At the risk of sounding like a bitch. This goes to the lady at the hospital.
If if you can't handle the contractions and are screaming like a maniac. Seriously just get the epi. But don't scream, disturb the whole birthing ward and refuse drugs. I know pain like nobody's business, but there is other ways to cope. I'm not talking loud moaning, I am talking full on someone is killing that women screaming.
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@Schell2013 that screaming lady was me with my first. Trust me, I would have gotten an epidural if I could have, but I was on blood thinners and I wasn't allowed to get one. I still feel guilty about it two and a half years later. I'm sure all the new moms trying to get some sleep at 1 am didn't appreciate my screaming.
Me not wanting company all the time is apparently an UO. I'm a very introverted person generally, so people visiting isn't something that happens that often, but now that the baby is here everyone and their brother wants to come over. I think the worst offender is MIL, she stayed the night for two days last week and wasn't helpful. Not to mention she told BIL that he needed to hurry up and have a kid because she wasn't getting any "grandma time." Hazel was only 4 days old!!!! Jesus woman give the kid a chance to adjust to life on the outside. Then she text husband yesterday that she brought a change of clothes to work so she could come over afterward, and only gave us a couple hours notice. Um no, the house was trashed, I hadn't showered, it was a gloomy day the kind where you watch TV and lounge all day, the last thing I wanted was company. When I told husband no, she cried, like full on sobbing cried that I was keeping her granddaughter from her. Ugh, I can't deal with all that nonsense.
@nataliemaephotography As someone with a tough MIL, I just wanted to sympathize. You are doing the right thing by setting boundaries. It will be so much easier long term than trying to backtrack if she is used to feeling like she can stop in whenever she wants.
@nataliemaephotography I don't get people, you just delivered a human being and your family has completely changed. Why would anyone assume they can just stop by without calling or asking?? You are allowed to want some alone time to adjust, bond with baby and do nothing. People irritate me, sorry momma, just say no, feelings be damned
@nataliemaephotography that's really manipulative and unfair of her. Boundaries are super important, especially with people who are disrespectful of them.
@nataliemaephotography - wow, I really have no words for your MIL other than she needs to go to MIL jail. Sobbing like a spoiled brat, wtf.
@Schell2013 - yeah, I know everyone deals with pain differently but I have known some pretty effing intense pain, and I can't stand people who scream and cry bloody murder "because of pain." Personally I tend to assume mental health issues (which is every bit as valid but FFS don't blame it on "the pain!"). But please lady, do take your mental health issues elsewhere at 3 am. Fuck. Especially when people are trying to help you with pain meds that are safe and readily available.
@mrszoess - babies are beautiful, the emotions and stuff after delivery & seeing your LO for the first time are/can be beautiful....L&D itself IMO are not. If you have another, you will be amazed at how you really don't remember a lot about it later. *all the cliches are true*
Wow. Labor is the most painful thing most women will experience in their lives. And some women can't get an epidural for unforeseen reasons (i.e. labor progresses too quickly). So to say a women is mentally ill because she screams while pushing a giant baby head out of a 10 cm hole is pretty crummy.
My UO is that I'm not trying to rush baby into coming yet. I'm super uncomfortable but want baby to be ready and healthy. Once I hit 40 weeks though (t-minus 13 days, not that I'm counting...) I'll be trying all the methods
My UO is that I'm not trying to rush baby into coming yet. I'm super uncomfortable but want baby to be ready and healthy. Once I hit 40 weeks though (t-minus 13 days, not that I'm counting...) I'll be trying all the methods
I am this way too. I'm so done being pregnant, I am so done with bed rest but I want this baby to keep cooking! He's already coming earlier than normal, I don't need him to come earlier.
Now I'm gonna scream through labor just to keep all the mentally sane people on pain meds awake ...
Yes, another woman's screaming may be intrusive to your labor/birth experience. But have the decency to realize you don't know shit about what's she's going through. FFS, it's a huge milestone for everyone, so we should all respect each other's right to deal with the pain however the hell we feel like it. If it's that bad, ask for a room down the hall or get some earmuffs.
