Baby shower question

expandcontract · September 2016

Sorry, I'm creating a new thread because I don't want to interrupt the discussion going on in Weekly Random.

So some of my most closest friends are in other states. Would it be rude or bad taste if my cousin called some of them to ask if they will be in town at the time of the shower so they can be invited?
I'm just confused on what to do because they couldn't be invited to the wedding cuz it was last minute and abroad. We WERE going to do a reception here, but got pregnant instead. So we decided to save that money for baby. It's not that I want gifts from my friends but rather just that they can finally meet my husband. I know that most of them do come home to Chicago from time to time to visit their own families. What do you think?

scifichick09 · September 2016

I don't know if I'd straight up ask them if they'll be in town. I'd just let them know you're having a shower, when it will be, and that you'd love it if they can come, but understand if they can't.

We have lots of family and some friends who live out of state. We gave them all a heads up there will be a shower in November so that they can make plans/save up if they wanted to come. We will be inviting them regardless, just because we thought that was the nice thing to do, but we just thought a heads up was in order since they live so far away.

expandcontract · September 2016

@scifichick09 Thank you so much. I think that's what I might ask my cousin to do.

kswiger06 · September 2016

Yes like @scifichick09 said... around here we mail out invites to out of state people, but never expect them to actually make it. I think it's more the idea of feeling included still even if it's not an option for them at the time.

Spicyweiner · September 2016

I would feel super put on the spot if someone called me about it.
I think an invitation is just fine.

expandcontract · September 2016

You ladies are awesome!! Thank you for your advice!!

imalwaysme79 · September 2016

I figured I'd throw my question in here.
Who is typically invited to a shower as far as guests? Other than friends of the mom/dad-to-be, does my mom/his mom get to invite people too? If so, how many? Where do you draw the line?
My MIL has a list 10 deep of people she wants to invite, I don't even have that many on MY list.

scifichick09 · September 2016

@imalwaysme79 have fun navigating those waters. I think it's really a personal preference that varies depending on your situation.

Our baby shower has turned into a nightmare because my Mammaw INSISTED we HAD to invite like 20 people she knows...and I've never met at least half of them and barely know the other half. But, the hostess didn't mind the long list (45 people!) and said not to bother upsetting her over it. I'd just check with whoever is hosting and see if they have a limit to how many people they can accommodate.

imalwaysme79 · September 2016

I don't know 75% of the people my MIL wants to invite. In the grand scheme of things, my sisters (the hosts) probably won't mind, but I do. I feel that baby showers are gift grabby anyways, and then to invite people I don't know (on top of people I rarely talk to but they're my H's friends wives). I feel like it's going to be so awkward.
Thank you for your perspective, @scifichick09.

expandcontract · September 2016

That's weird for your parents to invite people YOU don't know. If someone invited me to their kids' shower and I'd never met them...I don't think I'd go.

Spicyweiner · September 2016

My MIL invited a bunch of her friends and coworkers, I didn't even have any idea since she threw it.
Nobody minded, and they were all very sweet and excited for us.

Spicyweiner · September 2016

And I mean, not to sound gift grabby, but more people= more shit you get.
Old ladies live for buying baby things.
Everyone wins.

kswiger06 · September 2016

Spicyweiner said:

And I mean, not to sound gift grabby, but more people= more shit you get.
Old ladies live for buying baby things.
Everyone wins.

My mil threw a separate baby shower than my mom, and she invited family I did know, but she also invited a whole bunch of old ladies she used to go to church with. At first it was weird, but then it felt more like I was having a party, and 20 of my grandmas were there. I love old people so it was awesome

WinchesterGirl · September 2016

DH and I each have one fantastically hilarious great aunt. They are in their 70s, don't give a flip what anyone thinks, and they are my favorite people at every family event. Also they've got that big old lady hair going on... I plan to sit them right next to me at my shower!

Definitely go with the flow on the older ladies coming to the shower, @imalwaysme79!

@AfKash I also vote to just send an invite to the out of town family. A call might put them on the spot.

BumpasaurusRex · September 2016

imalwaysme79 said:

I figured I'd throw my question in here.
Who is typically invited to a shower as far as guests? Other than friends of the mom/dad-to-be, does my mom/his mom get to invite people too? If so, how many? Where do you draw the line?
My MIL has a list 10 deep of people she wants to invite, I don't even have that many on MY list.

Technically, whoever is hosting/paying has final say in the guest list.

expandcontract · September 2016

For my shower, everyone's bringing a dish. Except for my 4 girlfriends.

ETRemove: I just got real paranoid someone from my family will read what I wrote.

imalwaysme79 · September 2016

BumpasaurusRex said:

imalwaysme79 said:

I figured I'd throw my question in here.
Who is typically invited to a shower as far as guests? Other than friends of the mom/dad-to-be, does my mom/his mom get to invite people too? If so, how many? Where do you draw the line?
My MIL has a list 10 deep of people she wants to invite, I don't even have that many on MY list.

Technically, whoever is hosting/paying has final say in the guest list.

We have to play a little bit of middle-man because there is no interaction between my family (hosts) and his mom. My sister was looking for a preliminary head count to be able to start planning the shower (more to know where it can be held).

