, maybe you'll want to try something in it, maybe not. But it teaches a lot about sleep in general that is really insightful, in addition to techniques for 'fixing' this type of issue at bedtime. If nothing else, read it to him while you are rocking him sleep, why not? You're stuck rocking him anyway.