Related UO: I could give a crap if a drive-by poster plays by the "rules" or not. It's like someone just asked to sit at our lunch table and you told them to eff off ... You really want to do that to a fellow pregnant woman? If you don't like the post, then don't reply.
I can understand both sides of the "screaming labor" thing. I mean, if you're in labor, I'm pretty sure the last thing you should be concerned with is whether or not your screams of agony inconvenience someone else. But on the flip side, it's gotta be a pretty unsettling thing to hear if you're in early labor or whatevs. Maybe l&d units should invest in sound proof rooms
I think some of us can be too tough on the drive-by posts, as well. HOWEVER, I do find them annoying as shit. @mommathoner no offense, but you're not the most active member. Maybe if you were, you'd be annoyed by them, too. I spend a lot of time on this BMB reading other people's posts and and responding and love-titting to give support. For someone to say they've lurked since the beginning literally means she's read tons of posts from us when we needed support and thought to herself "don't care" and moved on. Now, she needs support and expects us to fall all over ourselves to give it...
@nataliemaephotography Oh girl, you have all my empathy. Sounds like our MILs have similar personalities and I'm pretty certain something like this will happen when our LO gets here too, ugh. I'm with you on the visitors thing as well - I am also an introvert & value my privacy so HATE the thought of random people dropping by after the baby is here and all the energy it will take to entertain them. Just don't wanna.
@CopperBoom86 The most recent was asking people to click on a poll ... not asking for you to pour your heart out with sympathy over the challenge of choosing a name. Just because you invested a ton of time replying to a million posts on here doesn't mean everyone has to in order to participate. Props, but it's just not for all of us.
@nataliemaephotography that kind of attitude makes me so angry. I'm sorry but since when is the grandmother (or any other various relative) the most important person in a 4 day olds life (barring abnormal situations) that it becomes appropriate to throw a fit like that. Tell her that you can only deal with one baby right now so you choose your daughter.
I dont int really have an opinion on the labor screaming thing (with dd I don't remember hearing anyone else) but it made me think of this snotty nurse I had when she asked me to rate my pain with 10 being the worst pain I can imagine, and when I said 10 she said no like the worst pain you could ever think of- like getting your arm cut off. I was like ok well pushing this almost 8 lb baby out of a small hole is the worst pain I can imagine right now so I'm sticking with that. What a weird response to a woman in labor.
Name drive by: idk if she posted the ss post first or on the name board first but she obviously realized at some point there was a name board since she commented on it- she could have asked opinions there. Not difficult.
Drive by posts annoy me for the same reasons everyone else has stated. We have no idea that someone has lurked for the last 8-9 months. At the same time, they do provide some extra entertainment. I spend a lot of time on here too and it's definitely a choice to do so, but I've managed to receive support when I need it. And the fact that the same thing was already posted didn't help in this situation.
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
I think it depends on the type of post re: drive-bys. I don't think it's super necessary to re-direct someone to an existing thread, which are usually 375 posts long or are 6 pages back because no one has commented on them recently. That and we don't get such an overwhelming amount of new posts a day that a new post from a newbie is a big nuisance. But, maybe that's just me.
I'm not a super reg poster, but a lot of times there's posts where there's just not much more to add because it's all been said. I guess I give most people the benefit of the doubt, because I don't always respond to every post either. Unless you have 1 post and it's in the birth announcement thread. Doesn't bother me, I love baby pics and all, but it's a little weird.
@nataliemaephotography I totally felt the same way with my first. I enjoyed visitors here and there, but FFS you just had a baby! I remember feeling really protective and wanting to snatch my baby back from visitors who overstayed their welcome. And for some visitors, that doesn't take long. Helpful company, on the other hand, who come and help cook or clean are always welcome lol.
Wow. Labor is the most painful thing most women will experience in their lives. And some women can't get an epidural for unforeseen reasons (i.e. labor progresses too quickly). So to say a women is mentally ill because she screams while pushing a giant baby head out of a 10 cm hole is pretty crummy.