I appreciate everyone's feedback though. If it makes her happy, I'll just let it be.

imalwaysme79 · September 2016

BumpasaurusRex said:

imalwaysme79 said:

I figured I'd throw my question in here.
Who is typically invited to a shower as far as guests? Other than friends of the mom/dad-to-be, does my mom/his mom get to invite people too? If so, how many? Where do you draw the line?
My MIL has a list 10 deep of people she wants to invite, I don't even have that many on MY list.

Technically, whoever is hosting/paying has final say in the guest list.

We have to play a little bit of middle-man because there is no interaction between my family (hosts) and his mom. My sister was looking for a preliminary head count to be able to start planning the shower (more to know where it can be held).

I appreciate everyone's feedback though. If it makes her happy, I'll just let it be.

Xstatic3333 · September 2016

imalwaysme79 said:

BumpasaurusRex said:

imalwaysme79 said:

I figured I'd throw my question in here.
Who is typically invited to a shower as far as guests? Other than friends of the mom/dad-to-be, does my mom/his mom get to invite people too? If so, how many? Where do you draw the line?
My MIL has a list 10 deep of people she wants to invite, I don't even have that many on MY list.

Technically, whoever is hosting/paying has final say in the guest list.

We have to play a little bit of middle-man because there is no interaction between my family (hosts) and his mom. My sister was looking for a preliminary head count to be able to start planning the shower (more to know where it can be held).

I appreciate everyone's feedback though. If it makes her happy, I'll just let it be.

I would just check with your hosts about how many people they can accommodate from MIL's list (assuming they know their number and yours, and are being pretty fair with her). If it doesn't put them over the limit, I'd let it be. My MIL is inviting some work friends too.

imalwaysme79 · September 2016

@Xstatic3333, I think that's how were going to play it out.

cantalopes24 · September 2016

We had a separate shower for my SIL with our family and let my brother know up front. My SIL didn't know everyone my mom invited but they all knew my brother from our childhood and are very close to my mom. Old people can be weird in that if they're close to your parents or grandparents they feel close to you since they hear so much about you/see so many pictures. My mom let my brother know everyone we were inviting. With my shower my MIL and husband put together a guest list for their side but we just had the one shower because my mom and MIL have a really close relationship.

MissMerciBeaucoup · September 2016

Question - is it ok to invite people to a shower who you already know won't be able to attend? My husband's family are across the country from us, but his mom asked me to send info about the shower because even though she can't attend, she wants to send gifts. Which is great, but then if I wanted to keep things even with his family, I would also need to include husband's sisters and stepmom. They are all super nice, and would like to be included I'm sure, but they are obviously not attending and I don't want it to look like a gift grab. I already don't love showers anyway, and am only having one because my girlfriend and sister really wanted to throw one...

kswiger06 · September 2016

@MissMerciBeaucoup I think we touched on this a little before but I can't remember so I might sound repetitive lol but around here we always send out invites to out of state family. It's not for gift grabbing, often, most of them don't send a gift anyway, but it makes them feel like they are still included and thought of. We have a lot of out of state family, and the last few years we've been invited to tons of weddings. We've only been able to make it to one, but it's understandable we can't always make it. Then when we see the family next, I just thank them in person for the invite and ask how the event went.

Spicyweiner · September 2016

We sent invitations, and I have received invitations when we all knew either party wouldn't be able to attend.
Its almost like sending a Christmas card, it's being polite and inclusive.
Ive never felt obligated to send a gift just by receiving an invitation.

MommaBean · September 2016

Always err on the side of inviting - nobody likes to be excluded.

Xstatic3333 · September 2016

So true. We didn't invite H's SM to my bridal shower since she lives 1,000 miles away and we didn't want her to feel a need to send a gift since we knew money was tight. She was SUPER bummed and I still feel awful about it.

Munchie2.0 · September 2016

I would call my OOT friends/family to give them a heads up about the shower jic they were planning on a trip back home.

The guest list is always so hard when your parents/IL's want to invite X amount of people. I would check with the host(s) and see what numbers they were thinking and then go from there.

*We actually had 2 showers because both of our families are big and it would have been too crazy to try and have just 1 party (even though both hostesses said they would be willing to combine the showers)*

I also agree that it is best to send out OOT invites to close family/friends whom you know would not be able to attend because so many people end up getting their feelings hurt

expandcontract · September 2016

I have a cousin who is like in his 50's. For whatever effing reason he thinks he's hilarious and always picks on me. He makes fat jokes....while I'm pregnant! I've told him several times to stop. But he's immature and doesn't. Oh, and I dint ever like to talk about it, but his daughter is seriously overweight so I don't get how he makes fun of me.
Anyways, at the wedding last weekend, he started again. I was in a VERY pissed off mood already so I kind of went off on him on front of everybody.

I don't think his wife will be attending my baby shower, now. He he he. :shrug:

leprechaunlady · September 2016

AfKash said:
I don't think his wife will be attending my baby shower, now. He he he. :shrug:

I see this as a win on all levels! Firstly, his horrible behaviour gets highlighted to everyone. Secondly, he knows that it will no longer be tolerated & thirdly, his wife is not coming to cause hassel at your shower!

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