I totally respect this post as well as you personally- and obviously this being the UO thread I was aware that my opinion would not be popular. I sort of hesitate even to defend my earlier post, as it may be a trigger for some- which I wasn't considering at the time.
That said, without going into great detail I did say "mental health" and not "mentally ill." I know that many people probably don't find a great deal of difference between the two phrases and would write it off as semantics, but as a person who deals with her own mental health issues, I do find a difference. I also see varying degrees of mental health (and lack thereof) in the course of my work on a daily basis, so the term doesn't trigger me the way it might others, being common in my world. So I do apologize for my lack of forethought there.
Though I do still stand by the fact that there are varied extreme reactions to pain in the medical field which have more in common with mental/emotional anguish (which as I said before is legit) than physical pain. And trust me, every person experiencing this 100% will tell you that the pain they are in is the worst pain that could ever exist- be it childbirth or from another source.
My UO- I am not a fan of the "fashion" choice in girls wearing super short shorts paired with super huge t-shirts where it looks like they aren't wearing bottoms at all because the shirt is so long. I just....I just don't get it.
I think it depends on the type of post re: drive-bys. I don't think it's super necessary to re-direct someone to an existing thread, which are usually 375 posts long or are 6 pages back because no one has commented on them recently. That and we don't get such an overwhelming amount of new posts a day that a new post from a newbie is a big nuisance. But, maybe that's just me.
I'm not a super reg poster, but a lot of times there's posts where there's just not much more to add because it's all been said. I guess I give most people the benefit of the doubt, because I don't always respond to every post either. Unless you have 1 post and it's in the birth announcement thread. Doesn't bother me, I love baby pics and all, but it's a little weird.
This! Sometimes it just seems like overkill to comment the same thing to someone that everyone else already said- or on mobile it's hard to go back and respond to everyone that I would ideally like to respond to.
Drive by posts dont really bother me either, everyone has to start somewhere! Hopefully those people will end up being more active on our board! I feel like once people start having babies and find it easier to communicate on FB these boards get a lot less active! Also, some people don't realize that the bump exists until after they have a baby!
@bamacoop - My bestfriend and I went to lunch at a BBQ place Saturday and all but one of the waitresses had on oversized tees and short shorts. They all looked like they were wearing night gowns. Ridiculous.
@nataliemaephotography I think we've had the MIL conversation earlier. Proud of you for standing your ground with her. I wish I had that drive since mine will be coming for 2 weeks straight since she lives 10.5 hours away.
@nataliemaephotography Good for you for saying no! When exMIL tried to stop by without clearing it in advance with DD1, I'd refuse to answer the door, and pretend I was napping. Visitors-no matter what the family relationship-need to learn boundaries, especially with a 4-day old.
@NoraAurora Thank you for the civil response. I apologize for the defensive tone of my post. As I said in an earlier post, I don't feel like I handled my unmedicated (not by choice) labor well two and a half years ago (though my husband did assure me that I was not actually screaming, just moaning in a low but very loud tone) and your post hit at just the time I'm really getting anxious about going through labor again. I definitely think there is a link between pain and emotion which is probably why labor pain is so overwhelming. You're going through something that's incredibly physically taxing, the end result of which is that your life is going to completely change.
Regarding the screaming- I can totally see both sides. Everyone handles pain differently. L&D sucks, so we're all going to cope however works best. Personally someone screaming like a banshee to get through her labor IS going to disrupt mine. I kept the door shut, lights dim, and tv off for the silence so I could focus. Who takes precedence? Both/neither. No one is going to tell the other mom to shush up, but there's little that could be done for me either.
Honestly you'd think a labor floor would invest in a little more sound proofing...
My UO: I HATE the mustars/baby poop yellow clothing trend that came around 5-6 years ago, disappeared and is now back with a vengeance. I wrote a blog article about it the first time around and I still feel the same way. That color is simply vile!
At least your hubby backed you. I say no and get told too bad. Does not make for a happy attitude towards her over time. My body, my birth plan, my choice, my house. I'd just like some quiet time and some space!
Re: Unpopular Opinion 9/29
If if you can't handle the contractions and are screaming like a maniac. Seriously just get the epi. But don't scream, disturb the whole birthing ward and refuse drugs. I know pain like nobody's business, but there is other ways to cope. I'm not talking loud moaning, I am talking full on someone is killing that women screaming.
@Schell2013 that screaming lady was me with my first. Trust me, I would have gotten an epidural if I could have, but I was on blood thinners and I wasn't allowed to get one. I still feel guilty about it two and a half years later. I'm sure all the new moms trying to get some sleep at 1 am didn't appreciate my screaming.
@Schell2013 - yeah, I know everyone deals with pain differently but I have known some pretty effing intense pain, and I can't stand people who scream and cry bloody murder "because of pain." Personally I tend to assume mental health issues (which is every bit as valid but FFS don't blame it on "the pain!"). But please lady, do take your mental health issues elsewhere at 3 am. Fuck. Especially when people are trying to help you with pain meds that are safe and readily available.
@mrszoess - babies are beautiful, the emotions and stuff after delivery & seeing your LO for the first time are/can be beautiful....L&D itself IMO are not. If you have another, you will be amazed at how you really don't remember a lot about it later. *all the cliches are true*
My UO: I don't like salted caramel things. Candies, ice cream, etc.
Yes, another woman's screaming may be intrusive to your labor/birth experience. But have the decency to realize you don't know shit about what's she's going through. FFS, it's a huge milestone for everyone, so we should all respect each other's right to deal with the pain however the hell we feel like it. If it's that bad, ask for a room down the hall or get some earmuffs.
I think some of us can be too tough on the drive-by posts, as well. HOWEVER, I do find them annoying as shit. @mommathoner no offense, but you're not the most active member. Maybe if you were, you'd be annoyed by them, too. I spend a lot of time on this BMB reading other people's posts and and responding and love-titting to give support. For someone to say they've lurked since the beginning literally means she's read tons of posts from us when we needed support and thought to herself "don't care" and moved on. Now, she needs support and expects us to fall all over ourselves to give it...
I dont int really have an opinion on the labor screaming thing (with dd I don't remember hearing anyone else) but it made me think of this snotty nurse I had when she asked me to rate my pain with 10 being the worst pain I can imagine, and when I said 10 she said no like the worst pain you could ever think of- like getting your arm cut off. I was like ok well pushing this almost 8 lb baby out of a small hole is the worst pain I can imagine right now so I'm sticking with that. What a weird response to a woman in labor.
Name drive by: idk if she posted the ss post first or on the name board first but she obviously realized at some point there was a name board since she commented on it- she could have asked opinions there. Not difficult.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
I'm not a super reg poster, but a lot of times there's posts where there's just not much more to add because it's all been said. I guess I give most people the benefit of the doubt, because I don't always respond to every post either. Unless you have 1 post and it's in the birth announcement thread. Doesn't bother me, I love baby pics and all, but it's a little weird.
That said, without going into great detail I did say "mental health" and not "mentally ill." I know that many people probably don't find a great deal of difference between the two phrases and would write it off as semantics, but as a person who deals with her own mental health issues, I do find a difference. I also see varying degrees of mental health (and lack thereof) in the course of my work on a daily basis, so the term doesn't trigger me the way it might others, being common in my
world. So I do apologize for my lack of forethought there.
Though I do still stand by the fact that there are varied extreme reactions to pain in the medical field which have more in common with mental/emotional anguish (which as I said before is legit) than physical pain. And trust me, every person experiencing this 100% will tell you that the pain they are in is the worst pain that could ever exist- be it childbirth or from another source.
My UO- I am not a fan of the "fashion" choice in girls wearing super short shorts paired with super huge t-shirts where it looks like they aren't wearing bottoms at all because the shirt is so long. I just....I just don't get it.
Drive by posts dont really bother me either, everyone has to start somewhere! Hopefully those people will end up being more active on our board! I feel like once people start having babies and find it easier to communicate on FB these boards get a lot less active! Also, some people don't realize that the bump exists until after they have a baby!
Honestly you'd think a labor floor would invest in a little more sound proofing...